A/N: Wherein Sanji's cursed and only some things are different

So this idea's been bugging me for awhile now, so I decided to write a quick au for it! (I just realized this is pretty similar to chapter one, eyyy throwback)

Sanji was fairly certain he was cursed. As ridiculous as this sounded, it was the only rational explanation for... well, everything. For why that one overgrown wave always seemed to crash into him, why that one aggressive dog just happened to be outside whenever Sanji snuck out of the palace, why the hurdle broke when he tried to pass over it despite his brothers doing so with ease, why he'd ended up stranded on that rock within a week of having left Germa.

A part of him wondered if Judge had noticed this about him, had noticed the bad luck that clung to him like a plague, wondered if he'd thrown Sanji into that cellar partly in an attempt to save his own skin. After all, Sanji's luck had injured those around him more times than he could count in its conquest to ruin his already shitty life. He knew he was the bane of everyone's existence, knew he was bad for business. Whenever he was around, the enemy would always have the edge. Whether it was a storm ruining their supplies or the opposing army finding aid in another, Germa's plans went awry every single time without fail. Looking back on it, Sanji was glad he'd royally screwed up Judge's conquests, but at the time... Things weren't any different now either.

If there was ever a shitty customer, Sanji ended up waiting that table. The dishes always found a way to chip beneath his fingers no matter how careful he was, the food he handled rotted faster and the stove burned too hot no matter how many times he dialed down the temperature, sometimes even managing to catch his sleeves on fire.

After years and years of disaster after disaster, Patty and Carne only sighed and shook their heads whenever the inevitable occurred, long past the point of anger concerning him. It was clear that the geezer had no intentions of throwing him out, no matter how many dishes he broke. Didn't stop the old bastard from practically splitting his skull beneath that damn peg leg though. Sanji wasn't so much of a brat he couldn't admit he deserved it. Besides, he was used to it all. Used to getting set on fire, knocked through walls, electrocuted, attacked by animals, nearly drowning... Compared to that, geezer's kicks were friendly. Honestly, it was a mystery how he'd survived this long.

On cue, his feet slid out from under him as he stepped onto a slimy patch on the floor, slick like it'd been slathered in oil. Something he normally would've shrugged off with only the minimal amount of kicking the shit out of anyone who laughed, but this time choreboy happened to be in the Kitchen despite how late it was, silently watching the scene play out with those wide, blank eyes Sanji was beginning to think were normal for him.

He waited for choreboy to mock him, to laugh, to do something, anything, but the closest he came to reacting was when he shoved a finger up his nose. Talk about uncivilized. Tch. Whatever.

Sanji went to stand, blindly groping for the edge of the countertop, but instead of the smooth surface he'd expected, his fingers connected with something wooden, unbalancing it, sending it crashing into his head with a thunk he could've sworn actually fucking echoed. Then to add insult to injury, rather than hitting the floor, it bounced from his head into his lap, covering him in what seemed to be an entire thing of sliced up onion skin. A chopping board. Of all the things to knock over—

Sanji's thoughts abruptly cut off when again, he was reminded of choreboy's presence. For the second time that night, he waited for laughter that didn't come, the boy continuing to watch with his chin resting on the back of his chair and a finger digging deeper into his nose. Huh.

Carefully, suspiciously, Sanji allowed himself to relax a tinge as he clambered to his feet. Maybe choreboy was just slow or something.

"Say... You fall a lot."

Sanji jerked, nearly slipping on the same shitty puddle in his lame attempt to look at choreboy. Barely managed to catch himself on the countertop, which he clung to for dear life, arms wrapped around the top as if to hug it, legs spread haphazardly below him. Who the hell had spilled grease on the floor and just left it there!? Better yet, who had left their shitty messy cutting board out!? Damn it! When he found who did this—

Shaking his head to clear it, he directed a scathing glare choreboy's way. "And?"

"Mm, nothing else."

That was it!?

Refusing to make a bigger fool of himself, Sanji straightened, wiping the remaining bits of onion skin off his suit and stepping away from the grease puddle. The soles of his shoes were still slippery so he kept a hand on the countertop as a precaution.

"Well, if you have nothing else to say why don't you grab a mop an' bucket and help me clean up this mess."

"Okay."

