***This is just a quick note to say that, according to 's guidelines, this chapter has been edited. If you'd like to read the uncut version you can find it here at my AO3 account. The link is in my profile. ***

The door opened, and Shepard was away, tearing through the empty corridors of the ship with her heart thundering in her ears.

There was no one to be seen.

She stopped looking. There was no point.

Part of her expected the briefing room to be empty as well, and the sight of Joker hit her hard. She headed straight for him, registered the guilt and horror on his face, and laid both hands upon his shoulders.

"Joker, what happened?"

The doors opened. There was the sharp click of Miranda's heels, and the snap of her voice.

"Everyone? You lost everyone and damn near lost the ship, too?"

"Don't you dare, Miranda," Shepard warned. She inhaled, jaw clenching.

"It's not his fault," Jacob said, leaning against the wall and folding his arms. "None of us caught it."

"Mister Taylor is correct," EDI informed them. "The harmful data in the Collector drive was even more sophisticated than the "black box" Reaper viruses I was given."

"Is the ship clean now?" Shepard asked, her gaze flicking to Garrus. He readied his gun.

"EDI and I purged the systems," Joker said. "The IFF is online. We can go through the Omega Four relay whenever you want."

Shepard let go of him.

Miranda started speaking but Shepard ignored her. Whenever she wanted. She hadn't even been able to protect her crew.

"Out," Shepard said. She rubbed her hand across her forehead and shut her eyes for a few precious seconds. "All of you out."

"But—"

"That's an order."

She ignored the look Garrus gave her, noted the way he fell into step with Thane, and still she couldn't care. The door hissed shut behind them. Her crew had gone. She had failed them.

Shepard looked at her reflection on the surface of the desk. It blurred before her eyes, and she bunched her fist, driving it into the table with all her rage behind it. The pain was dull and detached. She hit the desk harder. The surface crumpled. Her clean reflection was lost.

She pummelled it again. There was a muffled crunch, and Shepard stumbled back, holding her hand up as the pain hit her.

"EDI, set a course for the relay. Inform the crew."

She met no one on the walk back to her quarters. Her ship had lost its voice.

The words on the page blurred. Her datapad had become an indistinct glow on the desk. Instead of inventories all she could see were the faces of her crew as the Collectors came for them. She had watched the footage over and over.

Shepard turned the page and stared. The words fell away. She was a failure.

"Commander, Thane is waiting outside," EDI said, and Shepard blinked hard.

"Send him in."

She swivelled in the chair as he entered. "Thane."

"Siha…I…" He stared at her, eyes lowering as she met his gaze, and moved away across the room.

"I have known I would die for many years," Thane said, pacing restlessly. "I have tried to leave the galaxy better than I found it. You helped me achieve more than I thought possible. We've righted many wrongs. I've spoken to my son. I should be at peace on the eve of battle."

Thane's voice hitched, a break in breath that was unfamiliar. The terror she felt dissipated in the face of his need.

"Thane." Shepard got to her feet and went to him, ignoring the pain in her hand as she caught him. "You don't have to say anything, I understand."

He dipped his chin and hid his dark eyes from her. "I am ashamed."

She lifted her good hand to his face. The touch was fleeting. Thane took her wrist and pulled away, turning his back towards her as he walked over to the desk where she'd been working.

His fists clenched, and Thane struck the desk, sending her paperwork fluttering to the ground.

"I've worked so hard, meditated and prayed and done good deeds, atoned for the evils I've done. Prepared," Thane said. His voice rasped low, shoulders shaking, and Shepard stepped forwards. "I consider my body's death and a chill settles in my gut. I am afraid and it shames me."

"Don't be afraid. I'm here," Shepard said, taking hold of the hand Thane had slammed into the table. She couldn't help the gasp of pain that escaped her. His gaze met hers now, tears mixed with concern as he took hold of her hand and examined it.

The knuckles were swollen and red.

"Siha…"

She was tired of the pain and the fear. She wanted to feel something else.

Shepard leant in and kissed him, felt his lips yield to hers and kissed harder. The taste of him in her mouth drove everything away and replaced it with a heat that started low in her belly.

