Shepard and Shia made small talk as they walked back to John and Kaidan's home. They passed several stores along the street and several drunken idiots which they simply ignored.
"You know, I still can't believe you're fucking Ossaidra," Shia said.
"Come on, Shia. Have you seen those melons? And those hips! She's like your mom, but waayyy hotter."
"Well, now that I think about it..."
"Admit it, if she weren't your sister you'd totally tap dat ass."
Shia sighed. "Alright. FINE, maybe, if I were drunk enough I'd sleep with her. But come on, she's your daughter, dad!"
"And my little girl grew up! And boy, did she," Shepard whistled.
"But you raised her... you made her!"
"Hey, fucking the shit out of her wasn't on the back of my mind the whole time I watched her grow up. But one day, I saw her come out of the shower, and BAM! By boner stood tall and proud. The first time I did her, I wasn't even seeing straight, had bandages on my eyes and shit. Then I did it again, then the other time she actually came sleepwalking into me and your mother's bedroom and rode my cock. After that, we just kept going at it like rabbits. But again, your sister hates me when I'm done. Don't know why, but that's just a little tip I have for you in case you ever want to do your sister."
"Okay, that's really fucking weird. But okay!"
"Don't this the wrong way. I love you just as much as I love Ossaidra. You know what, why don't we spend some father-daughter time the rest of the day, how's that sound?"
"Alright. Thanks, dad." Shepard and Shia found a parked police car beside a diner. They looked around, checking for anyone that might be looking.
"Think we should steal it?" Shia asked.
"Fuck yeah we should. Let's take it. GTA style."
"What?"
"Never mind." Shepard punched the window and it shattered, then stuck her arm in and unlocked the door. She unlocked the other door and Shia got inside. "Key's are still in."
"Dumbasses."
"Let's go!" Shepard started the car and off they went. They put on their sirens and sped along the road, dangerously making sharp turns and passing red lights. Other cars had a difficult time not running into them, and they cursed them for being reckless pigs. Shepard slowed down a little by a sidewalk, where a man with a bottle of vodka in his hand was walking. She took the microphone and spoke into it. "ON THE GROUND ASSHOLE, DO IT, DO IT NOW ASSHOLE! I'LL SHOOT YO LEGS OFF YOU PUSSY-FACED SON OF A YELLOWBELLY!" The man, frightened, went down on the ground covered his head, trembling in fear. Shepard and Shia laughed then drove off.
Shia found a gun under one of the seats and rolled down the window, then started firing off at random at ordinary citizens. People began screaming at running at the unexpected bullets, one actually getting shot in the arm and another in the breast. Eventually they started driving through neighborhoods, where there weren't as many people or cars. Ahead, one car was driving rather slowly, so they pulled them over and stepped out of the car. The man in the car put his window down.
"Is there a problem, officers?"
"Yeah," Shepard began. "My partner and I noticed you were driving a little unusually." Shepard cleared her throat and pointed to a bag of marijuana sticking out of a compartment. "Just hand us the pot and we'll let you go." The man sighed and opened the container and handed them the bag.
"Thank you," Shia said. The man drove away and the two got back in the car. They started rolling up some joints and smoking. They continued to drive and made it back into the city, the car reeking of marijuana. "Dad, look," Shia pointed to a bank a couple meters ahead.
"Let's rob it." Shepard sped up and crashed the car through the doors. People gasped and screamed as they got out of the car and aimed their pistols at them. "Hands up, motherfuckers! You're getting robbed!" Shepard pointed the gun at a woman at a desk. "Where's the money?!"
"Please don't kill me!"
"Please don't make me."
"The vault is downstairs! The combination is 238913!"
"Thanks." Shepard and Shia headed down the basement, where they found the sealed vault. Shepard punched in the combination and it opened up, revealing tons of rare materials from other planets and bags full of credit chits. They both took as much as they could, both their arms carrying hefty bags of credits and materials. They went back upstairs, where people seemed to have escaped somewhere. They headed out the crashed doors, where they were surrounded by other cop cars and police.
