Author's Note: Hi everyone! Hope you're all doing okay! I'm sorry I haven't been on Fanfiction much, I've been on holiday! If you're going to Spain, I recommend that you go to Barcelona. It's a truly beautiful city, with something for everyone. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!
Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing from the Hunger Games franchise. It all belongs to the wonderful Suzanne Collins.
We walk back to Victor's Village, the early morning sun peeping through the clouds from the night before.
Chapter 37
"Do you, erm, wanna come back to my place for a bit?" Peeta's nervous voice breaks the comfortable silence surrounding us. I look up at him, his eyes rimmed with red from earlier.
"Sure." I reply, my voice breaking with nerves. Why am I nervous? I've done this a million times before. But something has changed. We are no longer dancing around each other, playing a game. Now we're together, this proposition seems daring and bold. A tiny thrill runs down my spine, and I will it away before it overwhelms me. Silently, we walk into Peeta's house and I slip off my shoes and my father's jacket, hanging it on a peg along with my game bag. The soft leather slips through my fingers and the scent of baking swirls around me. Peeta wanders into the living room, chilly in the early September morning.
"I'm sorry I didn't get the fire going," He murmurs, bending awkwardly and arranging the fire. "I didn't expect to have company." He turns his head to look at me, flashing a handsome grin that turns my insides to a gooey mush, makes my heart beat faster. I roll my eyes at myself. It's just a smile. Why should it affect me so? Peeta strikes a match, holding the small flame to the kindling. It lights in a burst of flames and suddenly the whole room is aglow with light. I perch on the edge of the sofa, staring silently into the flames. Suddenly, I feel awkward. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to say? Peeta disappears into the kitchen, and I hear the whistle of the kettle as it boils. The fire roars, the flames dancing round each other in a frenzied inferno. Katniss Everdeen the girl on fire…how could I represent something so wild, so uncontrollable?
"Penny for your thoughts?" A voice asks, making me jump. I'm such a nervous wreck these days. Anything and everything seems to startle me. Peeta hands me a steaming mug of tea, settling down on the sofa next to me.
"Oh I don't know," I murmur. "I wasn't really thinking about anything, just random stuff I guess." Peeta smiles, the firelight casting strange shadows on his face.
"I like random stuff." He replies. I take a sip of my tea. Milk and two sugars, just the way I like it. A smile spreads across my cheeks before I can stop it. I look up at Peeta, watching the ways his eyelashes glint softly in the firelight. They brush his cheek every time he glances downwards, and for some strange reason, I just can't seem to stop staring at them. Suddenly he looks at me, catching me staring at him. A slow blush seeps over my cheeks, staining them crimson. Peeta smirks, as if he knows what I've just been doing. He couldn't know, could he? He's sat close to me, his leg touching mine. We're so close; I can feel his body heat.
Casually, as if he does this all the time, Peeta slings an arm across the back of the sofa, his fingers just brushing my shoulder. The gesture feels so nice; I can't help but lean back into the soft cushions. Eventually, I end up resting against Peeta's body, my head on his chest. I should move, I should get up, but it's so warm and comfortable, I just can't be bothered. My eyes start to droop. My hand snakes up to rest on the center of his chest, the hard muscles tense beneath my hand. I didn't get much sleep last night. My nightmare…a shiver runs down my spine and I bury further into Peeta's chest, comforted by his warmth and strength. His arm encircles me protectively, his hand warm on my hip. His thumb brushes my bare skin where my shirt has ridden up slightly, and I can't find it within me to brush his hand away. His rough skin traces patterns on my skin, filling me with an indescribable feeling.
"Thanks." I murmur, looking up at him.
"What for?" He asks quietly, brushing a lock of hair off my forehead.
"Just for being there. You're always there for me. I appreciate it." I smile, and his eyes soften, gazing at me intensely.
"I always have and I always will." He tells me sincerely. "Go to sleep. I'll keep the nightmares away." I smile up at him gratefully. How can he keep the nightmares away? To my shock, tears fill my eyes. Peeta brushes them away with his thumb, the callused skin touching my cheek. "Hey," He whispers. "What's the matter?"
