Sorry there was no chapter yesterday. But it was Burns Night, which is a very special Scottish holiday, and I was busy eating Haggis with my friends, and generally being raucous and entertaining.

However, now I'm back to writing, and I very much hope you enjoy this chapter!

Kate pulled another heap of chips towards her, winking at Rick as he sighed.

"You done yet?" she asked. "You owe me..." she counted, "almost 500 dares or favours."

Rick groaned. "Yes, I'm done. I want to have some chips left."

"How many do you have?"

"Seven..."

"Well, you can keep them. And either they're dares of favours for me, or you can use one so you don't have to do something I ask you."

"How do you even come up with this stuff?"

"I live with a four year old – I'm surprised your 'game making' skills haven't improved since you've been back."

She pursed her lips. She always felt odd when she mentioned Rick's time away, especially when it coincided with him missing out on something to do with their son. He frowned, knowing what she was thinking about. Johnny called him Daddy now – she had to be happy about that.

In fact, she was undecided. She knew she had to stop punishing Rick, especially if she was serious about wanting to be with him – which she was. But she was still angry. He had missed so much... She counted up her chips, laughing. She would never ask him 493 favours in one holiday, but it was funny all the same. She liked having power over him. If she thought about it, she always had. Suddenly, she had a thought.

"One more game. For a switch – you win, you get my chips, I get yours."

Rick frowned again. "What happens if you win?"

Kate grinned. "I get everything – I like the idea of a clean sweep victory," she bluffed.

Rick was sure he was missing something. "Not poker, then. I'm not doing well with poker..."

Kate laughed. "You can say that again. So, what do you want to play?"

"I don't know... Why do you even want to play anything else?"

"What's life without a little risk?" she asked, and she managed to be convincing.

"Okay..." he said. "What about snap?"

Kate laughed harder. "Snap? Against my reflexes?"

Rick winked. "I'll take my chances."

"Okay, fine," Kate said, pretending she was giving in. Rick dealt the cards, and they played – she was careful to keep it even, winning a few rounds, but slowly the stack of cards in Rick's hand built up, and after not very long, she had let him win. He gloated hugely, and she feigned disappointment as she pushed her chips towards him. She wondered if she'd made a mistake – but she was almost testing him. She was very curious about what he would get her to do – she would find out just how much of a child he still was. She realised what she was doing was rather deceptive, but she didn't think Rick would mind – maybe she would even tell him one day. They checked the time – they still had a few hours before the others got back.

"It's only for the vacation," Kate reminded Rick. "I'm not doing this at home."

Rick laughed. "Don't worry, I'll use them all up."

"493 in three weeks – and we've already had two and a half days..."

"I guess I'd better get started, then," he said, with a smile on his face. "Kiss me."

Kate laughed. "You don't even need a chip for that one – I'd have done it for free. But, since you want to waste it..." She walked over and kissed him, really letting him have it. He groaned.

"I hope you take all my requests this seriously," he said when she broke away.

Rick wondered why she had risked it, why she had almost seemed to want to lose. She had pretended to be upset when he picked up the last of the cards, but he didn't think she really was. Maybe she just hadn't been able to think of anything to get him to do – he was finding it kind of difficult. She watched him struggle, and felt a little mean, but he would be okay.

"You can embrace the game, Rick. I don't mind – I know it's for fun," she said, smiling.

He shrugged. And then it dawned on him. He grinned. "I know what I'm going to do with all of my chips," he said happily. "There are a lot – so I think they're worth, say, you doing something for the whole three weeks."

"Like what?" she asked.

"I want you to do whatever you want. Your favour is to be selfish – to put yourself first. Let me handle anything you don't feel like doing."

Kate gaped at him. He really had changed – and he had beaten her at her own game. He laughed.

"I know you're testing me – I know you could have won. But that was your decision – and now I have won, you're still bound by the game."

Kate laughed. Rick winked. "And also, if you don't mind another favour?"

Kate shook her head.

"Great. I want you to tell me the truth. If I ask you anything, you have to tell me the absolute truth."

