(Disclaimer- no ownership.)

Okay. Sorry this is so short. But this is basically just a little buffer before the drama. ahah.
its mostly just about bella and jake and how they are together. and stufffffffffff. so. read, review. enjoy.

Infatuation

Seth and Melanie went home. Not that they shared a house. Actually, I didn't know if they shared a house. Jacob hadn't told me, and I hadn't asked. I had other things on my mind. But they were gone now. Seth had promised Jake that he'd keep tabs on Edward, that he'd continue calling him, but as of the moment, nothing was going to change in this situation. It didn't appear as though Edward would ever want to see any of us ever again. But then again, I only knew the part of the story that I imagined in my head. They didn't tell me much about their search for Edward, or his reactions, or if they'd even gotten in touch. I just kind of made my own assumptions and rolled with them.

Assumption number one: Edward hated me. It had to be true. I mean, I'd loved him. Completely, utterly, eternally. I'd promised to be with him forever, and I'd broken my promise. I'd left him, though I hadn't meant to. And I'd done what he'd been waiting for, too. I'd come back. And he'd probably thought that when I came back, we could be happy again. After all, he'd almost committed suicide when I'd…died. Jacob had had to save him, to tell him that I would return. The only reason that Edward was more or less alive today was because he'd been waiting for this return, for the love of his life to revisit his cold arms. But I hadn't. I'd found a new set of arms.

It killed me to think of this, because in all honesty, my heart was still with Edward. It really was. I wasn't saying that I didn't love Jacob, because that wouldn't be true. I was entirely devoted to Jacob. He was my heart. He was my sun. But part of me still belonged to Edward. You can't break something like that. But I'd made up my mind. I'd chosen fire. And I couldn't back out now, I didn't want to. But it still killed me. It hurt me deeply to know that I'd been the one to cause Edward so much pain. And what made it so much worse was that I knew the outcome of his pain, and I had to live with the fact that I would be the one to either cause him his own suicide or cause him an eternity of loneliness and heartache. My jaw clenched, hiding a sob, one of many that'd been threatening me lately.

It was insane to think about. Insane to think that I'd once been so in love with this man, but that I'd come back with a different name, a different life, and I'd been able to neglect my feelings for him almost completely. But it was easier to believe when I considered the fact that Jacob had imprinted on me. He'd always been a close second to Edward. No, he'd equaled him. I'd always loved them both equally, I realized that now. But this new wolfy-bond had pushed me over the edge. Into the fire. And I didn't mind the burn.

I smiled at him now as he emerged from the waves of the ocean. The white driftwood tree was damp beneath me, but I didn't exactly care. Jacob had brown swim trunks on, his long black hair dripping down his bare back. His red-brown skin seemed to glow in the sunlight, contrasting perfectly with the pearl white of his teeth as he grinned back. I felt my heart sprint into my throat and my smile grew wider as he jogged quickly to my side.

The sky was a startling blue, a first. It'd been almost this shade before, but never was it this deep, this invigorating. It'd always just been a cheap imitation blue before. But this was real blue. Beautiful. There wasn't a cloud in sight, and the sun was bright yellow over the beach. It cast warm rays down to my face, but as Jacob sat beside me, I felt almost as though I should be laughing at it. You call yourself a sun, I thought to the golden ball where it was submerged in the endless sky. You're nothing compared to Jacob.

"How was the water?" I asked, grabbing for his hand. He gave it to me easily, smiling down at my joyful face. He shrugged, his face turning down, kissing my shoulder. It was finally nice enough to wear a tank top. "Okay then. What do you want to do?" His eyes sparkled as he glanced at me, his face developing an impish grin. I bit my lip to conceal my smirk.

"Wanna know?" He tugged the end of my ponytail lightly, dragging my face to his before sticking me with a kiss. I laughed, pulling away from him, pretending to glare. Crossing my arms over my chest, I nodded. "Okay." He said. And with that, he scooped me from the tree and into his hot arms, attacking my face with multiple little kisses as he ran to the water. I smacked him, realizing what he was trying to do. It hurt my hand. He kissed it, otherwise ignoring my efforts to get back to the sand, pushing further into the waves. "Swim with me."

He held me close to him, cradling me in the water. Where he was standing, the pool of aqua lapped at his shoulders. I knew that if he put me down, I'd be totally submerged. It made me think of my previous ant-comparison. I pursed my lips, clinging to him. He dipped my head back into the water, enough only to wet my hair; my forest-green tank top and black shorts were already soaked through. My hair glued to my back as he pulled my face back to his, cold drops slipping down over my eyes. His warm fingertips brushed them away.

I was utterly happy. Completely content. We both were. But somehow, in the midst of our happiness, there was also sadness. I didn't think that we'd ever be abandoned by this melancholy state of mind. He would forever be thinking of losing me, and I would forever have on my mind the pain that I'd cost so many people. But we had each other. Jacob and I. We had so much love for each other that it almost completely blocked the pain and the depth of agony. Almost, but not fully.

I'd come to realize that with love also comes sorrow. Even without such complications as we were forced to endure, there would always be despair. Something about being in love in general was sad. A blissful, peaceful kind of misery, but misery all the same. It was that feeling of being whole, of being complete, but of never being able to have enough of that entirety. Love was something that consumed you, something that was so deep, so powerful that it tortured and crippled you. That it brought you to your knees, caused tears to spring from your eyes. It was a heartbreaking emotion, though it was something that kept you alive as well.

It was bewildering.

I sat there in his arms, swallowing the several emotions, knowing that he was doing the same. The look on his face was soft, understanding, as he read the pain in my eyes. He knew what it was. He felt it too. He held my hand to his face, his other arm strapped securely around my waist, keeping me afloat. He smiled a tiny smile at me. I was infatuated with that smile alone.

"So, you're not staying with me because I've imprinted on you, right?" He confirmed for the hundredth time. I blinked, still reeling from the disorientation that my heart had caused me, and shook my head.

"No, Jacob. I love you. I've always loved you. It wouldn't matter if you'd imprinted on me or not. I'd still want you." I tried to make my voice sound certain, because I felt sure of my words, but my voice was shaky. He seemed convinced nonetheless, but I could tell that he was still going to argue me on that. He smiled.

"You wouldn't know. You've really had no choice. Ever since I imprinted on you, that's all you've known. How do you know that if I hadn't imprinted that you would have stayed with me? You can't know that." His voice was soft as he teased me, but I noticed the belief he held in what he said. I sighed.

"Yes I can know that." I said, leaning my head against his shoulder.

And I could.

(author's note: beware that I have no idea what love is like. i have no knowledge of it. i only
know what i imagine inside of my head. so if that sounds really stupid, i apologize. but when
i think of love, that is kind of what happens to me. haha. :P so, sorry.)