Final Fantasy VIII [3rd Instalment]

Grace Barton

Chapter Thirty-Seven

"Squall! Let's go home! Where are you!"

Squall stopped running. For a moment, he thought he had heard Rinoa's voice calling out to him. He looked around him, but he could not see her.

…Where am I, he asked himself.

He thought back to those moments after they had defeated the sorceress. When Ultimecia exploded, a dark chasm had opened up in the ground beneath him. With nothing to hold on to he had fallen into it. He fell for what seemed like an eternity, only to land here… wherever 'here' was.

His first thought was that he had died. He quickly dismissed that idea. He did not feel dead. Not that he knew what it felt like to die, but all the same, he did not feel dead.

His second thought was to find his friends. He looked around into the blackness around him. There was no sign of his friends anywhere. He had not seen them fall with him. The last memory he had was of them running away from Ultimecia, just before the sorceress exploded and created this warp in time. For a while Squall thought he could feel the presence of his friends nearby, but then that too faded, and he was completely alone.

Knowing that he could not just stand around and wait for someone to find him, Squall broke into a run again. He only made it a few steps when a voice called out through the darkness.

"Squall! Where are you going!"

Squall stopped, surprised that whoever it was had known his name. What surprised him more, however, was that he recognised the voice from somewhere.

The darkness behind him parted and a young boy ran through. Only Squall's military training kept him from shouting out in surprise. The yellow t-shirt, the unruly brown hair that would not stay flat no matter how many times it was brushed, and the piercing blue eyes that always looked just a little too serious for his young age. Squall recognised the boy. He should, for the boy was himself.

The boy must not have been able to see the darkness or his older self, for he ran straight past Squall. He stopped and put his hands on his hips, nodding his head.

"I'm gonna find Sis!" he declared. He started to run again, disappearing into the darkness. Squall watched his younger self go, wondering what this meant.

"Squall!"

It was the first voice again. Squall knew who it belonged to now, even before he turned and laid his eyes upon her. Edea Kramer stepped into the darkness, her face full of concern as she looked around. She wore the same black dress from his memories, and her face was just as beautiful and pale as he always remembered it to be. Her dark swishing as she looked around her. No doubt she was searching for the boy who has passed by just a moment ago. Squall kept his eyes on Edea, as though trying to burn her image into his memory.

…Matron.

Edea stepped forward. As she walked, the darkness around her began to fade. Squall looked around him as the rest of the darkness disappeared and he found himself standing in the outer gardens of Edea's orphanage.

He realised what must have happened. On Ultimecia's defeat she had released all the time she had compressed and absorbed into her body. In doing so, she had created a time warp—a warp that had thrown Squall here, into the past.

Edea took several steps into the garden before she noticed Squall standing there. At first she looked confused, certain that he had not been there before. Then, shaking her head, she went over to him.

"Excuse me," she said, speaking in those soft, melodic tones he remembered so well from his childhood. "Have you seen a little boy?"

Squall almost smiled. "You don't have to worry," he told her. He looked back at the gate where his younger self had run out. "The boy won't go anywhere."

The matron looked at him, curious. She then followed his gaze to the gate, which swung on its hinges in the wind. "I think so, too," she said. "Poor thing…"

She started to look at Squall more closely, but a noise behind her made her turn back around. She and Squall watched as a cloud of smoke began to rise out of the ground. It seeped up from between the broken slabs and coalesced into a column at the far end of the garden. The cloud then parted and a figure walked out. Squall gasped at the sight of the figure and drew his sword.

"…You're alive!" he cried.

It was Sorceress Ultimecia. With her power drained she had returned to her human form, but her body was broken and had lost its former strength. Her eyes were bloodshot and glazed over, and her face was as pale as the moon. She did not seem to notice Squall but continued to walk forward, one slow step at a time.

Edea looked back at him. "…The sorceress?" she asked.

"Yes, Matron," Squall said. "We had defeated her… Matron," he shouted, coming to stand in front of Edea, "stand back!"

Edea watched him. She then looked over at Ultimecia, who continued to walk towards them. She laid her hand on his arm. Squall stared at her, but she just smiled and shook her head. With a gentle push, she lowered Squall's arm.

"It's ok," she told him, meeting his gaze with her soft, golden eyes. "There's no more need to fight." She looked back at Ultimecia. "That sorceress is just looking for someone to pass her powers onto. In order to die in peace, a sorceress must be free of all her powers. I know… for I am one, too." She took a few steps towards Ultimecia and then paused, glancing back. "I shall take over that sorceress' powers," she said. "I do not want one of the children to become one."

