thanks to all my reviewers. i can't tell you just how much your comments mean to me. this chapter is a bit longer than usual. i hope you all enjoy. thanks again for making my story such a success.
It was late august, unbearably hot outside and Mana was sick as a dog. He didn't remember what exactly he had eaten last night, but he was sure he wouldn't do it again. They were staying in a cheap inn in a town that looked just like all the others they had been to that year. Maddie had big plans for this stop, but Mana's stomach put a quick end to it. At least they were all indoors and out of the heat now.
The past three nights had Mana's troop sleeping in the woods on the outskirts of town. He really enjoyed the nights they camped. When the weather allowed they slept under the stars. They each had a small tent, sturdy and waterproof. Mana slept in the wagon with Allen when it rained; no one wanted the boy to catch cold and he wouldn't sleep unless Mana was within sight. They cooked over a camp fire and after dinner discussed plans and new routines; Mana practiced his fiddle and Allen practiced tumbling. It was a hard life, but he was oddly content.
The night before he took ill, Nick, being the most normal looking member, was in the town exploring and selecting the establishments they would con. He had brought back food and the news that the town was having some sort of festival this week. Mana was fairly sure that the pork in his sandwich had turned, but he ate it anyways as he listened to Nick describe the upcoming festival.
Small town festivals were the best thing for travelers such as themselves. There are plenty of people, in a crowd and many opportunities to earn a living. To Mana's surprise, Allen loved them. He loved working his way through a throng of people and seeing just how much he could lift; like a game.
The boy had always hated crowds; but he didn't see it as a crowd of people but rather as one big maze of targets. He was amazing to watch. He would walk about casually letting the crowd bump him into his targets, stumble and apologize for being so clumsy. All the while deft little hands slipped into unsuspecting pockets and purses. He loved to use Mana as another piece in his game. The boy was overjoyed when Mana would come along to play with him. With his limp and cane he provided the perfect distraction; all he had to do was stumble a bit, and Allen would take care of the rest.
Usually during these little town festivals they earned a lot by performing. Ernie, Mana and Nick worked out a system to quickly set up the little stage in any open public space. Mana did the little jobs like fastening the connectors that held it in place and left the heavy lifting to the others. He collected money from the crowd and played his violin and enjoyed every minute. He even juggled if Allen asked him to.
But, nothing much was going to happen this week until Mana felt better. A cool cloth on his forehead brought Mana back to the present. "How you doing, Hon?" Maddie asked as she brushed his hair away from his face. He only squinted and wondered why she looked so fuzzy; it took him a minute to realize he wasn't wearing his glasses. Her tattoos were a mottled impressionistic blur; lovely.
"Better… I think." He grumbled. "I think I'm empty…" he had thrown up for most of the night and was utterly exhausted.
"Manah" Allen came in, carrying a glass of water and bowl of broth. He walked slowly to avoid spilling it. "You gotta drink a lot… you'll get de-hydra-rated." He just learned the new word and was still working out the sounds.
Maddie took the glass from him. "Thanks baby… Mana you got a bright boy." She smiled. "Here honey, take a sip… nice and slow." Mana was too tired to try and argue. The water felt wonderful on his raw throat. "There you are hon."
He loved how Maddie called him 'honey.' There was something so sweet about it. He didn't have any pet names for her; she wouldn't put up with it. Their relationship was a loose one, still undefined.
It was Allen who had first pointed it out to him. "Maddie looks at you a lot…" he said one evening as they prepared for bed. "She says you're a good man… wanted to know stuff about you. It was weird. She's being weird Mana."
"Really?" Mana had asked the boy. He had been shaving at the time and nicked himself. He wouldn't admit it, but he had been watching her too and the more he looked the more interesting she seemed. He had already seen her naked, anyone with enough money could; so, there was no mystery there. It was her act and he collected the money outside her tent. She was graceful, she was confident, strong and exotic, and she… was beautiful.
