The Experiment
Authors: Yahnkehy and The Prince's Jewel
Notes: This is a collaboration fanfic, not role-play, per se, but similar being as it is a joint effort.
Genre: Final Fantasy VII, post AC, post DoC
Spoilers: Possibly a few, but mostly just mentions of major happenings in the original FF7 game, some for Advent Children.
Warnings: Uniquely done MPREG *ducks rotten tomatoes*, angst, broken Cloud, pissy Reno, slight OOC, hurt/comfort, yaoi, kissing, brat.
Pairing: Cloud x Reno
Disclaimer: Not mine; there'd be more yaoi if it was.
Chapter 33: Pregnancy; Take Two
If it weren't for the fact that he wasn't in heat anymore, Reno would almost swear that he wasn't pregnant. In the last month, he hadn't had the first twinge of nausea and he felt much more energetic than he had when he'd been pregnant with Tempest. It was much better this time around, and so far it was looking like the symptoms of his last pregnancy were due to Hojo's machinations, just to torment the redhead further.
Rude was off on rotation and helping Tseng, and Tseng was too busy recruiting Turks and running the office to come and visit. Rufus only showed when Cloud was over. And Cloud hadn't been over all that regularly. He still managed to show up at least once a week, but whenever Reno called him he was usually with Rufus.
The inkling that had been planted that first day after the heat ended had spouted, grown and borne fruit. It was his own fault for agreeing to Cloud and Rufus' relationship, after all, but it still sucked to know what was going on.
"Hey, Temp, wanna go for a walk?" Reno asked as he hefted his daughter out of the tub and started toweling her off. "Figure we could both use a good long walk. What do ya say?"
"Go to park? Wanna play wiff kids; Mama boring." Tempest smacked wet hands to either side of his face, grinning at him.
"Yeah, yeah; you've got a mouth like mine. I'm gonna have to do something about that. But, we're gonna hafta schedule our walk for later, and we've gotta keep it quiet. I wanna surprise you, okay?" Reno scrubbed the towel over her hair and then got her dressed.
"Pruh-prize! I like pruh-prizes! Why we gotta wait? Want pruh-prize now!"
"Gotta wait because Cloud is supposed to come over today for his weekly visit." Reno grimaced and hefted her up, taking her into their bedroom and putting her in her playpen while he stripped out of his wet clothes.
Since the heat had ended, Reno had taken to wearing jeans and loose tee-shirts rather than dresses. There wasn't a need to hide anymore since Hojo's daughters were no longer trying to bring him in to complete the experiment their father had begun. Reno tugged on a plain blue tee-shirt and a pair of socks before adjusting Tempest's dress to make sure she looked as adorable as possible for the visit with Cloud.
He took her downstairs and put her on the floor with a small pile of toys and went to the kitchen to make a pot of tea and find a snack for himself and Tempest.
*-*
Cloud smiled as Rufus snuggled against his side. The older blond was asleep – again – and snoring softly. Even now, a solid month after their ordeal, Rufus tended to sleep more often than not, even if he didn't mean to. Cloud took the glass out of his brother's slack hand, setting it gently on the table in front of the bench.
Rufus was still too thin, still too pale, still too tired. Cloud spent as much time with him as he could, never certain that his brother would wake up. Hojo's experimentations during his youth, the injuries he'd sustained when the Shin-Ra building fell, and Geostigma had effectively destroyed his brother's health. He hadn't realized that when he'd asked Rufus to help with Reno's heat, and that had only weakened his brother further.
His cousins were examining the samples he's swiped. Cloud had yet to tell Rufus what he'd done, still waiting to hear back from them. "Maybe someday I'll tell you the truth," he whispered, gently tousling his older brother's hair. "But I think… I think I'd rather you never remember, my own."
The snores hitched, and Rufus grunted, shifting. Tired blue eyes opened, blinking accusingly at Cloud before filling with dismay. "I went to sleep again?" Rufus asked thickly.
"Yeah. Don't worry about it. Nothing's so important you can't sleep." Cloud smiled down at him, dropping a light kiss on the upturned lips. "Besides, I like it when you cuddle up to me."
"Mnhm." Rufus yawned, stretched. "Hmnhn. Gods, I'm still so tired."
"How about I carry you up to bed?" Cloud offered. "You can sleep while I go see Rei and Tempest."
"Okay." Rufus made no attempt to argue, wrapping his arms sleepily around Cloud's neck when the younger man picked him up. He nuzzled against Cloud's bare chest, sleepy disjointed half-words burbling occasionally from his lips.
Rufus' bed was kept turned down, his servants knowing he could be carried in at any time. Cloud eased his brother onto the bed, and tucked the covers around him. He favored the older blond with a lingering kiss. "Sleep well."
"Mmhm." Rufus snuggled down into his pillows, asleep again before Cloud got out of the room. The blond headed back to the pool's dressing room, snagging his shirt and changing out of the swim trunks he wore. He should have known that even a short swim would be too much for Rufus, but water exercises were easier on his brother's weakened body, and he couldn't go entirely without exercise.
Dressed, he went out to Fenrir, and within minutes, he was pulling up to the hotel. He greeted the Turks outside Reno's door, and knocked.
"It's open," Reno called as he rubbed the sticky and crushed pieces of apple from Tempest's face. "We were just havin' a snack."