"I first became a sorceress when I was a child. And once again… thirteen years ago. That day… right here, I encountered a sorceress on the verge of death. I received her powers of my own will. That sorceress was an entity of fear for my children. I could not let her get to them."

Similar words—words spoken by the same sorceress thirteen years in the future. At the time Squall had wondered why Edea had told him that story. Now, at long last, he understood. This was the day she was talking about. The day she met a dying sorceress… Sorceress Ultimecia.

He watched dumbstruck as Edea walked forward to face Ultimecia. The matron stopped a few feet from her and raised her arms. She held out her hands, palms open, beckoning to the future sorceress.

Ultimecia raised her head. For the first time she realised that someone was standing there. In her dying moments, she did not recognise the woman standing before her. If she had, she would have laughed at the cruel irony. That she should pass on her powers to the sorceress that she, in her own past, would possess in the future. That time could play such a cruel and horrible trick… it would have been laughable.

The sorceress straightened up. "I… can't… disappear yet," she whispered. She raised her hands high.

"Matron!" cried Squall, but he was too late to stop her.

A bolt of energy fired from Ultimecia and struck Edea's chest. As the transference was completed, Ultimecia let out a sigh. Her arms dropped to her sides. She sank onto her knees. A cloud of smoke rose up around her as the last of her strength faded away and she dissolved, melting into the ground until she was no more.

As Ultimecia finally disappeared, Edea groaned and sank onto her knees. She was panting hard, exhausted as she struggled to absorb the sorceress' powers into her body. Seeing her fall, Squall dropped his gunblade and ran to her side. He took her hand; her hand trembled in his. The swordsman placed his other hand over hers, hoping she could somehow take the strength she needed from him. The matron seemed to appreciate the gesture, for she squeezed his hand and gave him a calm smile.

"Is this… the end?" she asked, when she could talk again.

Squall hesitated, not sure what to say to her. In the future, Edea had called this the beginning of her painful story. This moment was both a beginning and an end; a completed circle in time. As his story was coming to an end, Edea's was about to begin. Yet he could not warn her of what dangers were to come; how she would suffer greatly in the years following this fateful day. As much as he longed to help her, to save her from that fate, he knew that he could not.

So he decided to be vague. "…Most likely," he told her.

But Edea was not fooled. She saw through his words. Although she could not see the future that lay ahead of her, she accepted it with her usual grace and dignity. She closed her eyes, and her lips pursed together, flushing a deeper shade of pink. When she opened them again, her face was calm.

"You called me Matron," she said, looking up at Squall. "Who… are you?"

"A SeeD. A SeeD from Balamb Garden."

Edea looked confused. "SeeD? Garden?" she asked.

Squall nodded. "Both Garden and SeeD were your ideas," he explained. "Garden trains SeeDs. SeeDs are trained to defeat the sorceress." Except for the good ones, he added to himself, like yourself and Rinoa.

The matron released his hand. She forced herself onto her feet. "What are you saying?" she asked.

Squall stood, his head lowered. Edea walked up to him. Placing her fingers under his chin, she lifted his head. She peered into his face, taking him in. She looked into the serious blue eyes, and at his unruly brown hair. Suddenly she let out a gasp as she realised who he was.

"You're… that boy from the future?" she asked.

Squall bowed his head to her. "…Matron."

Edea stepped back. For a moment she seemed overcome. Tears welled in her eyes, for now she saw the truth and the significance of his appearance here. She turned away and folded her hands over her chest, and her hair spilled over her face as she lowered her head to murmur a silent prayer. When she turned back the tears were gone, and her face was firm once more.

"Please return," she told him. "You do not belong here."

At that moment there came a crash as the garden gate was thrown open and Squall's younger self came running in. His cheeks were flushed and there were tears in his eyes as he ran to Edea and clutched at her dress.

"…I can't find Sis," he told her. His voice broke, and he choked back the tears. "…Am I… all alone?" he asked. He then noticed Squall standing there. The boy looked up at him, not realising who he was. Embarrassed at being caught crying by a stranger, he wiped a hand across his eyes. "Who's he?" he asked Matron.

"Nobody," Edea replied. She knelt and patted his soft hair. "You don't need to know. The only Squall permitted here is you." Smiling at his confused face, the matron stood and turned back to Squall. "Do you know where to go back to? Do you know how?" she asked him. "Will you be all right by yourself?"

