okay, I'm sorry. but the reason this is so short and it took so long is because there have been a lot of things going on:
1) Rumors of my favorite band breaking up
2) UN simulation, two position papers left for the last moment
3) for the one above i was nervous as fuck.
yesterday the simulation ended and i was dead.
so, enjoy.
Hot, white pain. That's about everything and anything I can feel right now. I have no idea of how long I've been here; and I have absolutely no idea of when I'm leaving. I just hope it's soon. Since I got my Chelsea Smile-which is stinging like a bitch-there've been different kinds of Capitol torture; as well as medieval. Dan, who I've came to hate over the past hours hadn't stopped acting like if I was a little kid and everything was rainbows and flowers instead of fire and pain.
I've been screaming bloody murder since a while ago; I'm not really sure how much time-not that I really care, anyways-I just want it to end. As another needle makes itself comfortable under my skin, I try screaming but instead find myself chocking on my own blood. I realize, horrified that I've probably ripped my throat into pieces with my screaming. As I cough roughly, I feel blood making its way through my throat to my nose; it falls from my mouth, as well as my nasal tubes and I'm actually sure that I felt some on my eyes and ears. Now, not that I really know-my body has gone numb for a while.
At this moment, what it felt like hours but were probably minutes later, a little sensibility has came back to my skin and my vision has cleared, I realize that I am at a small cabin where the sterile white walls have my blood splattered on them, making a somewhat beautiful contrast. I stare at it for a while, only considering its beauty until a sharp, screaming pain on my stomach keeps asking for my attention. I simply bite my tongue and suck it up, not really feeling like breathing blood again.
I am almost sure that the pain on my stomach had caused something bad. I can feel it, but I can't really identify it. But it isn't like I would know, because I am sure I've snorted more than blood and oxygen on this past seconds. Also, I can feel this wave of happiness overcome me, so I'm probably high off a drug of questionable origin. I also feel a funny feeling on my chest and torso, and as I look down I realize that this Dan guy is rubbing some sort of gel into my stomach which is making my skin regenerate-or maybe that's just the drugs talking.
I stare at the growing skin in awe, and I simply stay sill with Dan's hands poking at my skin. He chuckles at the look I'm giving my stomach and turns to look at me. "It's called reproduction of cells, we only made the process faster." He grins and I find myself smiling back. But I can't help the hole in my heart that forms when realization sinks in.
I can't help the hole in my heart when I sober up enough to realize what the stabbing pain on my belly meant.
I've lost my baby.