Cloud opened the door and stepped in. "Hey."
"Yo." Reno waved two fingers at Cloud and made a last swipe of the wet cloth over Tempest's cheek before she launched herself at Cloud's leg.
"Up!" she demanded, arms raised out to him. "Pwease, up!"
"Hey, Temp." Cloud bent and swung the girl up, perching her on a jeans-clad hip. "Got any plans today?"
"Mama said park, then we go to pruh-prize!" Tempest grinned at him innocently and then looked over at Reno. "Cloud come wiff?"
"He can go to the park with us if he wants to." Reno shrugged, thumbs tucked into his pockets. "Cloud can't know the surprise until later, though. So that part will have to wait until later."
"Guess we'll go to the park, then," Cloud agreed quietly. "Rei…" he paused, giving Reno a long look. "Reno, will we need a car for whatever the surprise is?"
A bland grin touched Reno's mouth. "Nope, I've got it all taken care of." He patted Cloud on the back and went to grab the diaper bag, shoving wet wipes inside along with a clean dress for Tempest. "You're gonna love it," he promised and then went to the door, holding it open for Cloud to step through.
Shrugging slightly, Cloud started for the elevator, noting that the Turks fell in behind Reno. "How're you feeling?"
"I'm good; no nausea, no aching, and no food reactions." Reno punched the button for the elevator and leaned back against the wall beside it, looking at Cloud closely with a tiny frown between his brows. He opened his mouth to speak but the elevator dinged and he shook it off.
"Temp says I'm boring, though." Reno snorted and stepped into the elevator, tucking his thumbs into his pockets again, diaper bag dangling at his wrist.
"You? Boring?" Cloud frowned. "That doesn't sound like you. Why is Rei… Reno boring, Temp?"
Reno shook his head at her but she ignored him. "Mama watches outside lots. He quiet and frowns. Tempess have to make him happy lots."
Cloud shot Reno another look. He shifted Tempest to his other hip, then up to his shoulders. "If you wanna go out, you can, you know. You're not a prisoner or anything," he said cautiously.
"I know. But it's not what she makes it sound like," Reno said with a shrug. "I've been thinking about the babies is all. Been trying to figure out how I'm gonna handle two kids instead of just one. Trying to pick names and shit like that. I'm not staring outside like I'm afraid to leave."
"You have the Turks help when you need a break," Cloud replied easily. "They can play with Temp or watch the…." Cloud stopped talking, blinking stupidly at Reno. "Wait. Did you say babies?"
"It's too early to tell, but the doc says it sounds like two heartbeats in there." Reno shrugged again and stepped off of the elevator when the door opened into the lobby. "Come on, Temp wants to go to the park."
"Twins?" Cloud choked out, following the redhead. "You… and I… twins?"
"Doc says that's most likely, yeah. I'm gonna have twins, as far as we know. Hence the need to sit and stare at nothing a lot; I took the news a lot worse than you did." Reno pushed the doors open and stepped out into the midday sunshine, turning his face to the sky and breathing deeply.
"Twins?" Cloud repeated plaintively.
"Yes, Cloud, twins. You're not deaf and you aren't hearing things. I am going to give birth to twins." Reno shot Cloud a disgruntled look and took Tempest from Cloud's slumped shoulders. "Now that you're brain dead, let's go to the park so that Tempest can play."
"Park!" Tempest chirped and started bouncing in Reno's arms. "Go, mama! Park! Play wiff kids!"
"Yeah, yeah; we're going." Reno crossed the street and started down the sidewalk. The Turk bumped Cloud's shoulder to indicate he should follow and then hurried to catch up to the pair.
Cloud blinked, looking up at his shoulders where Tempest had just been, then at the redhead hustling down the street. "Yeah, but twins?" he demanded, hurrying to catch up. "I mean… twins!"
Reno stopped and turned to face Cloud, lips thinned and a frown bowing his lips down. "Yeah, your sperm are fast little shits, and greedy too. I'm having twins; two babies who will likely look identical."
Cloud stopped dead, a look of disgust quickly overtaking the headbutted-by-chocobo expression he'd been sporting. "I have suddenly lost what little interest I had in sex," he declared slowly, to the amusement of the Turk guards and a number of the passersby.
"Like that's anything new," Reno snorted and stalked off.
Cloud cursed quietly, but started moving, catching up just as they reached the entrance of the park. "Hey, maybe I picked a bad day to come visit. You had that surprise all set up for Temp, after all. I'll just go back and see if…."
Reno stared evenly at Cloud, head cocked back just a little bit and tipped to the left. It was an expression he'd worn in front of Cloud on several occasions, but that was back when Cloud was still hunting Sephiroth. Tempest just looked back and forth between her parents, sensing the tension but unable to do anything about it.
"Or I can take Tempest to play on the swings?" Cloud finished weakly. He knew that look. Knew it all too well, and even knowing it was Reno he was with, it was the memories of what happened when his wife gave him that look that he was remembering.
"Whatever you wanna do is fine by me," Reno answered in a lazy tone, his expression never flickering. "You can go back to Rufus, or you can spend time with Tempest, I don't care which you do."
He knew that tone, too. Reno's sister had used it on him often enough. It truly wouldn't matter to Reno which choice he made: neither would be the correct one now. He sighed. "I should have called first, instead of just expecting you to be waiting on me since I usually come around this time. I'm… sorry. About you having to have twins."
