Another time perhaps 37
Xxx
Caroline opened the door, she hadn't been looking out for him exactly, yet she had spotted his car and flicked off the T.V, Emma having taken herself to her room and out of their way.
"Dad." Caroline greeted, suddenly feeling nervous.
"Hello lass." Kenneth called, putting his hand on her shoulder and a kiss to her cheek as he came inside.
"Hi, it's good to see you." Caroline said as she followed him into the lounge.
"Sorry it was short notice." Her Father said as he seated himself on the edge of the sofa.
"That's okay, I didn't have any plans." Caroline informed slightly awkwardly. "What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"
The air came out of him and he suddenly sagged and began rubbing at his brow with the fingers of one hand.
"It's...Margaret." He said. "She's not been well."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Is she alright, is it flu or an infection?" Caroline questioned. "Do you need some help at the house? With the boys? You could have said over the phone..."
"No. No, it's more serious than that." He interrupted seriously.
Caroline took in his troubled look. "What is it?" She asked in a whisper.
"It's cancer." He managed, looking at Caroline now, looking like a fallen man.
"Dad." Caroline said. "I'm...so sorry." Moving to sit beside him but not quite reaching out to him. "Is she...? Is she going to recover? They can do things..."
"She didn't tell anyone, didn't want to worry me, the boys, then when she finally got around to seeing the Doctor...they think it could be too late." Kenneth said and finally a small sob burst from him, he turned away, trying to conceal it.
Caroline had never seen her Dad cry, even when his own Father had passed away. Men didn't cry, not in front of anyone and she felt a little panic, what was she supposed to do? Comfort him? Pretend it wasn't happening?
Caroline put a hand on his knee. "Dad. I am sorry. Margaret, she seems, like such a nice woman."
He nodded, reigning in his emotions, for which Caroline was grateful, she never could deal with tears, but especially not from him.
"She still hasn't told the boys, she's just carrying on like everything's normal, being strong, taking care of us all. I don't know what to do." Kenneth explained. "I didn't know if it would be okay, to come to you but...I think Margaret would like it, perhaps if you came and spent a little time with us, with me. I think she'd like another woman about and she seemed really taken with you before...she's always asking about you."
"Of course." Caroline agreed, though feeling a little apprehensive about spending time with a dying woman she hardly knew. "I could come home at the weekend?"
Her Father gave her a grateful look. "That would be smashing." He said.
Caroline made them some tea and they talked about other things, trivial matters, they didn't go back to the real issue, until Kenneth was ready to leave.
"She might be fine Dad." Caroline told him. "You can't give up hope."
He nodded his brave face. "I hope you're right love."
Xxx
Caroline spent the next weekend with her Dad and his new family. They walked the new dog that Margaret had finally consented to letting the boys have, a west-highland terrier who Caroline suspected was loved even more by Margaret than the males in the family. Margaret seemed well and if Caroline hadn't been informed she probably wouldn't have guessed that there was anything wrong with her. The woman was also clearly happy to receive a visit from Caroline, as Kenneth had promised she would be and Caroline found herself lulled into the comfortable ease of interaction that the family members had with one another.
Caroline found that she had actually enjoyed the visit, which made her feel so guilty that she decided to call in and surprise her Mother before she headed home on Sunday night with a promise to return in a fortnight with John. She had removed her ring for the weekend and decided she would make her announcement with John by her side when they should next meet.
"So, how are you getting on at work?" Caroline asked.
"Fine, yes. Now I've got the place in order. I have a few regulars that you can have a laugh with." Celia mentioned. "The money isn't great but it keeps your father off my back..."
Caroline nodded thoughtfully.
"The strangest thing happened last week." Celia said suddenly.
"Really? What?" Caroline asked.
"I bumped into someone I knew years ago, a couple actually, I used to knock about with the woman, Eileen when we were at school." Celia explained.
"Oh, is that strange?" Caroline asked, slightly underwhelmed.
"Well, it wasn't just her, she was with Alan Buttershaw, they got married, they've been married all these years." Celia said wistfully.
"Who's Alan Buttershaw?" Caroline asked, sure she was missing something.