"I can't deal with the nightmares," I reply, hating myself for being so weak. They're not real, they don't exist, yet they never fail to shock me, to terrify me.
"Katniss." Peeta holds me closer, pressing his lips to my forehead. "It's okay. I promise. I'll keep them away as best as I can but if you have one, I'll wake you up." I bite my lip, staring into his blue eyes, wishing that I could believe him. "I promise." He repeats. Sighing, I take his advice, letting my eyes slide shut, snuggling closer to him. The fire crackles softly in the background. Sleep takes over me, letting me fade comfortably into a dreamless sleep…
A loud knock at the door startles me awake. I scramble to sit up, my tangled hair obscuring my vision. Impatiently, I push it out of my eyes, staring wide-eyed at Peeta. He looks back at me, confusion making the lines on his forehead deepen.
"Who's that?" I ask. "Are you expecting anyone?" He frowns, biting his lip nervously. The knock comes again, loud and impatient.
"No, I'm not." He replies, slowly getting off the sofa and walking out into the hallway. I stand up and walk over to the living room door, watching. He flashes me a reassuring smile, then squares his shoulders. For a moment, panic runs through me, turning my blood cold. Have the Peacekeepers come for us? It's probably illegal to do what we did this morning. But Peeta has been feeding people for days. Surely, if the Peacekeepers were really bothered, they would have come before now. Peeta looks over at me, sensing my panic. "Calm down Katniss," He reassures me. "It won't be what you think it is."
"But what if it is?" I challenge. He looks at me for a long time. The knock comes again, pounding against the wooden door. After a final second of deliberation, he opens the door.
"Have ya seen her?" Haymitch's gruff voice echoes through the hallway. I instantly relax, my shoulders slumping against the door frame.
"Seen who?" Peeta asks. Slowly, I turn and hide my body behind the door. I don't want to leave.
"Ya know who I'm talkin' about." Haymitch growls, losing patience. "Sweetheart's gone missing, and her mother has roped us all into a search party. Don't know why she bothers, she'll come back when she wants to. Bloody fuss about nothin', if ya ask me." I watch the back of Peeta's head nod slightly.
"Well, I'll keep an eye out for her." He says, going to shut the door. Haymitch's foot shoots through the gap, stopping Peeta from shutting the door.
"You know where she is." Haymitch says, darting forward in an attempt to get through the door.
"No I don't!" Peeta replies, too quickly. I watch Haymitch roll his eyes.
"You're a shitty liar Boy, you always have been. Now, where is she, so she can go home and I can get back to finding some liquor to drink." Peeta tries to wrestle Haymitch out the door, but he won't be moved. Sighing, Peeta stops trying to remove Haymitch, crossing his arms and leaning against a wall.
"Look, I don't know where Katniss is. Why don't you look in the woods?" He suggests.
"We will, soon. I wanted to try you first in case ya knew where she was. But like ya said, clearly ya don't know where she is. I'll tell her family. They're worried sick y'know. I know your family don't care, but they do. They just wanna to help her, but she makes it pretty damn hard. So if ya know where she is, tell me." Peeta bites his lip, deliberating. Please, don't tell him, I internally beg. I don't want to go home just yet. I want to stay here, where I know I'm safe. Where no-one can get me.
"I've told you Haymitch, I really don't know. Let me put a coat on and I'll come and help with the search. Like I said, she's probably in a tree somewhere, shooting squirrels." Haymitch nods, taking a step towards the door.
"You're right Peeta. She'll be somewhere. See ya soon then." He turns and leaves, the door shutting firmly behind him. I emerge from behind the door.
"I thought he'd never leave!" I laugh, going over to Peeta and engulfing him into a hug. He rests his head on top of mine, his cheek warm against my hair.