"Mana? You ok? You're bleeding…" Allen had handed him a wash cloth and said softly, "You should talk to her… I think. She's nice to me Mana. I like her… a lot better than Marie. Talk to her." Allen had smiled, one of his rare true smiles, a smile that only Mana and a few lucky others were ever privileged to see. "I want you to be happy."
After the boy had fallen asleep, he summed up his courage and spoke to her. Maddie had laughed lightly, making Mana wish he could sink into the ground and disappear. Then she had leaned in and grabbed his shirt, pulling him close. "Honey." She sighed. "You're sweet. No charge for you."
Even more embarrassed, he had tried to explain that he wasn't after that; that his intentions were honorable. She only looked at him with amusement, like he was a house pet about to do a cute trick. They ended up talking for hours by the campfire; Mana told her about his last relationship and Maddie chuckled. "You can do better than some silly girl, Mana. You're one of the few good men I've ever seen…" Her face fell. "Girls like me don't end up with the good men. You understand?"
"I'm not stupid… I know you just do it for the money, for us; and, if you had the choice you wouldn't do it all." She just stared at him and he wondered how long she had been living like this; if she even knew any other kind of life.
"You're right. It's all about money… its good money." She had already started unfastening the buttons of her shirt. "But remember what I said earlier?" she said slyly. "No charge for you…" She stretched like a cat and leaned back onto the cool grass of their campsite, a picture of contentment. "Now then… honey, I have a tattoo of a lady bug somewhere on my body… let's see if you can find it."
Mana hadn't known how long they stayed outside by the campfire, playing Maddie's enticing hidden picture game. He had surprised her when he declined to take things further. Instead, he had kissed her softly. "I meant it; I didn't come to you for just that. I want to know you better… I…" he was sure he blushed; his face was so hot. "I um, I really like you." He felt like an awkward teenager again.
Since that night, things were different between them, more relaxed, more familiar. They weren't exactly lovers; but, they were far, far more than friends. Neither expected anything, but there was a comfortable kind of affection that made them hope for everything.
Maddie leaned in and kissed his forehead and stood to leave the inn.
"Don't go…" Mana caught her rose patterned hand and gave it a soft squeeze.
"I gotta hon. I got work… this room ain't gonna pay for itself."
"How can you have a job already?" he didn't want to let her go. "We just got here yesterday…" He hated her side job; with every stop he hoped they would make enough that she didn't have to do it.
"There's always work, hon. oldest profession in the world…" she squeezed his hand back before pulling away. "I won't be too long… Allen, take care of your papa for me ok." She grabbed her handbag and walked out the door. Ill as he was, Mana still took the opportunity to admire her figure as she left.
He tried to pretend that it didn't bother him. But it always did. The idea of sharing her with so many others made him ache. She was clean; she made that very clear to him the first night that they finally went farther than the picture game. The amount of precautions she took was staggering; things Mana didn't even know existed. She used no such things all the times they had been together; she trusted him. It was both frightening and exciting.
Secretly, Mana was terrified he would get her pregnant. He already had Allen and absolutely no desire for any more children, even though it would be his by blood.
It wasn't just the health issues that came with her profession that worried him. More than anything else, he was jealous. He couldn't bear the idea of other men touching her. Unlikely as his chances were, he wanted to be her only man. Mana had decided to work his hardest to show her that he could be just that.
"Mana?" Allen was expertly balancing the bowl of broth as he climbed up to sit on the bed. "Sit up." he commanded. "I think its chicken so it should be good…" Mana smiled and took the bowl. He didn't trust his fine motor skills so he drank directly from the bowl. It was warm; mostly water, but chicken flavored water. It helped fill the void in his stomach. Allen chattered incessantly as he slurped the broth.
"So Nick and momma Isabella are in the room next door… oh Ernie is there too. It's got a couple a beds. Dunno where Maddie's gonna be…" Mana tried not to think about it. "We're gonna set up the stage in the square tomorrow… I'm gonna do the juggling thing with Ernie and help him with his blockhead routine. And then the tumbling thing with momma Isabella and Nick. Maddie's gonna collect the money for you cause you gotta rest…" he laughed, "You barfed."