Now it was Squall's turn to smile. Once upon a time, he would have answered that question knowing that it was not true. Now, though, it was different. He knew he would be all right now. He stood at attention and saluted Edea. The orphanage then began to fade into darkness once more. The gardens disappeared, as did his younger self. Now only Edea remained. She watched without fear as, to his eyes, he faded from existence.

…I'll be all right, Matron, he thought. Because I'm not alone. …I'm not alone. …If I call out, they will answer.

Darkness closed around him, and Squall found that he was once again trapped in that empty void. The swordsman ran forward, looking around him in search of his friends. There was still no sign of them, nor could he feel their presence anywhere. Aside from him, the void was completely lifeless.

"Where is everyone!" he said, though his voice felt dead in this empty space. He stopped running and looked around once again. "Rinoa! Where are you!"

He listened, but he got no reply from Rinoa. In fact the only sounds he could hear were his own shallow breathing and the faint creak of his leather jacket as he turned around to shout into the darkness again.

"Zell! Selphie! Quistis! Irvine!" he called. "Rinoa!"

He still did not get an answer. In this empty place, he did not even hear an echo. The swordsman lowered his head, looking down into the void beneath his feet.

…Am I alone?

He shook his head, refusing to believe it. His friends had to be out there somewhere. All he had to do was find them, and then they could all go home. Turning on his heel, he began to run in the opposite direction. He looked around him as he ran, desperately searching for his friends.

Rinoa, he called with his mind, hoping against home that his thoughts could reach her. I want to hear your voice! Which way… do I go?

He stopped. The void was unending, unchanging. He did not know where he was running to, or even if he was running anywhere at all. He sank onto his knees. Despair began to swell inside of him as it dawned on him that he might be trapped here after all, with no way to get back home.

I can't make it back… alone, he realised. He needed his friends beside him. He needed to hear their voices, their laughter… He needed to see Rinoa's smile…

He needed to know that he was alive.

"Rinoa!" he cried. He jumped onto his feet and ran through the darkness. He called Rinoa's name, as well as the names of his friends. He called them over and over, praying that one of them would answer and lead him home.

Then, as he ran, the void began to change. Squall stopped as the darkness lifted, and the air rippled and crackled as though it was filled with electricity. For a moment he felt the world distort and bend out of shape, but then it snapped into place and he landed… nowhere.

He was standing on a flat plain of rock that stretched, it seemed, into infinity. There were no trees, no plants, and no animals in sight. There was no wind blowing, and the air was perfectly still. The ground was dry and cracked, as though it had not seen a drop of water for years. The sky was covered in a thick bank of heavy clouds that seemed to press down on the land, draining the life from it. Like the land, the clouds stretched out across the sky until they reached the horizon, where they joined with the ground in a dusty haze.

He looked around him. The land was the same in all directions: one endless, flat plain. There were no markers to use as a reference, no signposts to guide his way. It seemed that he was the only living thing in this dreary place. Squall clenched his fists and pursed his lips together. He had to find his friends!

With that in mind, Squall his gaze ahead, unclenched his fists, and began to walk.

And walk…

And walk.

The minutes drifted by. Those minutes became hours. Hours could have become days, for Squall had no way of knowing how much time had passed. All he knew was that he kept on walking across that endless plain, putting one foot in front of the other.

More time passed by, and still there was no end in sight. The plain continued to stretch into the dusty horizon, without change. As fatigue set in, Squall's pace began to slow down. His boots started to shuffle and scrape the ground, occasionally kicking up the odd loose stone. Soon Squall did not notice even these as he walked, head lowered, watching his feet as he kept taking step after step. The only sound he noticed was the sound of his footsteps, but as more time passed he failed to notice even that.

Even more time passed. Squall's steps began to falter. He stumbled, exhausted, across the ground. More than once he almost tripped, his feet too tired to keep walking in a straight line. Only his will, his determination to find something in this godforsaken place, kept him going. Yet even his will was slipping, succumbing to the bleakness of his situation. He was trapped and alone, with no way of making it back.

As he realised this, the ground in front of him came to an end. It stopped so abruptly that he almost did not notice it, and nearly walked right over the edge. Squall stopped and peered over the edge, wondering if there was a way down. Yet the land below was covered with a bank of cloud and he could see nothing beyond it. Wearily Squall sighed and turned around, preparing to go back the way he had come.

