Synchronized Heartbeats

Written By: TCOOKIES777

Chapter 32: My Love for You

Gou is 19 weeks pregnant.

"And then Nagisa said I reminded him of one of those pufferfish he'd seen at the aquarium! Sousuke-kun, I… I don't look like a pufferfish, do I?" Gou asked from her seat on the couch, toweling her hair dry after the shower she'd taken.

Sousuke automatically answered, "No", without a glance, keeping his focus on the vegetables he was busy chopping.

They were having vegetable buns tonight and it was his first time making them, so he'd taken to printing out the recipe to make sure he followed every step perfectly. At first, Gou had volunteered to help him out in the kitchen, but he'd seen how exhausted she was lately. As a man, he couldn't begin to fathom what being pregnant was like. However, Sousuke had taken the liberty to research all about it in the recent weeks since he'd suspected of Gou's pregnancy.

She'd claimed that her nausea had subsided, but that didn't mean she wasn't suffering from any other symptoms. Gou didn't have to tell him for Sousuke to know. They'd spent enough time together for him to notice the little details. He'd seen the way she'd constantly be short of breath during the walk home from school or even to the grocery store. The way her body sometimes swayed with an unpredicted pattern of clumsiness to the point he constantly had to remind her to hold onto the rail when on the stairs. And he had lost count of how many times she had to excuse herself to the bathroom nowadays. Yet, Sousuke didn't mind staying by her side through it all.

"My belly has gotten so big that I can't even button up half of my school blouse anymore." Gou continued to whine, barely paying any attention to the animal documentary playing out on the television before her. "Sometimes, I think Rei suspects, but then he just suggests these diets for me to try out! Boys can be so clueless sometimes! But I guess it helps in my favor."

"You won't be able to hide your baby bump once Christmas break is over, you know." Sousuke said. "I don't think you should go hang out with your friends until… until this gets sorted out."

"Yeah, I know… It's a good thing Christmas break starts next Friday. I don't know how much longer I can hold out like this." Gou replied. "It's getting hard to hide my tummy from Hana-chan. I'm starting to feel like a whale with how round my tummy is getting. Onii-chan's baby is getting bigger inside. I don't think it's the size of a mango anymore—it feels more like a cantaloupe! At this rate, my shirts will end up as crop tops…"

Remaining quiet, Sousuke tried not to think about the way her belly was so obviously rounding out and growing bigger each day. Sometimes, he wanted to touch the bump and see if it felt as round as it looked. The crazy thing was that Gou was only nineteen weeks pregnant. That was just into the second trimester. She barely had any clothes to wear, constantly relying on dresses and coats to cover herself up. While Gou's face had hardly changed from the extra weight she was packing on, there was no denying that her body was developing curves that she shouldn't have.

Despite this—and Sousuke was too shy to say it aloud Matsuoka Gou was absolutely beautiful. If anything, the pregnancy had actually added a special kind of glow to her natural beauty. It didn't help whenever she looked at him with a stunning smile on that glowing face of hers. His heart still skipped a beat every damn time, even when Gou was just thanking him for pouring her a glass of water.

Noticing Gou had stopped talking, Sousuke glanced over his shoulder to see what she was doing now. She was still facing the television, eyes glued to the new animal the documentary narrator was rambling about now: snakes. Sousuke flicked his gaze between the cobra slithering through the tall grass on the screen and Gou's mesmerized look.

"Gou?" He called to her, wiping his hands on a dishcloth. When she didn't respond, Sousuke walked over and tapped her shoulder.

"Hm?" She blinked up at him before a slow, innocent smile spread across those lovely cheeks.

Her moods seemed to swing these days, angry one moment and then carefree and bubbly the next. Sometimes, she didn't want to talk. Other times, Gou could hold an entire conversation on her own. He knew it was the pregnancy making her hormones go crazy, but he was still adjusting and trying to keep up, constantly trying to read her so that he didn't say anything dumb or insensitive.

"Have you taken your prenatal vitamins yet?" Sousuke asked, fighting off the heat in his gut now simmering. Ah, it was getting worse these days, the more time they spent alone together.

"Oh, no, I forgot." She moved to stand, making a soft, grunting sound as she grabbed the armchair for leverage.

She's still getting used to the weight of her baby bump, he remembered.

"It's all right, I'll get it for you." Sousuke immediately set a hand on her shoulder, guiding her back down. "Where'd you put them?"