Mana groaned. "It wasn't funny." The boy laughed harder.
"No… I'm pretty sure it was funny!" he was giggling wildly with the memory. "Your face was so funny! Like you were really surprised by the whole thing or something!"
He shoved the now empty bowl into Allen's hands and rolled over. The kid was right; it was probably very funny looking. His stomach churned dangerously and he groaned again.
"Sleepy?" Allen asked as he fixed Mana's blanket and lay down beside him. "I'll stay here till you fall asleep ok?" Mana scarcely heard him as a strange fitful sleep claimed him.
When Mana woke, everyone was in the room and talking softly by the door. Isabella noticed him first. "Mana!" she exclaimed as she hurried to his bedside. "Thank God… we were getting so worried…"
"Wha?" he grumbled. He shifted and as consciousness slowly returned to him, he became aware of a terrible taste in his mouth and an exhausting soreness in his throat and lungs. He put his fingers to his lips; they came back red and a flash of panic ran through him. Looking down, he noticed blood splattered on his bed sheets. "What the hell?!"
"You started coughing." Allen said. The boy was pale with fright, radiating worry.
"Yeah… Allen came and got us when…" Nick pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning against. "Um… when you started um, bringing up blood." He didn't meet Mana's eyes when he spoke.
Isabella reached up and felt his forehead. "You're not warm but you… you had us really worried. We were just talking about sending for a doctor…"
"No," Mana cut her off. He felt fine now. "I don't need a doctor, I'm alright. I think I just bit my cheek way too hard." He wasn't going to entertain any other theories as to where the blood came from; he just wasn't. "I must have been really out to not wake up from that." He wiped at the blood on his chin with his sleeve. No one spoke; they all just stared at him.
"Maaanhaa…" Allen whined with distress. He stood with his hands on his face, slowly shaking his head. "You scared me! You… you were… you just kept coughing. You did wake up too." He sunk to the floor. "Your eyes were open… you looked scared. I think you… stopped breathing."
Mana couldn't move, couldn't believe it. "I… oh God, I don't remember that." Looking down at the red splatters on his shirt and bed sheets, he was terrified. "I'm ok…" no one would look him in the eye, not even Allen. Mana felt suddenly alone. "Really! I'm fine… I feel fine. Just bit my cheek, that's all."
Allen stood and somberly walked to the bed. He climbed up and pulled Mana into a tight embrace. "Ok… don't scare me again." He turned to the others. "If Mana says he's ok, then he's ok." He pulled out a handkerchief and started trying to wipe the gore from Mana's face.
Nick and Isabella traded concerned glances. Isabella opened her mouth to say something, but Allen cut her off. "No!" he snapped, he was crying silently, fat tears running down his face. "No… if Mana says he's ok, then he's ok!"
Nick put his hands on his wife's shoulders. "Alright…" he said slowly. "We'll be next door… if you need us at all, Allen listen to me. If you need anything come get me alright?"
The boy nodded, he wasn't really listening to him. "Sure." He resumed carefully wiping at Mana's mouth as Nick and Isabella left the room. He batted at the child's hands, but to no avail. "No." Allen said firmly. "Lemmie see… I wanna see how bad you bit your cheek…"
With a sigh, Mana held his mouth open. He waited for the boy to glance in and see there was no wound.
"Maaanaaah…" Allen sobbed. "You're not hurt… you lie!" He sunk down and thudded his head on Mana's chest. "You don't lie… not to me!" Little hands fisted his bloody shirt. "Not to me!"
"Sorry… Allen, I'm sorry ok." He laid a hand on the boy's head, soothingly petting his hair. "I'm ok though…" he sighed. I really am fine… shit. He could still taste the sharp copper of blood. What if I'm not… I can't do this to the boy. He's so worried. If I'm sick or something, it'll just stress him out… I can't do that…
"Quiet" Allen whispered suddenly. He turned and rested his head on Mana's chest. "Breath." The boy sat there and listened as Mana took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He moved away and sat up.