Only there was no way back. The land behind him had also come to an end, as though it had vanished entirely from existence. Squall blinked, wondering if he was seeing things. He looked away and back again. No, the land was still missing.

The swordsman panned his gaze around him. In all directions the land had disappeared, and he now stood on a wide platform of rock. Clouds surrounded it on all sides, both above and below.

Despair started to overwhelm him. Had he really walked all this time only to have the ground vanish from under him? The swordsman tried to step back, but his strength failed him at last and he dropped onto the floor. A cold chill crept through his body. Am I… stuck here, he asked himself.

Trying to suppress his rising panic, Squall clenched his fist and pressed it into the dirt. It seemed hopeless. He was lost, trapped, and completely alone. His friends had not answered him. He could not find his way back alone. How could he find his way back when he did not know where he was to begin with?

Squall lowered his head and closed his eyes. He tried to recall images of his friends. The images were hazy; he could not recall them clearly. Even the sound of their voices seemed to slip from his memory. Any time he thought he had remembered, the image seemed to pull away from him, dragged away from his conscious memory.

The GF… Squall realised, frowning bitterly.

He then thought of Rinoa. She was the one he most wanted to see. He wanted to see her so much he was afraid his heart would burst. Hers was the only image that came clearly to his mind. The thought that he would lose her… forget her… Well, he couldn't even begin to contemplate how he would feel.

Rinoa… he thought. I… want to hear your voice.

Just as she had hoped, Rinoa found herself back in the flower fields outside of the orphanage. The old building stood just as it had always done, proving to her that she had arrived back in her own time again. Quistis and the others had arrived with her as well, carried back through time to the one place they all wanted to be.

The only person who did not arrive was Squall. The others split up to search the orphanage grounds. Angelo ran with them, not fully understanding what was going on but knowing that something was wrong.

As for Rinoa, she could not shake off the feeling that something had gone horribly wrong. Squall had been with them at the end when they defeated Sorceress Ultimecia, so why wasn't he here now? Fear began to well up inside her. So while the others searched the orphanage grounds, she ran out into the flower fields in search of him.

At some point after their departure, storm clouds had rolled in. Their presence cast a dark shadow over the field, destroying the peace and calm Rinoa had felt when she first came here. In its place there was darkness and despair, an almost physical oppression that bore down on her body and her soul. Rinoa bit her lip to keep herself from crying out. She kept on running, fighting her rising fear.

As it had in her dream, desperation swept over her. She pushed her body harder; ran faster through the fields. Flowers were crushed beneath her feet as she ran, but she did not care. All she wanted was to find Squall. She wanted to hold him in her arms and remind herself that she—that they—were alive.

Squall, she shouted in her mind, where are you!

She kept on running until, at last, her body could run no more. Her lungs were burning. Tears stung the back of her eyes. Her heart beat so hard she feared it would stop, both from exhaustion and from the desperation filling her soul. She stopped, in the middle of the field, surrounded by broken flowers and dark clouds.

She could not find him.

Just as she was about to give in to despair, she remembered the rings. She looked down at them. In space, when she thought she was going to die, it was these rings that had given her the strength to hold on. Seeing them together reminded her that, no matter how far apart they were, she and Squall were always together. Squall had risked everything to save her back then. Even when all others would have given up, he kept on fighting to save her. His love for her had given him that strength.

Now it was her turn to do the same for him. If somehow her powers could take her to him, maybe she could bring him home to where he belonged. With his friends… With her.

Rinoa closed her fingers around the rings. She held them tight in her hand. Raising her head, she looked up without fear into the storm clouds towering over her.

Squall… I'll find you. I promise.

A white feather drifted across the dark sky. It had taken a very long time for the feather to reach this place. Its journey was one that spanned both space and time. It was a journey that no one could transcribe, to put onto paper. This was a journey that only the feather would know, and only the feather could tell.

Now, at last, its journey was coming to an end. The feather dipped beneath the dark clouds, its soft barbs rustling in a gentle wind that tried to blow it off-course. The feather resisted its pull and dipped deeper until it emerged from beneath the clouds and fell free, heading down towards the platform waiting below it.

When Squall looked up and saw the feather, he thought that he was dreaming. Of all the things he had expected to see in this place, a feather was not it. The feather was so bright it stood out against the darkness of the clouds, growing larger as it floated down towards the platform.

Somehow Squall knew that it was heading for him. He held out his hand as the feather floated past his face. It landed in his open palm, afterfeathers moving softly. Squall looked down at it, admiring its delicate beauty.

Then he closed his hand.