Reno rolled his eyes in disgust and handed Tempest over, folding his arms over his chest. "The docs said that there's a genome or chromosome or… something, in my DNA that codes for twins. It's kinda how I ended up pregnant with 'em. Men determine the sex, and women determine the number. But, I'm just enough of a woman on the inside after Hojo's experiments that I can make twins."
"Oh." Cloud looked at the little girl he was holding again. "You're going to have two little brothers or sisters. Swings?"
"Swings!" Tempest crowed and leaned towards them, arms out and reaching. Reno simply watched the pair.
Cloud took her to the swings. And the slide. And the sandbox. The monkey bars. The fountain. The bathroom, four times. Back to the swings. Over to the teeter-totters, and around the merry-go-round until Tempest threw up.
Reno watched the whole time, his expression not quite as bland as before. But when Tempest heaved, he put a stop to the whole thing. "I think you guys have had enough fun for one day."
"Pruh-prize now?" Tempest asked with a weak little smile, still a little pale from puking.
Cloud looked down at his puke-covered jeans. "I'm gonna have to go home and change."
"Go on home, then. You can see the surprise when you come over next time." Reno looked down at Tempest with a small smile, his eyes finally softening. "That okay with you, Temp?"
"Cloud see pruh-prize tomorrow?"
Cloud opened his mouth to agree, only to be forestalled.
"Baby," Reno knelt and ran a wet wipe over her mouth and hands, cleaning up the mess as best he could without a bathtub. "Cloud's a very busy man and he doesn't have a lot of time to spend with us anymore. But, he'll come next week and see the surprise, okay?"
Tempest frowned and looked over at Cloud longingly. She sighed and nodded. "Okay, I show him next time."
"Reno…" Cloud sighed. He gave Tempest an unhappy look, and headed for Fenrir. His guards followed him; the other two remaining with Reno and Tempest. He went home, and stared at his phone for several minutes before dialing Reno's number. He got voicemail, and left a stilted apology for not having said goodbye.
Reno stood and carried Tempest back to the apartment to wash her up. By the time Tempest was dressed and ready to go, Reno was ready to leave. The bags were ready to go, electromag rod was charged, and he had a pocket full of gil. He left the bedroom with his things. The phone's message light was flashing from under the bed where it had vibrated itself off of the nightstand.
"Ready, Temp?" he asked as he situated her into her stroller, bags slung over his shoulder.
"Pruh-prize!" Tempest crowed, feeling much better after her bout of sickness at the park.
"Time to punch in," Reno said as he swung open the door and rolled the stroller out. He dropped his bags and swung the rod, catching one Turk in the head and sending him to the floor unconscious. The other went for his gun, but hesitated for fear of hurting Tempest. Reno took him down as well, nearly cracking the unfortunate Turk's head open.
Tempest's eyes were huge in her face as she watched her mother take down the Turks, horrified but not really surprised. Reno retracted his electromag rod and stuffed it into his pocket before sedately strolling to the elevator and then out of the hotel.
*-*
His cousins had called, with worse news than he'd expected. Now, Reno was… "Gone?"
"Yes, sir. He knocked out both operatives guarding him."
Cloud sighed. "I see. Thank you."
Rude waited. Cloud looked up to see him glaring. "You're the only one I will send to him, Rude. Just… make sure he's okay. He made his choice. We have to… respect that." The tall man turned on his heel and stalked out.
Cloud turned his unseeing gaze back to the report on his desk. Memories fought each other. After a few more minutes, he walked over to the balcony window. He jumped, wing spreading and taking him high into the air. It took no time at all to reach his destination.
"Cloud?"
"Reno's made his choice." He had to force the words out. "I wasn't… good enough."
*-*
"Mama bad. Cloud gonna be mad at you. You get a spanking!" Tempest yelled at Reno from the playpen he'd set her down in. The hotel was nowhere near as nice as the one that Cloud had supplied for them, but it was good enough for the night.
"I seriously doubt that, Tempest. Cloud doesn't give a shit what we do or where we go." Reno strode out of the bathroom, toweling his newly dyed hair. The color was flattering, but definitely not the signature red he'd had before. Instead he sported a nice, blendable black. He'd decided to go back to the dresses since he'd be showing in the near future. And, even if Cloud never came sniffing around Rude would eventually so the need to look as plain and unnoticeable as possible was a big point.
"Cloud come for me. I tell gramama and she tell Cloud and Cloud come for me and you get spanking!"
"You'll keep this to yourself, Tempest, or I'll tan that little backside of yours. I'm tired of sympathy and being a responsibility that he doesn't want or need, and I'm sick and fucking tired of being a backup." Reno flopped down on the bed and curled up on his side, facing his little girl.
"You know how hurt you felt when Cloud said he wouldn't be your daddy?" Tempest nodded. "Well, magnify that by a couple million and that's how it feels to be put aside until it's convenient."
"Stupid, stupid Mama! I want my Cloud back! I want Big! I want Dot! I want Fufus!"
"In a few months, you'll have 'em back, Temp. I dunno which one will keep you, but one of 'em will, I think." Reno rolled away and put his hands over the small bulge of his belly. "Go to sleep, we've got a long way to go tomorrow."
