A/N: Just want to thank you all for sticking with me through this story. I'm sorry that updates have slowed down. I've been writing, but now have to go back and edit. I'll keep working!

CHAPTER 34

Jacob POV:

I woke before the sun came up and reluctantly untangled myself from Bella. I loved sleeping with her . . . holding her all night after we made love. Sometimes I was so afraid I would wake up to find I was dreaming. Looking at her now, her face relaxed in sleep, her hair spread out on the pillow . . . I sighed and wished I didn't have to leave her, but I promised Leah I'd run the early patrol with her to give Sam and Paul a break. I rolled off the mattress slowly so as not to wake Bella, and reached for my shorts. After zipping them up, I leaned down to brush a soft kiss on Bella's forehead. Her eyes flickered open as she asked, "Are you leaving?"

"I'm on early patrol. The sun isn't even up yet. Get some more sleep, OK? I'll see you later today."

"Mmmkay. Love you," she mumbled as she rolled over and snuggled deeper under the covers.

I stood for a moment and watched her go back to sleep then I finally tore myself away to walk to the window and jump to the ground. Leaving her was always so hard, but as much as I wanted to, I couldn't avoid my other responsibilities. I had decisions to make over the next couple of days, and I hoped that when Monday came, I could start living the life I wanted, instead of the one everyone else wanted for me.

Jogging to the woods, I quickly stripped and tied my shorts to my ankle then phased on the run. It was rather quiet inside my head . . . I guess everyone was too tired to even think. Finally I heard, "Hey, Jake."

"Quil? I thought you had school. Why are you out here?"

"I do. Jared and I offered to get up early and run patrol then go to school. We can nap after, I guess. Jared already phased out, I waited for you and Leah."

"Oh, well, thanks. This running patrols is hard with so many in school."

"Yeah. What about you? Are you done with school?"

"I want to be, but, I need to get a job to support my kid, you know? I don't want to look for a job as a high-school drop-out."

"Man, I forgot you're going to be a dad. Weird."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"Morning, boys!" Leah greeted us as soon as she phased in. She sure sounded chipper for this early in the morning.

"What's up with you being so happy this early?" I asked.

"Why not be happy? Life is too short to waste being cranky."

"Are you drunk?" Quil wanted to know.

"No, I'm not drunk! Go to school, douche bag," she ordered.

"Now that sounds more like the Leah I know," Quil quipped. "I'm out of here. Have fun kids!"

I felt Quil phase out then asked, Leah, "So, what's up? What's got you in such a good mood?"

"Embry and I spent the whole night together, and, well . . . " before she could stop it, visions of the two of them, naked and rolling in the sheets went through her mind. It was surreal seeing my two best friends like that . . . completely unabandoned, kissing and pawing at each other then . . .

"OK, Leah, enough! If you ever want me to be able to look you in the face again, please think of something else!"

"Sorry, can't help it. I feel so completely satisfied and fulfilled and happy and . . . a little shocked, I guess, that life has turned out this way for me. With Embry! Who would have guessed it?"

That's what we all thought. Embry and Leah . . . no one really ever thought of those two together, and yet, seeing them now, it seemed so natural. They just . . . fit. "Yeah, I know. Glad I thought of it."

"Yeah, you did. I forgot about that. Well, thanks, boss! Thanks for helping me find a great guy. With a great body, and great lips, and his tongue and hands . . . and I won't even mention his . . . "

"DON'T! Don't mention it." I quickly interjected.

"Ha! I forgot you're such a pussy when it comes to talking about sex."

"Well, I had a night of my own I could share if you really want to see it." So, I gave her a peek of how it looks to hover over Bella . . . kissing her, touching her, and how she looked right as she let go . . .

"OK, Jake, I get your point. No more sex replays. Gross!"

After that, we both settled into a comfortable jog around the circuit to run our patrol, as we tried whatever we could to get our minds on anything other than our activities the night before. As we ran, I decided to fill Leah in on the divorce papers that Bella received.