His hands released hers and dropped to her waist, his thumbs sliding under the fabric of her top, fingertips moving just below her waistband.

There he had the advantage. Shepard fumbled at the zipper on his chest and found its progress quickly impeded by the buckles that ran across his front. Thane growled, the noise vibrating through her hands, and pulled back.

"Are you sure this is wise?" he asked.

"Wise?" Shepard licked her lips, and Thane followed the motion, his gaze lingering there. She took the opportunity to lean in and dart her tongue across his lips.

"We are different species. Mordin has informed me—" His words were cut off with a gasp as Shepard's lips found his throat. Her research had served her well.

"I know the risks. Chakwas gave me some pills that should help," she said against the smooth skin of his throat. She felt the tremor that ran through him as she kissed the velvet folds there. His breath was ragged. His hands were in her hair.

-0-0-0-0-

The cough awoke her. She had only stayed at the edges of sleep, preferring instead to savour the warm press of Thane in bed beside her, to pretend for a little while longer that they weren't on the verge of imminent death.

When Thane was inside her she forgot everything but the feel of him. Now she heard the rattle of his chest, and reality forced its way back into her mind. Thane was still asleep. His eyes were closed. The cough passed quickly, and Shepard wanted to believe she had imagined it.

She lifted one hand to his chest. Thane was warm. His heart beat a steady pattern. He was dying one breath at a time.

Perhaps they would find a treatment before it was too late.

"You should be asleep." Thane opened his eyes slowly. He took hold of her hand and shifted slightly.

"Sleep is a waste of time," Shepard said, and she kissed him gently, tender kisses after the ravaging they had received earlier. Every inch of her ached, a pleasurable throb that gathered between her legs and intensified at the thought of him touching her again. She'd remembered to take a pill afterwards, slightly later than she should have, but any ill effects had been reduced.

Thane gathered her closer. "On any other occasion I would agree. At least we made last night a memorable one."

"We did." Shepard closed her eyes and breathed in his scent. "I love you."

"I love you."

They lay a little while longer. Time was slipping by, dragging them onwards to an uncertain fate.

"If we die…"

"Then we will meet across the sea," Thane said. He kissed her on the forehead. "Time to rise, my siha."

"Not yet," Shepard pleaded, crushing herself against him and hooking one leg over his hips. "Not yet." She kissed him and felt Thane's response against her.

"One last time," she murmured against his mouth. "Please." All the words she had been afraid of saying welled up in her. Don't leave me. I'm afraid of losing you. Don't go anywhere without me. She gathered them up and cast them away. If this was to be their last time there was no room for doubt and grief. There was only Thane, and his warmth, and the call of home that came with his touch.

She stepped through the door without looking back. Her boots made a satisfying noise with each step. Her legs ached just a fraction, enough to remind her of Thane with every step she took.

Shepard was heading for the cockpit. They were only minutes away from the relay, and the last unanswered question. She spent her elevator ride adjusting her armour, flexing her fingers in her gloves and pulling at her collar to get it just right.

When the door opened Garrus was waiting.

"Commander." He matched her step, accompanying her up the corridor and into the cockpit.

The relay blinked red and angry amongst the stars.

Joker didn't look up from the screens. "Approaching Omega-four relay. Everyone stand by."

"Come on, Joker, let's make this happen," Shepard instructed. She held onto the back of his seat and stared resolutely ahead.

"Reaper IFF activated," EDI told them. "Signal acknowledged."

"Commander," Jacob messaged. "The drive core just lit up like a Christmas tree."

"Drive core electrical charge at critical levels," EDI warned, and the screens in front of Joker changed colour, bouncing red and amber warning lights across his skin.

"Rerouting," he said, fingers already flying.

The relay grew closer, threatening to swallow them up, and Shepard tightened her grip on the back of the chair as the Normandy swung alongside the relay. Outside the stars shifted and vanished in the tell-tale blue of a jump.

"Brace for deceleration," EDI said.

Shepard moved further back and braced. She looked to Garrus. He had taken a handhold by the door. The lights glinted off his visor, and Shepard gave him a nod, unwilling to look back through the windows. His visor reflected orange.

Joker shouted, and the ship lurched hard beneath her feet.

They were through.