"They're in my room." Gou answered, turning her attention back to the snake now swallowing down a whole egg. "Fourth drawer down on the right side."

Leaving Gou to enjoy the animal documentary, Sousuke trudged up the stairs, ignoring Rin's room and heading straight into Gou's. Her faint strawberry scent was strongest here and Sousuke closed the door shut before daring to take a deeper whiff of her intimate essence. Unsurprisingly, her room was quite immaculate. Even the few plushies she still kept were lined up on her bed with a particularly large stuffed shark taking up most of the space.

Sousuke turned to the dresser, eyeing the fourth drawer she had mentioned. He pulled the drawer open, only for his mouth to go dry at the sight of the panties stuffed within. An assortment of pastel colors including pink, blue, green, yellow, and a few cream-colored and ivory whites.

Ah, shit.

Running a hand through his ebony locks, Sousuke glanced around the room despite knowing he was completely alone. Then, with a trembling hand, he reached into the pile of panties, blindly groping around for the bottle of vitamins she'd hidden. He felt soft cotton envelope his hand and he might've intentionally brushed his fingers against some of the more silky pieces. Eventually, his hand hit a plastic container buried at the bottom and Sousuke released a sigh he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

The vitamin bottle was the exact same one he'd glimpsed in the refrigerator back then. A purple label with the silhouette of a woman caressing her large baby bump.

Sousuke shut the drawer and turned towards the closed door, bottle in hand. His feet refused to budge, however. Another second passed before Sousuke pivoted around, pulling the drawer open once more. He leaned in closer for a better look, teal eyes widening at the sight of the more indecent, lacy panties that only inspired his imagination even more. Licking his lips, Sousuke slowly reached in, withdrawing one of those lacy panties, the thin cloth pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

He glanced at the door again before taking the panties in both hands, fingers sliding through the two holes where Gou's shapely thighs would fit through. Sousuke held the lacy pink scrap of underwear up before his face. That low simmering in his gut from earlier had returned now, stronger this time and more urgent than ever. As he stared at the pair he held in his hands, Sousuke began to wonder when was the last time Gou had worn it. His thoughts then drifted to her brother.

Sousuke wondered which of these panties had Rin personally slipped off Gou's hips and down those creamy legs of hers. He wondered which of them had her brother kept as a sort of trophy every time the siblings had sex. He wondered if the sunshine yellow panties he'd found in Rin's bottom drawer beside a condom box was in this drawer right now. Would Gou notice if it went missing again? She hadn't noticed her own brother had been holding her panties hostage, probably for masturbation purposes.

No, Sousuke knew without a doubt that Rin had been using her panties for masturbation. Because, at the end of the day, Sousuke was a man with urges and needs as well.

He swallowed hard and then, slowly, Sousuke buried his face against Gou's panties, pressing his nose to the bridge of her underwear. That fresh laundry scent filled his nostrils, followed by the faintest, lingering scent of strawberries. His eyes fluttered shut as soon as that sweet essence hit him. He swallowed back a groan, inhaling deeply and filling his lungs as much as possible with Gou's intimate scent, a sharp tingle resonating in his core. His mouth began to water and Sousuke took that as a sign to stop before he'd do something he'd definitely regret.

Gou's panties were returned exactly as he'd found them and Sousuke made his way to the door. Something at the corner of his eye made him pause and he slid his teal gaze to the laundry basket sitting by the entryway. At the top of the pile, nestled in between a pair of socks, was that pair of sunshine yellow panties.

Sousuke clenched his jaw, swallowing hard at the familiar sight. He reached out with a shaky hand, grasping the doorknob and twisting it open.

As he made his way back down the stairs, he froze mid step upon hearing Gou's voice carry out of the living room. She was speaking to somebody.

"Onii-chan is a really handsome man like our father, you know?" Sousuke strained to hear Gou from the staircase, noting how gentle she spoke. "And he has the best muscles in the world! Many girls and guys have a crush on Onii-chan because of his good looks and body, so I'm very lucky. I think you'd inherit your Papa's good looks… Well, I guess you'll look a lot like your Mama and Papa anyway. But, no matter how you'd end up looking, Mama would still love you lots, okay? Papa would too, I know it. Papa already loves Mama lots too. I can't wait for you to meet him."

Her cooing stopped when Sousuke continued down the last few stairs, his footsteps loud and heavy.

"Here." He handed Gou the prenatal vitamins, ignoring the warm tingle at his fingertips when her fingers brushed his.

