Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of The OC. They all belong to Josh Schwartz.
A/N: This story is AU and takes place early season one, a couple of weeks after "To Be Seventeen" ended. Also, I've written the character of Frank Atwood differently then how he was portrayed both physically and personality-wise on the show. In my story, Frank Atwood is not a nice person.
Thank you for all the reviews. I really do appreciate them. :-)
Chapter Thirty-six
Ryan's mind remains disoriented as he slowly opens his eyes and blinks a few times, trying to clear his blurred vision. He holds tightly onto Sandy's hand as he finds himself unable to move his arms and legs while he continues to struggle for air.
Sandy... what's happening? Ryan thinks to himself, realizing he's unable to speak.
"Ryan, it's Dr. Morrison," Anne states firmly yet tenderly to her alarmed patient. "You need to try to breathe normal... don't hold your breath, honey... just breathe."
"Ryan, listen to Dr. Morrison," Sandy says soothingly, remembering the doctor's instructions to remain calm and supportive so the boy doesn't panic. "Hold my hand and listen to her voice... we're all here to help you."
Ryan feels himself choking as he tries to swallow and immediately looks to both Sandy and the doctor for reassurance.
"Ryan, you're attached to a ventilator... you need to allow the machine to assist with your breathing," Anne explains as she gently strokes the top of the boy's head and looks into his terrified eyes. "I know it's a little scary, but the sooner you're breathing normally, the sooner I can begin to wean you from the ventilator."
Ryan hesitates for a moment, then takes in a welcome breath of air. Slowly, he begins to take small breaths while never taking his eyes off Sandy.
"That's right... just breathe normal... in and out..." Sandy says with a reassuring smile as he breathes in unison with the boy.
Dan feels Ryan's legs begin to relax and slowly eases up on his grip, allowing the boy some freedom of movement without completely letting go.
Anne places the chestpiece of her stethoscope on the side of Ryan's chest, happy to hear the boy comfortably take in the oxygen. She then takes her penlight and checks her patient's pupils, smiling when the boy grimaces; delighted he still hates the small, intrusive flashlight.
Ryan's mind slowly begins to clear as his blood oxygen level continues to rise. He glances over at two nurses standing next to the ventilator machine, then looks down towards the foot of the bed. He notices a large, jovial-looking man with flaming red hair, freckles and muscular arms bulging out of his light green scrubs gently holding his legs; the orderly's friendly grin beaming back at him.
"Don't worry 'bout me, kiddo," Dan chirps with a playful wink. "I'm totally harmless... just here to make sure you don't accidently hurt yourself."
Ryan glances over the orderly's shoulder and sees Kirsten standing with her arms folded tightly around herself; her tired face etched deep with worry.
I'm sorry, Kirsten... I didn't mean to cause you so much pain...
"Ryan, before I take you off the ventilator, I need to make sure you understand what is happening," Anne explains, noticing the boy's heart rate increase slightly after observing his surroundings. "Since you're unable to speak, when I ask you a question I want you to blink once for "yes" and twice for "no". Do you understand what I've just told you?"
Ryan looks at the doctor and closes his eyes once, letting the woman know he understands.
"Excellent... now Ryan, do you remember where you are?" Anne asks as she maintains eye contact with her patient.
Ryan again closes his eyes once, letting the doctor know he's aware he's in the hospital.
Anne smiles, happy the boy is cooperative and communicating. "Now, are you feeling any nausea?" Anne asks as she notes her patient immediately blink twice. "How about headache or dizziness..."
Ryan again blinks twice, then gives a firm yank with his left arm, hoping the doctor will do something about the unwanted restraints that are tying his wrists down to the bed.
"I know you don't like these restraints, but before I undo them, you need to promise me you will not try to remove the endotracheal tube. That's my job," Anne states firmly, hoping she has her patient's full trust. "Do I have your word?"
Ryan blinks his eyes once, letting the doctor know they have mutual trust.
