Hello! So sorry, I know it's been a really long time! Things were crazy with my nursing school orientation and there's all this reading I have to do before classes start and such that I'm trying to get finished. So apologies on my end, it was not due to a lack of trying! I also had a bit of writer's block but thankfully this finally came together.
Of course, my thanks to BK2U. A big reason this came together was because of her. As always! So just to let everyone know, I leave for Florida bright and early Wednesday morning and will be gone until the following Wednesday. I have every intention to upload at least once while I'm away, but no promises. I seriously need this break before school starts though and already we have a ton of stuff planned. Anyway, I really hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know you thoughts! Thank you!
As night falls and darkness descends like creeping fog, the apartment is filled with chatter that seems endless. Tris paces around the island, her hair still damp and clinging to Tobias' sweatshirt as it hangs loosely off her form. She carries a bag of chips around, munching in-between her long-winded sentences. She rambles on and on about the potential this job has and how she sees it fitting him so well. He had provided her with more detail on what this job would entail, well, as best as he understood it himself anyway, and she had practically dialed Tori's number for him. "But…" he starts, finally interrupting her tirade. For the past twenty minutes he's sat at the island whilst she circled him as she talked.
"But what?" she questions, pausing to place one hand on her hip and raise her eyebrows. She isn't particularly open to hearing his rebuttals.
Tobias heaves a sigh, long and thoughtful, in an attempt to keep from having to speak. He knows no one will understand what he's about to say, not even Tris. "The job I have now-"
"You're better than that," she interrupts. Her hand waves in dismissal as she restarts her circling. Despite the late hour she somehow finds a reserve of energy.
For a while he just lets her talk more about what he'll be able to do with this new opportunity, until he just can't take it anymore. "Listen," he starts again. Something in his tone causes Tris to stop, and she places the bag of chips down on the counter and leans across it, ready to pay attention. "It's not about being capable of doing this new job or thinking that the job I have now is better, it's just…"
"What?" she prompts, the glow in her eyes dulling from erratic excitement to gentle patience.
Knowing she'll wait, Tobias takes his time to consider how to phrase just what he is thinking. "My dad told me-and I know this sounds dumb-but a couple of weeks ago he told me he was proud of me, Tris." He shakes his head at the memory, disgusted with himself and how happy it made him feel. "If I take this job, that will be it."
"What will be it?" she questions, her head quirking to the side. Tobias smiles at her expression.
"Any chance I could ever have for a relationship with my father," he admits, ashamed to feel this way and knowing full well just how stupid his hope really is. There's no hope for rehabilitation, he knows that. But the part of him that's still five years old, the part that watched his father cry and thought they would mourn together, still longs for some semblance of a relationship. "It's stupid," he acknowledges.
Tris walks around to where he sits, her height just reaching his so she's able to stare straight ahead to meet his gaze. "It's not stupid," she says. "You just…want a family."
It's then, in those few words, that he can tell that Tris doesn't merely understand, but that she, too, battles with the very same longing. Who took her family away, he wonders? Why had they left her? "I'm too old for that. It's time to grow up and be an adult instead of pining for something I can't have."
Her shoulders shrug, half in agreement and half in argument. Leave it to Tris to find something to argue about. "I'm not going to lie to you," she says, and even though he doesn't want someone to confirm it for him, he finds solace in the fact that she tells the truth. "I don't think you're ever going to find a family with your father."
Nodding in agreement, he knows it's true, but it still feels so wrong. "I know that, it's just-"
"Let me finish," she interrupts softly, her hands reaching down and intertwining with his. Her lips begin to twitch up into a smile as she steps even closer, so even the air between them is shared. "You're not going to find a family with him. He's too cruel, and he doesn't even deserve you. But that doesn't mean you'll never have a family at all."
Her words are a whisper but they carry through the air around him and settle directly into his bones, their truth burrowing deep into his marrow and filling his heart with hope, pumping through his arteries and circulating it throughout his entire system. The promise he thinks is contained in her words can't come soon enough. "And where, may I ask, will I find this family?"
Their smiles spread slowly as the nervous energy between them dissipates, both of them realising the other's hopes match up in the same way their hands are intertwined. Perfectly.
"Maybe it's right in front of you."
It turns out, their lips fit together just as well as their hands and their hopes.
The following morning finds them both in bed, Tris still wearing his clothes and him clad in sweatpants. Her head rests on his bare chest. She is a fitful sleeper, often stealing his covers or kicking his shins, but when she eventually settles down her form is always curled against his.
His hands play sleepily with her hair as he reaches over and switches off the alarm before it has the chance to go off. Moments like this are all he's ever wanted, the happiness in his heart enough to make him feel whole and so full he could nearly burst.
