Part 2! Thank you so much to everyone who's stuck with this story, I know I've been a terrible updater throughout. Special thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter, it's always great to hear what you think. And I'm blown away by the fact that people are still favouriting and starting to follow this story, amazing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I really hope that you like this one, I spent a lot of time in my head whilst writing this...I think that some days I was living this with the gang more than I was living reality. Anyway, enough from me.
...
Nathan glanced up to see whose hand was resting on his shoulder. His cool blue eyes met with Haley's warm brown and he felt something like warmth cover his skin. Her eyes were shining, they almost always did when he looked at her but this was different.
He opened his arms to her and she fell gratefully onto his lap. Her head rested against his chest and her fingers stroked around the back of his neck. Nathan took in the smell of her perfume and realised how much he'd missed it from his pillow the previous night. One of his arms was protectively around her back, the other over Haley's lap, his hand casually spinning Haley's engagement ring around her finger.
"Your dress." Nathan sighed, glancing over the red stain that still seemed to glow as brightly as it had hours ago.
Haley's eyes filtered down to the mark, "I just went to the restroom to try and dilute it a little but as you can see it didn't work."
"Rachel called; she and Owen are bringing a change of clothes for us." Nathan told her and felt her head bob against his chest.
"I didn't think, it all just happened so fast," Haley slipped her heels from her feet and curled her feet up under the skirt of her dress. "It's sad isn't it? I must be the only bride who wants to change out of her wedding dress."
Nathan pressed a kiss into her hair and sighed, "I'm sorry, Hales."
She pulled her head away from his chest and blinked questioningly back at him, "What for?"
He shrugged, and pouted a little, running his finger along her soft jaw, "I wanted you to have the best day of your life today. I'm sorry that of all days this happened today, that it happened at all really."
"Me too." Haley whispered as she attempted a smile. She set her gaze on him and licked her lips, "More than anything I want to marry you, Nathan. I just want to be your wife. And it would have been a beautiful wedding if everything had gone to plan today, absolutely beautiful, I know it. And I know how much work it must have taken you…everyone in fact, but any day that I marry you will be the best day of my life."
"I just want to give you that big day, Hales, you deserve it." Nathan said sincerely.
"And I love you for that." Haley smiled, "But as long as I've got you it won't matter how big our wedding day is."
Nathan thumbed her earlobe lightly and set a kiss on her lips. "You should let me spoil you and show you off, you know."
Haley rolled her eyes, "You do. Don't you remember our first date…or the way you proposed?"
"Yep, I do." Nathan's expression glowed with something. "And I remember watching the way your face lit up, both times. I want to spend the rest of my life making your eyes sparkle in that way and hearing you laugh with nerves, not believing that something's all about you."
Haley's smile was grim and tight, "That feeling seems so far away and alien right now."
Nathan rested his forehead on hers and pulled her body tighter against his. He didn't want to let her go. Seeing what had happened to Brooke had put his heart in his mouth. He'd watched Julian and the way that the light in his eyes had extinguished. Nathan shuddered at the idea of something happening to Haley. He wished there was a way that he'd be able to keep her safe from harm, but all he could do was hold her.
Julian pulled at his tie roughly, in an attempt to loosen it even though he was sure that the choking sensation he was suffering from wasn't due to his tie. His other hand was locked inside of Brooke's and she was squeezing it so tightly that he was sure the pain she was feeling must have been insufferable.
They were in the back of the ambulance speeding towards the hospital. The paramedic kept shouting things to her colleague who was driving, and into a little radio. Julian didn't catch much of it, but it all sounded bad.
Brooke kept murmuring listlessly about the baby to little response. The paramedic was busy working and neither gave assurances nor ill premonitions. All she did do was request that Brooke try and stay calm. Even in the middle of the tidal wave crashing through his thoughts, Julian knew that was an impossible and cruel request.
"I don't even know how this happened," Brooke cried, her eyes trained skywards, "I was being so careful, I have been since the start of this pregnancy. It was so stupid, I just rolled my ankle and I couldn't stop it from happening,"
"Brooke," Julian spoke to her in a soothing voice as he stroked her hair away from her face. "It's okay, accidents happen, it-,"
He paused as she let out a rippling scream. It scared him all the more so because it sounded so different to the other cries of pain she'd made. Julian's eyes widened between Brooke's ashen face and the frantic paramedic. Her grip on his hand intensified and he almost cried out himself, it was that painful. Then she made a hollow, haunting kind of sound.
"She's haemorrhaging!" The paramedic yelled to her colleague and Julian's own blood ran cold. He knew what haemorrhaging meant.
He tried to avert his eyes but it was impossible to miss the lake of deep scarlet staining the lower end of the bed. He was transfixed and horrified. He was sure he could have stared forever, uselessly watching as his world fell apart before his eyes.
And then he felt Brooke's hand go limp in his own.
"No!" He felt her forehead, but didn't know why. "Brooke? Brooke, please, come on, Baby…wake up, please..."
"We're pulling into the bay." The driver yelled back and Julian felt the ambulance lurch to the left quickly.
Then all at once the back doors were opened and a rush of doctors and nurses pulled the gurney from the back of the rig. Julian followed on in a petrified kind of daze, chasing desperately after them.
By the time he crashed into the trauma room after them, Brooke was halfway conscious, panicking and crying. She looked to him like he held the whole world in his hands, "Wh-what's going on, Julian?"
He knew that he was about to send her world tumbling down. He'd heard enough from the medical team to know what was going on. "Brooke, the baby's in trouble,"
"No." Brooke shook her head, her face stricken and white.
"I think they want to do a C-section." Julian told her, his mouth dry and painful.
She looked so young, lying there on the bed with those hazel eyes of her's begging him silently to save her and their son. It was something he knew he was powerless to. "He's too little, Julian,"
The activity in the room seemed to grow even more frantic; Julian leaned down and pressed desperate kisses to Brooke's forehead. He knew that the baby wasn't the only one in danger. He'd seen the blood, and the ashen tone of her skin, the way that her eyes looked at him so tiredly and confused, and the blueness in her lips. Brooke was just as sick. "I know, I know he is." He whispered.
He swept his fingers softly over her face. He hated to think so morbidly, but he wanted to use this moment to tell her how much he loved her. "Brooke Davis, I love you, okay? I love you with everything I have, you hear me?"