"Thanks." She smiled at him, grabbing her glass of water and completely unaware of what he'd been doing in her room just a minute ago.

For a brief moment, Sousuke wondered how Gou would react if she ever found out what he did, or of his true feelings for her. A part of him wanted to know—wanted to see her cheeks flush like roses. Or would she cut all ties with him? The other part of him wanted to see if Gou would—maybe, just maybe—pick him over Rin. But either way, his chances were pitifully slim, and Gou was already carrying her brother's child. Of course, she would always pick her brother.

Even like this, I've got no chances against Rin.

A quick glance at the television revealed that the animal documentary had moved from snakes to hyenas, which explained Gou's disinterest. Glancing at the kitchen work he'd yet to finish, Sousuke sighed, plopping himself down beside Gou on the couch. They both turned their focus to the show, but he could tell that neither of them were actually watching.

"There's something you want to say." She said softly, still facing the T.V. "What is it, Sousuke-kun?"

He drummed his fingers against his knee, contemplating how to word his thoughts properly. Then he looked to Gou who slowly turned those beautiful, bright garnet eyes to him. A part of Sousuke wanted to keep silent. To preserve that happy glint so rarely seen in her eyes nowadays. But he also knew that Gou wouldn't let him off so easily like that.

She tilted her head in curiosity, loose wine locks slipping down slim shoulders. She often put her thick curtain of hair up in a ponytail, but he always preferred Gou's hair down and framing her pretty face. Sousuke was half-tempted to reach out and tuck that silky hair back, if only so he could have the chance to feel her warm cheek against his hand.

He fisted his hand against his lap instead. As the years passed, it was becoming more and more difficult to keep his urges a secret. To not give in. Yet, Sousuke had already lost count of the number of times he'd wanted to slam his lips onto Gou's and just breathe and taste and feel her everywhere. He'd lost count of that long ago, even as the urge to do so was hitting him right now. At least Rin had been present back then and that alone was enough for Sousuke to keep his urges in check. But with Rin away, it was just him and Gou, and spending all this alone time together was taking a toll on him that he'd never expected before. The longer this went on, even as Gou's belly grew heavier each day with another man's child, he found his restraint wearing down.

"Sousuke-kun?" He watched her plump lips move to form his name and he swallowed back that terrible urge once more.

"I need to ask…" His voice was slightly raspy as he forced his attention back to the television. "Do you… do you really love Rin? As a man? A lover?"

"I do." She answered without hesitation.

"But how can you tell?" He asked, "How do you know for sure that the way you love him is truly different from the way you should as his sister?"

Sousuke watched her cheeks deepen in color with a rosy red that stirred something in his gut. Gou tucked back her hair with a sigh, powering the T.V. off with the remote. She turned to face him, slim legs folded and swollen belly protruding between them. "Sousuke-kun, have you ever been in love? Ever laid eyes on someone one day and knew in your bones—in your soul—that that person was the one for you?"

He stared at her, bright teal connecting with deep garnet, unwilling to answer that question.

"Love, I believe," Gou continued, "can take on any form. It's a feeling… a concept… but why should it have any rules? In the middle of the night, I lie in bed and imagine Onii-chan's body pressed up against mine. When I go grocery shopping, I wonder how many servings I would need for both of us. Every time I put on lip gloss, I think about the way it would look smudged on my lips after Onii-chan kisses me.

I think about my brother almost all the time. I think about the way his hands would fit against my hips, how his lips would taste, and the feel of his muscles, or the faint chlorine and pine scent of him filling my nose. I see his eyes when I look in the mirror. That shark-teethed smirk. I imagine Onii-chan's voice when the house is dead silent. That smooth, husky voice that resonates deep in my core. And, whenever I'm happy around him, I always hope that my brother is just as happy as I am, even when we're apart. I think that's what love is. I think that's how it's supposed to look... feel… taste… everything."

Both her hands slid around to cup the swell of her belly and Gou lowered her gaze to it, vibrant eyes softening as she rubbed her bump.

"This baby my brother put in me… Onii-chan didn't do it out of ill will and he didn't do it against my will. It was a careless accident, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen out of love." A small chuckle bubbled out of Gou and she raised her smile to Sousuke and he wished he had the heart to return that smile. "I'm afraid, Sousuke-kun. I'm so afraid and, sometimes, my heart beats so fast that I think I might die. But I am not afraid of the man who put this baby in me. My brother is a good man. You know that, Sousuke-kun, I know you do. No matter how much you might blame him for what's happened to me, you know in your heart that your best friend is a good man… just like I know that you're a good man too."

