My heart pounded wildly the night of Tuesday June 1, 2010. It was the last episode of the first season of WWE NXT. After weeks and weeks of entertaining and stiff competition, it was finally time for the winner to be announced. Just like everyone else, I was eagerly anticipating who would be professional wrestling's next breakout star. It was less than 72 hours after my phenomenal three days with PJ. Our last night in Tampa had ended with us unexpectedly making love on the private balcony of his condo. Though Liz had teased the scene, it was something I never would have imagined happening in a million years. But the truth of the matter was, it had happened. And it was a beautiful, magical, spine tingling experience. PJ always had a way of making me feel like I was the most special woman on the planet. What we had shared was far more than sex. It was a spiritual unification, a night that would bond us forever. It had changed our relationship and only brought us closer.

When I took wedding vows with Mike, I had made a pledge to God, to him, to our family and to our friends that we would be together forever, that from then on, he would be the last man I would ever sleep with. My marriage had crumbled but I still found it difficult to think about being physical with someone else. But being intimate with PJ had felt like the most natural thing in the world. The way he looked at me, the way he touched me was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It made every sexual encounter before it seem so selfish and superficial. How ironic that I had never had with the man who took my virginity, the man I later married that level of sensuality and intimacy and caring as I did with PJ Lloyd.

I had a lot of decisions to make. The thought of going back to LA, to Mike to our home filled me with dread. I wanted to be happy and being in Tampa was what was going to make me happy but I wanted to be smart about things. PJ was a great guy and I knew he genuinely cared about me but fear and mistrust haunted me. What if he changed his mind? What if he got tired of me? What if he found someone else? Then again, the last thing I wanted or needed to do was make a life changing mood for the sake of a man or a relationship.

We had immediately hit the road for a series of shows that led up to the finale in Dallas, Texas. I was quite friendly with the Rookies and that was never a secret so it was no big deal for me to always be hanging around them. Though nothing had ever been verbally confirmed, PJ and I both knew that Stu, Heath, Ryan, Tyrone, David, Fred, and Bryan were all well aware of our relationship. The FCW loyalty ran deep and the men kept their mouths shut while PJ and I had to pretend for everyone else that things were normal and we were just casual friends. It was for the best that in front of my co-workers PJ and I had to act as if we hadn't just shared the most amazing three days ever. We had to keep it platonic in public and it killed me. I ached for him. When he wasn't around, I wanted him around. When he wasn't kissing me, I wanted him to be kissing me. More than anything I wanted to be able to come out of hiding and be free to be with him publicly.

The five eliminated wrestlers were all in attendance for the show. Naturally Stu, David and PJ were on edge. Besides the announcement of the winner, due to the success of season one, Vince had given the go ahead to air season two immediately. Kevin Dunn and I had texted briefly back and forth. I agreed to help out but in the end it was decided that I was going to be returning to the Raw brand. Mike was there and I was unnerved about that but even scarier was PJ's uncertain future. If declared the winner, he would automatically get a Raw contract. That meant we would be together but the bad news was the presence of my husband. The alternative was the one in three shot that he wouldn't win. Rumors buzzed but truthfully no one really knew what lay ahead for the eliminated wrestlers. If PJ was to return to Florida full time and I remained in LA, we would barely see each other.

More than anything, I wanted to be with him that nerve racking hour before the show. I knew he needed me. Usually he was confident and that confidence was etched on his face. That night I saw an uncertainty in his eyes I had never seen before. Sure we'd had lunches and talked at the arenas since returning to the road but we'd had to keep our distance. We kept separate rooms booked in the hotels but in the middle of the night, one of us would check the halls to make sure no eyes were watching. When the coast was clear, we'd text the other person to open the door and run into the room. I found it hard to sleep when I wasn't in his arms. Some nights we made love, some nights we stayed up all night laughing and talking, some nights we just held each other in silence. Then as soon as the sun rose, one of us would have to sneak back to our rightful room before everyone else woke up.

In between the new set of Rookies being introduced to the WWE Universe, a three way match between Wade Barrett, David Otunga, and Justin Gabriel occurred. All three men gave everything they had. David was the first to go, leaving Gabriel and Barrett. I liked Stu a lot. In addition to being a towering presence, he had awesome mic skills and was a very carryable performer in the ring. My stomach was a raging bundle of nerves and butterflies. Barrett eventually got the win and soon it was time to announce the first cut. I could barely sit still back in the production booth. The Pros poll revealed that Wade Barrett was safe and secure in the number one spot. My heart caught in my throat as I looked at David and PJ on the monitor. David's eyes looked so sad and PJ looked scared out of his mind. Then I heard the words, words I had been dreading. PJ or Justin Gabriel, was cut. He gallantly vowed to keep pursuing his lifelong dream. He told the crowd, who was furiously booing at the loss of the last Rookie babyface, that he would be back and that one day he would be a World Champion. He walked up the ramp towards the back and a sad but proud Matt Hardy was there to greet and support him. I slipped out of the production station. I grabbed a walkie talkie and a clipboard and put my glasses on, trying to look busy. But all I really wanted to do was find and comfort my man.