"I do." Brooke said back in a hushed tone. He knew somehow that the weight of it all had hit her. Her eyes were still fluttering in and around unconsciousness and her hand was so limp in his hand. "I know. Julian, I'm scared,"
He bit down on his lower lip and held back the tears, "I'm going to be right here with you, okay? I'm not leaving you, Brooke."
"He's so little," Brooke said under her breath, "He's too little."
It took everything for Julian not to cry with her. He had so many dreams wrapped up in that little boy. A hand on his upper arm jolted him back to reality.
"Mr Baker? We need to go to the OR now. I'll explain everything on the way," It was one of the nurses, she spoke to him as she worked.
Brooke's gaze snapped to him with a renewed intensity. Across her face were streaks of dark emotions he would have worked his whole life for her not to experience.
He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, "I'm right here, Baby, I'm not going anywhere."
She closed her eyes and the lashes bunched together with the moisture from her streaming tears. "Julian, you'll look after him, won't you?"
All the noise and the panic of the room around them melted. Her eyes were all that he could see. It felt as though his mouth was full of cotton wool, packed and dry. He couldn't swallow it down; it was too big, too unmanageable. It wasn't really cotton wool, of course, it was the notion of losing her.
"I'll look after you both." He said finally, ignoring the burning feeling in his chest and the lingering cruel doubt in the back of his mind. "I'll look after you both."
Nathan watched as Haley paced the waiting room, her cell clutched to her ear. She was chewing on her painted thumbnail and panicking; he could see it all over her face. A moment ago she'd jumped out of his lap after realising that she had a voicemail message. Nathan had suspected it was Lucas or Peyton letting them know that they were going to a coffee house or something but the look on Haley's face told him something different.
He stood slowly and crossed the room to the window, which Haley was facing, staring out into the night. Anguish highlighted her features. When he reached out to squeeze her shoulder she jumped at his touch.
"Hales, what is it?" Nathan asked, feeling the colour falling from her face.
Shaking her head she pinched at the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes, "It's nothing…my Mom and Dad, they left this…remember that they're insane,"
Haley fumbled with the phone and put the message onto loudspeaker.
"Hey, Haley and Nathan!" Lydia's voice chorused in a chirpy tone, "We're just calling to say Congratulations on your big day and that we're sorry again that we couldn't make it. Your father only came forth in that damn Corn Dog Eating Contest and we haven't got to the next truck stop to see the talking cat because he's still throwing up in the bathroom of this motel,"
A weak voice called out from the background, "Hi, Haley Bob,"
"That was your father from his sick bed, you should feel honoured, all I've had is requests to mop his brow…you've got all of this to come, Baby Girl! I guess you're too busy enjoying your day to hear your cell and that's just as it should be. Enjoy the rest of your day; we're so happy for you, Mr and Mrs Scott. Nathan, look after our little girl and Haley show him a good time on his wedding night. We love you lots."
"Bye, Kids." Jimmy added in a feeble voice. There was the sound of kisses being blown down the line and then the dial tone.
"I thought that Quinn or Taylor would have told them…well, I thought Quinn would have." Haley sighed, "Brooke and Peyton used to come and stay with us at Christmas and Spring Break back in college since they're a little lacking in the parents department. They're like family, Mom and Dad would want to know."
"I'll call them." Nathan offered, he knew that it would be a difficult conversation for Haley to have. "Let them know what's going on."
"You will?" Haley blinked up at him with surprise, "Thank you, that'd be great."
"Anything, Hales, that's what I'm here for." Nathan shrugged it away easily; Jimmy and Lydia were about to become his family too.
Brooke strained her ears, listening desperately. Tears were rolling silently from her eyes, falling into her hair and occasionally slipping into her ears, drowning the sounds of the room.
"Julian? Julian, what's happening?" She questioned, blinking up at him urgently.
Their son had been born; she'd heard the doctors talk through every step. They'd pulled him out and quickly moved him over to the waiting incubator. The seconds had stretched into minutes and all Brooke had heard in that time was silence.
"Talk to me, Julian!" She sobbed, feeling completely useless. She was lying on the operating table, shielded from the activity happening beyond the screen that separated her from the rest of the room. "Please. I need to know."
Julian shook his head and Brooke let out a little sob. He glanced down, a frown of worry painted all over his face. "I…I don't know. I can't see, they're working on him. He, he hasn't cried yet."
"He hasn't." Brooke confirmed in a weak voice. She squeezed his hand with more strength than Julian had imagined possible in that moment. "He's supposed to cry."
Leaning down, Julian pressed a kiss to Brooke's forehead. His tears fell onto her face and mingled with her own. "I'll find out, okay?"
She nodded but took a moment to let go of his hand. She turned her head and watched after him, in his scrubs she quickly lost sight of him amongst the doctors and nurses working in the room.
There must have been around ten people in the room; they were all there for her and her cause. But she couldn't recall ever feeling as alone as she did in that moment. In this; the most important moment of her life, she could have been anywhere. She felt detached from it all.
Loneliness gripped her. She felt forgotten and lost and a thousand other things. She was angry, upset and desperate. Her baby boy had just been born. She was a Mommy. Her baby was across the room. And she didn't even know if he was okay. She didn't know if he was breathing or if his heart was beating. She didn't know if he was alive or had been born still.
She'd imagined so many things for her little boy. They weren't big dreams; she'd let him pick his own dreams, they were his to decide. They were little things, like reading him bedtime stories with all the voices; sharing ice-cream sundaes in the summer; going to watch his little league games…that sort of thing. All the things her parents hadn't done for her. She knew that they were the things that mattered in childhood. She wanted all of that. And now she was afraid that she wouldn't get any of that at all.
Brooke blinked away the thoughts as Julian reappeared with a look across his face that she couldn't read.
"What's going on?" She demanded faintly.
Julian sank to her side and took a cool breath. "He's not breathing on his own, that's why he didn't cry but they're helping him now. He's really little and he's going to need lots of care. The next twenty four hours are the most crucial."
"Okay." Brooke soaked in the news as calmly as she could. It was good news, she had to focus on that. "So what now?"
"They're going to take him to the intensive care unit, for babies," Julian's brow pinched to a frown, "I can't remember all the stuff but they're about as happy as they can be with him."
Brooke nodded and pushed back the onset of tears, "They're taking him away?"
"In a minute." Julian nodded. As he said the words there was a scramble of movement. "Now. I think they're going now."