"Oh, he asked me out once, when we were kids, I rather liked him..." Celia recalled. "He was very attentive to her, his wife, in the cafe, pulling out her chair, making sure she was comfortable, they looked content together, he always had such a kind face did Alan..."
"What happened?" Caroline questioned, sensing there was more.
"All those years ago? We arranged a date and then the day before my mother told me we were moving,... when we moved to Sheffield. So I wrote him a note with my new address on, explaining why I couldn't meet him and that was that. I never heard from him again. I was disappointed, he seemed such a nice lad and I was certain he would write." Celia remembered with a frown.
"That's a shame, you must have liked him to remember it, after all this time." Caroline sympathised.
"Yes. But you see, when I saw him, with Eileen..." Celia broke off.
"Yes?" Caroline pushed on.
"Well, it was her that I'd asked to deliver the note and now I'm thinking that maybe...if she already had her eye on him back then..." Celia shrugged.
"You mean perhaps she never passed it on?" Caroline finished.
"Well, It doesn't really matter now of course. It just made me think. How things could have been different. If I'd have married someone like Alan instead of someone like your Dad. Maybe I'd have been happy? Perhaps I wouldn't be alone now." Celia admitted weakly.
"Mum!" Caroline said, reaching a hand over to place over her mothers. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you're alone, lonely..."
"Well." Celia smiled now. "Some good came of it...I think..." She spoke more cheerily now.
"How do you mean?" Caroline asked.
"I'm going on a date!" She announced smugly, a shine in her eye that Caroline wasn't sure she had ever seen.
"What?! Not with Alan!" Caroline exclaimed.
"Nooo, you daft bugger! With Ted, the bread man, he's been asking me since I started and I've finally thought...sod it!" Celia shrugged with a smirk.
Xxx
As it does, Christmas rolled around again, sneaking up on her and jumping out in all it's gourdy glory. A year had passed since she and Kate had split up. A whole year and it still seemed fresh, even more so as she returned to Harrogate, as she came home. She was spending tonight with her Dad and Margaret. John had gone home to see his parents and they were going to spend New Year together in Oxford.
When Caroline arrived, Kenneth answered the door to a quiet house.
"She's taken the boys to see their Grandad, you know...on their Dad's side...I was under orders to stay here and welcome you." Kenneth explained.
Caroline came into the house, bombarded by Christmas decoration and paraphernalia, strings of cards, plastic foliage with shiny baubles dripping from it, lining the banister.
"How is she?" Caroline asked as she deposited her bag of gifts and took a seat.
"Yes. Yes, she's well. Really well." He beamed at her, his hands in his pockets. "The treatment is working. She's not out of the woods yet, but it's hopeful. She's going to be okay...I'm sure of it!" He said happily.
"Dad! That's fantastic news! I'm so pleased." Caroline came over to embrace him, it was getting easier to do, more natural.
"I thought...it was my fault..." Kenneth said heavily against her shoulder.
"How do you work that one out?" Caroline asked, incredulous.
Kenneth shook his head. "The way I treated your mother, the lies, deception and then up and leaving her...though I do think that were for the best." He stated. "I thought maybe...Margaret never did anything wrong, not in her life and for her to lose her husband and then this...It wasn't her who'd brought it on. She deserves some happiness. I think perhaps I'm only getting my chance with her because she's earned it. Maybe that's what I'm here for?" He shrugged in an attempt to discredit his own conclusions.
Caroline was speechless, she'd never heard her Dad speak like this, never suspected him capable of such feeling, if she were honest.
"For whatever reason she loves me very much and whoever's up there has decided to give us both a second chance. I don't intend to waste it. Not a minute of it! Life is too short to be unhappy Caroline, far too short." He pressed on her.
Could it be that all this time, her parents were these people? Capable of loving like this? Just trapped, lost in a miserable marriage? She had thought they were just different, not the sort for romance or true love, a little cold. She had believed that was where she had got it from. She had relied on it. If that wasn't the case...
As Caroline's eye's drifted to the window she noticed a few white flakes of snow fall that soon grew into a steady shower covering everything exposed in the crisp white coating. The garden, path, cars, now white shapes shining under lamp light in the black dark of the evening.