Anne removes the restraints from Ryan's wrists then slowly raises the head of the bed, placing her patient in a more upright position.
Out of curiosity, Ryan instinctively moves his left hand up towards his mouth but is suddenly stopped by Sandy.
"You're doing great, kid," Sandy assures with a warm smile as he holds both of Ryan's hands and places them on the boy's lap. "But you can't put your hands to your mouth... I know you want to, but you need to trust the doctor... let her do her job."
"Dr. Morrison, when can Ryan be taken off the ventilator?" Kirsten asks, hoping it will be sooner rather than later.
"Faith has already started to decrease the amount of assistance the ventilator is providing," Anne replies, understanding the mother's despair over seeing the boy struggle with a breathing tube down his throat. "We will continue to wean him and as soon as I feel Ryan is able to breathe adequately on his own, I'll remove the endotracheal tube. It should only take a couple of minutes."
"You're going to be alright, sweetheart," Kirsten says with a heartfelt smile as she stands next to Sandy and places her hand on the boy's shoulder.
Ryan continues to concentrate on breathing normally; the couple of minutes feeling like hours as he watches the nurses effortlessly perform their duties. Still feeling the urge to touch his mouth, Ryan squeezes Sandy's hand, taking comfort in the man's presence.
"All right, Ryan... the ventilator is no longer assisting with your breathing and you're maintaining a blood oxygen level over ninety," Anne says, thrilled her patient should be able to breathe on his own. "I'm going to take you off the ventilator, but you will need to let go of Mr. Cohen's hand. It's just temporary... I need the nurses next to you to assist."
Ryan reluctantly lets go of Sandy's hands and immediately grasps the soft, cotton blanket, failing miserably at masking his anxiety. He watches as Sandy and Kirsten take a few steps back, allowing Faith and Hope to stand next to the bed.
"We've done this many times, Ryan," Anne says, hoping to allay the boy's fears. "Hope is going to help you sit up straight... this will make it easier to remove the tube."
Ryan allows the nurse to place her arm behind his back, giving him support; surprised by how weak he feels just attempting to lean a few inches forward to sit up in the bed.
"Faith is now going to use suction to remove any secretions from the tube and your mouth. It won't hurt," Anne explains, giving a nod to the nurse. "Now I'm going to let down the cuff on the breathing tube... try to relax, it will be over in a couple of seconds."
Anne waits a brief moment for the cuff to completely deflate, then swiftly and with expertise withdraws the tube from the boy's throat.
Ryan's grip on the blanket tightens as he starts coughing profusely. Hope continues to hold her patient upright and gently rubs his back as she eases the boy through the coughing spell.
"Why is he coughing so much?" Kirsten asks, worried the boy is having trouble breathing.
"Coughing is normal, Mrs. Cohen," Anne replies as she waits for her patient to settle back down. "Please don't worry... I wouldn't have taken Ryan off the ventilator if I felt he wasn't ready."
"Honey, settle down," Sandy whispers in his wife's ear. "Remember what Dr. Morrison told us. We both need to remain calm... for Ryan."
As Ryan's coughing slowly begins to subside, Hope eases him back down to the inclined position and props a soft pillow behind his head while Faith places an oxygen mask over the boy's mouth.
"Try to relax, Ryan... you just need to wear the oxygen mask for a few minutes while I make sure you're stable," Anne says as she places her hand over the boy's tense fist and squeezes gently. "Ryan, look at me... just breathe... you're doing great..."
Ryan looks directly at Dr. Morrison, then glances up at the two nurses hovering over him. His eyes suddenly start darting around the room, frantically in search of Sandy, and is immediately relieved when he sees the man standing just a few feet away with his arm around his wife.
I wish I had parents like them, Ryan thinks to himself as Faith removes the oxygen mask and replaces it with a nasal cannula.