The incubator rolled by, pausing momentarily for Brooke to catch a glimpse of her baby. When she saw his tiny little body and all the equipment being used to treat him, she felt a shadow pass over her heart.
"Go with him." She whispered, her fretting hazel eyes passing between her tiny son and Julian. "I don't want him on his own! Go with him, Julian."
Julian looked sick at the thought of leaving her, "Brooke,"
"Please Julian, he's a little baby and I don't want him on his own. In case, I mean anything could happen…he might need surgery or, I don't know, but I don't want him alone." Brooke sobbed, "Please."
Stiffly, Julian nodded. He kissed her goodbye, unwillingly, his hand grazing on her cheek for a fleeting second. And then he was gone and she was alone again. Her whole world had left the room.
Rachel groaned and pulled her fingers through her hair, her eyes searching over the signage, a puzzled look over her face. Owen was stood behind her, notably calmer. After a second's indecision Rachel set off to the right towards a stairwell.
"Babe," Owen caught her by the elbow and pulled her back, "This way."
He expected her to roll her eyes or scoff or snap at him but to his surprise she let a sigh out through her shoulders and followed the inclination of his head. He followed swiftly, around the corner and along a seemingly never-ending corridor. Rachel was striding purposefully and he struggled to keep up with her.
She disappeared at a sharp turn and Owen picked up his pace to join her. When he turned the corner he almost slammed into her stock-still form.
Her eyes were trained ahead, to where Nathan and Haley were sat in one another's arms, still in their wedding attire.
"Come on," Owen instructed, taking her hand and pulling her forward, even though neither of them wanted to interrupt the moment.
At their footsteps the couple looked up, the slightest ripple of relief over their features.
"Hey," Haley stood from Nathan's lap to greet them and Nathan rose up after her.
"How are they?" Rachel asked urgently. They'd heard nothing from the group for their journey to the hospital and they didn't know whether that was a good or a bad thing. Rachel couldn't help but notice that Lucas and Peyton were missing, but she didn't know what that meant.
Nathan rolled his shoulders, "The same, we think. We haven't heard anything since we called the house."
Rachel chewed on her nails, "I guess that's good…hard to know,"
Haley reached out boldly for Rachel's hand and squeezed. She'd never seen Rachel so soft, and she appreciated the timing of the redhead's walls falling down.
"Sorry," Rachel shook her head, "It must be because I've been hanging out with you lot, you're all far too soppy."
Laughing weakly, Haley shook her head, "That's the lamest apology I've ever heard."
"What did you expect? I'm a bitch, right?" Rachel shot back. "You want your clothes or not?"
"Want." Haley said confidently, reaching her hand out for the holdall in Owen's grasp.
Owen handed the bag over and glanced around, "Where are the blonds?"
Nathan frowned, "We don't know actually. They disappeared a while back. They probably went to get some air; it can get a bit suffocating here."
"I can imagine." Rachel swallowed, looking around the hollow space. "Come on, Hales, I'll help you get out of that dress."
Haley nodded and took a familiar pair of old jeans and a sweater from the bag before leaving with Rachel for the restroom.
Owen clapped a hand on Nathan's shoulder and bobbed his head to the bag, "Go change, I can tell how much you want to get out of that suit."
"Thanks man," Nathan nodded, "I won't be long. The waiting drives you crazy."
Lucas paced the room; occasionally bring his hand to his head and dragging it through his messy blond hair. His face was dark and brooding. Peyton was stood by the door, leaning her weight against the doorframe, her head back and her eyes closed. Her fingernails were tapping against the wood of the door frame but it seemed that she was unaware of the sound. Nathan was crouched on the floor, his knees high to his chin and his hands gripped together on top of them. His eyes snapped repeatedly from the door to the other three occupants of the room. Haley was beside him sat on a chair with her legs curled beneath her. One hand was clutched to a fist and rested in front of her mouth, her eyes stared into the distance, looking at nothing.
The clock on the wall was the only noting of time passing. The foursome could have sat for minutes or days, unaware of how long they'd been there. Already early afternoon had faded into early evening and the sky was growing ever darker as the world outside the window continued to turn. Inside it did not. Inside the world had stopped. Life would return when they had news of what was happening in the operating theatre down the hall. A part of them, a small desperate part almost didn't want the news to come. Although they were in a distorted tumbling limbo, suspended between the beginnings and the end of a fate out of their hands, it was safer than the words that could be delivered to them. Because despite the thread of hope they were desperately trying to cling onto, they each had a voice in the back of their minds reminding them of how slim the slither of light was that they were reaching for. There had been a lot of blood and if the baby had to be delivered, it was dangerously early. They didn't like to entertain the unthinkable but it had invited itself, nestled deep in their minds and rooted itself without warning.
No one said anything, they were too afraid that any fears they voiced would come true. They all knew what the other was thinking anyway. They knew one another well enough to read each other's expressions and feel the shift in the room when someone fell deeper into the whirlpool of emotions.
When Lucas held his hand to his head a second longer than he had done previously, they all caught it. He could see the little romper suit Brooke had excitedly purchased only a couple of weeks ago, emblazoned with the words 'Top Son'. He could hear the excitement in her voice as she shared her secret; the baby was a little boy.
Similarly when Peyton's nails lost the rhythm she'd been tapping, they all heard. She'd been recalling a memory of her and Brooke hanging out in college, laughing together at a private joke, only she couldn't remember the joke. She wondered if Brooke did. She wondered if she'd get the chance to find out.
None of them could pretend they hadn't noticed when Haley let out a strangled sob. It echoed around the room and lingered somehow in the silence. Nathan reached for her hand and she grasped it tightly. Haley shook her head to tell them that she didn't want to talk it out. She couldn't bear to say tell them the statistic that had floated into her mind about premature babies.
And when Nathan inclined his head ever so slightly to the left, towards the door they all copied his action. He'd heard footsteps down the corridor; carefully placed concentrated footsteps. Around him he felt his friends straighten, but he didn't see them move, his eyes were trained to the door handle as it twisted silently open.
Unconsciously the group moved together to hear the news, bracing themselves for what was to come. For so long they'd been hoping for news, but now they found themselves apprehensive.
In slow motion it seemed, the doctor stepped into the room taking time and care to snap the door shut behind him. He pushed his glasses up onto his head and looked to them with tired eyes, "You're here with Miss Davis?"
