Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. I do not own any of the character, places, names, or anything associated with the works of J.R.R Tolkien or the Lord of the Rings (books or movie, whatever). My characters are Anita, Leila, and Arlandria and that is all.

Chapter 36: Pale

The change was instant, complete, and alarming to most. Like someone had flipped a light switch, the way Anita's demeanor changed was a total 180 degree difference. The very same day that the Fellowship had departed, Anita was left to grieve at the gate for several hours about what her stubborn pride had cost her. And then the change occurred, taking everyone by surprise. She had gone to her grandfather and begged, pleaded, beseeched him to teach her everything about Mordor, about Sauron, and about his Ring. Much like the first time Legolas and Anita had been split up, Elrond had assumed this was the young elleth's way of coping with separation; by diving headfirst into a distraction.

And dive is exactly what Anita did. From sun up until sun down her dark head of hair could be seen in her grandfather's study, pouring over books and scrolls and maps, drinking up the knowledge like a man wandering the desert would drink water. Often she would bring books with her to the dining room, asking for clarification or more details ….for no detail was too small. What was the weather like? Could anything grow there? If not, what do Mordor's armies survive on? How was Sauron financing his second rise to power? Were there other ways to get into Mordor besides the Black Gate? Hundreds upon hundreds of questions, like a toddler discovering the endless cycle the word 'why' could create.

While Elladan excused, even supported Ani's new fanatical interest in the darker parts of Milddle Earth's history, some people weren't so easily fooled by what appeared to be a recreational obsession with the quest to destroy the Ring. Leila knew better. She had seen this kind of bizarre behavior before from her twin. It hadn't been all that long before their eighteenth birthday, Ani had wanted to go to a concert with her friends in Phoenix over the weekend; and their mother had agreed under the condition that Anita finished all her homework and completed her household chores. Not only had Ani gotten all her homework done, but she had gotten ahead in some classes. And the girl had been like a Tazmanian Devil cleaning the house, there wasn't a speck of dust left; no chore had been too small, she even went as far as to scrub the bathroom grout. So yes, Leila had seen this strange obsessive compulsive behavior before from her twin, and she was far too familiar with what it meant. Anita wanted something, Anita was seeking something…this craze was a means to an end.

But for what was Anita seeking? That was the real mystery. Was she seeking a distraction? Hope in a dire situation? A sense of closeness to the lover that had departed under the least favorable circumstances conceivable?

Anita was perfectly happy to let her twin sister sit there and mull all the possibilities over in her mind. She knew that's what Leila was doing as she sat studying her darker twin with that scrutinizing gaze that seared Ani's flesh anytime they were in the same room together. Leila would never figure it out, of that Ani was beyond sure. Those hours spent, the days and nights reading and memorizing dusty old tomes, it was all preparation. Kneeling in the dirt after her father had stopped her from running out the gates of Rivendell to chase Legolas down, an idea had formed in the girl's head…an idea so outlandish that she had to try it. Anita was gathering and retaining information so that she could go after the Fellowship. It was insane, she knew it, and was guaranteed to land her in a ton of trouble if her plans were discovered ahead of time.

Using her study time with Elrond as a guise to get the information she wanted, Anita had been memorizing the detailed maps of Middle Earth hanging in the study in small portions and then transferring the image from memory to her own sketchpads. Her natural artistic ability made it a little too easy to capture the landscape and recreate it for her own use, and before very long Anita had taken a blank sketch pad and turned it into her own private book of maps; spanning all of Middle Earth. Within a few weeks' time, thanks to ceaseless devotion to her cause, she had copied every map she needed, and read every book containing information related to Mordor and Sauron that Rivendell had readily accessible. The fact that the family seemed so ready brush the whole endeavor off as busy work that Ani was using to keep her from losing her mind while Legolas was away, made it all the easier. And not a single person noticed the little bits of food disappearing from the pantry and kitchen in the final week; a roll of bread here, an apple there, bits of dried beef when they could be spared, and no one suspected a thing. It pained Anita a little bit to think the reason that no one suspected anything was because they trusted her not to do anything stupid….a trust she had every intention of shattering into a million pieces.

It had taken just over two weeks after the Fellowship departed with Legolas in their company, Anita had everything she needed to attempt her crazy plan. The hardest part was going through the motions of a normal day, trying to pretend like she wasn't going to do something stupid and brash that night, even though she felt like a giant red 'guilty' stamp was on her forehead. As evening fell and the time of her escape grew near, guilt crept up on the girl like an overwhelming shadow. Despite her convictions that she needed to go after Legolas lest she suffer never having another moment of peace in her heart, she knew that her family deserved some semblance of an explanation. Sitting down on her bed, Ani fished a blank piece of paper out of one of her sketch books to write a letter to leave behind for her family to read. But as the tip of her pen touched paper, all her words vanished.