I am not a good man, Sousuke wanted to refute her. If only you knew how selfish I can be, Gou.

"Then… you're going to give birth to Rin's baby?" He asked.

"I love this baby. I've never said it before because I was scared to… because I was scared of making it even more real than it already is, but I love this baby with all my heart." Gou whispered, caressing her baby bump almost absentmindedly. "At first, I loved it because it was a… it was like a gift, you know? A brother impregnating his little sister… Incest or rape—no matter what you call it, it will always be considered a blasphemy. Something unnatural and utterly horrible.

But Onii-chan and I? This baby came out of our love for each other. It's not just about the sex. Sex is... Sex is supposed to feel amazing, intimate, and beautiful and that's how it felt with my brother, but it's not just about that. I don't know how to explain it—how this feels… But it feels like a gift because a baby is something Onii-chan and I were never supposed to have together as siblings. It is something we were supposed to pretend we could never do. And yet, here we are. Have you ever been forbidding from doing something but you end up doing it anyway and it's all just a happy accident? And when I saw the face of what was growing in my tummy, I just fell truly and deeply in love." The hand over her belly froze and the look in Gou's eyes was distant. "But whatever needs to be done… I will do it if I must…."

"And how do you think Rin would react?" Sousuke couldn't help but ask. "Once you tell him on Christmas Eve?"

"How do you think any brother would react if they realized that they had impregnated their biological sister, Sousuke-kun?" Gou shook her head. "I'm sure… somewhere in the world, there are brothers and sisters who have made babies together, or even daughters and fathers… maybe even mothers and sons. It could be out of rape or out of pure love—I don't know. But I wonder if any had a happy ending… I wonder if their children know that they're a product of incest… I hate that word. Incest. It sounds… crude. Between Onii-chan and I, I call it love and sex—not incest."

Sousuke didn't say anything because, truthfully, he couldn't disagree more.

"Why do you hate that Onii-chan and I are in love together, Sousuke-kun?" Gou asked, and she looked so pitifully innocent right there, looking at him as if she had asked 'why do people do bad things?'

He turned his gaze to his hands, focusing on keeping them loose and relaxed.

"Why do you hate that I had sex with my brother?" She pressed him. "We didn't hurt anyone and we both wanted to do it and we both enjoyed it. So why is it wrong? Is it because I ended up getting pregnant? If I didn't get pregnant, would it be okay to have sex with my brother then?"

Don't say it like that, he wanted to tell her. Stop saying it that way. Like it's a normal thing. None of this is normal! It's not supposed to be normal!

"What's wrong with a brother having sex with his little sister?" Gou continued, desperate to get an answer out of Sousuke. To understand his feelings. To understand why she's in the wrong. "I consented, Sousuke-kun. I consented every time and Onii-chan always made sure I felt good. He makes me feel safe, comfortable, and loved. I don't regret giving my virginity to my brother… I think I'd be scared to give it to any other man. So I don't regret my first time, or all my times, being with Onii-chan. I wish you would understand, Sousuke-kun and know what it's like or how it feels."

I'm sorry I haven't had sex with the girl I love the most yet—that dark fury rose within him, growling low in his mind like a caged beast—but she's too busy having sex with her brother. Sousuke merely bit his lip to let the pain shake him out. "I'm trying to understand, Gou, for you… but I wish you could see it the way I do."

"Is it really so hard to believe that a brother and sister can fall in love together?" She gave him a pleading look that threatened to break down Sousuke's walls. "In the end, Onii-chan is a man and I am a woman. The heart wants what it wants, Sousuke-kun, and it's so painful to even deny it…. I know that people consider incest gross. Onii-chan and I shared the same womb and the same blood courses through our veins. We lived together—sort of—and grew up together. He took care of me probably since before I could even walk. To grow up with your biological brother and then have sex with him to the point of getting knocked up by him…. I know it's a disgusting thought.

I know it, and I hated myself so much whenever I thought of kissing my own brother…. Whenever I fantasized of doing such perverted, sexual things with him that would have made any other person vomit out of disgust. Even now, I still hate myself for it but, even more than that, I love it. Being with Onii-chan makes me happy." Gou glanced down at her baby bump, cupping a hand against it. "I've tried thinking about other men, even women, but they can't compare to Onii-chan. It's like sugar… you know it's bad for you, but you just can't stop because it makes you feel good.. makes you so happy. Onii-chan is the only person who can make me a special kind of happy."