"Yes, we are." Lucas nodded answering for all of them.
"How is she?" Peyton asked desperately clutching at Luke and Haley's hands.
The doctor smiled cautiously, "The surgery was a success. Miss Davis is now in recovery and the baby has been taken down to the NICU for specialist care."
The room let out a collective sigh of relief sharing cautious almost forbidden smiles.
Haley frowned up at the doctor, "So the baby's okay?...I mean obviously not okay, but,"
He nodded in understanding of her tongue-tied question, "As good as we can hope. It is very early on in the journey and the next 24 hours will be crucial. Babies at such early term are prone to infection and can struggle to gain weight, as well as that we're a little concerned by a murmur on the heart and lung development but they're not uncommon issues in babies delivered so early. We'll give the best care and monitor him closely,"
"Him?" Peyton echoed, "It's a boy?"
Lucas' mouth twitched slightly, he'd kept his promise to Brooke and not told a soul that he knew Kook was a boy. His only regret was that Brooke and Julian hadn't been able to tell their friends themselves.
"Ah, yes, a boy." The doctor confirmed, "I'm sorry that I don't have more news for you at the moment but we're very pleased with progress. If you'll excuse me, I have a patient to see,"
"Thank you for taking time out to catch us up." Nathan nodded and the group murmured their agreement as the doctor swept from the room.
"They have a son." Haley said in a soft voice, "That's incredible."
Peyton sank into one of the uncomfortable plastic seats and brushed a hand over her face. She threw Haley a queasy smile, "How does it feel, Aunt Haley?"
"Maddening and surreal." Haley sighed in a defeated kind of tone.
Nathan shook his head and looked at the girls, "This is good news, you know that, right?"
"He's right." Lucas agreed, "We couldn't have hoped for better."
The girls shrugged through their smiles and deep down the guys knew that they wouldn't be in a celebratory mood until they knew everyone was going to be okay.
"I'll get us some of that muddy coffee," Nathan suggested, "We can wet the baby's head, so to speak."
"Right." Peyton frowned but nodded, "His birth should be honoured, in some small way at least."
When Nathan returned quarter of an hour later with the questionable looking drinks, they lifted their Styrofoam cups in a toast, "Baby Kook!"
George nodded to Lucas and Peyton as they stepped out of the chapel, "I'll see you shortly."
Peyton forced a tight smile, "Thank you, and thank you for seeing us even though we're not exactly…"
"Peyton, this isn't a members club, help is here to anyone who asks for it." He smiled kindly, "We take non-believers too."
"Non-believers?" She smiled a little at his words, "Thanks, that's really reassuring."
Lucas extended his hand to George, "Thanks, man, we appreciate everything you're doing."
"You're most welcome." George smiled, his heart went out to them. Although he worked in the chapel frequently he didn't often allow himself to fall into people's stories. That wasn't to say that he wasn't affected, he always was but often he was able to remove himself from people's tragedies. Sometimes though, like now, he found himself drawn in. A part of him put that down to the warmth and worry he felt simultaneously from the couple, but mostly he felt that Lucas' storytelling had been the powerful factor. Already George felt as though he knew Nathan and Haley, the bride and groom, as well as Brooke and Julian the new parents.
Lucas and Peyton offered a final wave and linked hands to walk away.
"He was nice, huh?" Peyton commented, looking up at Lucas.
He arched his brow, "You just like him because he quoted La Rocca."
"You noticed too?" A flicker of something passed over her face. "Do you think we're doing the right thing?"
"Is there a wrong thing to do?" Lucas shot back, "But yes, I think this is exactly the right thing."
Julian stood with his hands pressed against the glass. The window looking into the neonatal intensive care unit was less than a centimetre thick, nothing really, yet it felt as though he was miles from his son.
He could see the medical team working frantically but he had no idea what it meant. His mind was spinning, drunk with worry. He'd left Brooke, at a time when he knew that she needed him more than she ever had done before. Just as he was all alone at a time when he needed a shoulder. More than that though, he knew his son needed him. Brooke had been adamant that if nothing else, he was there with the defenceless little boy. He only hoped his presence was worth more than he felt it was.
All around him were little lives, fighting harder than most men had ever had to in thirty years or more. It was so unjust and unforgiving. Although he knew that the other babies in the unit were irrespective of his son, he couldn't help the thought that not all of them would leave the hospital. They wouldn't all get the chance to go home, to grow up, to play in the park and go to school. Probability told him so.
He knew that the outcome of each life wasn't won by any amount of wishing, hoping and praying; all the parents of the NICU babies would be doing that in abundance. It was fate, chance and luck. There was nothing Julian could do, to his knowledge, to change the situation. But he was going to wish and hope and pray like the rest of them because it was all he could do, it was all he had to give, even though it might not be enough.
In the reflection of the glass he could see his tired face. It was framed by the coloured notice board behind him. There were cartoon animals grinning back at him, photographs of happy families and messages on the successes to come out of the ward. It felt like a mocking picture of everything he could lose.
Hours ago, he couldn't say how many, but only hours ago he and Brooke had been sat on the porch swing behind Nathan and Haley's house, laughing at nothing in particular. Her eyes had shone up at him and they'd shared a quick kiss. His hand had laid over her stomach, feeling each movement and kick of their baby. They'd both been so alive.
Julian gulped down the bile that rose in his throat. He tried to push away the thoughts that were invading but they were too strong. All he could see in his mind was the flashing images of his still little baby too weak to even cry and Brooke laid out on the operating table, darkness in her eyes.
"Mr Baker?" Julian jumped at the soft voice.
He turned to the kind faced doctor, "Yes, yes, sorry,"
"Would you like a moment, before I talk to you?" She asked. It was the first moment of calm since they'd arrived at the hospital.
"No." He replied quickly, he didn't want the time to over think it.
She pressed a smile to her lips and nodded curtly, "Your son's stable at the moment, it's great news. We're going to monitor the murmur on his heart and he's using a ventilator to help him breathe but that's to be expected given the circumstances."
Julian nodded slowly, "I understand…this feeling of not knowing what's coming, that's going to be here for a long time isn't it?"
"Unfortunately it's something I witness daily." The doctor agreed solemnly. "I think you can only live in the present, Mr Baker, and take the moments that are given to you. Would you like to sit with your son?"
He blinked back at her in surprise, he hadn't expected for her to say that. "I…I would really love that."