Tempest cried and sat in her playpen, her little hands over her face and loud sobs echoing in the otherwise still room. Reno sighed and got up, taking her out of the playpen and putting her in bed with him. He snuggled her close, stroking her hair back until she finally fell into exhaustion-induced sleep.
"Doc said…" Reno sighed and clutched Tempest closer, willing himself to sleep.
*.*
Rufus stared at Cloud, uncomprehendingly. His already pale skin drained of the little color it had. "You… you're lying."
"I wish I was."
"Get out."
Cloud stepped forward, hand reaching for his brother. "Ru-"
Rufus recoiled, his cane smacking forcefully against the outstretched hand. "I have no use for you. Get out."
Cloud cradled his hand against his chest, eyes wide with shock and pain. His first two steps back were slow and uncertain, but the uncompromising disgust and anger in the blue eyes that met his were too much. He turned and fled, his wing stretching as he reached the edge of the plate. He hurled himself from it as the first sobbing cry escaped.
He flew mindlessly, not willing to face the reality of what had just happened, not willing to be alone again. He'd just become used to having lovers and a family again… and now… now all he had left were responsibilities. He hovered a moment, taking the time to call Tseng. He left a brief message, before resuming his flight with more purpose.
He let himself fall over the mountains of his hometown, welcoming the familiar sensation of physical pain as he crashed into the peak and began tumbling. Hazily, he sent a thought out to his adopted daughter. Wasn't good enough, again, Temp. Won't ever be good enough. Tell Rei that I – the rest of the message went unsent as his head smashed into a jagged edge hard enough to knock him out.
Tempest woke up screaming, beating at Reno's arms. Reno blinked at her, trying to wake up enough to figure out what was going on, and how to fix it. "Whoa, wait, Temp…."
"Cloud, Cloud… Mama, Cloud's…" Tempest turned, her eyes red rimmed with tears, and punched him across the face. "You hurted him! He said not good enough, never good enough. FIX HIM!"
"I can't fix him, damn it," Reno growled, rubbing his jaw. "I dunno where he is and I kinda don't have—"
"Home, mountains; Cloud went home."
Reno groaned and rolled from the bed, snatching up the phone as he got to his feet. They'd have to leave soon. He dialed Rufus' number and paced while it rang.
Rufus stared at his phone as it rang. Finally he reached for it. The number was unfamiliar, so he snapped it open. "Shinra."
"What the fuck happened to Cloud, god damn it? Tempest woke up screaming," Reno barked into the line.
"You left him. I owe you nothing." Rufus snapped the phone shut.
Reno gaped and slammed the phone down on the cradle only to snatch it up again and dial Rude's number, hoping for a better response.
"Rude."
"Aibou, do you know anything about what's happened to Cloud? Tempest woke up screaming. She said something about him going home to the mountains."
"Some. Where are you?"
"Mideel; was heading to Wutai but we got side tracked."
"I thought so." There was a decided smirk to Rude's tone. "Open the fuckin' door."
Reno's brows went up but he did as he'd been told. "I'm starting to think that you implanted a fucking tracer in my body somewhere while I wasn't looking."
"If you weren't pregnant, I'd knock you on your ass," the larger man growled. "Now, what about the boss?"
"I know." Reno stepped back to let Rude into the room. "Tempest woke up screaming about Cloud and being broken or something. She said he went back to Nibelheim. Then I called Rufus to see what the fuck was going on, because Cloud's been so far in Rufus' ass the last month that I'm surprised they haven't merged yet, and the little bastard said he owed me nothing and hung up. That's when I called you."
Rude gave him a look of utter scorn, and knelt by Tempest. "What happened?"
She latched onto him and rubbed her face on his coat, wiping away snot and tears. "Him in the mountains, said not good enough but stopped alla sudden. Fix him, Big?"
"What the fuck was that look for?" Reno demanded, folding his arms over his chest.
"You heard him speak? Tell me exactly what he said," Rude instructed the little girl as he stood up, cradling her. He would deal with Reno when he'd learned what his charge knew of his boss.
"Said not good enough, never be good enough. Tell Rei that I, and he stopped." Tempest curled her fingers around Rude's tie and pillowed her head against his shoulder. "Fix him, Big. He's hurted."
Rude drew a deep breath, and turned to Reno. "Pack. We're going to Nibelheim." He turned and strode out the door, carrying Tempest to the waiting helicopter.
Reno opened his mouth to argue, but now wasn't the time for it. Instead, he folded up the playpen, grabbed their bags, and strode out to the chopper, slinging the luggage inside. He climbed inside without another word.
Rude already had his headset on and Tempest securely fastened, so as soon Reno fastened his door, he took off. He waited until Reno had his seatbelt fastened and his headset in place before he flipped the switch for the turbos and practically laid the bird on its side turning towards Nibelheim.
They'd been in the air for nearly ten minutes and still not a word had been spoken. Tempest eventually fell asleep, but she whimpered every so often as though dreaming of something that scared her. Reno was of a mind that it was more that she and Cloud had been linked and talking when whatever it was that took Cloud out had happened, and she was probably reliving the pain that had broadcast before the connection had been cut.
"You've been holding your tongue, aibou. Go ahead, lay it on me," Reno said into the headset, glad that the rotors would drown out the majority of the conversation and wouldn't wake Tempest.
"They weren't fucking." Rude's voice was clipped and cold. "The former President had been teaching the President the finer points of the business."