"You think you'll be happy once Rin finds out he got you pregnant?" Sousuke tried to tone down the sarcasm, but he couldn't hide the bite of fury in his words. "Brothers don't get their sisters pregnant. You mentioned that Rin said that to you before."

"Onii-chan knew the consequences better than I did. Back then, I knew it was bad for my brother to impregnate me but… I couldn't help but crave it. I wanted my brother to get me pregnant. I can't explain it but it was such a powerful urge—it was like a fever. Something primal in me wanted me to get pregnant. I could feel the urge resonating in my womb and it was stronger whenever Onii-chan… wh-whenever we had sex, he'd… he'd, um, reach all the way in and hit my…" Gou blushed such a lovely shade of red that Sousuke wished he was the reason for it and it hurt knowing he was not. "He'd hit deep inside my you know… And whenever he squirted his s-stuff inside and I felt… The urge to make a baby with my brother was so strong, Sousuke-kun, even though I knew the consequences. But it wasn't until I realized I was truly pregnant did I fully understand just how disastrous this could be."

He hated how she was telling him all these things. At the same time, he wanted to hear more. Sousuke supposed Gou only had him to confide and he was her chance to let out everything she'd been bottling up for months.

"I know it won't be all sunshine and rainbows." She said. "I think.. I think the first thing Onii-chan will do will be to blame himself. For overstepping his boundaries as my big brother and loving me and touching me. Onii-chan will be angry at himself just as you were angry at him. You two are so alike, you know that?"

"Yeah…" He knew exactly what she meant.

"Are you still angry at him?"

White hot fury flared up in his core, but Sousuke breathed in through his nose and then slowly exhaled. "Yes, I am… I still don't think it's right, what Rin did to you. I don't care that he's in love with you, Gou. I don't care that you willingly spread your legs for him. What matters is that he's your biological older brother and he had sex with you—without protection—fully aware that he could get his own little sister pregnant."

He had been wanting to ask Rin what the hell was going in his mind the entire time he was pounding into Gou and what the hell did he think would happen when he came inside her. He wanted to know what the hell had Rin been thinking to assume that he wouldn't have to pay the price for his actions. "Your brother knew there was a good chance he could get you pregnant, Gou. I want to know what he thought if such a thing ever did happen."

'Or was Rin just too busy prepping his baby sister for another round of sex to even think further than impregnating you?' The spiteful side of Sousuke was tempted to add. Rin had known of the risks—knew impregnating Gou was the ultimate risk—but had gone and done it anyway. Done her. As if Gou was a bucket list to complete, damn the consequences. Because Rin had managed to check off every step in the process without any trouble.

Step 1: Seduce sister. Step 2: Get sister naked. Step 3: Spread open sister's body. Step 4: Fuck sister without protection. Step 5: Shoot seed into sister and fertilize her egg. Step 6: Successfully impregnate sister on the first try.

Congratulations, Rin, you bastard. Sousuke's fists were clenched tightly atop of his lap, knuckles bone white. If Gou noticed how furious he was inside, she didn't comment on it. In fact, she seemed too occupied with her belly which she'd been touching more often ever since the prenatal appointment. Sousuke wondered if she had kept the ultrasound images or ended up tossing them in the garbage.

"You have to forgive him, Sousuke-kun." Gou murmured. "I don't blame Onii-chan at all for getting me pregnant. It wasn't intentional."

He paused at that last bit. "Are you sure? You're absolutely sure that Rin didn't intentionally put that baby in you?"

Gou looked sharply at him. "What are you saying? Why would Onii-chan do that? It's as you said; he knows of the consequences. He knows it's a taboo thing. Everybody knows. Intentionally impregnating me?" She shook her head, "That's crazy, Sousuke-kun."

"What if it was to… I-I don't know—make sure no other man could have you?" It sounded a lot better and more coherent in his head, Sousuke realized too late. He had trouble meeting her eyes now.

Her frown deepened. "What?"

"Think about it. Rin is your brother and he's aware that incest is frowned upon. He knows he can't touch you or behave as your lover in public. He knows he's in no position to fight off any of his little sister's potential suitors, so he gets you pregnant and makes me your pretend boyfriend as an extra precaution." Sousuke knew he was rambling now, but he couldn't stop himself. He'd been thinking about it for weeks, trying to complete this complex puzzle of incestuous love. He gestured to Gou's round belly, "Your brother impregnates you to make sure that you belong to nobody else but him. To make sure that no other man can have you, Gou."