"All right, Ryan, everything looks and sounds very good. This clip on your finger is measuring the level of oxygen in your blood. That's this number here," Anne tells her patient as she points to the monitor. "Try to keep that number over ninety."
"My thro... throat... sore..." Ryan says quietly, his voice weak and hoarse, wincing in pain as he tries to swallow.
"Your throat will be sore for a day or two," Anne explains as she grabs a small cup filled with ice chips and a plastic spoon off the tray table. "You can suck on these... the ice chips will help you swallow if your throat gets too dry. I'll also get you some lozenges for your sore throat."
Ryan accepts the cup and spoon from the doctor and places some ice chips in his mouth, welcoming the cool, soothing moisture as he swallows.
"Now, aside from your sore throat, do you hurt anywhere else?"
"No, I'm fine," Ryan sighs softly, staring down at the cup as he stirs the ice chips around with the spoon, wondering how much longer he'll be the center of attention.
"Ryan, I need to know if you're in pain," Anne states, remembering the boy tends to downplay his discomfort, most likely the result of being physically and emotionally abused. "I cannot read your mind... you're going to have to tell me." Anne waits a few moments, hoping the boy will respond to her inquiry.
Kirsten watches as Ryan struggles to answer the doctor's simple question. This is why he didn't tell me he wasn't feeling well, Kirsten thinks to herself. He didn't want to bother me... oh my god, did he think I would get upset with him if he interrupted my work?
Ryan continues to stir the ice chips around in the cup, not wanting to complain; loathing at the thought of being a burden...
"Maybe this will help, Dr. Morrison," Hope says as she hands over a "pain chart" with pictures and numbers.
"Ryan, take a look at this," Anne instructs, placing the laminated chart in front of the boy, appreciating the nurse's help. "On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the worst... how much pain are you in?"
Ryan glances at the chart and sees the line of "smiley faces" ranging from happy to sad to utter agony. "I am a little achy... maybe a three..."
Anne smiles as she immediately interprets "three" to really mean "six" and orders a dose of ibuprofen to be administered through the IV. "I know you have a sensitivity to opiates, so we're going to start slow and find out what non-narcotic pain medicine will work best for you," Anne tells her quiet patient.
Ryan musters up a small smile for the thoughtful doctor then closes his eyes. "Mmm, tired..." Ryan mumbles, not understanding how he can feel so exhausted since he's been sleeping for the past couple of days.
"You're going to feel groggy for awhile, Ryan," Anne explains as she watches the boy yawn, struggling to keep his eyes open. "Tomorrow you should feel much better."
Sandy notices the cup of ice chips start to slip from Ryan's slowly relaxing grip and quickly takes it before it spills onto the boy's lap. "I'll just put this right here next to the bed," Sandy says, smiling at the drowsy boy. "It's still within your reach if you need more."
"Ryan, I'm going to borrow your legal guardians for just a couple of minutes while the nurses finish up here and get you more comfortable," Anne states, wanting to talk to the parents in private. "I'll return them to you as soon as we're done."
"Mmm, 'kay..."
"Dr. Morrison, I promised Seth I would let him know how Ryan is doing," Sandy says, realizing his son is probably going crazy not knowing what is happening.
"I'd be happy to inform your son," Dan offers, knowing he's not needed anymore with Ryan... at least, not for the time being. "Where can I find him?"
"He's in the family waiting room," Sandy replies, appreciating the orderly's help. "He's my height, slender with dark curly hair... most likely he'll be talking to someone or something..."
Dan lets out a chuckle as he takes his leave to find a lanky, dark-haired chatterbox; finding himself relieved the kid he's been carting back and forth to Radiology the past few days should make a full recovery.
Sandy and Kirsten follow Dr. Morrison out into the hallway, far enough to be out of Ryan's earshot; both parents deeply concerned with what the doctor needs to tell them.
"What is it, Dr. Morrison?" Sandy asks, trying not to sound too worried. "Is there something wrong?"