"And that entails spending almost every fucking waking moment together? Try again," Reno retorted, folding his arms over his chest.
Silence met his demand, a cold silence of absolute fury. It was several minutes before Rude trusted himself to speak. He kept his voice quiet. "I remember finding him after the Sephiroth War. He'd been in his office at the top of the building, and we found him on the streets of the slums below the plate. His body was riddled with glass and metal; his bones were broken… and yet his face and hands were untouched. I remember guarding him while he was recovering and delirious, screaming for his father not to give him to Hojo, not to rape him again.
"I remember how long it took before he was able to take to the wheelchair, and how soon after that the Geostigma affected him. I remember how quickly and how badly it spread.
"I remember him sitting in the rain in that wheelchair; watching as the Geostigma lifted from his skin. I remember taking him to the therapy he needed to be able to walk again. I remember that he sold his company to his bitterest rival in order to save one of his Turks.
"I remember that he helped that same Turk when he went into heat; ignoring the demands of his own body until the heat was finally over. I remember how light he was when I carried him out to the car that took him home.
"I remember," Rude bit out, "that he is dying, and that his brother cared enough about him to spend as much time with him as he could."
"He's not dying," Reno growled, fingers digging into his arms. "Someone would have fucking told me if he was. Pregnant and useless or not, someone would have fucking said if something was wrong with Rufus." Reno turned his head to look out the window at the ground zipping by below them.
"I knew he was sick, but that's all anyone would tell me. 'He's just sick, Reno, he'll be back on his feet in no time.' If he's dying then why didn't someone say something? I would've liked to spend time with him, too. Instead I find out that this shit is going down after the fact. Was everyone just gonna leave me in the god damned dark until he died and stopped coming over to visit? 'Oh, sorry, we forgot to tell you; Rufus died a couple of weeks ago.' Was that the plan?"
"He is dying. It was confirmed today, shortly before you went missing. He sent me after you, and according to Tseng, went to speak with his brother. Shortly thereafter, Tseng received a call putting him in charge of the company."
"So it was confirmed today, huh? Then they're fucking psychic because they've been pulling this glue trick for the last month. It started the day the heat ended. Every time I see them, they're all over each other like Tempest with a bowl of pudding," Reno seethed, fingers digging into his arms hard enough to bruise the skin.
"That's not just giving a damn about Rufus' health or learning about the company's finer points or even brothers, that's lust; I've seen it in other people enough to know what it looks like. Hell, I used to inspire that look; I know what the fuck I'm talking about."
Reno shot Rude a look and set his mouth. "But, it seems that the docs are passing out bad prognoses like candy. I'm having twins, but the joy of it is that there's very little chance I'm gonna be breathing long enough to even look at 'em. And don't you fucking tell Cloud about it, arright? Obviously he's got enough to fucking worry about."
*.*
Tingling. It was an odd feeling, unusual yet… somehow familiar. He forced his eyes open, trying to figure out why he tingled where…. Oh. Feathers. Twisted, bloodied feathers on a broken, twisted, glowing wing. That was why he felt where there shouldn't be anything.
His head hurt a great deal. He raised the arm that would still move, examining the torn, bleeding fingers curiously. Little lines of green fire raced over the wounds, healing them as he watched. It was interesting, in a way, and disturbing, in another. He touched restored fingers to the back of his head, feeling the squishiness and odd shape.
The back of his head began tingling the way his fingers had, and the squishiness began to disperse. Slowly, his head took on a more normal feeling, and his headache eased. The tingling eased as well, there at least. He could feel the same odd tingle whenever he saw or felt a part of himself that was bleeding.
He turned his attention to the clouds drifting overhead. He could feel them getting closer, his Mama's descendents. Zack's little girl was sleeping, and his sons were agitated and unhappy. Reno was angry and scared, but more angry – with him – than anything else. He could feel his brother, too: angry, hurt, betrayed; further out and unmoving.
The betrayal slammed into his gut and his mind, bringing back the reason he was in the Nibel Mountains with his body torn and broken. He wasn't supposed to be healing, he was supposed to be dying. If he wasn't of any use to anyone, he had no purpose, no reason to live. Reno had left him. Taken the children and left him to his dying brother, and Rufus….
His eyes squeezed shut, blocking out the sky. He should be used to it by now. Having his family beat him and throw him away. Mama hadn't done that yet, but it was only a matter of time before he would be deemed unworthy and cast off.
Poor child. I had begun to have hope that you were improving.
Cloud opened his eyes. Jenova crouched over him, reaching out to gently brush the hair behind his ears before she began working on tidying his feathers. "What do you mean?"
I had begun to hope that you were beginning to understand your worth as an individual. It seems you still feel there is no worth to life if those you care for cannot abuse you, use you for their own selfish needs or desires. I had thought you entertained dreams and hopes of your own, yet… you still cling to the need to be abused.
"I don't like being hurt," Cloud protested quietly, looking into silvery eyes. "It just… it's… I…." He struggled to put the thought in his mind into words.
You have been abused your entire life, and it does not feel natural when someone is not using you for their own ends. Only Zachary and Sephiroth failed to do this, to use you solely for their own purposes. You had them for such a very short time before Sephiroth was driven insane and Zachary was put down. Yet even when you had them, you were at the mercy of others
And these last two losses were too many. Jenova rested a gentle hand on his forehead before helping him sit up. To find Reno more willing to leave you than to try to work with you to create a true family in spite of both of your responsibilities and weaknesses, this hurt you. To find your brother dying, to confess both that you had him tested, and that you are kin, only for him to say he has no use for you: these were too many blows to a child who has never known love without pain, and only once had another put him first, unconditionally cared for.