Mana was scared by the look on the boy's face. Allen could look so serious, his stare was piercing, his face blank. Mana wanted to fidget, to look away, anything to get out from under the child's intent gaze. But, he couldn't; there was warmth in those brown eyes, love and concern. "Mana… you sick." He whispered. "You rattle. You bled. You sick…"
Mana tried to force a laugh, anything to lighten the mood. He had to show the boy he was fine. "Yeah, you got me. I guess I caught something… but it's ok. I'll be fine in a couple of days."
Allen turned away and stared at the floor. He looked so young. "I'm not strong enough… I'm too small. I'm weak… I can't protect you right." With an abrupt movement he latched back onto Mana. "When you started coughing… Mana you scared me." He mumbled into Mana's shirt. "You moved like it hurt and I couldn't do anything. It was like…" he made a desperate little noise. "like when I have… mmph… when I hurt. But it was you instead."
"What?" Mana resumed petting the boy's hair; it helped relax them both. "You mean like hurt like when you…" he had to force himself to say it. They never spoke about it anymore. "like when you have a seizure?"
"Yeah…" he answered softly. "But not really… you just couldn't breath." Allen sat up and rubbed at his eyes. "When I'm hurting you… you can pick me up. You can help me hold it off… or hold me till its over. You don't let go; you keep me safe until I can get up… and I can't help you! I'm too small; I can't do anything!" he cried hard. Mana could only hold him tighter. "See!?" he sobbed. "Even right now! Even right now… you're the one holding me…"
"Allen. Stop." Mana said gently; he lifted the boy's chin, forcing him to make eye contact. "Look at me… now, I don't need protection. You don't have to worry. I'll be fine; everything is going to be ok." He smiled. "You're my brave little boy. You're very strong; did you know that?" Allen shook his head and whimpered. "No, listen to me. One day you're gonna grow up, and you'll be big and strong and you'll find people you'll want to protect… you'll do everything you can to help them, you'll want to make them happy and keep them safe… and you'll understand." Mana hoped that made sense, that something got through to the boy.
"You need a new shirt." Allen said. "This one is all gross now." He tugged lightly at the cloth now stained with blood and tears. "I made it worse… I'll get a new one ok papa."
Mana gave a lopsided grin and leaned back. I'm feeling much better now. This will all pass and things will get back to normal.
Maddie came in at some obscene hour in the morning. From his bed Mana heard her taking a shower. She always showered when she returned; Mana tried not to think about why, just appreciate the smell of soap on her skin.
Her bare feet barely made a sound as she padded her way to the bed. She found Allen and rolled the child to the other side of the bed. He grumbled and clutched Mana's shirt, but didn't wake. Maddie slid under the covers and pulled herself flush with Mana's body. He draped an arm over her and even in the dark he could tell she smiled. "Hi my honey… you feeling and better?"
"Much…" he turned as best he could and gave her a quick kiss. She turned away, letting him only touch her cheek. She made a sad sound as she did so. "How about you? Are you ok?" He ran his fingers through her damp hair.
"Rough day, honey… rough day. I don't wanna talk; just let me stay like this for the night." She wrapped her arms around him. Mana held her close.
It was strange, sleeping in a crowded bed. Mana found he didn't care. Lying there surrounded by the two people he cared most for was pleasant. For a while he stared at the ceiling and listened to them breathe; the sound was so relaxing. At some point, Maddie's hand found Allen's; she untangled it from Mana's shirt and loosely laced their fingers together. In the dark, Mana could only see the red of their skin; one naturally hued and one inked with roses. It felt so… right and Mana couldn't believe how lucky he was to find this kind of peace.
Mana woke when Allen crawled over him to get out of bed. Maddie was already up. "Morning, honey…" she was setting up her brushes and paint over a spare sheet. She pulled a chair to the center of it. "It's bloody hot today…" she explained as she started mixing colors. "And, with the way Allen runs around, I'm worried he's gonna get over heated…"
"Maddie says I don't know when to stop…" Allen interrupted from the bathroom. Mana could hear him splashing and washing up in the sink.