"Tell me about it! Do you want to go home?" He looks at me and I shake my head. I really don't want to leave, not yet. I don't want to face the world. "Okay," He murmurs. "I'll go out and help with the search and you can stay here for a bit. You'll need to go home soon though; I don't want to be responsible for a national search party." I laugh, planting a kiss on his cheek.
"Okay." I agree.
Suddenly, the door bangs open. Haymitch leaps into the house.
"I knew you were lying to me, Boy! You've had Sweetheart here all along!"
"Haymitch, shut up!" Peeta hisses, dragging him forwards and shutting the door. "Katniss doesn't want to go, not yet anyway." Haymitch's anger suddenly dissolves into a smirk.
"Oh I see what's going on. Bow-chica-wow-wow!" He sings, grinning widely. He sighs dramatically. "I thought it was never gonna happen. Finally realized ya feelings did ya Sweetheart?" He jumps forward, clapping Peeta on the shoulder. I watch him stunned. What is he talking about? "Well done my Boy! Maybe now I can get some peace at night, you really need t'start shutting ya window!" Peeta's cheeks bloom bright scarlet.
"Haymitch!" He chokes out, taking a step forward. Haymitch holds his hands up, cackling manically.
"No need to get mardy about it, we all do it! Except maybe Sweetheart, cause she's a bit of an ice queen, ain't ya Sweetheart?" Peeta's nostrils flare in anger and he grabs Haymitch, throwing him against the wall.
"Don't you dare talk about Katniss like that!" Peeta yells. Haymitch ducks and dodges Peeta's attack.
"Don't you try it on wi' me Boyo, cause ya ain't gonna win. Now, I'm off to tell Mrs Everdeen where her precious daughter is." He steps forward, opening the door. I snag my game bag off the hook, the bottles clinking.
"Haymitch wait!" I shout, opening the bag to show the five glass bottles inside. Haymitch stops and lunges towards the bag, but I snatch it out of his grasp, holding it behind my back. "I got some white liquor in the Hob. If you want it, then you have to promise to go back to your house and not tell anyone where I am."
"Sure." He growls, lunging for the bag again. I hold it just out of his reach taunting him. Its blackmail, I know, but I have to be sure.
"Promise me." I tell him.
"I promise, I promise!" He gabbles. Slowly, I hand him the five bottles and he grasps them with a shaking hand. "Thank you!" He gasps, quickly unscrewing the lid and tipping the bottle down his throat. He sags against the door, sighing in relief as the poison goes down his throat. A wave of sadness comes over me. I suddenly see Haymitch in a different light. He's not just my sarcastic mentor that helped me survive; he is alone. A sad, old man, grieving for people that died nearly twenty years ago. I see a man struggling with addiction, walking the hard line of trying to remember, but trying to forget. Haymitch swallows, dragging his hand across his mouth. Shakily, he stands up, glaring at us with red-rimmed eyes. He growls in warning, then escapes out of the door, clutching the bottles in his arms. The door slams shut, echoing through the empty house. My hand finds Peeta's and I hold it tightly, struggling to contain the wave of emotions crashing around me.
"Peeta…" I whisper, tears spilling onto my cheeks.
"Shh," He whispers, pulling my close and rocking me back and forth. "I know."
"Will we end up like that?" I ask, feeling terrified at the thought. Peeta holds me closer, a hand gently stroking my hair.
"Of course we won't." He replies. "You've got your family and you've got me." I look up at him, smiling slightly. I raise my hand and cup his face.
