Erinn had been silently stood by the control panel, refusing to believe that Ben had fallen. She placed her arms around Lanette, her daughter hugging her waist and resting her cheek on her stomach as Erinn stroked down her hair, her gaze set on the panel before her as she listened to the croaky voice of Han.

"He's barely holding on," Han informed them and Leia let her hands rest on the panel, holding it tightly as everyone around them looked around, their gazes questioning as to what they should say. "He killed Snoke…I saw that much, but I don't know what happened. The First Order base has been destroyed. I think Dameron is on his way back now."

Leia could say nothing. Everyone cheered, jumping up and down with joy at the news. They called out Poe's name, chanting him as a hero. Leia could barely join in the celebrations as her, Erinn and Lanette remained mute, losing connection with Han and knowing full well that they would just have to wait for the line to connect again.

The cheers and hugs of joy continued, everyone in the base either laughing hysterically or crying with relief. It was over. They had destroyed the First Order. But Erinn could not even think of that. She did not know if she could think of anything else at that moment in time.

"Leia," Erinn managed to speak, her voice calmer than she had anticipated as she looked to the woman. "Do you think that you can just look after Lanette for a few minutes?"

Nodding, Leia held her arm out to her doting granddaughter. "Where are you going?"

"I just need some air," Erinn said and Leia watched as she prised Lanette's arms from her and promise her that she would return soon enough.

Kissing her daughter on the top of her dark curls, Erinn allowed her little girl to remove her arms from her before moving to take hold of her grandmother. Erinn gave a small nod before leaving the base, pushing through the crowds of people who paid her no attention, each one of them merely taking a step back to let her pass as they continued to celebrate loudly.

It took a while before Erinn came to stand outside the base, the cool air hitting her warm cheeks and chilling her. She walked along the airstrip, moving towards the only place where she knew she could have peace. She kept walking, her hands in the pocket of her uniform as she looked above, noticing the first of the jets make their way back to land on D'Qar.

Their engines were loud as they landed and she continued to move away from them until she came to the lake where it had all started. The lake where Ben had told her that he wanted to marry her. The lake where she had begged him not to join the Jedi Order. The lake where he had told her that she was more than enough for him. The lake where she brought her daughter when she needed to escape her thoughts.

Settling down on the sand, Erinn moved her legs in front of her, letting her knees bend slightly as she planted her hands by her side and the breeze carried her hair behind her shoulders. She closed her eyes and only then did she let the tears fall down her cheeks. The sobs kept on coming as she stayed there, the noise of jets continuous above her. Eventually she struggled to support her weight, finding herself curling into a ball on the sand, begging for him to come back.

…..

Poe has asked Leia where Erinn was as soon as he had landed. He had heard the news straight away and he knew that he had to find her. She had lost everything. Ben had been injured and was still on board of the Falcon, the old ship lagging behind everyone else because it had refused to leave without Ben. Little did she know that her brother had not made it off the base. His refusal to surrender had left the Resistance with little option but to kill him.

Andrew Hux was no more.

Poe knew exactly where Erinn would be when he had left Lanette and Leia, holding the little girl to him as she hugged him back and told him that she was happy to see that he was safe. He wandered away, patting people on the back who congratulated him for his part in the battle. He had barely done anything.

No. It had been Ben. Without him then they would hardly have found the First Order or knew how to attack them. They would not have known their weakness, nor would they have been able to defeat Snoke. Without Ben it would never have happened and Poe hated to admit that.

As he saw the lake enter his vision, the water glimmering into his gaze, he saw her sat on the sand, her back against a rock as she kept her legs tucked up to her chin, her eyes set on the lake before her.

Poe remained silent as he settled down next to her, grunting at the aching muscles in his body as he rested against the rock and followed her stare onto the water, taking a moment to look at her as he sat down and seeing her red rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks.

"Did my brother make it?"

Her first question took Poe by surprise. He had expected her to ask about Ben.

"No," Poe told her honestly, knowing that there was no point in sugar coating things for her. "He wouldn't surrender to us or abandon the First Order. None of them really surrendered. They were loyal to the end."

Nodding, Erinn did her best to control the shaky breath she let out of her chest. She felt her throat tighten at the motion and she struggled to breathe normally as Poe dared to take hold of her arm, drawing her gaze to his.

"We couldn't have done it without him," Poe informed her and she shook her head, not wanting to talk about it with him. She couldn't talk about it without losing control of her motions. "Erinn, you need to listen to me."

"No," she responded, her voice breaking. "He talked to Lanette, Poe. He told her…he said goodbye…because I told him to do this!"

Poe understood now. It was not sorrow eating her up, but guilt. She was prepared to blame herself for what had happened. Pointing to her chest, she jabbed her finger there she watched Poe with narrowed eyes.

"It was me!" she yelled. "I told him to go. I told him to make a difference and he got himself killed…I killed him…and why? Because I thought that he would come back? Because I thought that he…"

Her voice well and truly broke as she shook her head, her hands covering her mouth as a gurgling sound left her and the tears came flowing freely again. Shaking her head back and forth, she refused to discuss this as she moved her body towards her knees again, bending over as Poe dared to try and wrap his arm around her. She tried to push him from her, but she failed miserably as Poe wrapped her into his arms and she gave in, her head collapsing against his shoulder.

"It was not your fault," Poe promised her. "He decided to go, Erinn. He wanted to do this. He wanted to prove that he had changed and he did. He has saved countless numbers of lives. He would not want you to blame yourself."

Shaking her head back and forth against Poe's shoulder, she struggled to believe that. Doing her best to regain control of her tears, she looked back at Poe.

"I loved him," she told Poe simply. "I…I don't know what to do, Poe. I don't know how to cope."

Poe shook his head at her, daring to try and wipe some of the tears from her face.

"You will get through this," he assured her. "You have Lanette…Leia…me…we will help you through this."

Erinn didn't know whether to believe him, but all she could do was collapsed back against him, completely exhausted and wondering when it would all end.

….

It was quiet. It was peaceful. There were no disruptions. There was nothing but the silence. He had to admit that he quite liked it. Compared to the noise and the pain, this felt a lot better. He was almost tempted to stay where he was, letting the darkness keep him. It engulfed him and called his name. It begged for him to give in fully. Only then would it take him away from the hell he had found himself in. It sounded attractive right then. It sounded like the best plan.

"Can you save him?" The voice he heard was familiar to him, but it wasn't enough to call him back.

"You brought him all the way out here," an unfamiliar high pitched female voice declared. "Why?"

"Because I was heading out here anyway. Look, can you save him? I can feel a pulse but I know he's injured badly…"

"I can save him," she replied. "It will cost you if you want it done quietly and quickly."

"I will pay you," the voice replied.

"Good, then you should keep this quiet."

"I can't," the familiar voice declared. "He has a mother…a daughter…and Erinn. They need to come here."

Erinn. The name he heard caused him to stop focusing on their voices as he thought about it. Erinn. His Erinn. She was still out there. He had said her name and he knew that he had to fight the darkness, regardless of how difficult it was.

…

A/N: A bit of a cliffhanger there! However, the next chapter shall be the final one in this story. It's been amazing to write this and I hope you have enjoyed it if you are still reading up to now.