Considering choreboy's destructive track record for doing, well, anything, Sanji wasn't reassured by his easy agreement. In lieu of glaring like a paranoid bastard, Sanji proceeded to light a cigarette, nearly catching the cuff of his sleeve on fire for what had to be the hundredth damn time this week. Taking a page from Patty and Carne, rather than get agitated, Sanji sighed, long, hard. Not like bitching and moaning about it had ever changed anything for any of them.

He ended up joining choreboy's crew. Really, Sanji leaving the Baratie had been a long time coming—something he should've done years ago, considering how much he owed the old bastard—but still, couldn't say there wasn't a part of him that hated seeing this place go. They may be a bunch of shitheads, but he'd grown up around them. Grown up here. The prospect of saying goodbye weighed heavily on his chest and he knew he'd end up giving into emotion if he so much as attempted. That's why, in an attempt to save face, he strolled to the boat without looking at them, without saying a word. Should've known things wouldn't go the way he'd wanted them to. When did they ever? Though, for once, Sanji was happy for this stroke of bad luck.

"Don't catch a cold," geezer called from the balcony overhead, and the dam holding him back finally burst as memories flashed through his mind, memories of a gnawing hunger and piercing cold, of a severed leg, of the geezer smiling down at him for a photo, ruffling his hair, teaching him to cook, to fight, to— to—

Eyes stinging, throat constricting, Sanji was overcome with the urge to say what he'd always wanted to, what he'd always been afraid to.

"Owner Zeff!" He yelled, voice raw and choked with feeling as he spun around. Right in time for an especially large wave to crash into him, drenching him from head to toe and nearly sweeping him off his feet. Pretty sure there was a fish flopping around in his collar too.

Geezer stared at him, Sanji stared at the geezer, the chefs stared at the fish.

Sanji threw his arms over his head.

"Thank you so damn much for everything you've done for me!"

"DON'T JUST IGNORE IT!"

He'd chosen to follow one hell of a moron, he decided, barely managing not to roll his eyes at the sight of that rubber-headed shit-for-brains covered in octopus ink and trapped ankle deep in concrete. Then again, this may have been Sanji's fault. Whatever.

The octopus-guy tried to chuck a wall at his new Captain, and Sanji classified this as his moment to shine. Charging forward, he easily smashed the wall beneath his heel, tiny chunks of it raining harmlessly overhead.

"Geez," he bit out around his cigarette, "looks like I've chosen to follow a dumbass for a—"

An especially large piece of rubble knocked him upside the head with enough force to send his cigarette tumbling down his chest, the ashes smearing his tie and setting it ablaze.

"Ack, shit!"

The current situation fleeing his mind, he frantically tried to pat it out. Had learned from experience how fast these types of fires spread, damn it!

"Are you freaking kidding me!?" Someone shouted, sounded like Usopp.

"Oh god, there's two of them..." Zoro groaned.

Sanji took offense to that.

As it turned out, while bad luck hung over Sanji like a stormy cloud, good luck oozed from Luffy, bright and brilliant as the sun itself. As the days carried on, it'd become apparent to him their voyage had shifted into a battle to the death between the two conflicting auras, Sanji's bad luck causing disaster, Luffy's good luck finding the—sometimes literal—light inside the tunnel.

An old enemy just happened to be in Loguetown and pinned Luffy to the execution stand, a bolt of lightning struck said stand, freeing Luffy. Laboon happened to be blocking the entrance that day, Luffy thought of the perfect solution at the perfect time, saving all of their lives. Sanji accidentally shattered the logpose, Crocus was kind enough to give them another. Nami was sick and of all the islands to find, it just happened to be the island with only a single doctor left. They immediately bumped into someone that could lead them to said doctor.

It was ridiculous, it was insane, and yet, Sanji found himself gradually relaxing as this duel proceeded. With the consequences not as severe as they'd always been, with Luffy watching his back, even if inadvertently, he could almost forget about this cursed fate of his.

"Oh, shit— Look out below!"

Something heavy landed on Sanji's head, engulfing it entirely, soon followed by the feeling of icy cold paint washing down his torso.

Almost.

"Sky island exists, doesn't it!?"

At that, Montblanc Cricket chuckled, "I don't know either, but I knew a man who said it does. He was known as a great liar though—"

"Ah!" With eyes wide enough to be plates, Luffy swiveled his gaze to Usopp.

"It's not me!" Usopp promptly snapped.

"—someone that was always being laughed at." Cricket continued, paying Luffy no mind.

"Ah!" Again, Luffy swiveled his head, this time towards Sanji.