Nathan closed his eyes as he tasted one of the sandwiches that Rachel and Owen had brought along with them. He didn't miss Tree Hill much, but one of the things he did miss was Karen's Café and her masterful cooking. He missed the woman herself too along with his Uncle Keith and little cousin Lily. They, so much more than Dan were like family.
"This is heavenly!" Haley moaned.
"Right?" Rachel agreed, "One thing's guaranteed, everyone back at the house is being looked after. Karen hasn't left the kitchen."
"I'll bet." Nathan knew the woman well. "Clay will be drinking my whiskey and the guys will be in the basement pretending to play pool."
Owen quirked a brow, "Exactly how we left them."
"Except that Clay had company," Rachel added, "Your two sisters, Haley."
Haley didn't look too surprised, "My Dad always said that whiskey was good for shock. Taylor bought me a bottle when my rabbit died, I was about twelve."
"She's-," Rachel was cut off by her cell phone ringing, she frowned down at the unknown number. "Hold on, it could be something to do with the store, Brooke asked for all calls to come through to me."
She excused herself and walked away as Lucas and Peyton appeared from around the corner.
"You're back." Nathan stated in a non-accusing tone.
"Yeah," Lucas ran a hand through his hair, "Mom sent food?" He'd recognise the brown paper wrapping anywhere.
"Yep." Nathan passed them each a sandwich, "Rachel and Owen brought changes of clothes too."
The blonde couple nodded in thanks to Owen who shrugged his shoulders. They looked at each other and set the sandwiches down on an end table.
"Thanks, that's great." Peyton said somewhat distracted, "But we don't have time at the moment,"
"Why?" Haley questioned sharply, afraid they'd been with Julian and had news of Kook.
Peyton shook her head, "Nothing bad, it's just that we've organised something," She wrung her hands together nervously.
Haley tilted her head at the pair, wondering what on earth they could have put together under the circumstances. "Organised? What?"
Peyton went to answer but was interrupted by a harassed looking Rachel returning, "Is everything okay with the store?"
"The store? Fine. That was Victoria Davis," Rachel revealed, to which Haley and Peyton sneered, "I don't remember agreeing to pick her up from the airport, but I am."
Groaning Haley sank back down into a seat, "That's the last thing Brooke needs."
"Any chance you could hold her off for a while?" Peyton asked, "I don't think any of us want to face Bitchtoria at the moment."
Rachel scoffed, "Well she'll meet her match with me, don't worry, I can handle her."
The girls couldn't argue with that. They wished her luck and waved her and Owen away wincing at the nightmare they knew the two of them were about to fall into.
"So, what's this plan then?" Nathan asked, through a mouthful of food.
Lucas rolled his eyes and began to explain.
Haley knocked gently on the door and then pushed it open. The room was dark, the shutters drawn against the window but she knew that Brooke was awake in the bed. She hesitated for a quick minute, it was all so enormous and terrifying, and she had no idea of what to say to her best friend. Not once in her memory could she think of a time when they couldn't comfort one another.
As she faltered, Peyton's hand found hers, entwining their fingers together. Glancing back, Haley offered as strong a smile as she could muster to the blonde. Peyton returned the gesture feebly.
"Hey, Brooke?" Haley called out softly into the darkness, "You mind if we come in?"
Brooke looked to them desperately and nodded, only a breath away from crying. Haley hurried in and pulled her into an awkward hug as Peyton clicked the door shut behind them.
"Have you seen Julian?" Brooke questioned, once she'd controlled her breathing somewhat.
Haley bit down on her lip, feeling tears springing in her own eyes. She shared a look with Peyton and sighed, "No, I'm sorry, Honey, if we do we'll tell you right away."
Shaking her head, Brooke clutched at the thin bed sheet, "He's so little, you guys. So, so tiny. I saw him for a second and god; he just looked like…not even real. I couldn't believe he was a real living little person, he was that small. I'm terrified. I'm his Mom, you know? And I can't do anything to help him,"
"Brooke, sweetie," Peyton clasped at Brooke's hand, "The doctors are looking after him now, he's getting all the help he needs. Julian said you were amazing, okay? What the baby needs now is for you to get some rest."
"I just want to hold him." Brooke sobbed, she brought her hand to her mouth to try and cover the sound. "It's killing me that this is his first night in the world and he's all alone. I've imagined this day a thousand times and it never ever happened like this. I always got to hold him and tell him how much I love him. But we're not even together. He's being poked and prodded and he's probably hurting…all I get to do is lie here! He's my son and he doesn't even have a name. He's just this little defenceless thing facing all this stuff I don't even understand and it's so stupid but he doesn't even have a name! I keep thinking about that…me and Julian haven't decided yet but I want him to have a name. I can't seem to do anything else for him…he deserves to be called by a name. The doctors and nurses, I heard them say 'Baby Boy Baker' it's so sad sounding, and I know it's dumb but when I heard them say it I thought it sounded like he was unloved or something; a kid without a name…I'm a mess right now, I know I am but I also know that I want him to have a name. Does that make sense?"
Haley smiled encouragingly, "Brooke, it makes all the sense in the world. Do you guys have a shortlist?"
"Um, yeah," Brooke's brow pinched with confusion as she tried to recall the names they'd been trying out with one another. "Joshua, we both like that…um, Aiden, and I liked Joel,"
As Brooke listed the names, Haley noted them down. Peyton didn't even roll her eyes at the fact that Haley had a pen and paper to hand somehow.
"Julian likes Caleb and I thought I did but I don't," Brooke sighed, chewing nervously on her lip, "And I want to add Matthew and Ethan, Julian doesn't know about them but I kind of like those."
"They're really handsome choices," Peyton assured her. "Kook'll be lucky to have any of them."
Brooke still looked nervous, "You really think so?"
"Definitely," Haley nodded, "Now pick your favourites and I'll message Julian, what do you think?"
Rolling her shoulders Brooke nodded meekly, "Okay, yeah. Um, Ethan and Joshua, I think…it's crazy trying to name a person! And I want Matthew, is that alright?"
Haley smiled softly, "Perfect. I'll text him now, if he doesn't reply we'll send Nathan or Lucas to him."
"Thanks." Brooke managed in a husky tone, "It just seems important."
"Of course." Peyton agreed quickly, she held onto Brooke's hand and looked into her friend's eyes, "Brooke, Honey, listen it's just us three now and you know you can't lie to us. Tell us honestly, how are you doing?"