"FREEZE FUCKERS!" All guns were aimed at them.
"Oh, shit," Shia said. "What are we gonna do?"
Shepard stepped forward. "IT'S ALRIGHT! WE'RE COPS!" The policeman in the front raised a hand for the others to go at ease. "It's fine. They're cops." Slowly, the others lowered their weapons. "They're cops?"
"They're cops!"
"Yeah, we're cops!" Shepard and Shia got back in their car.
"WE'RE COPS, TOO!"
"WOOH!" The two backed up and the cops made room for them to leave the scene.
"Can't believe that worked," Shia said. She had stuffed the bags in the trunk and the back seats, where criminals were sat at.
"Hell yeah! Should've done this a long time ago." They kept on driving and driving until it was dark, not really to a particular destination, but then saw a young, blonde woman driving in a nice, red car. seemingly alone in there. Shepard turned on the siren and pulled someone over yet again. The woman, knowing she had the assets, made her breasts appear bigger and put down the window.
"Mmm, yes officer?"
"Well hello there, beautiful. What's a woman like you driving around the middle of nowhere for?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Care to explain why you were ten kilometers above the speed limit?"
"Sorry, I was just in a bit of a hurry."
"For?"
The woman chuckled and glared at her. "None of your fucking business."
"Step out of the car please." The woman sighed and got out. Shepard bent her slightly over the hood of the car and put her hands behind her back. "Showing disrespect for authority, huh? I'm gonna have to arrest you for disorderly conduct."
"W-wait, what if I... do something for you?"
"Like?"
Shepard carried the young, naked human woman bridal style into the bedroom of her house and dropped her onto the bed. The blonde squealed as bounced on it, then sat up to look at both the Saviour of the Galaxy and her daughter. She smiled and licked her lips in anticipation.
"So you've never done this before?" Shepard asked.
"No, actually. I've never had two cocks inside me because I've always been kind of... scared of double penetration," she laughed. "But I would totally want my first DP experience by you two." The woman was Russian and spoke Russian, but Shia installed the language onto her language translator to understand. She kind of sounded like those blonde Americans with it, but without it her voice was deeper and more... assertive.
"Don't worry, we'll go easy if you want," Shepard assured.
"Oh, no, I don't want either of you to hold back. Give me all you've got."
"Eager, isn't she?"
"I like her," Shia said. They both undressed and left their clothes on the carpet. Both their penises pointed straight up, hard and ready.
"Your dick looks weird," Shepard commented. "It's all blue and... pointy. Like a turian's."
"And how would you know what turian's cock looks like?" Shia asked as she climbed onto the bed. The woman opened her legs and wrapped them around Shia as she kissed her.
"I wasn't allowed to shower in the women's bathrooms." Shepard knelt on the mattress, masturbating as she watched. Shia grind her cock on the woman's stomach, to which the woman moaned in pleasure.
"Let her suck your dick, Shia," Shepard encouraged. The two stopped kissing and Shia lay her head back on a pillow. Shepard lay on the other one, with the blonde situated in between the both of them. The woman started with sucking Shia's dick and using her other hand to jerk Shepard off.
"Damn, she's good," Shia said.
"Her hand feels heavenly," Shepard added.
"Uhh... what's her name again?"
"Umm... I don't know. Hey, what's your name?" The woman mumbled something like 'Nsshmm..'
"What'd she say?"
"I think it's Natasha." The woman did a thumbs-up. "Yeah, it's Natasha. Hey Natasha, when is it my turn?" Natasha removed her lips with a pop and curled her fingers around Shia's prick, then went to sucking Shepard's.
"Wow, she really is pretty good!" Shepard said.
"I didn't even know a human could fit all that. Most of them have this weird gag reflex."