"We've got each other." I say quietly. He smiles, leaning in. I close my eyes, anticipating his kiss. At first I barely feel it, his lips brushing softly against mine. Then they become more demanding, sweeping me up and locking me into a passionate kiss. I'm glad for the feel of his strong arms around me, because if they weren't there, my legs would have collapsed long ago. We break apart and I can't help but smile up at him. There is no way to describe how I feel when he kisses me. If you'd told me a year ago that I'd be standing in Peeta Mellark's house, dating him, kissing him, I'd have laughed in your face. A year ago…it feels like a lifetime. A year ago, I was probably just doing what I did every other day, hunting with Gale, providing for my family. Gale…The thought of him sends a twist of pain and guilt through my heart. I haven't seen him since the Harvest Festival. I'm still angry, it would be impossible not to be, but I can't help but feel guilty. Before the Games, I unknowingly lead him on, made him think that there was something between us. That hug before I left…to me it was just a friendly comforting hug, but to him, it must have made him think that I wanted what he wanted. I know it must have been hard for him during the Games, and I thought about him all the time. No wonder he was angry. I'm not excusing what he has done; he has caused me so much pain that I feel it would be impossible to forgive him. But perhaps he needs a chance to explain things.
"Katniss?" Peeta says quietly. I look up at him, feeling guilty for even thinking of Gale when I'm in his arms. He just kissed me and all I can think of is Gale. He really doesn't deserve me. But I'm not with Gale and I don't want to be. I want to be with Peeta. Surely that has to count for something?
Another knock at the door stops whatever he is about to say. Is Haymitch back again? Peeta opens the door and my mother bursts in, her cheeks wet with tears.
"Is she here? I sent Haymitch to check, but he hasn't come back and I-" She looks up and sees me standing in the hallway; hair tousled and clothes askew from sleep. Her face flushes with anger. "Have you been here all night?" She demands. I begin to protest, but she refuses to hear it. She grips my wrist, pulling me out of the door, not letting me say goodbye.
"Mrs Everdeen wait!" Peeta yells, rushing up to us. "It's not what you think!" The wind swirls around me, causing goosebumps to rise up on my arms. I glance up at the sky, the clouds a stormy grey. I sniff the air. It smells like rain. Peeta places a hand on my arm and my mother whirls round, wrenching his hand off me. Anger flares inside me. How dare she treat Peeta in this way?
"Get your hands off my daughter." She growls. Shocked, Peeta takes a step backwards. I do a double-take. I've heard my mother angry, sure, but she sounds furious.
"Mother-" I begin, but she glares at me, tugging me away from Peeta.
"No. In the house, now." I stand still and stare her out, crossing my arms over my chest. Why should I do what she says? She has no right. "NOW!" She screams, voice echoing through Victor's Village. I look back at Peeta, the wind whipping through my hair, obscuring my vision.
"You should go Katniss." Peeta says, the sadness evident in his voice. "I'll see you later."
"But…" I trail off.
"KATNISS EVERDEEN, YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS TO GET INTO THE HOUSE!" My mother screeches, her voice so high, I swear it could make glass crack. Slowly, I walk away from Peeta, never taking my eyes off him. The second I'm through the door, my mother shuts it firmly and locks it, pocketing the key. I glare at her through narrowed eyes.
"What do you think you're doing?" I yell. Suddenly, the rain thunders down onto the roof, lashing out against the world. The drops slide down the windows, smearing the once-clean glass.
"I'm protecting my daughter!" She retorts.
"No, you're smothering me! Why won't you let me see Peeta?" My mother shakes her head, like I'm a stupid five-year-old who doesn't understand anything.
"Oh for goodness sake Katniss, give up the 'innocent act'. It won't wash with me."
"I don't understand what you're talking about." I shout. My mother sighs irritably.
"Why won't you just admit it? You've slept with him!" I frown, confused.
"Why would you think that? I mean…I haven't…we haven't…" I trail off, an awkward atmosphere settling over the two of us.
"Katniss, you've been there all night, what else was I supposed to think?" I roll my eyes.
"Mother, if you'd given me a chance to explain, then this wouldn't have happened! I had a nightmare last night, and I was just sat outside. Peeta saw me and we went to town for a bit. Then I came back to his and fell asleep on the sofa. That's it." My mother walked over to me, staring intensely into my eyes, like she was trying to look right through me.
"Are you telling me the truth?" she questions, her eyes searching mine.
"Yes." I reply, trying to keep calm. After a tense moment, she sighs, moving away from me and slumping into a chair.