How could she say everything she needed to say in a letter? How could she tell her sister that she was sorry to abandon her and sneak off into the night after everything they had been through? How could she ask forgiveness from her father for her poor behavior and attitude towards him for the seven years she had been living here? I'm sorry, is all Anita desperately wanted to say. Sorry for being a pain in the ass, sorry for purposefully spitting in the face of social protocol and ignoring all the rules, sorry for letting assumptions made about the past dictate how she treated her own family…and most of all, sorry for not taking the good advice that had been afforded her time and time again, advice meant to protect her, advice that fell on deaf ears. Knowing that her time was brief, the note she scrawled was short and quick, hastily folded and left on her pillow for whoever came to wake her to find in the morning.

Pulling a pre-packed satchel and two saddle bags from underneath her bed, Anita gathered the last few items she would need before she could sneak off into the deepening night; her now completed sketchbook of copied maps among them. Casting off the dress she had worn to dinner, Ani changed into her riding clothes and fastened her belt around her waist, which sheathed her now battle baptized dagger and a small selection of throwing knives, finally she threw a dark green cloak over her shoulders to complete her travel attire. The last thing she added, more for sentiment than functional purposes, was the ring that Legolas had left behind for her. Sliding it onto her left ring finger, it fit so perfectly, so naturally, as if it were an extension of herself. Ani clasped the hand to her chest, feeling the edges of the amethyst biting into the palm of her right hand.

As soon as she had seen the ring, Anita had known the full extent of the dumbass she had been. The voices in her head, so determined to protect her from getting hurt, had done more to contribute to her current predicament than to save her from it. They had slowly poisoned her into believing the lie that there were no true feelings between herself and Legolas, that the they had mutually been using the other for sex. Inevitably though, feelings had started to form on her end. Anita had fought it, tooth and nail every step of the way, determined not to put herself in such a vulnerable position. But it happened against her wishes; and for all her big talk about being able to handle a relationship that was purely sexual, Anita had totally and completely fallen in love with the Prince of Mirkwood. She had tried and failed miserably to conform to the rules of Elvish society, and all it had taken was Legolas returning to Rivendell after seven years to crumble her last remaining bits of stubbornness to dust. And with Anita's heart fully at the mercy of Legolas' whim, it had taken only a single betrayal ; that one stupid lie about the quest to destroy the Ring, to reduce her to an empty shell. It had also given the voices whispering in her head all the ammo they needed to manipulate her broken heart back to believing that Legolas didn't return her feelings, and as a result she had hardened her heart against his heartfelt attempt to repair the damage he had done. But the ring she bore on her finger was all the proof she needed to silence the angry and hurt voices in her head so that the voice in her heart could finally be heard above the ruckus. Legolas had commissioned a beautiful ring for her weeks before he ever could have known he would be returning to Rivendell to see her, meaning that before the whole debacle with Sauron, Legolas' had every intention of coming back to claim her. And Anita would be damned if she was going to let some Dark Lord on the other side of world screw it up for her now.

The young elf cast a quick glance around her room to look for anything obvious she had forgotten while simultaneously going down a mental check list. If there was anything left behind, it was doomed to stay behind now, time was of the essence and Anita knew all too well the small window of success she had. Extinguishing the candle on her night stand, Ani slung her pack and the saddle bags over her shoulder before climbing out onto her balcony, and jumping into the courtyard below. Landing silently on the balls of her feet, the girl clung to the shadows as she worked her way to the stables.

Arguably the trickiest part of her whole plan had been weaseling the new guard rotation information out of Glorfindel. With her position on the guard temporarily suspended, she wasn't currently privy to the changes in times and the frequency with which the guards were switched that had been implemented since the goblin attack on the city. Getting him to tell her without raising suspicions had been the main challenge; and bit by bit she had pulled the info she was seeking out of her mentor by feigning concern than the posted guards weren't adequate. Ani had needled Glorfindel until finally he broke down and explained in full detail the new guard schedule and now many extra guards were posted, making any orc or goblin force hard pressed to make it past all the extra protection…or for someone trying to sneak out. Glo had been very thorough in his desire to protect Rivendell from outside evils, and now Anita only had little room for making errors. Her disappearance into the night had to be timed to perfection.