She heard the front door open and Margaret and the boys coming in from the cold, stamping heavy boots on the door mat, the rustle of coats coming off.
"Caroline!" Margaret called out as she entered the room, her arms full of wrapped packages. "Merry Christmas!"
Xxxx
Caroline hammered on Johns door. She stepped back and looked up at the windows checking if the lights were on.
"Please be in." She muttered to herself as she knocked again. She knew she had to ride this wave of certainty, she couldn't let it go, miss her chance.
She heard movement from within and finally John opened the front door.
"Caroline? I wasn't expecting you." He declared. "Is something the matter?" He asked, one hand still holding the door.
She stepped past him into the hallway and moved into the empty front room, John following behind her.
"John. I had to speak to you. It has to be now. I'm sorry. It's just, when you realise, you have to start right away." She was babbling and stopped herself, her hand on a hip. "I can't marry you. I am sorry. I can't do it!" She sighed her relief at getting out something that had been growing inside her for the last two days, maybe before that, perhaps always.
John just stared at her, mouth hanging open. "What?!"
"I can't marry you. It isn't fair. To you, to me. It isn't what I really want." Caroline confessed softly.
"What's happened? What has suddenly brought you to this conclusion?" John asked skeptically, puffing out his chest.
"John. I care about you, I really do. I just...I'm still in love with someone else." Caroline shrugged her shoulders hopelessly.
"Who? Who are you in love with? Who else is there?" John asked, his face screwing up nastily.
"Kate!" She said as if it was obvious. "I told you about her, I tried to tell you. The truth is, I still love her and I can't get away from it, I don't want to, not anymore."
"Kate!? Your friend? You mean she... She was the woman you had the fling with?" John checked.
"Yes, but it wasn't a fling. I've never felt that way about anyone and I want it again. More than that, I deserve it! We all do! I don't want you and I to make each other miserable the way my parents did all my life, only staying together for appearances sake. It isn't worth it. I might lose you, I might lose my mother ...I might already have lost Kate..." The thought made her lose the voice she had only now found and she put her fist to her chest.
"Caroline. You're not gay! You're not a homosexual! I'd know! We... We've done things, we do things! We have sex! regularly...you can't be queer!" He accused.
Caroline shrugged again. "I don't know what I am John but I know that I'm in love with Kate, that's all I know and I want to be with her, in everyway."
"I don't believe that." John stated. "I think you're...scared, you're having doubts, it's normal..." He argued more calmly.
"I hope one day you can forgive me." Caroline said stepping toward him and reaching for his hand, which he let her take but looked at hers suspiciously.
As he stood stupefied the door to the lounge opened a fraction more and Caroline caught sight of a young woman in the hallway, barefoot, she must have come from upstairs. Caroline didn't recognise her and none of the other boys who shared the flat appeared to be around. Caroline smiled at her curiously and John tossed a glance over his shoulder.
"Errr...this is...er...Fran." He seemed to struggle to recall and indicated her with his head. "We were just...studying...I was helping her...study, she was studying, I was helping..." He babbled.
Caroline nodded and looked at John, seeing him in a way she never had before, noticing suddenly how weak his chin seemed, how insincere his eyes, remembering times he had bumbled around indecisive and uncertain, looking to her for reassurance, for the answers.
She wondered fleetingly if they had ever been good for each other, or what they would have become if they had married.
John moved to close the door mumbling "I'm just having a word with Caroline." to the vacant looking girl in the hallway.
" John, I have said what I came to say. I am sorry. I should never have agreed... accepted your proposal, I didn't set out to hurt you." Caroline told him, her eyes flickered to the closed door behind him. "You'll be fine." She assured, a curt nod and a hand patting his upper arm. "You have your first book coming out soon!" She reminded.
As she moved past him to the door, he found his voice again. "You can't just go!" He called. "We have to talk about this! Caroline!"
"Goodbye John. I have to get back to Harrogate." Caroline told him as she made her way out of the house, noticing the young woman now seated on the bottom step looking bored.
As John stood in the doorway watching Caroline drive away he heard a voice behind him.
"Isn't that your car?" It asked.
Xxxx
A/N- It's the final showdown this weekend. Thank you for reading! x