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to alarm you," Anne states, feeling bad adding more anxiety for the parents. "Ryan is doing very well... better than what I expected..."
"But..." Sandy adds, knowing the doctor has something more to share with them... something she doesn't want Ryan to hear.
"Even though Ryan is no longer on the ventilator, I'm going to keep him overnight in the ICU where he'll be closely monitored; then tomorrow I'll have him moved to the step-down unit," Anne explains to the attentive parents. "There is a slight chance Ryan may experience some hallucinations due to being sedated the last couple of days."
"Hallucinations?" Kirsten asks, somewhat alarmed. "What sort of hallucinations?"
"Well, it can be anything, Mrs. Cohen," Anne replies, worried about the boy's fragile mental state. "After everything Ryan has been through, I want to make sure he's adjusting before I move him to a regular room."
"Can we stay with him tonight?" Sandy asks, not relishing the thought of leaving the boy alone.
"For the next forty-eight hours, I'm limiting Ryan's visitors to just you and your wife," Anne explains, hoping the parents will be understanding. "As far as staying overnight with him, I'm afraid I need to adhere to the ICU rules since Ryan is recovering. Only one parent can be allowed to stay with him."
"We understand... thank you, Dr. Morrison," Sandy says as he shakes Anne's hand and watches her leave, appreciating everything the doctor has done for them... for Ryan.
"Seth is going to be so upset he can't see Ryan," Kirsten says as she and Sandy walk down the hall to the family waiting room to break the news to their son.
"I know, but he's going to have to accept the doctor's decision," Sandy states, agreeing with limiting Ryan's visitors for a few days. "The kid is already overwhelmed, both physically and emotionally. The last thing Ryan needs is a lot of people parading in and out of his room."
"Mom... Dad... the orderly told me Ryan is off the ventilator and is doing well!" Seth says, excited with the good news. "Can I see him now? He's probably wondering where I am... why I'm not with him."
"Settle down, Seth," Sandy instructs calmly as he places his hand on his son's shoulder. "I'm afraid the doctor is only allowing your mother and I to see Ryan for the next couple of days..."
"But... but, why? That's not fair! I want to see him..."
"I know you do and you'll be able to visit Ryan in a couple of days," Sandy reiterates, trying desperately not to lose his patience.
"Sweetheart, Ryan is going to be sleeping most of the time anyways," Kirsten chimes in, understanding her son's disappointment. "Dr. Morrison has been a godsend for Ryan. We need to respect and adhere to her decisions."
"I know... you're right..." Seth sighs, still feeling dejected but understanding that Ryan's well-being is most important right now.
"Since it's Monday and you're not going to be able to see Ryan for a few days, I think it would be best for you to go to school," Sandy advises, knowing his suggestion will be immediately challenged. "It will keep you busy during the day and you can help Marissa collect Ryan's schoolwork."
"Yeah... you're right," Seth agrees, knowing he's been defeated but also acknowledging his father's sound reasoning.
"Really? I'm right?" Sandy asks, confused his son is giving up the fight so easily. "You're not going to argue with me?"
"Dad, all I want is for Ryan to get well so we can bring him home. The guy has been through a living hell. I want to help him but... I'm not sure if I can..." Seth says earnestly as he looks at both of his parents. "Besides, Marissa's going crazy with worry. Might as well go back home and have someone to worry and go crazy with..."
Sandy and Kirsten both smile as they witness their son take an important, albeit small step towards maturity.
"Since only one of us can stay with Ryan tonight, I'll bring Seth home," Kirsten offers, knowing that her husband should be the one to stay with the boy even though she wishes it could be her. "I'm assuming Jimmy is driving Marissa to school so I'm sure he won't mind Seth tagging along."
"That's a great idea," Sandy says, happy everyone seems to be cooperating during such an emotionally trying time. "And if you can, honey... bring back some reading material for Ryan..."