"Really? $200 grand? Wow . . . that's a lot of money."

"Yeah, and that SUV is worth at least $50 grand."

"Seriously? Wow."

"Yeah, but the worst part is he gets full custody of the baby."

"Full custody? Does she get any rights?"

"He promised Bella he would let her see Carly whenever she wants, but I have no idea how that will work out. Especially now since we have no idea where they are."

"What a bastard."

"Yeah."

We retreated into our thoughts again for awhile and before long, our patrol was up and Sam and Paul phased in to take over.

As Leah gave them their instructions and let them know who would be taking over for them, I decided maybe I should talk to her about my plans for the future. I would do it after we phased out, as I really didn't need Sam to know anything before I talked to Leah. Quickly, I phased and pulled my shorts on so he wouldn't get a hint of what I was thinking then I moved away to wait to give Leah a chance to phase and dress in private.

After a few minutes, Leah walked toward me dressed in a pair of cut-offs and a yellow tank top to ask, "So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?"

"Not sure yet, but I'll probably make it back to Bella's at some point."

A smile crossed her face as she replied, "Go figure. You gotta pace yourself, Jake. You can't have sex ALL the time, you know."

"Look who's talking!" I shot back and she laughed. Once the laughter died away, I asked her, "Uh, Leah? Do you think we could talk?"

"Sure," she shrugged. "What's up?"

I stood there in the clearing as a light drizzle began to fall, struggling with how to begin. This wasn't a conversation I wanted to have, but I knew I needed to get it over with. Especially since Leah was already in good mood. I hoped that would mean she would be a little more understanding about me giving up my job as Alpha.

Seeing me struggle, Leah finally asked, "Jacob? What's going on here? You look nervous. If you were my boyfriend, I'd say you were trying to break up with me or something," she said with a nervous laugh. Then she added, "Is that it? Does Bella not like us hanging out?"

"No, no, of course not. She actually likes that we're friends."

Relieved, she barked at me, "Well, then spit it out. You're freaking me out here."

"Well, I guess I am breaking up, kind of. You see, I have been doing a lot of thinking about how to make my life easier. You know how crazy I've been, and well, I have decided to step down . . . to give up being the . . . the Alpha. I'm going back to school on Monday, then after I graduate, I'll look for a full-time job."

As I babbled, I watched Leah carefully to see how she might react. I could see the shock then disbelief then . . . yep, there it is. The anger. Her head shook back and forth and I sensed her heart rate pick up as her nostrils flared and then . . . SMACK! My head reeled as her hand connected with my face. "You son of a bitch! You fucking idiot! Are you serious?"

My hand went to my face as I moved my jaw back and forth to see if I could still talk. Leah may be a girl, but she was also a wolf and she packed a mean punch! "Yes, I'm serious. You know I never wanted it. I only took it to make my dad happy. I hate the responsibility and let's face it, I'm not good at it."

"You haven't even given it a chance! You've been the Alpha for what, a few weeks? And now you want to just walk away?" I could see her anger and frustration just building until I was kind of afraid she might beat the shit out of me!

"Leah, just listen . . . " I started, but she stopped me with, "No! I will not listen to you whine anymore, Jacob. You were pissed at your dad for treating you like a child, well I got news for you, Jake, you're acting like a fucking baby and I can't stand it! You ARE the Alpha. You were born to it. You have NO choice! Just like none of us had a choice in becoming a big hairy dog. God damnit, Jake! What the hell is wrong with you? Do you honestly think you can just run back to Sam and beg him to take it and everything will be honky-dory?"

I hung my head during her rant and didn't answer her question. What could I say? That's exactly what I was hoping for.

"You do, don't you?" she asked incredulously. When again I didn't answer, Leah exhaled loudly as she swiped her fingers through her hair then turned away for a moment to collect herself. I wanted to say something, anything, that would make her understand.