"Not me either!" Sanji yelled, Nami's hand on his shoulder the only thing keeping him from breaking all his oaths and committing mutiny on the spot.

"Down, boy."

"No. We're fine where we are. I won't... go back with you."

Sanji's head jerked up, eyes that'd never left Robin widening. Meanwhile, the chasm of sea between them continued to churn as if nothing had taken place, waves sloshing over the other as the breeze carried them.

"Let's say our farewell here," she said, voice perfectly clear despite the soft way she spoke. "In this town."

"Robin?" Chopper asked more than spoke.

"Er... what are you saying, Robin-chan?" Truly, he was having a hard time grasping the situation. Why would sweet, beautiful Robin be acting this way towards them? "Ah! Is it about the thing in the papers? Don't worry! We don't believe it!" Sanji spread his arms wide, trying for all he was worth to relay the truth to his words, to reassure her that it was okay, that that jerk Aokiji hadn't shaken them up that much. "They always blame the pirates whenever anything bad happens!"

Instead of the relief he'd expected to fill her expression, Robin merely closed her eyes. "Yes. You guys were falsely accused of the crime. However..."

Sanji frowned, arms sliding to his side.

"For me, it is the truth. I did, in fact, infiltrate the mayor's office last night."

"..Huh?"

Robin's eyes opened as a shadow seemed to cross over her face, darkening her features in a way he might've said was an omen if it wasn't Robin if it wasn't his friend.

"I am shrouded in a darkness that you have no knowledge of. And that death will eventually be the end of you."

As he listened, an image of Aokiji resurfaced no matter how hard he tried to fight it away, those shitty words he'd spoken echoing around inside his skull: "up until now, every group that ever associated with Nico Robin... has been destroyed. That woman is always the sole survivor."

Sanji didn't want to believe it, but again, the doubt he'd grown familiar with these past few days began to prickle in his chest.

"Now you will be my scapegoats for this incident. I will leave soon and..." Despite the fact her voice never wavered, it did, in fact, grow fainter, and though he wanted it to be a sign of Robin's reluctance, a sign that she didn't mean what she was saying—basic logic and reasoning chalked that difference in volume up to the giant Yagara that'd decided to pass between them, carrying a line of tourist boats that showed no sign of ending anytime soon.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"This changes nothing."

"Forget it, Zoro," Luffy's voice crackled over the transceiver, soft and oddly serious. "If it were you, would you wait? If you were on that train right now instead of him, and I told you that Robin had sacrificed herself to protect us, would you sit there and do nothing? There's no use trying to stop him."

"Read me like a book," Sanji agreed, mouth tipping into a smirk. "But thanks Mosshead, I never knew you cared about me so much."

"I hope they kill you!" Zoro snapped automatically, the Den Den Mushi's face contorting into a pissed off snarl. Then it paused, and it's features slackened into a smirk, not unlike Sanji's own.

Sanji was no longer smiling.

"I just mean that having cook on there is enough of an advantage already," Zoro said like it was the most rational thing in the entire world. "Knowing him, he'll probably crash the train somehow and then we can just take Robin back during the chaos."

"Ah! You're right!" Luffy said, tone taking the same tint as Zoro's. "Good idea Zoro!"

"OH SCREW YOU SHITHEADS!"

Off to the side, Usopp suddenly piped up, "hey, does anyone else smell smoke?"

At the sight of Duval, something in Sanji finally snapped. Before his mind had caught up with the rest of him, he was already pulling himself out of the ocean and racing across the dock, vision going oddly red, legs beginning to burn despite all his years of training. For once, he couldn't have given a damn about whatever crap the universe threw his way. A guy tripped and fell into his path, Sanji used him as a springboard to go faster, a crack in the cement split deeper, he bent his knees into a massive leap, spinning in mid-air and—

"Wha—!"

"Sanji!"

—smashing his heel into that bastard's skull!

The crack that followed was so satisfying, he could've cared less when the bull bucked, ruining his landing and sending him skidding across his back through a puddle. Brook, being the newest member and thus the least used to Sanji's miracle birthing shitty luck, was bowled over on the ground laughing his ass off at a comment from Marimo while the others looked on with deadpan expressions.

Sanji promptly hopped to his feet. "IF ANYONE HAS A RIGHT TO BE PISSED OFF, IT'S ME, DAMN IIIIIIIIIIIIT!"