"But Dad, I already packed reading material for Ryan," Seth states, wanting to let his father know he's taken care of his friend's leisure reading activity for his hospital stay. "It's all in his backpack in the hotel room."
"Seth, you only packed comic books," Sandy explains, hoping his son won't be offended. "I know Ryan enjoys your comic books, but he may also enjoy some other reading material."
"Don't worry, I'll bring him some books I know he'll enjoy," Kirsten says, content with the fact that she shares a common interest with Ryan... reading.
"All right, then... Seth, I want you to hold down the fort at home," Sandy orders, relieved his son will be busy with school and looked after by his neighbors, the Cooper's, for the next couple of days. "Honey, I want you to get some rest," Sandy pleads as he looks into his wife's tired eyes. "Come back tomorrow... you heard Dr. Morrison, Ryan should be feeling much better tomorrow."
"All right, let me just peek in on him before I go," Kirsten says, knowing the boy will be fast asleep but feeling the need to give him a kiss before she leaves.
Kirsten suddenly stops walking and turns to look at her husband. "If I take the car, how will you get back to the hotel room?"
"I probably won't be going back to the hotel today," Sandy replies, "but if I do, it's not that far. I can walk or take a cab."
Sandy walks over to his wife and gives her a warm hug. "Don't worry about me," he says, placing a kiss on top of Kirsten's head. "Take care of Seth and get some sleep. I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning."
"I love you..." Kirsten whispers, feeling safe and content in her husband's arms.
"I love you, too..."
Faith quietly steps around the privacy curtain to make her routine check on Ryan; the lights in the ICU turned low as all the patients sleep soundly through the night. She checks the IV and adds another dose of ibuprofen, then enters the readings on the monitor into the computer.
All looks good, Faith thinks to herself, remembering it was just a little over twelve hours ago her young patient was still attached to the ventilator.
"I bet all the girls fight over you," Faith whispers softly, noting the boy's good looks. "You should be home right now... trying to figure out which girl to ask to the Homecoming Dance, not laying here in a hospital bed."
Faith lets out a plaintive sigh and adjusts the blanket to cover the boy's bare arms. She glances up and sees Sandy sound asleep in the chair; his head cocked over to the side resting on a pillow precariously balanced on the side table. He's going to have a nice kink in his neck tomorrow morning, Faith thinks to herself, deciding not to wake the father as she returns to the nurse's station. Sleep is most important...
Ryan opens his eyes and blinks a few times, waiting for his vision to adjust to the dimly lit room. He glances over at Sandy sound asleep in the chair, then carefully runs his hand over his mouth, checking to make sure the breathing tube is still gone.
Suddenly, Ryan notices something move out of the corner of his eye. He quickly looks down and sees a small, shadowy figure dart across the floor. Ryan's heart rate quickens as beads of perspiration start forming on his brow; the anxiety rapidly building within him. He hears the sound of tiny, sharp claws skittering around on the floor below his bed and then he sees them; hoards of rats scurrying into the room from underneath the curtain. The white linoleum floor quickly becomes a sea of black as the deluge of rats fill the room; the din of their high-pitched squealing jarring and deafening. Ryan starts breathing rapidly; his heart pounding out of his chest as the sense of dread completely overwhelms him.
"No... oh, god no... go away! Get away from me!"
The sounds of Ryan's pleas jolts Sandy awake as he quickly shakes the cobwebs from his head. "Ryan, it's alright... no one's going to hurt you," Sandy assures as he sits down on the bed next to the terrified boy.
"The ra... rats... so mmm... many..." Ryan stammers as tears stream down his cheeks, watching in horror as the vermin start climbing up the foot of the bed.
"There are no rats, Ryan... you're seeing things... they're not real..."
Ryan starts kicking violently, trying to keep the encroaching, hungry rodents from scurrying up his legs.
"What's happening?" Faith asks, flinging open the curtain as she hurries into the room to help her terrified patient. "Ryan, did you have a nightmare?"