"Leah, please, just try to see things from my point of view. I told you how overwhelmed I am. I can't handle all of the shit that's being thrown at me! And you know I'm not a leader. So I'm born to be the almighty Alpha, so what? Doesn't mean I have what it takes. And I don't. And I really don't want to be defined by a birthright . . . I want a chance to be my own man. To make my own decisions about my life. I should have that right!"

That's when she whipped around to shout, "We should ALL have that right, Jake, but we don't! It was taken away from us the day we phased for the first time. I don't get to make my own decisions. I don't get to go to college, I don't get to have children! How is that fair?"

"Oh, so because you don't have any rights, I shouldn't either? Is that what this is about? Look, I'm not a leader! I proved that by dumping everything on YOU! Sam is a better leader . . . "

"NO! No, he's not."

"Leah, just because you have history with him, you can't . . . "

"Stop right there!" Leah was fuming now. I took a step back from her as she huffed, "He hurt me, Jacob. He almost broke me. I am finally in a good place for the first time in a very long time, and you want me to go back to having Sam in my head again 24/7?" she finished very loudly.

"This is NOT personal, Leah. I am NOT doing this to hurt you. I thought that now you were with Embry that maybe, just maybe, you could put all that shit behind you and work WITH Sam, be his beta. I don't want you to quit being the beta. You're good at it, and you deserve . . . "

"Damn right, I'm good at it. And I do deserve to keep it, but not with him. No. Only with you."

"Damnit, Leah!" I growled as I pulled at my hair in frustration. Why couldn't she see? Why was she making this so difficult for me?

We walked away from each other for a few minutes to try and gain control of our emotions as we were getting nowhere with this conversation. I knew it would be hard to make her understand, but I felt like I was slamming my head against a brick wall here. Finally, I sighed deeply and closed the gap between us to say, "You told me that you would support me in my decisions, Leah. I need your help here. I have a kid coming in just a few months. I have to do what's best for him. I have to finish school, find a job . . . I can't just ignore that."

"I understand that, Jacob. But what about that kid? What happens when he grows up someday and finds out that he's the Alpha of the pack? And that you were, but you walked away. This is about all of us . . . the pack, the tribe and your son. It's not just about you anymore. You were chosen just like your son will be chosen . . . it's our way of life."

My son . . . We didn't even know yet if the baby was a boy or a girl. "The baby could be a girl, you know," I said softly.

That brought a small smile to her face. "And I hope to God it is. I don't wish this life on anyone, although, I wasn't safe, maybe she won't be either."

Closing my eyes, I could see her point. Guilt poured over me like the light rain that was now falling and I tried hard to shake it off and stand firm in my decision. But I was wavering . . . I could feel it.

"Jacob, I'm sorry. I know I'm being selfish in not wanting Sam to be the Alpha, but . . . it's not just that. I saw something in you, that day we confronted Sam and Paul. I saw the Alpha in you and I know that you could be a great leader if only you embraced it and gave into it."

"I did feel something then, but . . . something keeps holding me back. I just don't want to keep up the fight anymore. I am exhausted all the time." And with that, I sank down onto a fallen log and let my head drop into my hands.

After a moment or two, Leah finally sat down beside me to say, "I know. I get that. What if you gave up school and got your GED instead? That would be a big weight off of your shoulders. I know you don't really want to go back to school, and then you could find a job . . ."

"And what kind of job can I get and still be Alpha? How can I run off at all times of the day or night if we get invaded by a newborn army again? How can I be responsible for the pack if I'm not here on the rez 24/7?"

With a sigh, Leah admitted, "I don't know." Silence reigned for awhile until Leah asked, "Can't your dad help you out? I mean, Sam didn't have a job when he was Alpha. He and Emily have a house and food . . . whatever they need. They still get that. Why is that? Who supplies that for them?"

I looked at her to explain, "Well, the house was Emily's, but the tribe supplies them with food and stuff for the pack."

"Yeah, see? Maybe as Alpha, you could be set up in a house and they could help out with food and stuff."

I jumped off the log to exclaim, "But don't you see? That's not what I want! I don't want to live off of tribal charity. I want to be able to provide for my family!

