Kozik, Happy and I stand in the garage, talking as the other guys get ready to leave. I barely pay attention to their conversation as I watch Filip out of the corner of my eye. He is leaning against the railing, his sunglasses pushed up on his forehead. Whatever Tig is talking to him about doesn't register with him. His eyes are trained on us.
"I'm gonna head back to Tacoma, finish up this transfer shit." Kozik assures Happy. "I'll be back."
"You gonna stay at the clubhouse? We got extra room. I'll get one of the dorms set up for you." I squint against the sun when I look up at him.
"Yeah, that'd be great Bree. You gonna be ok?" He turns and looks over his shoulder at Filip and Tig who are both staring now.
"I really wish people would stop asking me that. I know it's hard for you guys to remember this but I am a chick and sometimes we have these freak out moments. I'm good now; just needed to lose it for a little while, I guess." I easily slip behind the armor I've been putting up for everyone else and plaster a smile on my face.
"Well you played psycho very well. I thought maybe I was rubbing off on you." Happy teases. Jaxson walks over and joins us.
"Happy, as much as I enjoy the mental image of you rubbing off on me, I don't think I'd make a good partner in crime. You'd be too distracted staring at my ass." I hide behind the sarcastic armor. Jaxson raises his eyebrow.
"Am I interrupting?" He asks, smiling at the Tacoma Killer.
"Not yet but stick around and things could get real interesting." Happy laughs as he stands behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. He kisses my cheek gently. "He needs to see what he's missing." He whispers in my ear and I suddenly appreciate how well the man knows me. Filip walks toward the black van and I hear the distinct sound of his fist hitting the panel.
"Oops." Happy smiles and he heads to his bike. Kozik gives me a quick hug before following him.
"I need you to take care of things around here while I'm gone. Tara should be back later today or tomorrow. You three stick together and keep this place locked up tight. We're gonna have some guys here at all times." He watches me carefully expecting some kind of momentary glimpse into my insanity.
"We'll be fine. You go get my nephew and bring his ass back here so I can spoil him rotten." I place my hand on his chest and refuse to meet his eyes. He puts his finger under my chin and forces me to look up at him. "Jaxson, I don't care if he runs back to his wife and they live happily ever after. You just keep him safe either way. I can deal with anything as long as I know he's safe and happy."
"You gonna say goodbye?" He asks.
"No, I don't think I will." I lower my eyes back to my hands. Late last night, after Filip left I had decided to lock all this shit away in my mind and swallow the emptiness I was left with. My problems were nothing compared to the shit we were dealing with now. There was no time to be selfish.
"You should." He leans over and kisses my cheek.
"Make sure you come home to us Jaxson. Give Gemma my love." I hug him. Over his shoulder, I make eye contact with Filip. He stands there for a moment before heading over. My heart drops and I'm not sure I can keep up my façade with him.
"Can I have a minute?" He asks as Jax pulls away. My brother looks at me for confirmation. I nod in agreement.
"I'll call you when we get there." He tells me and jogs off to join the guys.
I head into the office and Filip follows. I sit down at the desk, sinking into the chair and wait for him to say whatever it is on his mind.
"I thought you were off today." He mumbles
"I figured with Gemma gone, it's better if I'm here. Sounds like the club is gonna need all the help it can get with everyone takin off." I shrug.
"So that's it?" He asks; his face tense.
"Yeah. I guess so." I can't bring myself to look at him anymore. I drop my eyes to the paperwork on my desk and sorting through the invoices. He turns and starts to walk out the door. I sigh loudly and throw my pen across the desk. "Be safe Filip. Please, just make sure you come back."
He steps back in the office and closes the door. I turn in my chair to face him and he drops down in front of me, his eyes searching my face for something. I struggle to keep my mask in place.
"We're gonna go get that boy and bring him home ta his family. Then we're gonna work this shit out. I ain't lettin ya push me out love." His eyes pull at my heart.
"I'm not pushing you away. I'm asking you to decide. You can't have both of us. I won't be your mistress or a Fiona substitute." I keep my voice steady somehow. "I deserve more than that."