"Who?" Cloud asked. "Nobody… they all had their own responsibilities and concerns. I came in second, or last. Even with you, Mama. You wanted Sephiroth, not me."
True enough, but I was not so aware then as now. It shames me that I did not care equally for my children. But, child, I am not giving up on you, just as Zack did not give up on you when he made you his sole concern when you escaped that thing. I believe that there is still time for you to learn what it will take to live a happy life, one filled with love, joy, family. I believe you have the ability to overcome the many obstacles of your past, if you are only given enough time between emergencies. Jenova's laughter was gentle. It is not as if catastrophes have not been flooding your life, or your businesses controlling it. Perhaps you simply need to disappear for a time, and take a much needed vacation somewhere where there is no one to rely on you, and no pressing decisions that must be made right this moment.
"I… I think I'd like that," Cloud said softly. "I really think… I want to go away."
*.*
It took a moment to process. Rude shot Reno a startled look, and aimed the chopper for the base of the Nibel Mountains. "You're dying, so you ran off? With the kids?"
"If I had left Tempest behind everyone would have known that something was wrong. Tempest is all I've got, yo." Reno shot a wan grin at Rude. "But, when my times gets close, I was gonna take Tempest to Sheila and have the kids at her clinic."
"This the same woman whose lab burned down just before you went into heat?"
"Yeah, but she has a clinic in Mideel and I went by there earlier to make sure that she was still using it. Otherwise I would have planned to make the trip back to Midgar-Edge about a month before I bite it." Reno shrugged, seemingly unconcerned with his impending mortality.
Rude started to say something, but the words strangled in his throat. Instead, he pointed out the chopper's window. "Cloud!" he squeaked.
"Holy shit!" Reno yelped, staring down at a rather disturbing sight. Cloud was sitting up on the rocks, covered in blood and broken feathers and a blue woman with silvery wings and hair crouched beside him. "What the fuck is that thing?"
Rude banked the copter, angling it for a better view of the two on the rocks below. "Gramama!" Tempest cried happily, wriggling in her seat in an attempt to see better.
Cloud looked up, hearing the nearing copter. "They're here," he said dully. "Why'd they come?"
Do you wish to stay long enough to learn why?
"Help me stand." Cloud struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on Jenova's slight form. She bore his weight easily; wings flapping idly as he situated himself so that he could use her for support, but didn't block the use of her wings.
"Thank Shiva, he's okay," Reno breathed, a hand pressed against the glass. Tears of relief swam to Reno's eyes and he blinked them back, blaming the hormones of pregnancy for the girly reaction. "There's so much blood, though. Get us down there, Rude."
Rude grunted, and landed on the nearest piece of flat ground that would take the chopper. He flipped the switches to power it down, and grabbed the first aid kit on his way out.
Reno was right behind him, only barely remembering to grab Tempest from the backseat. Granted, it wasn't the safest thing to carry a toddler into a possibly dangerous situation, but it was better than leaving her behind only to find out that she'd been taken.
"Gramama!" Tempest called out, waving happily at the blue-skinned woman, jostling a bit roughly in Reno's grip as the redhead ran towards the blonde. "Cloud!"
"Cloud, you're bleeding!" Reno yelled frantically, horror and regret stealing across his face as he made his way up to the pair. "What happened? Why are you bleeding?"
What a foolish child, Jenova observed dispassionately, even as she wriggled her fingers in a greeting to the toddler he carried.
"Why are you here?" Cloud asked tiredly.
"It's my job," Rude replied calmly. He gave the woman a brief glance, doing a double take when he realized she was naked. He opened the first aid kit and started wiping blood from the injury on Cloud's forehead. "Who's your friend?"
"Tempest woke up screaming," Reno answered and stepped back a bit, putting Rude between himself and the blue-skinned woman. He didn't want to think that Tempest was right and that this was Jenova; that would break his insane-shit-o'meter. "I was worried about you. Even more after I heard about why you were spending so much time with Ru—uh, your brother."
Cloud frowned. "I told you why. Every time I came to visit, I told you what we'd done that week. Why would you be worrying over that?"
"Because," Reno looked at Rude briefly before returning his gaze to the blonde across from him, "Even if it wasn't true, I still thought that more than work was going on. I didn't know Rufus was d—in such bad health. I thought… the way you two were always touching or cuddling or looking at each other," Reno looked down at his feet and shrugged.
You are a singularly foolish child.
Reno yelped and jolted, almost losing his footing on the rocky ground. "Holy fucking shit!" His mouth dropped open and he stared in horror at the woman. "J-Jen… Jenova," he squeaked, paling abruptly and swaying on his feet. A hand went to his belly and he stepped back another pace, his eyes never leaving Jenova's pretty yet terrifying face.
Cloud laughed bitterly. "You left me because my brother was sick? Because he was dying?" He batted Rude's hands away, allowing his heritage to come to the fore. Green fire raced over his body, mending the wounds he'd gotten. His wing straightened, and he flapped it lazily. "You left for nothing. I told him who I really am, and he wants…." Cloud swallowed hard, taking a step away from Jenova and towards Reno, "He wants nothing to do with me. He has no… further use for me."