"I think he's hallucinating," Sandy replies as he holds the boy in his arms to keep him from injuring himself.
Ryan watches in horror as the nurse walks through the throng of screeching rats; their knifelike claws shredding her clothing while their razor-sharp teeth tear away at her flesh.
"No... get away from me! You can't be alive..." Ryan cries out as he sees the dead woman from the warehouse approach him. "I was there... he shot you!"
"Ryan, you're hallucinating. Your mind is playing a trick on you," Faith explains calmly. "I'm going to turn the light up, okay? Mr. Cohen is right here... you're safe."
Ryan clings onto Sandy as he tries to convince himself that what he's seeing isn't real.
Faith slowly turns the light up, allowing the boy's vision to adjust to the increasing brightness.
"Ryan, you're safe... it's just you, me and the nurse," Sandy says quietly as he holds the trembling boy in his arms. "There are no rats in the room..."
"But, they were here... hundreds of them..." Ryan sighs as he rests his head on Sandy's shoulder, not quite ready to let go. "I saw them..."
"I know it's frightening, Ryan. Some people experience hallucinations after being under sedation," Faith explains calmly. "Combine that with the nightmare you've been through... this is why Dr. Morrison wanted you to stay overnight in the ICU."
Faith studies Ryan intently, making sure her patient's back in reality and notes his heart rate slowly return to normal. She checks the IV in his arm and breathes a sigh of relief, happy the boy didn't try to inadvertently remove the needle from his vein.
"Ryan, are you in any pain?" Faith asks, hoping her patient will be forthcoming as she eases him back down and plumps the pillows behind his head.
Ryan shakes his head "no" as he wipes the stray tears from his eyes. "I'm a little thirsty..."
"All right, I'll get you a glass of water," Faith tells the boy, happy to see him settle back down. "Mr. Cohen, I'll inform Dr. Morrison about what has happened. Will you be able to stay with Ryan while I'm gone? Otherwise, I can get another nurse to stay with him."
"I'm not going anywhere," Sandy states emphatically.
Sandy watches Faith leave, then scoots the chair closer to the bed and sits down. He notices the boy's wary eyes vigilantly case the room as his hand firmly grips the blanket.
Sandy gently places his hand upon Ryan's fist and wills the boy to relax his tight grip. He then places his other hand on Ryan's shoulder and waits a few moments, allowing the boy more time to sort through his thoughts.
"I'm sorry," Ryan whispers softly.
"Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for," Sandy says soothingly as he gently squeezes Ryan's shoulder. "The doctor told us this might happen. It's not your fault... none of this is your fault."
"You didn't leave me..." Ryan sighs softly as he turns his head and offers a small smile to his guardian; the boy's blue eyes slightly red and swollen from his tears. "You're still here..."
"I told you I would always be here for you, Ryan," Sandy says reassuringly, "and I always keep my word."
"Will it ever get better?" Ryan asks with some hesitancy in his voice. "Will it ever go away?"
"I know that every day will get a little bit easier," Sandy says earnestly as he gently squeezes the boy's hand. "You're going to get through this, Ryan. We're going to get through this... together."
"I wish I had your optimism..."
"Well, I've been told it is contagious so you better watch out," Sandy says with a hint of playfulness to his voice. "Remember, we're a family... and families stick together."
"Thanks, Sandy..."
"You're very welcome," Sandy replies with a warm smile as he feels some tears well up in his eyes. "Now, try to go back to sleep. Tomorrow will be better, I promise."
Ryan closes his eyes but doesn't let go of Sandy's hand as he concentrates on the man's tender caress slowly lulling him back to sleep.
"Tommorow will be better, kid," Sandy whispers, gently stroking the top of Ryan's head as he watches the boy slowly drift off to sleep.
Promise me, God, tomorrow will be better... it has to be, Sandy prays to himself. Because I'm not sure how much more this boy can take...