"It's a shame, I know. Asari are the best for blowjobs. Just ask your sister." Shepard chuckled.
"I'd rather not..."
Shepard grabbed two handfuls of Natasha's hair and held her head firmly as she went back and forth in her mouth.
"Hurry it up, dad. This handjob's getting kind of boring."
"Fine, fine," Shepard shoved the woman's head off her her dick then the woman moved up and awaited their decision.
"I'll take her ass." Shepard offered.
"Sure." The woman straddled Shia. Her large breasts blinded her. Shia grabbed her cock and slowly insert it inside, 'till it reached halfway. Natasha shut her eyes tight.
"Ooohh, fuck, you're huge."
Shepard knelt down over the two of them. Though he penis already had some saliva on it from the woman sucking it previously, a little more lubrication would be necessary.
"Can you get the lube?" Shia reached aimlessly for the small bottle of lube on the bedside table. She finally found it and gave it to her dad. "Thanks." Shepard squeezed a generous amount into her palm, then applied some to the tip of penis and worked her way down the long shaft. She then added some to the woman's anus.
"Will you hurry up, dad?"
"Alright, alright." Shepard aimed the cock toward the woman's anus. She went in a little too quickly, because Natasha shrieked in surprise.
"Ow. Could you go in more slowly?"
"This isn't your first time doing anal, is it?"
"It is. Sorry, I forgot to mention that. Nnh!" Shepard shoved the entire length in. "I said more slowly! You hurt like a bitch." Shia started to move inside of her, trying to ease the pain a little.
Jesus, FUCK, this is awkward... Shepard gently pulled her cock out, then, without warning, rammed it all back inside.
"OW! Stop that!"
"Haha, I like your reaction." Shepard grabbed her hips and roughly fucked the woman's tight anus. Natasha clenched teeth with each powerful thrust, but Shia's were at least a sort of distraction from the pain. "Shia, you're too gentle. Put the bitch in her place!"
"Excuse me? You're so disrespectful towards women." Shia dug her nails into the woman's ass and went in as deep as she could. "Hey, stop with the nails! I don't want to bleed here!"
"You complain too much," Shia said.
"I know right?" Shepard took a handful of the woman's blonde hair and harshly pulled it back, so that she screamed.
"Oww! That fucking hurts!" Shepard pulled it back harder. "AHH STOP!"
"Pathetic," she let go and the woman's head propelled forward. "Ah well." The two continued to pump quickly inside the woman. She eventually got used to Shepard and finally started to enjoy herself. However, she did start to make... disturbing grunting noises.
"What hell are you making those noises for?" Shepard found it hard to keep it up while this woman made these low, guttural sounds from the back of her throat. Shia, too, had a difficult time concentrating. Shepard took her dick out of her ass and stood up, then went over to the woman's mouth and shut her up mid-groan.
"That's better," Shepard said. Soon, a stench reached her nose.
*Sniff* "What... what's that smell?"
Natasha giggled.
"D-did you fart?"
"Oopsie."
"AHHH EWW!" They both yelled. Shia pushed the woman off the bed and she clumsily hit her face on the carpet.
"What the hell?"
"GET THE HELL OUT!" Shepard shouted. The woman got up and left the room angrily.
"Ughh.. That's nasty." The smell was still in the air, which smelled like the woman recently ate cheese or something. "I hate it when women do that."
"Tell me about it." Shepard exhaled loudly.
"What now? We didn't really finish off."
"Guess we'll just have to do it the old fashioned way." Shepard started rubbing up her shaft when another similar-looking blonde woman, except a bit younger and shorter, perhaps between the ages of 15-17.
"Have any of you seen my sister? W...wait, who are you guys?"
Shepard and Shia turned around and got a good look at her. Shepard glanced at her daughter and had a wicked smile on her face.
"Oh come on, dad. Didn't you always warn me about jailbait?"
"That's just it, Shia. We're cops, remember?"