"N-no, I, I left because you wanted him instead. I-I, I was getting out of the—" Reno's hand clenched over his belly and he tore his eyes away from Jenova—fucking Jenova!—to meet Cloud's eyes. "I was getting out of the way. I explained all of this when you took my wedding rings."
"Getting out of the way of what? We'd talked about it. You were fine with whatever kind of relationship I could build with my brother. You said you wouldn't dictate what kind of relationship we had; that it was something you couldn't interfere with. So I don't get it. What did you think you were getting out of the way of?"
"I said I wouldn't dictate anything, you're right about that. The only stipulation I requested was that you wouldn't sleep with him. I thought you were when you could because you sure as hell never look at me, and you never touch me like you touch him, never even give me that soft look you give him. If you saw me actin' like that with someone you were already jealous of, would you assume the worst and think you'd just become a responsibility and a burden?" Reno moved Tempest to his other hip, but his hand went again to his belly, as if holding the small lump was a comfort.
"Fuck. You said fuck, not sleep with." Cloud stepped back, into Jenova's ready embrace. She looped her arms around his waist. "You were… my fiancé. Not a burden."
Rude adroitly plucked Tempest from Reno's hold, propping her securely against his own hip. He took several prudent steps away from the argument, but kept watching. Reno and the children were his responsibility until the boss said otherwise, and the boss was securely tucked in Jenova's arms. "Boss. She not an enemy now?"
Cloud turned his attention to Rude with a slight air of relief. "Jenova is family, and to be protected as such."
"All right, fine, okay." Reno cupped his belly with both hands, flicking worried looks at Jenova. "I… you're really gonna make me say it, aren't you?" He sighed and looked back at Rude, trying to decide if he should say anything. He hadn't intended to, but then that was before he'd known the entire situation.
"Look, I… I won't blame you if you say no, but," another frightened glance at Rude, "But I'd like to spend a little more time with you before, um, before the babies come." Reno's eyes dropped to the ground, betraying the fact that he was keeping something from the blonde. "Just… um, it doesn't have to mean anything, if you don't want it to, but… I'd like to see you for my… the next few months."
Jenova rested her chin on Cloud's shoulder, studying the stammering redhead. Cloud tipped his head slightly, giving Reno a confused look. Mama? He's afraid of something again. I can feel that. The anger is gone, but he's scared.
That thing has tainted him! Jenova hissed suddenly, audible even to Rude.
Reno jumped, not quite prepared to hear Jenova again, but nowhere near as shocked as the first time. "What's that mean? What thing?" he asked, stepping back warily. An entity like Jenova displaying such anger wasn't something Reno wanted to tangle with in his present condition.
"She means that Shiva-damned, Nibel wolf fucking rat bastard of a jackass," Cloud supplied helpfully.
There was only one person Cloud got so descriptively disparaging of and that was Hojo. "Uh, right. So, tainted?" Somehow, Reno got the feeling that his little secret might not remain so for long, especially with Jenova around.
He poisoned you. You will not long outlast the birth, if you live so long.
Cloud's eyes widened. "Reno's dying?"
"Oh, that." Reno sucked on his lip for a second. "Yeah, I know already. Doc was kind enough to give me a toxicology report. Seems that when you uh…." He stepped forward so that he could lower his voice a little. "When you breached the channel, it started a chemical reaction. Seems that Hojo didn't want me getting pregnant outside the lab, and since I did, it looks like I'm gonna die for it."
You need not die, foolish child. You are my descendent, after all.
"Gramama fix! Gramama fix! All better!" Tempest burbled, as though she'd known the entire time that nothing detrimental was going to happen to her mama.
A red brow rose questioningly. "How's that?" he asked, eyeing the woman distrustfully. It still wigged him out that she was related to him, or vice versa.
The same way this child was cured of the taint. It is a most unpleasant process, and you will be quite a bit stupider than normal for about a month.
"Thanks, granny, but if I'm so stupid, then what's the point in saving me? Intelligence is passed down from mother to child; you wanna take a chance on generations that might come from me bein' dumb as a fuckin' rock? Might be smarter to just rip the kids out of me and leave me to rot, right? Or, better yet, let Hojo's toxin do its job and all three of us will be out of your way."
Cloud gasped, a soft, hurt little sound. "I… want to go now, Mama."
"No, just wait a minute." Reno frowned and wrapped his arms around his belly protectively. "I'm stupid; a fucking dumb-as-a-rock, less-than-pond-scum, half dead freak of an experiment that's just polluting the gene pool with its less than scoffed at intelligence—who would want to save me? Why? I'm too stupid to understand, so use small words, granny. Explain it to me, because I don't get it.
"I left so that I could die alone, god damn it, without having to worry about hurting Cloud any worse than he already was. I made my exit in a horrible way so that he'd be able to go to Rufus for comfort, to someone who could love him, I thought. If I made it long enough to give birth, I was gonna send his kids to him through Sheila and the last thing I would have asked of her was to tell him that I just ditched all of my kids on him to gallivant about the fucking planet instead of taking the chance of possibly hurting him with my death." Reno's chest heaved and his skin grew clammy and pale.