"What?!" For the first time in their years of friendship, she was looking at him like she couldn't understand a single word that spouted out his mouth. "No! Onii-chan is… yes, he can be a bit possessive and very protective of me, but I think that's more because of his brotherly nature. Or even his nature as a… a territorial male! I never understood how insecure Onii-chan would get until I met Ami. So now I know how Onii-chan feels when he sees a guy try to hit on me. I know how he feels because I'd feel the exact same way at the mere mention of Ami and Onii-chan together. And not once has Onii-chan ever treated or considered me as his pet to breed and keep on a leash, Sousuke-kun, and it scares me that you would think like that about my own brother."

He could tell she was scared. Sousuke could see it in the way she was slightly leaning away from him, hand over her belly as if to protect Rin's baby from him. His chest ached at such a sight and Sousuke forced his body to relax, releasing the angry tension that had been building in him. In an appeasing voice, he said, "You have to understand, Gou. As Rin's best friend, I thought I knew him like the back of my hand. I thought I knew what he was capable of and I would have helped him to achieve his goals however way I could. But I never expected Rin to be capable of having sex with his baby sister and impregnating her. That same, sweet little sister he's so protective of and now it makes me wonder why he's protective of her… or more like possessive. I'm trying to make sense of all this. I don't… I don't understand this incest. I don't understand how a brother and sister could fall in love together."

"Sousuke-kun, are you hearing yourself?" Gou shook her head at him. "You're still trying to rationalize this, but there's nothing to rationalize. You cannot rationalize love. There's no conspiracy and Onii-chan would never do something as absurd as that to me. You still think my own brother raped me? Forcibly impregnated me? You think my baby is a product of incest and rape? It's not! My pregnancy was just an accident out of love—love, Sousuke-kun—and the sooner you can accept that then the easier it will be to forgive your best friend."

"You keep saying that, Gou. Love." Even now, the word was difficult for Sousuke to say aloud, particularly in her presence. "You love him, I can see that. But does Rin really love you as more than just a little sister? If he truly did, he never would have laid a hand on your body and damn you both. He never would have left you like this right after… after doing all of that to you."

"Wouldn't you want to touch the girl you were in love with, Sousuke-kun?"

The question caught him off guard and the answer to it almost slipped right out of his mouth, but Sousuke caught himself before it was too late, ignoring that low heat sparking in his gut once more. "But I… I never would have left her…"

"I'm not going to let my pregnancy ruin Onii-chan's career." said Gou, "I-I'm glad he's away, no matter how much I miss him."

"And when you give birth to the baby? What then?" The leash on his anger was being tested too much.

"Giving birth is a decision I have yet to make, Sousuke-kun." She answered, removing her hand from her baby bump. "Remember: I'm just waiting to tell Onii-chan the truth and see how he reacts… and what he wants to do about it."

"What does it matter what Rin wants?!" He accidentally snapped out.

"Because he's the father and you're not!" Gou retorted back with just as much sharpness.

The abrupt silence that fell between them could have choked Sousuke to death and he wouldn't have cared. He wished he could just wink out of existence right then and there. Save him the trouble of the tension that had exploded. He hadn't meant to escalate the conversation, but he was so desperate to know because, for the life of him, Sousuke just couldn't begin to fathom why in the world these two siblings had chosen each other as their soulmates.

The T.V. was switched on, but it didn't help ease the awkwardness. Hearing a quiet sniffle, Sousuke dared a peek and saw Gou's cheeks glistening. Whatever fury that was still balled tightly in his chest had dissipated as soon as he saw her crying.

Damn it, he groaned inwardly.

"You're right." Sousuke ran a hand down his face, rubbing away whatever stress lines he still wore. "I overstep my boundaries. I'm sorry, Gou."

Why am I behaving like this? She was getting to him, he realized, slipping into every crack and chink in his armor. Before, Sousuke had no trouble hiding his emotions. He was the opposite of Rin who wore his heart on his sleeve and was easily readable to those who knew him best.

I'm spending too much time with Gou, he thought. His walls were crumbling down and Sousuke wondered if the day she realized his feelings for her was sooner than he'd anticipated.