"I'm…" She trailed off to turn her gaze from her friends, "I…god, to be honest, I feel all broken and empty. After the baby was born I sent Julian away because I didn't want the baby on his own. And I felt so alone, it was this big dark emptiness. I had no idea how my son was and I was so scared. And there were…complications, with my surgery,"
Brooke paused to swipe a tear away but Peyton beat her to it, "What do you mean, complications?"
At that moment Haley's phone vibrated with the message alert. Brooke abandoned all thoughts of the conversation and turned her glassy gaze to Haley eagerly.
"What did he say? How's Kook?" Brooke questioned wildly.
Haley tapped the message open and gasped before passing the phone over. She smiled encouragingly to Peyton and all three girls leaned in to study the picture that Julian had sent over.
Julian's finger was gently stroking at the baby's head, dwarfing the tiny body of his son. Kook's little hand was reaching towards his Daddy in a motion that looked more natural than it was for the baby to draw a breath on his own. His eyes were squeezed closed and there were tubes helping him to breath but Brooke barely noticed. He was her son, her beautiful baby.
She started crying instantly, which seemed to be her natural response to anything now. Every instinct in her body screamed out, wanting to be near him, wanting to meet him properly. The ties that connected them seemed unbreakable, stronger than any feeling she'd experienced before. It killed her to know that those ties might not be enough, that they could snap at any moment.
"He's such a cutie, Brooke." Haley scrunched her nose and ran her finger over the screen.
"Heartbreaker." Peyton agreed firmly.
Brooke swept her eyes over the words Julian had written as the caption; 'Brooke he's incredible. We're just missing Mommy down here. I think he likes Ethan best of the choices, but don't you think he looks like a Theodore?'
"Theodore." Brooke echoed out loud, the itching of a smile threatening. "Theodore…Theo Baker, what do you think, Aunties?"
Haley nodded and through Brooke a watery smile, "So handsome."
"It's perfect, Brooke." Peyton smiled, biting down on her lower lip.
Brooke focused her eyes on the screen of Haley's cell as she tried to type a reply, 'Hey Theodore Ethan, Mommy loves you more than you could possibly know right now, look after Daddy, I know he's a sobbing mess. I love you both xx'
Brooke curled herself up tightly into the fetal position, ignoring the pain in her abdomen. It all hurt anyway. Her tears had dried up an hour or so ago, and now she just felt numb. She stared out at the lightening sky, wondering how life could possibly be going on outside of her four walled prison.
Distantly she heard the door to her room open and her whole body stiffened; if someone was here to bring her bad news then she didn't want to hear it.
"Brooke?" Peyton's voice drifted through the darkness. Brooke was thankful it was her; she'd always been able to read that girl, since the day they met almost. Peyton wasn't bringing bad news.
Slowly she shifted on the bed and felt the surprising arms of Nathan there to help her. She blushed and tried to wriggle away from his hold but he was too strong. "Thanks," She mumbled in a croaky tone.
"How are you feeling?" Peyton asked softly.
Brooke waved her hand, "Fine. Have you spoken to Julian?"
"Better." Peyton smirked a little and Brooke inclined her head looking between Peyton and Nathan.
He gave her an even look and quirked his eyebrow, his eyes shining with something she hadn't seen in a while. "So, Davis, how would you feel about going to see your boy?"
Peyton nodded along excitedly next to him, "We've cleared it with the nurses, you're okay to go and little Kook's well enough for a quick visit."
Brooke froze between breaths, "You're serious? I can?"
"Yes." Peyton laughed through a stray tear. "Luke and Haley have gone to tell Julian you're coming. We're here to spring you."
"Not literally," Nathan assured, "the doctors and nurses said it's cool."
Nodding Brooke sat up a little straighter and went to pull the sheets back. Peyton was quick to step into Nathan's place and help Brooke shrug a dressing gown around her shoulders and slip a pair of ballet slippers onto her feet. Nathan then rejoined them and helped take Brooke's weight as she eased off of the bed and into the waiting wheelchair.
"Ready to go see your baby?" Peyton asked smiling widely.
Brooke felt herself slowly coming back to life; she shook her head, "Any other stupid questions?"
Nathan grinned and took the wheelchair in his grip as Peyton got the door, "I hear you, let's go, fifth gear."
He steered her easily out of the room and the two girls linked hands.
Brooke quit trying to stem her tears; she blinked up to the ceiling, "Mommy's coming, baby boy."
…
Julian looked back at Lucas and Haley with a queasy expression; he seemed, understandably, to be suffering more from the sleep deprivation and the forever long eventful night. "Guys, look this sounds great and everything but, there's all of this crazy infection risk…"
"We'll scrub up, masks, gloves, whatever," Haley promised, her big brown eyes pleading to him, "For Brooke? For your son?"
Julian glanced back through the glass, his heart leaping at the sight of the tiny baby as it had done each time he'd set eyes on him. "I suppose if the doctors say it's okay. I'm sorry, it's just that I promised Brooke I'd look after him and I know you guys aren't bad for him or anything, you're going to be an incredible part of his life….you are, yeah,"
"Hey, man, it's okay." Lucas nodded gently, "We understand."
"It'll be as quick as possible, we promise." Haley committed, slowly allowing a soft smile to cover her lips, "And Julian? You're already doing great at this Daddy thing."
"Thanks." His cheeks coloured slightly but it was a proud kind of blush. "How's Brooke doing?"
Haley didn't try to hide anything from him, "I think she's struggling a little, she's worried about Kook obviously but I think the worst of it is that she hasn't been able to be here with you both. She'll be made up to see him again."
"It hasn't felt right," Julian admitted, "Not without Brooke, there's this big empty space in the room that she should be filling. I want to share every moment of this with her; all of it, good and…not so good."
"She'll be here any minute," Haley smiled, "And you know that as soon as she gets here you're going to be her second favourite guy."
To that Julian smiled, "I'm definitely okay with that."
Lucas frowned, "Shouldn't they be here by now?" he wondered aloud.
Arching her brow, Haley shook her head, "Whose idea was it to leave Nathan, Peyton and Brooke alone? We should have made a pact a long time ago that they're not to be left unsupervised, they smell like trouble, don't you think?"
"We resent that." Nathan said from behind them, causing Haley to jump. "We only did one wheelie on the way here."