"So, Jenova, ancestor to five out of the six of us here, tell me in simple, easy to understand words what purpose it would serve to keep me alive? You can't say for Cloud because he already refers to what we had in past tense."
I stand corrected. You would be smarter if you were drooling and unable to speak. Jenova favored him with a scowl as she wrapped Cloud more firmly in her arms. Your only worth is to my son and my grandchildren. You have never wished to be my child, nor to do anything more than destroy either my sons or me. I have no reason to keep you alive past the incubation period, were it not that this boy loves you.
Jenova was airborne a moment later, Cloud limp and unresisting in her arms. This one tried to kill himself because those he loved left him. You told him you were worried for him, and only moments later offered to die rather than undergo an unpleasant process to keep from dying, and to kill his sons as well. I will take him now, to a place where he can rest and heal from another heartbreak, and grieve for the children he already believes to be lost to him.
She gave him another scornful look, before a powerful downsweep sent mother and son soaring into the sky. The two were a speck within seconds, and beyond view almost immediately.
"What just happened?" Rude asked, looking inquiringly from the little girl in his arms to the pregnant redhead.
"She misunderstood what I asked her," Reno replied as he sank to his knees, arms wrapped tightly around his middle. "Heh, she assumed that I wouldn't pickle myself in a Lifestream current if that's what Cloud wanted." He sat back on his heels and fell over onto one hand, chest heaving against seizing lungs. "I wasn't even really talking to her; I wanted Cloud to say one way or the other what he wanted. But, I guess he just did."
Reno looked over at Rude and smirked, lips trembling with the effort to hold the expression. "I guess the orders now are to stay alive long enough to have the babies, and if it looks like I'm not gonna make it that long I need to get them out of me and into an incubation chamber. I'm not gonna take them with me when I die; Cloud needs them."
Rude frowned. "Sounded to me like you told them you didn't love the boss enough to stay with him. Sounded like you wouldn't even let him know you were dead instead of enjoying life without him or the kids you weren't willing to raise with him. Sounded like you'd rather die than live, and like you wanted them to die with you." He shrugged, and set Tempest down. "Can't say I heard you say you wanted to jump in the Lifestream so you could make a life with him."
"You can't say I said I wouldn't jump in with both feet, either. Didn't say a word about not loving him, or not loving him enough. I told him that I thought he didn't love me anymore because it feels like he moved those feelings over to Rufus, because he never shows me tenderness like he does with Rufus, and he didn't argue with that.
"But, you did hear me tell him that I wanted to spend my last days with him. You heard me ask for a reason to stay alive other than as a brood mare—and he left without a word. Sounds to me like what I do want is irrelevant because he's made the choice to walk away. I'd've ran pell-mell towards the closest pool of the stuff and dove in without a second thought if he had only…" Reno sighed and then struggled to his feet. "What's the point of living if I'm alone?"
"Stupid Mama." Tempest toddled over to Reno and clutched at his leg, glaring up at him. "You 'ssume he know'd you wuv him, didn't tell him you wuv him—how's he 'posed to know? You just decide go 'way, then 'spect him to know?"
"Well, it's too late to fix that now, right?" Reno hefted her up and settled her on his hip. "You can tell him after I'm gone, if you want."
"Or you fix it so you not die and you tell him. I want my mama alive and baby bruvers want mama alive—you stupid if you die and leave us alone."
~*~
"He… didn't want me." Cloud leaned back against the tree, hand trailing through the grass beside him. "I thought… that he'd really wanted to try to work out our relationship and become a real…." The words died; his memory replaying Tifa's comment when Marlene and Denzel had been kidnapped. "I thought he'd listened when I told him about what I did with Ru…."
His voice cracked on his brother's name, and his head bowed once more. Silently, he picked through his memories, searching, comparing. Reno had said he loved his brother more. That he wasn't tender and loving anymore.
Except, Reno was vivacious and bouncing and easily fending for himself, where Rufus was worn and sick and in need of help. So, maybe he had been gentler, more tender. He'd felt… needed.
Cloud smacked the back of his head against the tree. He certainly wasn't needed anymore, not by either of them. Unwanted. "Look, I… I won't blame you if you say no, but, but I'd like to spend a little more time with you before, um, before the babies come. Just… um, it doesn't have to mean anything, if you don't want it to, but… I'd like to see you for my… the next few months." Mostly unwanted then, and only until the babies….
He trailed his hand through the grass again, almost petting. "You would've had two little brothers. He wanted a reason to live besides being a broodmare. I told him he was my fiancé, not a burden. And he… said… he took back wanting to spend time with me. Instead, he wanted to let… the poison… kill them all."
"Thanks, granny, but if I'm so stupid, then what's the point in saving me? Intelligence is passed down from mother to child; you wanna take a chance on generations that might come from me bein' dumb as a fuckin' rock? Might be smarter to just rip the kids out of me and leave me to rot, right? Or, better yet, let Hojo's toxin do its job and all three of us will be out of your way."
The words rang through his mind again. He knew that he had asked Mama to take him away, and closed himself to the angry words he knew would be coming. He'd shut himself down, to save himself from any more pain. Except, he could still remember that Reno had wanted to die, to kill their children. "I'm of no use to anyone," he murmured brokenly. "Not anyone who really needed me. Seph died. Zack. Aeris. Rena. You. Rufus is dying, and Reno, the babies. I'm no use."
~*~