"Sorry." He mumbled again, bowing his head out of shame.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that, Sousuke-kun." Wiping away the tears, she gave him a tired smile. "I'm sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes. It's like… like a storm of emotions brewing inside me, each taking turns just hitting me, one after the other. One moment I'm so happy and giddy and then the next moment I feel like the world's gonna end and I wanna cry. It's these stupid hormones making me stupid…"

"You're not stupid."

"As a seventeen-year-old girl who sort-of-accidentally got impregnated by her own brother whom she's in love with and didn't realize she was carrying his baby until weeks later, it's kind of hard to believe that."

"You're not stupid, Gou." Sousuke looked her in the eye, making sure she knew he was serious. "Making stupid decisions doesn't make you a stupid person."

"But... I am sorry, Sousuke-kun. You've been by my side—even if I didn't notice at first—when I needed help the most." Her smile flashed with that lovely brilliance that always amped up the beat of his heart, butterflies fluttering low in his stomach. "Thank you, for supporting me. You're a really good friend, Sousuke-kun."

That should have raised his spirits, but his smile came out feeling forced, if not a little painful. Daring to reach out to her, Sousuke tucked back Gou's hair, letting his knuckles graze her smooth cheek. "What are friends for?"

His smile fell away the moment Gou returned her attention to the television once more, seemingly satisfied with how their conversation had concluded. But Sousuke's chest was still squeezed tight with a certain ache that no massage or medicine could alleviate.

'Sousuke-kun, have you ever been in love?'

His mind had raced with so many responses to that question. So many responses that had all boiled down to the same answer. Still, not a single one had made it out of his damn mouth.

'Wouldn't you want to touch the girl you were in love with, Sousuke-kun?'

He stood up, sucking in a deep breath before saying to Gou, "I'm gonna head to the store. Forgot some ingredients for dinner."

"I'll come with." Gou made to stand, gripping the armchair once more, only to be stopped by him again.

"It's all right, don't push yourself." Sousuke said. "Besides, I'll just be quick. You need anything?" When she shook her head, he noticed the little pout that replaced her smile now. He sighed, "But, if you're feeling up to it, I could use some help chopping the rest of the vegetables. I haven't finished the carrots yet."

"Okay!" Gou's face brightened with a million-watt smile, happy to be able to still do menial chores despite her pregnancy.

Sousuke made sure she locked the door once he left, and the sight of her seeing him off from the doorway made his stomach tingle with that same fluttery feeling from before.

The night was chilly nowadays, and he tucked both hands into his pockets for warmth. Everywhere Sousuke looked, there were Christmas decorations, flashing in green, red, and gold colors. The shops were playing an assorted holiday mix, but he didn't pay any heed to the songs. They were all familiar, but he didn't really know the lyrics to any of them.

His own house still looked the same as it did before, making no sign of a celebratory atmosphere. Christmas was not a holiday Sousuke was particularly fond of. Or any holiday for that matter. Not out of hate or trauma, but simply because holidays were just never his thing. He'd slowly distanced himself from them as he grew older and busier. Yet, for some reason, he was feeling a bit different this season.

As Sousuke perused one of the shops for some ingredients, his eyes landed on one of the Christmas decorations hanging on the shelf. It was a strange, tiny bouquet of some kind of leaves, held together at the stem by a red velvet ribbon. He touched one of the small leaves, contemplating.

.

.

.

"Here." Sousuke handed Gou a bottle upon returning home. He quickly returned to the kitchen, noting that all the vegetables had been cut and the meat had even been marinated already.

"This is…"

"It's oil for your baby bump." He explained, setting up the vegetables to steam them. "Your, ah… your belly has been growing bigger lately and I thought you might want to, uh, oil... it. You know, to help prevent stretch marks? Should help relieve the itching too."

"Sousuke-kun," Her voice was bubbly with restrained laughter, "how did you know about this?"

He was glad his back was turned as his cheeks burned red, though Sousuke blamed it on the heat of the stove.

"Did you… research this?" Gou appeared beside him, holding the bottle up and waggling it before his face.

"Don't laugh." He mumbled, keeping his eyes on the vegetables he was steaming, but the corners of his mouth were pulled up anyway.

"I'm not." Gou said, but he could practically hear her giggle in the way she just smiled at him. "Thank you, Sousuke-kun."

He merely grunted in response, feeling Gou leave his side to sit at the dinner table. Sousuke gave himself a moment for his blush to go away before joining Gou at the table, grabbing the plates to set the place. From the corner of his eye, he watched Gou raise her sweater, revealing that smooth, rounded belly of hers. Just the sight of her swollen belly nearly made Sousuke drop the utensils.