Kate smiled, and put her arms around him. "You have changed."

Rick grinned. "I know. So, what d'you want to do this afternoon?"

Kate smiled. "I think I'm... going to go swimming." She had had to think about it – she really wasn't used to deciding what to do. So much of her time was dictated by looking after Johnny, and also Alexis and Martha, that she rarely had a chance to do exactly what she wanted.

She walked outside. Rick followed her.

"Aren't you going to get changed?" he asked. She turned around, and smiled more.

"The others won't be back for a while. You aren't expecting visitors, are you? Anyway, this is how I always want to swim."

He was unable to answer. He watched her take off her clothes, and slide into the pool. She began to swim around, knowing he was watching her. Then he grinned, and took off his own clothes to join her. She stared openly at him, and he laughed.

"Taking this thing seriously, I see," he said as he got into the pool. She swam over to him and kissed him again.

"I have to. I lost, fair and square – what would it do to my integrity if I didn't?"

Rick laughed, and kissed her again. When they were dressed and back inside, Kate found a book, and Rick picked up his laptop. She looked sideways at him.

"How far does this doing what I want thing go?" she asked.

Rick didn't look up from the document he had just opened – he was about to start writing.

"As far as you like," he said, concentrating on typing. She bit her lip. Could she do this? For all the pushing around she did at work, pushing Rick around was different. She was very used to pleasing the people she lived with, getting on with things, and not being a nuisance. She didn't know if she would be able to be so demanding. He looked up, and saw her expression. He smiled.

"Don't be chicken – tell me what you want then," he said, and she smiled.

"Close your laptop," she said quietly. He did. "Come over here," she said, and he stood in front of her – she was sitting in an armchair. She stood up, then blushed. Rick touched her cheek.

"By the power vested in me by our game of snap, I demand you tell me what you're thinking."

She smiled. "I'm thinking I want to take your shirt off."

"Why?"

"Because..."

He moved his hands to hers, and put them on the buttons of his shirt.

"Because I like the way you look without it."

He smiled. "That wasn't so hard."

He waited while she unbuttoned it, and slid it off his shoulders.

"Now what do you want to do?" he asked her.

"Go for a walk?" she suggested. "On the beach?"

He grinned. "You can see why I used the chips for this. Everything you say is a question, or you're embarrassed about it. Just make me – you're so tough at work – be like that. Tell me what we're doing."

She grinned. "Okay, smart-ass, we're going for a walk on the beach."

"Better," he teased, and took her hand. They walked outside, through the garden and onto the shore. Rick stroked her hand with his fingers, and she smiled.

"What are you thinking now?" he asked.

"Does this come under the truth thing?"

"Of course."

"Okay... I was thinking about why I don't tell people what to do at home."

"Did you come to a conclusion?"

"Sort of. I think... I mean, before you guys, I hadn't had a family since my Mom died. And then, after you left, and I moved in with Martha and Alexis, I knew I was a guest. I just tried to be useful, I didn't want to be waited on when they were being so overly kind and generous. I wasn't paying rent, and after I had Johnny, they looked after him so much for free. Being helpful and useful was the only thing I could do to begin to repay them. And it kept me busy. And I mean, I'm living in your house. I had your baby, but he isn't inside me any more – you don't have to look after me just because I had him."

Rick let go of her hand, and put his arm around her. "We want to look after you. And I know my mother isn't the best at tidying up after herself but-"

"No, that's not why... I mean, I do clean up after her, but she would do it if I didn't get there first. I just... I want to be a part of the family."

Rick laughed. "You'd fit in better if you were self-centred and demanding all the time."

Kate shook her head. "That's not true. You're not. I thought you were, but you're not."

"I'm liking this honesty thing. Do you have any other secrets I'd be interested to know?"

Kate blushed. Rick smiled. "You look so beautiful when you're embarrassed. But you still have to answer – don't worry, I'm not going to make you tell me anything you're uncomfortable with – just say, if you want to stop."