With no trouble, the dark haired elleth snuck through the shadows to the stable, where her painted gelding was housed and waiting for her. The matched pair of horses had been a gift a few years back from Elladan for the twin's birthday. Quietly as she could manage in the confined space, Anita saddled up her horse, which she had lovingly named Adobe, and led him out onto the path for the gate.

"Lady Anita?" Her back stiffened when she heard her name. Busted. It didn't matter who was standing behind her, because there was no believable excuse as to why she was leading a fully saddled horse to the east gate of the city in the middle of the night. Regardless, she slowly turned to face who had found her out. Standing there was an elf she knew only vaguely from his position in the guard. Tall and willowy with mousy brown hair, Aurelius was perhaps in elf years what Anita was in human years as far as maturity. And she knew from sparring matches that Glo set up as part of her training, that this elf wasn't much more experienced than she was. It was only because he was a male and that he wasn't related to Elladan that Aurelius had already been assigned a position and a watch hour.

"Aurelius," Ani decided not to mince words, " You are going to keep walking and finish your patrol, and you are going to pretend that you didn't see me, and you certainly aren't going to go and tell anyone. Now, let me pass."

The young guard stepped more fully in her path. "My apologies, but I cannot do that. My orders are to not allow anyone to leave the city after dark."

"Seriously, dude, I don't have time for this. Get out of my way."

Aurelius glanced nervously in the direction of the house, caught in his own insecurity about whether he could handle this alone, " I would not be doing my duty if I allowed a daughter of the household to vanish into the night without an escort. Please, let us stable your horse and we will petition your grandfather in the morning." He took a slow step in her direction and held his hand out for the reins. Anita clenched her jaw tightly, this was going to get messy quick. She didn't have time to stand here and present an argument, she had a very small gap with which to leave between patrol shifts where she could sneak out unseen. However this guard being posted here with direct orders not to let people leave the city let Ani know that Glorfindel at the very least had a small inkling of what her plans had been all along.

Seeing her hesitation, Aurelius took another step in her direction putting both hands up to show he was no threat. "Anita please, I am not going to harm you."

Yeah she was betting on that.

Ani lunged at him, catching the rookie guard completely off defense. She knew from training bouts that she was faster than he was, all she needed was the opportunity to spring at him in surprise. Aurelius had no time to react as the girl pounced in him. Grabbing the arm that he had held out towards her, Ani pulled him forward off his balance. As the elf stumble slightly and tried to recover, Anita wrapped an arm around his neck as she swung her body behind him. Pulling her left arm over her right wrist, she locked the guard in a headlock fondly known as the 'sleeper hold'. It was something she had learned long ago in her Taekwondo days, and she knew that Aurelius would be both unprepared for it and unable to know how to break free from it. The elf struggled defiantly as she clamped her arms tightly over his throat, cutting off his air supply.

"I'm sorry," Anita whispered as his strength started to fade along with his oxygen, and he slowly stopped struggling, "but I have to do this."

As soon as Aurelius' flailing stopped, Anita released her grip just as she had been taught. He was out cold, and probably would be for a little while, but he would survive with only minor bruises to his throat and ego. Ani didn't waste a single second when the guard finally blacked out, she unceremoniously dropped him to the ground and grabbed for her horses reins, half dragging the animal to the gate. Thankfully, the altercation hadn't interfered with her timeline, and with a few close calls and a lot of prayer, Ani reached the stream which signaled the end of her people's land without being caught a second time. When the stream had been crossed successfully, Anita jumped up on her horse's back, urging Adobe into a full gallop, and they disappeared into the night without a backward glance from the rider.

When dawn approached, the final switching of the guard was to take place, which is also when Aurelius' body was found, crumpled in the dirt like a discarded rag. It took very little to return him to consciousness, and no sooner had his eyes opened than he recounted what had happened the night before. But even as Aurelius was being discovered in the city below, Leila was entering Ani's empty room. A room that had clearly not been occupied the night before, save for the little piece of paper folded up on the pillows. Fear boiled up from the pit of Leila's stomach as she reached for the note. Reading the simple message, the beautiful elleth turned and raced down to the dining hall where she was sure to find her family, the note in her hand. She reached the dining room half a second after Aurelius, accompanied by Glorfindel, did. Without pause, Lei cramped the note into her father's hand. Elladan glanced down at the piece of paper in surprise to see only two words scribbled:

I'm sorry.

Pale- Within Temptation (seriously if you haven't heard this song yet you need to)