"I'm sorry," She murmurs, her head in her hands. "I just…I was so worried when I found your bed empty. I know you used to go out all the time before and it never used to worry me because I always knew where you were and you were with Gale. He's always looked after you…But now, I never know what you're going to do! One minute you're here, and the next minute you're there, it scares me Katniss! Seeing you so…unstable, I don't know what you'll do next. Can you really blame me for worrying where you've been?" Her voice breaks and she crumbles into a tearful mess. I sigh. I'd never realized what a burden I am to my family. I try to be strong, to protect them, but it really hasn't worked has it? They see me for what I am, a liability.
"I'm sorry too Mother. Honestly, I didn't mean to worry you. When I've had a nightmare…I'm not really thinking straight. I promise that Peeta and I haven't done anything. I mean, we've only just got together, we're not rushing into anything!" Shit. Oh crap. Fuck, fuckity fuck. I've just told my mother about Peeta and I. I bury my head in my hands, trying to pretend that I didn't say anything.
"What?" My mother gasps, straightening up and drying her tears.
"Nothing!" I say quickly, avoiding her piercing gaze.
"Are you and Peeta together? A couple?" I bite my lip, deliberating between lying and the truth. "Don't even think about lying, I will know." Sighing, I give up the pretense.
"I guess, I mean, we haven't really talked things through or anything…" I babble, hoping she will approve. Surely she can't disapprove of this? She's said so many times how nice Peeta is; surely she will be happy for me.
"Are you ready for this?" She asks, taking me by surprise. I nod.
"I am. I'm nervous, but when I'm with him, the fear just melts away. I tried Mother, I tried really hard not to fall for him, but I couldn't help it. I…I really like him." I'm stunned at how easily my feelings are slipping out with my mother. I can't even tell Peeta these things, how am I telling my mother? I can feel her gaze on me and after a long moment, she sighs.
"Well, I still think you're too young for a boyfriend, but I am happy for you Katniss."
"Thankyou Mother. It means a lot." She hugs me lightly, and then stands up to walk out of the living room. At the last minute, she turns.
"I'm proud of you Katniss. I always have been and I always will be. I hope you and Peeta will be happy together."
"Are you and Peeta together?" Prim squeals, bursting into the living room. "Oh I knew it would happen! I'm so happy! You can get married and I can be a bridesmaid…Do you think Buttercup would be a good ring-bearer?" My eyes widen in shock.
"Woah, calm down Prim! Peeta and I aren't getting married, we've only been together a day!" Prim squeals again, pulling me into a fierce hug.
"I know you'll get married one day! I just can't wait! This is so exciting!" A huge smile is plastered on her face, her eyes sparkling with delight. She's happier about this than I am! Prim pulls my mother into a hug and we all dance around the living room, engulfed in warm hugs. I glance at the window, the rain having stopped long ago. Now the sun shines brightly, a huge rainbow streaked across the sky. I hug my sister tightly, for once feeling hopeful about the future.
Author's note: I know, I haven't been on Fanfiction in ages! I've been back from my holiday for a few weeks now and I've had no inspiration, until today! While I'm here, I want to tell you all about a fanfic that I'm writing with Fourtris2002. It is a twilight fanfiction and it's called The Birth Of Dawn: A Twilight Fanfiction. There are only a few chapters at the minute, but it's shaping up to be a brilliant story! I just thought that I'd let you guys know, in case there's some of you out there who are twilight fans and would like to read more of my work.
I also want to say thank you the brilliant TheRealPrimroseEverdeen who honestly, gives me so much inspiration to write. I feel like I never say thank you enough to all my readers, especially those who review nearly every chapter! Honestly, I love you all! You're all brilliant fantastic people and I don't know what I would do without you all. Fanfiction is such a community based thing, it honestly means so much when we all support each other through thick and thin. You're all amazing!
As always, if you would like to review, please feel free. ;-)
Love to you all, and hopefully, I'll be back with another chapter soon!
Mjenney21 xxx