"Aye, ya do." He takes my hand gently in his and kisses it. I close my eyes, trying to push away the urge to kiss him. He notices and reads me like a book. Instantly I'm on my feet and he presses his lips against mine. The kiss is intimate and passionate. My mind immediately goes blank and my instincts take over. Tears stream down my face. He breaks the kiss and pulls me into him.
"I love you Bree." He whispers before he joins the club outside. I follow him to say good-bye to my brother. I stroll over to where he stands with Lyla and dad. The old man gives me a rough kiss on my cheek and walks away; giving us an opportunity to talk.
"Don't." I warn him after they're out of earshot.
"What?" He asks, confused.
"Don't ask me if I'm all right or ok or if I need anything. Just don't." I shake my head in irritation.
"Why the fuck would I care?" He smiles at me.
"That's better asshole." I lean into him and give him a hug.
"Want me to make it look like an accident?" He jokes, watching Filip and Happy talk a short distance away.
"Nah, I'll get him in his sleep when he gets back." I wink at him. "Just keep him safe Op. You too. I'll help Lyla with the kids; don't worry about anything here."
"I know you will. I don't think I've thanked you enough for all your help. . ." He starts.
"Stop, we're even. It's what we do. If we didn't help each other, we'd have to depend on them." I point to Mary and Piney, flirting and talking.
"Jesus. I hope not." He laughs as he gets on his bike. The guys follow suit and peel outta the gate before it's closed again. Lyla and I head into the clubhouse to check on everyone still hanging around.
We all gather at St. Thomas early the next morning, waiting for word on Gemma. I had just fallen asleep last night when the sirens and lights woke me. I flew out the door of the clubhouse in a frantic mess to see them taking her away in the ambulance. Jaxson explained that she came back looking for Abel.
Now I was fighting exhaustion and I was beyond cranky. Opie brought me a coffee without saying a word. I sat curled up in a waiting room chair. Tara had come out a few times with little news and only word of more tests. So far we knew it wasn't a heart attack and that she was stable but with her heart issues, we didn't know how long that would last.
"You should head home and get some sleep." Jaxson kicks the leg of my chair. "I'll call you when she wakes up."
"I'm stuck till someone gives me a ride home." I answer with a little more annoyance than I mean to.
"One of the guys will take you home. Tig, Juice, Bobby. Just ask crabby." He tries to tease me and I shoot him a look. He walks away, stopping to talk to Tig, Filip and Opie. I lean my head back and close my eyes. Someone falls into the chair next to me.
"Need a ride home sweetheart?" Somehow I knew it would be him.
"Yeah, I guess I do." I sigh, pushing myself up and walking toward the exit without a word. He catches up to me easily and we walk out to the parking lot. I throw my leg over the back of his back and wrap my hands around his chest. I lean into him and the familiar scent makes me even more agitated.
He gets me home quickly and I jump off the bike. He parks it and walks with me to the door. We stand there awkwardly for a moment.
"Wanna come in?" I don't know what possesses me to ask him.
"Of course." He answers, following me through the door. I go straight to my bedroom to pull on some comfy clothes.
While I'm digging in the closet, he stops in my doorway, looking around my room. Jaxson and my dad had cleaned up the glass and broken furniture, leaving the room looking a little bare.
"How did it go with Gemma? I still didn't hear what actually happened." I call out from the closet while I pull on a tank top and my favorite SAMCRO sweats. I throw my hair in a pony tail. He explains about her father and Tig being shot. I only half-way listen, trying not to yawn.
"Ya need ta get some sleep." He tells me softly. I nod and crawl into bed. He turns to leave and a exhausted insanity settles in.
"Stay with me Filip? I know you need the sleep too." I mumble almost incoherently.
"Ya sure?" He hesitates at the door and I pat the spot next to me on the bed without answering. He takes off his kutte, hanging it on the chair and kicks off his boots before crawling into bed next to me.
I crawl up to his chest and settle myself against him before falling into a peaceful sleep for the first time in weeks. He curls his arm around me.