Chapter Thirty-Six

"Buffy-"

"No. I don't want to hear it."

"But-" she shut a door in his face.

"Slayer!" he growled from the other side.

Spike had been following her around the house all morning trying to get her to talk to him, but what was the point? He wasn't listening.

She was panicking, and he was supposed to be the one to calm her down, not just go ahead and say stuff that he knew could never be true.

After she paced their bedroom floor a few times, she yelled back at him. "Will you just get in here and comfort me?!"

The bedroom door opened again, but it took him a minute to step over the threshold. Buffy could see he was taking deep breaths to try and calm himself. She gave him her very best puppy dog look, and that did it.

Walking up to her, Spike took the Slayer in his arms and sat down on the bed with her, her chest pulled to his.

"All I'm saying," he began again, as calmly as he could, "Is that you've been a little bit emotional lately."

"No!" Buffy put both her hands on his chest and shoved him onto the floor, bursting into tears when he looked back at her with betrayal in his eyes.

She could tell that he was nearing the verge of walking away and leaving her to it, so she had to think of something quick.

Sliding onto the floor, she placed herself in his lap – a leg either side of his slim frame.

He closed his eyes as a muscle in his cheek ticked.

"I'm sorry," she told him.

"No you're not." He wouldn't look at her.

"Spike-" she rocked herself against him, and reached out a hand to still her.

Buffy huffed a sigh. "Fine. Finish what you were saying, but after that I don't want to here it again."

The hand that had been clasped around her wrist went to her swollen belly.

Buffy opened her mouth to say something, but he made a sshhh-ing noise at her.

Rude! The urge to shove him away again riled up within her, but she ignored it. It wasn't like it didn't feel good, having him touch her, even if her body was extra sensitive.

"Buffy," he said again, finally. His voice was pleading. "You are pregnant."

She grunted at him as something inside her moved in response to his touch.

That got his eyes on her again, searching her face.

Buffy tried really hard to be reasonable.

"I can't be pregnant," she said, keeping her voice calm. "I told you all this."

"I know what you said, Slayer, but you're missing what I'm telling you. I can hear… can feel," he moved his hand against her again. "Luv, there's something in there, and it's squirmin' around."

"But I-"

"Won't you just take a test?"

Gah! This is so frustrating! "Tests don't work," she reminded him, the edge creeping back into her voice.

"Fine then, ask your watcher."

"Spike!" Buffy found her voice breaking, tears adorning her eyes.

"Look," Spike took hold of her hands, giving them a reassuring squeeze, "If you're not then no big deal, but-"

"It is a big deal!" she all but yelled at him. "Don't you get it? I can't go through this again. To have hope and then nothing. Spike, I-" The tears broke free, choking her speech.

Spike sat up properly then, hugging her against his chest once more.

"You want a baby, is that it?" he dared to ask.

Buffy shook her head. "Not a baby, your baby. Ours."

"Oh, luv," he soothed, temporarily at a loss for any other words.

"You're right," Buffy eventually told him, once she'd calmed down. "I do feel different, and I should talk to Giles about it, either way. I really am sorry for being a jerk."

Brushing a strand of hair out of her eyes, Spike told her that it was alright; that they'd do this together. "Please just go back to talkin' to me," he petitioned.

"Giles, how could this happen? Is it really possible?"

"Er, well…"

"You told me I couldn't have kids. Or you told Tara to tell me. Well, other you, and other her."

Giles still looked completely baffled. Buffy had very much glossed over her faux pregnancy when recounting the tale of how they all came to be in this specific situation, at this time.

"I told you that you couldn't conceive naturally, is that what you're saying?"

"Uh huh!" Buffy nodded so hard she thought her head might fall off her shoulders, "That's what you said!"

Giles pursed his lips. "Then, I suppose, the obvious conclusion here is that it's not quite, er… natural."

A feral groan escaped the Slayer's lips.

"This again!" she exclaimed, punctuating the sentiment by throwing her arms in the air. "With the not knowing if I'm actually pregnant, or what I could be pregnant with if it even is possible."

"I'm sorry, Buffy," Giles told her, "I'm afraid I just don't have answers."

"But we'll get some," Willow reassured.

"We'll figure this out," the rest of the group agreed.

As much as she loved her friends for their support, she didn't really care what they were telling her. Buffy's eyes were focused on Spike as he sat in the corner, his eyes focused on his chipped nail polish. She walked over and put an arm around his shoulder.

"We need you guys," she said to the group, heavily emphasizing the word 'we.'

It had only really sank in how much the whole pregnancy thing might be affecting Spike, and she felt shamed for how long it took her.

Looking back at her watcher, she rallied all of her bravery to ask what the next step was.

To be continued...