She proceeded to drop some of the oil onto the swell, rubbing it all over her belly. A small sigh of pleasure escaped Gou's lips as she tilted her head back, eyes closed. Sousuke observed the way her roundness shined, slicked by the oil as she continued rubbing it in circular motions.

"You can look, you know?" Gou hummed quietly, her eyes still shut. "I don't mind…"

"S-Sorry." Sousuke mumbled, cheeks flushing again at having been caught.

"Don't be." She said, a slight smile on her lips. "I've been feeling the baby lately… moving around in my tummy. It feels like a flutter… kinda ticklish. Maybe Aihara-sensei is right; maybe the baby will be just like Papa. Onii-chan has always been active, even as a kid. I remember he would sometimes wake me up at the crack of dawn so we could watch our favorite cartoons together. I could barely keep my eyes open, but Onii-chan never yawned. Not once."

"Would you like that?" Sousuke couldn't help but ask, still eyeing her shiny, swollen belly. "Would you like for your baby to be just like Rin?"

Gou hesitated, taking a second to wipe her hand on a napkin. A few seconds passed and then, instead of answering, she asked, "Do you want to touch it again?"

The offer caught Sousuke off guard and he thought he misheard her until Gou stood up, coming around so that her oil-slicked belly was right in his face.

"Here," Gou said in a low voice, hands holding the hem of her sweater just below her breasts. "You can touch it… Maybe if you do, and you feel the tiny life inside me, you won't be as angry at my brother anymore."

He doubted that would happen, but he didn't want to dash Gou's hopes instantly. Glancing up at those garnet eyes, an exact shade of Rin's, Sousuke said, "Don't you think it's weird? Letting a man other than the father touch your baby bump?"

"But you're my friend, Sousuke-kun." Gou smiled at him, so unaware, so innocent. "I trust you."

He raised his hands over her belly, molding both palms to her smooth roundness. She was so warm and soft beneath his calloused hands and Sousuke swallowed when the scent of lavender and rose hip oil, as well as a sweet trace of strawberries, hit his nose and overwhelmed his senses.

She trusts me.

Sousuke leaned in, mumbling, "You shouldn't," right before his lips pressed against the swell of her belly.

As soon as Gou gasped at the unexpected kiss, Sousuke drew back and stood up, heading back to the kitchen stove. "The food's done," He announced, voice calm and smooth. It was impressive how steady he sounded just as steady as his hands remained but, on the inside, Sousuke felt like an inferno of emotions were tearing through him. He hated himself for doing that. Gou's probably disgusted by it, he thought to himself. He'd stepped out of line once again, Sousuke was fully aware of that. He had no right to touch her pregnant belly, let alone kiss it.

I'm not the father, he reminded himself. That's Rin's baby in her. Not mine.

Yet, Sousuke couldn't deny that ounce of satisfaction—perhaps even glee—that coursed through his veins now. And he hated that too.

"Um… Sousuke-kun," Gou called out to him in a cautious but gentle tone, "I'm glad you're with me… I never got to thank you for, not just supporting me through my pregnancy, but also for encouraging me to… to do things I'd be too afraid to do on my own. I'm glad I went to that prenatal appointment after all, even though I was against it. At first, I didn't want to go because I was scared that, if I ended up getting an abortion, then it would make the decision so much harder than it already is. But then when I saw the face of the baby I made with Onii-chan, I just fell so much harder in love. And I'm glad that… before I do anything else… before I reveal my pregnancy to Onii-chan… before I give birth to our baby or before I abort it…. I'm glad that I at least got to see the face of the love I made with my brother. I'm glad I got to see my baby at least once before I make any decision."

"I know…" Sousuke quietly said. "I know, Gou."

"When Christmas comes," Gou continued, "and I tell Onii-chan everything, I want…. I mean, I'll let you know what happens, okay?"

"I could be there with you." Sousuke suggested without thought, instantly regretting it. "For you. For support or something…"

"I appreciate it, Sousuke-kun, but I need the moment between Onii-chan and I to be private." Gou smiled at him, tightlipped. "Please, don't worry about me. Go out, celebrate, and have fun."

I still don't have that special someone to spend Christmas with, Sousuke wanted to say. He swallowed lightly, promising Gou in a murmur, "Yeah, I will…"

He knew he wouldn't.