"Not even lying." Peyton added rolling her eyes as she often did in Nathan's company.
Brooke and Julian ignored it all though, they were just staring at one another; tears of parenthood in their eyes. Julian stepped forward and collected her face in his hands, cradling her jaw gently. He pressed a deep and lasting kiss to her lips as her eyes fluttered to a close.
"Is he okay?" Brooke asked as they broke apart slowly.
"As best as he can be." Julian told her honestly.
She nodded, taking the news in, "Okay, that's good."
"Brooke," Haley glanced to her and Julian, "You said before how much you wanted Kook to have a name and we wondered if you wanted to make it official?"
"Luke and I visited the Chaplain," Peyton expanded, "He's going to come down and if you wanted he can do a little naming ceremony. His name's George and he's really nice. It doesn't have to be religious or anything, just to name him."
Brooke looked up at Julian and smiled, "What do you think?"
"I think it's a great idea, Kook deserves a little celebrating, don't you think?" Julian said.
"He sure does." Brooke agreed. "I love the idea."
"Well, you guys have got some time before George is due to be here," Lucas told them, "You should go and be with your boy for a while, on your own."
Brooke bit down on her lower lip, "I'd really, really like that."
"Me too." Julian nodded, taking over from Nathan to steer the wheelchair. He pushed Brooke to a stop in front of the anti-bacterial wash and they scrubbed up.
"Ready?" Julian asked.
Brooke reached her hand up for Julian to take, beneath her tears she was beaming widely, "Ready."
…
"You have bony elbows, you know that?" Lucas asked, rubbing his hip where Peyton's elbow had knocked into him.
She grunted in response, pushing her dress down off of her hips, "It was your idea to get changed in a cleaning closet."
"I didn't want us to get lost looking for a restroom and miss the main event." Lucas countered, moving to dodge her knee. "But I forgot how much room you take up for a skinny person."
"Me?" Peyton shot back, "I'm squashed into a corner here!"
Lucas raised his eyebrows, "If anyone comes to this closet I don't want them to see you changing."
"I don't want a young little nurse seeing you either." Peyton pointed out, "You have my shirt?"
He frowned and threw a striped garment in her direction, followed by a long grey cardigan. He took a moment pretending to protect her half naked form to admire her body before it disappeared under the outfit Rachel and Owen had brought for them.
"Ready?" Peyton asked, slipping her converse sneakers on.
Lucas ran his hands over his shirt, smoothing it over and nodded. He clicked the door open and they slipped out to meet the amused expressions of Nathan and Haley, as well as George's awkward gaze.
"Oh God." Peyton groaned into Lucas' arm. "George, we were just changing, our friends got us some more casual stuff and we didn't want to go to a restroom in case we missed you…which we would have, for the record….Nathan if you don't stop laughing I will…"
He laughed harder as Peyton's eyes moved between him and George and the threat dissolved in her throat.
"Okay!" Haley clapped her hands together and smiled to George, "How about you explain to us just how this works and maybe Lucas and Peyton could comb their hair a little?"
…
"Is he enough?" Brooke asked in a small voice, keeping her eyes from Julian. They were trained instead on Theo's chest as it struggled with every rise and fall.
Julian frowned and caressed the back of her head with his hand, gently combing his fingers through her dark hair. "Brooke, of course he's enough. He's our son."
Her bottom lip trembled and a dry stinging sensation filled her throat. She didn't know how to tell Julian. It would crush him, as it had her. But selfishly, she needed him to help her through.
"Brooke?" Julian's deep brown eyes were staring into hers anxiously. He could see the tension tight in every muscle of her body and the expression over her features was so desperate and defeated. "He's going to be okay…I mean, I know I can't promise you that, but if we don't believe in him then who's he got?"
Instantly Brooke's face crumpled. She brought her hand to her mouth and screamed silently beneath it. Her eyes streamed and the faint colour that had been in her cheeks vanished.
"I'm sorry." Julian whispered, wrapping his arms protectively around her as she shook in his hold. "I'm sorry."
Courageously Brooke wiped her tears and pushed Julian slightly away from her so that she could look up into his eyes, "Julian, there's something I've got to tell you."
There was a calm strength in his face, but Brooke had long since learnt to read his eyes. A thousand emotions rushed by in his irises. Not one of them came close to realising what she was about to say though. "Okay, just tell me, Brooke. You can tell me anything." He said. He was so afraid that she was going to tell him that she couldn't handle this.
Covering his clenched hands with her own, she focused her eyes on them. "I hope he is enough, Julian," The sting of tears threatened again and she cursed them, "I…he's all I can give you,"
Julian's brow knitted together with jaded confusion. All he could hear in her words was how much they were hurting her. "Brooke, it's okay, I understand, I wouldn't expect you to go through this again. I wouldn't ask you that."
She pressed her eyelashes together tightly, wishing it was that simple. Wishing there was a choice. "No, you don't understand. I can't, even if we both wanted it…I will never be able to have anymore children."
Her eyes were fixed on their hands still, she hadn't seen his reaction.
Julian pulled his hand away from Brooke's and she gasped. The sound, so soft and quiet filled the room. It was deafening to Julian's ears.
Slowly he brought his hand to her chin and forced her gaze to meet his. He was crying, silently but there was a determined kind of warmth in his eyes too. "Brooke, no matter what happens, Theo will always be enough, always. Always. And you gave him to me. I love you, and no matter what happens, we'll do it together."
Brooke swallowed and nodded, relief evident in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Julian."
"No." Julian said in a firm voice. "Brooke, I don't want you to ever feel like you have to apologise. I'm so sorry that you had to go through it alone, I should have been there. God, Brooke,"
"I sent you away to be with Theodore and I'm glad." Brooke rasped, her voice was weak but he could hear how much she meant her words. "He's our son, I didn't want him to spend his first night alone, and hurting. I'm okay. It was my way of protecting him, I was just being his Mom in the only way I could."
Julian kissed her lips quickly and softly, "You're a fantastic Mom. He's so lucky to have you."
"This is my only chance, Julian." Brooke's voice broke as the reality fell over them both. "He's my only chance at this. Theo is our only chance to be parents. And I want it so much, more than I realised before. And I feel like…I mean, there was this moment with Peyton back in Charlotte when I thought I might be pregnant and I didn't know I wanted it…I knew everything would change and I didn't think I'd be ready to give my old life up. But I am. I'm ready. But I feel like we're being punished because there was that moment…that time when I thought I might not want him, and now I'm terrified that we'll lose him. He was only born a few hours ago but already I can't imagine living without him. He's it. He's everything."