"Well then, use some of Bella's money! She's rich now," Leah threw back at me which made my anger flare higher.

"No fucking way. That would be worse than taking money from the tribe. I will not live off of bloodsucker money," I fumed. "How could you even suggest that?"

Sighing, Leah stood to apologize. "I'm sorry. That was wrong. I get your point."

"So, we're back to square one. Now you see what I've been dealing with. I just can't find a solution that will please everyone, so, I guess I just decided to please myself. I know that's wrong, but I can't help it. I am so sick and tired of being pulled in different directions when all I really want is to be with Bella and our baby. It's what I want more than anything in this world."

Leah looked up at me to ask, "Have you said anything to your dad about this?"

With a shake of my head, I answered, "No. I wanted to talk to you first." Then with a smile I rubbed my aching jaw and added, "And, gee, it's just as fun as I thought it would be."

Smiling back, Leah gave me a small punch in the arm as she replied, "Glad I could help."

Seriously, I asked, "What am I going to do, Leah?"

"I don't know, Jake," Leah answered, I knew as honestly as she could. "But I know that I really don't want you to give up the Alpha. I don't think you can even if you wanted to."

"But Sam did. He just quit and walked away."

"Yes, because he wasn't the TRUE Alpha. He was only doing it for you until you were ready. When you accepted it, well . . . it might be yours for life now."

Shit. She might be right. I never thought of that. "That would be my luck, wouldn't it? Sucks to be me."

Again, Leah smiled as she said, "Yeah, it does." Then she added, "Look, Jake, I know you're in a tough spot, but I AM your beta, and I will be here to support you. I don't mind the work you've given me, and let's face it, I'm damn good at it." With a roll of my eyes and a smile, I nodded and she went on, "So, think about it some more, OK? Have you even talked to Bella about any of this?" When I shook my head, she said, "Typical man. You think you have to make all the decisions and you don't give any thought to what Bella might want. If you are planning your life with her, don't you think she should have a say in it?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right."

Leah laughed at that. "Better get used to it. You know I'm ALWAYS right!"

I joined her in laughter and then pulled her into my arms for a hug. I was very thankful for Leah. Even though she was scary as hell when she was mad, she was usually right, and I knew I should think over what she had to say before I made any final decisions. Stepping back, I leaned down to plant a quick kiss on her lips. "Thanks, Leah. Even though my jaw is still throbbing, I'm glad we talked. I know that I can always count on you, no matter what. And I will talk to Bella. She does deserve a say."

"Damn straight," Leah replied in her typical cocky manner.

I let her go then said, "I'll head over there now. Let me know if you need me."

"Yes, sir, boss man."

I rolled my eyes as she chuckled then left me to jog home. As I stood there alone in the woods, I realized I wasn't any closer to a decision that I had been before our talk, but at least I had an idea where I had to go from here, and that was to Bella. I hoped to hell she could help. I was pretty disgusted with myself for not being able to make a decision. Personally, I thought that helped to prove my point that I wasn't the born leader everyone thought I was.

I phased back right at the edge of Bella's backyard and slipped into my shorts before stepping out of the woods. As I walked into the yard, I spotted Bella through the kitchen window at the sink doing dishes. Stopping for a moment, I just stared at her while she worked. A smile broke out on my face as I watched the woman I loved doing a mindless task like washing dishes. My heart fluttered a little as that warmth seeped through my body at just the sight of her. Man, I'm turning into a chick. I need to man up, and watch some football or something.

Shaking myself from my trance, I walked to the back door and let myself in. "Hey, Bells."

"Hey. How's everything on the rez?" Bella returned as I leaned down to kiss her cheek.

"Boring as usual."

"That's good, right?" Bella replied with a smile.

Smiling back, I automatically grabbed a towel and dried the few dishes that she had rinsed and were sitting in the sink then put them away. In a few minutes, the dishes were done, and Bella was in my arms. I felt complete once again.