Kate paused. "Okay. Then, yes. I do have secrets from you, that you would be interested to know."

Rick smiled. "Why?"

"You mean, why haven't I told you?"

Rick nodded.

"I guess... I don't know. I want to say I'm not ready, but if that's true, I don't know how I ever will be. I suppose... Being strong, being Johnny's Mom, even... Even thinking you were never coming back. It all made me close off a bit, you know? It's as though I built up a wall around my heart – I think I started doing it when I was nineteen. And although I obviously feel things, and show my emotions sometimes... I'm afraid to let anyone in."

"I understand, I think."

Kate smiled. "Any more questions?"

Rick winked. "Do you know that I love you?"

Kate breathed in sharply, but managed to relax herself again. "Yes," she said quietly. Rick pulled her even closer to him – they stopped walking, and he gave her a proper hug.

"And how do you feel about that?" he asked gently.

She couldn't think of a word at first. Then she smiled a little. "Awesome," she said, and he laughed loudly.

"I'm glad to hear it."

She wondered if he wanted her to tell him she loved him too. He didn't ask though – he asked a few more stupid questions on the way back to the house, but he didn't ask anything else where she would have had an opportunity to tell him she returned his affection. He knew she did, anyway. He knew her well enough to know she would never have done what they did the night before if she didn't have extremely strong feelings for him. But she was glad he didn't ask, because if she told the absolute truth, she didn't know if she would be able to say she loved him, or that she was in love with him. She cared about him as much as she knew how, so if you looked at it like that, yes, she loved him.

But thinking about the past, and everything she'd been through, she didn't know if she was able to be truly in love any more. She loved Johnny, but that was protective, motherly love. There was still a part of her heart that was closed off. Being with Rick was fun – he could make her feel relaxed, and free, and comfortable in her own skin. Having him love her was wonderful, heavenly. But she had two problems. The first was, she didn't think she did anything like the same things to him. She believed that he loved her, and it did make her feel 'awesome' – but she thought she must be, and she definitely had the potential to be, a very high maintenance girlfriend. The second was, she still didn't feel ready to expose herself. That was part of the reason she hadn't had sex with him – but it went deeper than that. Sex was sex – and they had done everything but. The real deal was, if she loved him, she would have to give herself to him. She would have nothing left. She wouldn't be angry about him leaving any more, but also, she would have nothing to herself. Right now, that pain was hers – if they were in love, that pain would be his too.

And also, Johnny. When Johnny had called Rick 'Daddy' she had been over the moon. It had been fantastic, it had been what everyone had been waiting for. But a little part of Kate felt almost resentful. She had tried to work out why, and she had come to the conclusion that no matter how close she wanted him to be to his father, she still thought of Johnny as her son. She knew it was selfish, and she felt terrible for even thinking it, but Johnny was hers. She didn't want to share him. He loved her more than anyone in the world. He was a part of her soul. And she was scared that if he started belonging to Rick, he would stop belonging to her so completely.

She knew it wasn't rational; she knew Johnny would always love her. But the fear wouldn't leave.

And if she was thinking about fear, she also thought about her fear of attachment. Her life had taught her over and over that the people you love leave you. If she loved Rick, what would happen to her if he left? And what would happen to Johnny? In a way, growing up without his father had made Johnny safe – Rick had been unreliable. Kate believed he had changed, and she didn't think her fears were grounded. She knew Rick wasn't going anywhere. But there were times when she was still afraid.

As she thought through all of this, Rick walked beside her in silence, and when she looked up at him, he didn't ask what she had been thinking about. They arrived back at the house, and Kate said, if she was being selfish, she'd like to sit out in the garden by herself for a while. Rick nodded, and began to prepare some food. He watched her from the kitchen window, hoping the look of terror he had seen flashing across her face had been a figment of his imagination.

Well I did say there would be drama... Thanks for reading, please review, and no Hannah, they're not going to break up (permanently. Or maybe not at all...), it'll be okay I promise. In the end...

Loads of love and hugs, Z xxx