Julian wished that he could fix it all for her. He wanted to promise her that Theodore would be fine and that they'd all live happily ever after. But he couldn't. "We're not being punished, Brooke. This is just one of those things that happens. There isn't a reason for it and no one knows why but it was not your fault. You hear me, Brooke? None of this was your fault."
Brooke nodded against his chest as he stroked circles on her back.
They were broken apart by a knock on the door, followed by Haley peeking her head in. "Hey, guys, are you ready for us?"
Julian looked cautiously to Brooke but she nodded quickly, "Let's name our little boy."
Slowly the group of friends shuffled in along with George and they assembled themselves around the incubator.
"He's gorgeous, you guys." Haley whispered to the besotted couple.
"A little dude in the making," Nathan smiled.
Lucas shook his head, "He's incredible."
"Hey, Little Kook," Peyton gazed down at the little baby, her eyes glazed over and she dropped her voice to a smoky singing tone, "Will you stay in our Lovers' story…if you stay you won't be sorry… 'cause we believe in you…Soon you'll grow so take a chance…with a couple of Kooks…hung up on romancing…Will you stay?"
Brooke reached for her friend's hand, not taking her eyes from Theodore. "Here that, Kook? Auntie Peyton's right, me and your Daddy are a couple of Kooks and I know this isn't a conventional family, but my god we love you. Please stay, Theo."
George stepped forward into the circle of the group, "Shall we begin?"
"Please," Julian nodded.
The group had their gaze fixed on Theo, mesmerised by the newest member of their family. Somehow, without knowing how, they'd had their hearts stolen by the tiny little baby.
"Julian and Brooke bring this child here to declare before this gathering their joy on Theodore's birth and their wish that you share in that joy." George began in a soft tone. "They are thrilled at his arrival into this world and they want you to help them welcome him into their wider family, into the community of their friends and into the world."
Haley nudged Nathan in the ribs and smiled, "Are you crying Nathan Scott?"
"Shut up." He offered back in a whisper.
"Along with their happiness Julian and Brooke also have a sense of responsibility - even a sense of awe. This welcome ceremony for Theodore is a time to mark that sense of responsibility and awe to remind Julian and Brooke how much of their lives must now be devoted to caring for Theodoreto guiding him and to nurturing him." George said, moving his eyes around the group who were a mix of smiles and tears.
"We declare our hope in Theodore who is a part of the future of our world. Julian and Brooke let us name your child. Together with me place a hand on the child and say," George paused to slip his hand inside of the incubator as Brooke and Julian did so on the other side, "We name you, Theodore Ethan Baker. We promise our love, unconditionally and our best efforts to be good parents."
Julian and Brooke repeated the words in sometimes shaking tones as they covered their son's small arm with their fingertips. "We name you, Theodore Ethan Baker. We promise our love…unconditionally and our best efforts to be good parents."
George nodded to them and turned to the rest of the group, "Parenthood is an awesome responsibility and it is a responsibility which cannot easily be shared, but it is responsibility that can be lightened if there are other people who stand there in support. Just as Julian and Brooke wish you all here to share their joy, so they hope you also have a sense of sharing their responsibility. It is an important tradition in our culture that at the time a child is formally named and welcomed into the community some other adults agree to take special responsibilities for him alongside Julian and Brooke."
Julian and Brooke glanced to their friends and smiled gratefully. They were more than friends to them and for Theo, they were going to be nothing less than family.
"So today we will appoint two mentors for Theodore chosen byJulian and Brooke - mentors who undertake a special responsibility for his welfare," George looked to the new parents for direction.
After a long silence, Brooke licked her lips, "Four. Theo has four mentors; these four."
George nodded to her request, "I now ask the mentors: Do you; Lucas, Peyton, Haley and Nathan accept this serious responsibility?"
The foursome didn't hesitate to answer, "We do."
"Then with me touch this child, and say," George paused once more for everyone to squeeze around and reach into the incubator, "Theodore Ethan Baker, we solemnly swear to take a special and lifelong interest in your welfare and to offer you friendship, counsel, and support."
In a rambling tone, that Brooke and Julian could only attribute to a bunch of Kooks, they made their pledge to their Godson. "Theodore Ethan Baker, we solemnly swear to take a special and lifelong interest in your welfare and to offer you friendship, counsel and support."
"Julian, Brooke and sworn mentors have special responsibilities and we all hope for every happiness in this child's life. Theodore, you have been named by your family and friends, and your mentors have been appointed. We welcome you into this community."
At his words, the group melted into a wave of tears and laughed lightly at one another for doing so.
"Theodore." Brooke gave him a watery smile, "Welcome to our kooky little family. I'm your Mommy and I am already so proud of you. And I'm going to try and be more cheery from now on, okay? Because although I keep crying everywhere, I'm so, so happy to meet you! You can't understand how much but I'll show you. And you already know Daddy, right? He's been speaking to you every night when he thought I was asleep. He told you all about the opportunities he's going to give to you, and your Daddy doesn't break his promises…all of that still stands. You can do anything you want, be anyone you want to be.
"You've got all of us here to help you. And I know they're a funny looking group I've tried with them…but Auntie Peyton insists it's 'vintage', your Uncle Nathan rocks the basketball shorts day and night, Uncle Broody wears those bracelets all the time, but at least your Aunt Haley doesn't wear ponchos anymore. But trust me on this; they're the best people on the planet. You ever need anything at all; they're the ones to go to." Brooke paused and swiped her tears away, "There's a doctor here now, Baby Boy, so I think we're going to have to go and leave you here…again. Don't be afraid, okay? I know this world is big and scary…and all of this stuff is happening that you and I don't understand but you don't have to be afraid. We'll do all of the worrying for you."
"Brooke," Julian nodded towards the doctor who was waiting impatiently for her to finish.
"We'll see you soon," Brooke bit down on her lower lip, "I love you, Theo. I love you so much."
Slowly Julian began to push her out of the room. Haley and Peyton appeared at either side without her having to ask they each curled a pinky finger around hers. Brooke felt the unfamiliar creeping feeling of a smile over her lips.
Thoughts? I'd love to hear them, Lexie :)