"You don't baby… you'd run till ya drop if we'd let ya." She was smiling and there was laughter in her voice. Whatever had been bothering her when she came to bed seemed to be gone. "Anyways, it's too hot out for any of the heavy costumes… I already spoke to the others and they're all opting for lighter clothes. No shirts for our boys today…"
Allen hopped into the chair she had set up. His shirt was gone; his entire arm exposed. Mana was impressed; the boy was so careful about anyone seeing his arm. That he was sitting there so calm, smiling even, showed just how much he trusted the adults in the room.
"So, I'm gonna paint Allen. We'll hide it in plain sight!" She laughed and Allen was near bursting with joy. In Mana's memory, the only time he had seen the child being brave enough to show his skin outdoors was during one of their campouts near a spring. They all went swimming and Allen had jumped in wearing only his boxers. The whole day he talked about how good the sun felt without the usual fabric barrier. He was so pale that he burned a bit, but even that was a novelty to the boy. He made it his mission to gross out Mana when the burn started to peel.
Maddie hummed a bright tune while she worked. Mana didn't feel like getting out of bed just yet, so he lay on his side and watched her paint. With a steady hand she made thin lines down the length of his arm, carefully transforming what was there into roses to match her own. She brushed more red onto his shoulder to blend the design outwards. She worked in other colors and created images branching down over half his chest and stomach. Allen tried desperately to hold back his giggles when she ran her expert brush over part of his stomach and side.
"Hold still baby, or I'm gonna swat you." Maddie mumbled. "I don't wanna have to start over… here let me get your face a bit." She held the boy's chin to steady it as she started to outline an elegant pattern of moons and stars up his neck and onto his face. She finished with a bright star over his left eye. "There we are… a star for my bright little star!"
Allen tore into the bathroom to see Maddie's work. He laughed brightly and darted back to her. "I like them! They're really pretty! Mana! Its good, right?!" Maddie grabbed his unadorned arm and carefully patted some kind of powder over the paint to set it and keep it from running or rubbing off.
"Ok all done… this is good paint it should stay on pretty well. Gonna be a bit of an adventure when we start trying to get it off. You're gonna turn the bathtub all kinds of fun colors…"
"We match…" Allen said with a soft smile. "Mana and me have the same hair… Maddie and me have the same arms…" He looked at Mana and there was something sad in his eyes. "It's almost like I'm real… like you guys are… and I'm…" he didn't complete any of those thoughts, but Mana knew what he was saying. Almost like a real family… Unbidden, images of a family rose in Mana's mind. But now, Maddie was in the place once occupied by Marie, and wearing a wedding band. It was a strange image; a cripple, a whore and a foundling all cobbled together to make a family… and Mana suddenly wanted it so badly it hurt.
Later that day, Mana left the inn and slowly made the long walk to the town square. He felt much better; but after so much time in bed, his knee locked up and forced him to move more carefully than normal. He wanted to see the festival. All morning he had watched his friends preparing and had realized he had never really sat back and just watched them perform.
He leaned against a light post in the square and made himself comfortable. Ernie did his human blockhead act first. Allen was there to hand him each nail. Even from where he was standing, he could see the grin on the boy's face. The act as usual made Mana's stomach turn a bit.
Nick and Isabella were amazing as always; they had seamlessly integrated Allen into their act. Nike lowered a hand and Allen took it. With a hop, he was in a handstand and Nick lifted him over his head. Isabella tossed a ball to the boy's free hand. He tossed it back and she added another ball, then another. The crowd clapped loudly as Nick joined in the juggling with his free hand. They went back and fourth until at some unseen cue Allen slammed one of the colorful balls off Nicks head. Everyone laughed. He stumbled, pretending to be stunned and let Allen fall. The boy was so fast; landing and easily flipping across the portable stage with one hand, then no hands. Mana was so proud of him; it was like a warm bloom in his chest. He was so happy he could burst.
Standing there, in the warm sun, watching his friends do what they do best, made Mana forget all about the past days. He felt better, just tired, just extremely tired…