"PJ," I whispered when I saw him wandering the halls.

We were near the locker room area so I ushered him more towards the back between Catering and the Green Room. Traffic was less heavy there at that time during that part of the show.

"Hi," he managed a smile.

I bit my lip and tried not to cry.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean, I'll get over it. It's disappointing. I didn't come here to go home, I came here to win. It's always a hard pill to swallow when you lose but uh…it's okay. I meant what I said back there. I'll bounce back. I'll never stop wrestling, never stop chasing my dreams."

"This was an amazing experience, babe, and you made the most of it. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You gave it your all and you were great. The fans loved you and I think you made a really good impression on WWE management. We can't worry over a bunch of stuff we can't control. All we can do now is sit back and wait to see what they're going to do in Stamford."

"Are you disappointed in me, Claudia?" he asked.

His voice sounded shaky and nervous almost as if was expecting to hear the worst.

"Of course not. PJ, I am anything but disappointed. In fact, I am so proud of you and everything you have accomplished. Either one of two things are going to happen…the phone is going to ring and they are going to tell you to go back to FCW. You're the champion and you've been kicking ass there for the past two years so you'll continue to keep kicking ass and just take it day by day. Or the phone will ring and they'll tell you that you, and hopefully all of you have WWE contracts. In that case, you'll come to Raw or Smackdown, kick ass and make a name for yourself. No matter what happens, I've got your back. I will stand by your side mo matter what."

He gave me a small smile.

"You know, if I ever forget how amazing you are, you turn right around and do or say something that reminds me."

"You were there for me when I needed you and I'm here for you when you need me," I said.

His hazel eyes stared intently at me.

"Claudia," he said in a low voice.

"Yes?"

"Remember when I said I could fall in love with you? Well, I…I lied," he admitted.

"What?"

He gently stroked my cheek.

"I am in love with you."

I opened my mouth to speak but couldn't find the right words at first.

"PJ…"

He pulled me in for a kiss. I tasted the familiarity of his lips and instantly melted in his embrace. We forgot about everything else, losing ourselves in the moment until he finally pulled away.

"It's the truth and I always want to be honest with you. I don't know what my future holds but I hope you will be in it. Claudia, you are such an important part of my life now. I can't imagine you not being there."

I smiled as I put my arms around his neck. All I wanted was to get the hell out of the arena. Thoughts of taking a long, hot shower and crawling into bed with him filled my head. Before I could tell him so, I heard footsteps. PJ and I were so lost in each other and it happened so quickly, we barely had time to pull away. We backed away from each other as fast as we could and before we knew it, we were looking into the eyes of Chris "Jericho" Irvine. My heart raced. Had he seen us? Had he heard us? We had to at least look suspicious.

"Chris…" I nervously found a voice.

He looked us both up and down with that trademark smirk.

"Claudia," he finally nodded.

"I, I, I was just checking on PJ," I managed to stammer.

He scowled.

"I'm sure," he replied before returning to PJ. "Tough break."

PJ stood his ground.

"It happens. I'm grateful for the opportunity and I like I said out there, this isn't over, it's just the beginning."

"The best man won," Chris said, referring to Stu who had been his Rookie.

PJ kept his cool and didn't take the bait.

"Stu is an incredible performer. I have nothing but respect for him."

"I see. Well, I was headed to grab my things from the locker room. Forgive the uh,..intrusion."

Paranoid, I felt like he was trying to hint at something.

"It, it's no intrusion. I, um, in fact, I have to get back. We have to gather up the season two guys and everything…"

"Then don't let me keep you. I guess I'll see you two crazy kids around," he said before walking off.

I waited until he was out of sight before I exhaled.

"Oh my God."

"That guy is such a prick," PJ shook his head.

"Do you think he saw?" I anxiously asked. "Do you think he knows?"

"I don't know."

"Shit…"

PJ looked away.

"I'll be glad when all this, the sneaking around is over," he said quietly.

"Me too but you understand, right? Now just isn't the time. I, we, can't tell anyone what we're doing, PJ."

"I understand."

I nodded.

"Look, I do have to go but uh…I'll see you back at the hotel, okay? I'm in room 512 so if you want to come over…"

"Check to make sure no one is seeing us before I send you a text."

I felt bad.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed.

"It's okay. Look, I'm gonna go wind down. I'm gonna take an ice cold shower, then I'll probably head back to the hotel. I'll see you later."

"Promise?" I asked hopefully.

"Promise,"

He gave me a tired half smile before kissing me one last time and walking away leaving me all alone. I sighed as I leaned against the wall for support.

It had been a close call and in a night full of emotions and nerves, too much had already happened. I prayed Chris hadn't seen or heard or anything. I prayed PJ was going to be okay. I prayed that I'd find closure with Mike and be able to come forth about my new relationship without drama or consequence. All I wanted was a good night's rest…and a happy ending.