Sleeping with Tris is still an innocent pursuit. Their kisses are passionate, and sometimes their hands are urgent as they hold and clutch and stroke, but they are nevertheless controlled. There's a barrier that won't be crossed until discussions, heavy and uncomfortable and brutally honest ones, take place. Tris deserves to know the purity of a first relationship, he'd decided. The gentle kisses and the shy smiles and the teasing bites are enough for now. Their particular situation just leaves little choice but for them to end up in bed together.
Though it hasn't been explicitly discussed, Tobias doesn't believe she will be sleeping on his sofa anymore. Their nights together have just been too warm and comfortable for them to consider doing anything else.
Unfortunately, reality intrudes on even the most wonderful of moments, with no respect for joy and no regard for peace.
The morning light fights its way through the sanctity of night's darkness, and throws him back into the life he has little choice but to participate in. Carefully, he disentangles himself and begins his morning routine.
The shower allows him to calm himself, and getting dressed is a familiar routine as he selects yet another suit and tie. Back in the bathroom, he stares into the mirror, where the steam from his shower slowly recedes, revealing his battered image. For quite a while now he hasn't needed to worry about hiding bruises or covering scars. Physical reminders of his father's disdain had become a thing of the past. Now, the idea of facing an office full of respectable men and women sporting something he'd have no choice but to pass off as either a sporting accident or an immature fistfight fills him with a familiar anxiety.
In school, he had built a persona as a hot-headed, quick to anger guy so that no one would question any injuries that might appear. It wasn't even that hard to fake, what with that asshole Eric in his class constantly testing him.
Now he is an adult, however. How is he supposed to lead a meeting or interact with important people looking like this? Tobias feels a new sort of contempt for his father for bestowing this inconvenience on him.
In the past, Marcus never cared if Tobias wasn't at work, having called in sick with some illness or another. That had changed, apparently. So now he probes at the puffy skin and narrows his good eye to look at the darkened circle. It's too late for ice to do much, and somehow he knows makeup will do very little aside from make him look even sillier.
He slips silently from the bathroom, glancing at Tris still asleep in a sprawled out mess on his bed as he walks out to his main living quarters. There's no point in covering her back up, he realises, as the covers will just quickly end up strewn around her anyway. In the kitchen he brews his own coffee, making sure to leave enough in the pot so that Tris can have a cup when she wakes up. Then he opens the fridge, grabs the milk and pours himself a bowl of cereal. Thank God they'd gone grocery shopping so he wouldn't have to resort to cold leftover pizza for breakfast.
This morning, though, his thoughts remain in other places.
Finally, he scribbles a short note to Tris, wishing her a good day and reminding her of her key along with her ability to do whatever she pleases. As an afterthought, he leaves some cash on the counter.
Stepping outside, Tobias is surprised to find how warm the morning is already. February is more than halfway through, but still, Chicago doesn't normally tend to break from bitter winter weather so soon. Perhaps, he thinks to himself, spring will come early for once.
Walking to work again is liberating. The pavement is even beneath his feet and his fellow commuters are just as responsive as ever. The walk allows him a chance to both psych himself up and then talk himself back down. He continues this cycle until he arrives in front of the tall, glass building. Its architecture might seem beautiful to some, but to Tobias it is a hideous sight.
When he walks past the front desk he asks the receptionist to relay to his father that he is here. In an attempt to not let his horribly marred face get to him, Tobias walks around like nothing is different. If anything, he walks with more confidence. He holds his head high and acts as though any questions on the matter are not just unnecessary, but silly. Though it may keep anyone from verbally commenting, he can't help but see the thoughts on each person's face. He is a disappointment even to his own colleagues.
Originally, Tobias had every intention of retreating straight to his office. There he could hide in solace and pretend to go through paperwork, at least until his father arrives and finds some other task to shove onto him. But as he enters the elevator, he can't help but press the button for the fifth floor, dumping him off at Christina's office.
When he first steps off, Tobias looks around, his eyes scanning the sea of people who all move about much faster down here than they ever do upstairs. Everyone on this floor looks like the apocalypse is coming and it's solely up to them to prepare for it.
At first, Christina sees him and her smile is bright as she waves, but as she stares longer Tobias sees her smile fade. He set himself up for failure coming down here, he realises. Christina will never hold her tongue, especially not on something like this.
"So, she actually tried to knock you out," Christina says by way of greeting as he approaches her, humour colouring her tone. Tobias laughs along, neither agreeing nor denying, and hoping that it will placate Christina's endless curiosity. Of course, she remains just as observant as ever, even with all of the chaos around her, and immediately leads the way to her office door. She unlocks it and swings it open, holding her arm out in invitation.
Entering her office, Tobias breathes in deeply, momentarily ensconced in darkness once she closes the door and before she switches on her lamp. "Should I even ask?" she questions.
Tobias shakes his head. "Don't bother." As expected, she opens her mouth to argue. It only takes a look to silence her.
Christina purses her lips and stares back, before relenting and dropping her gaze to switch on her computer and begin searching through the scattered papers on her desk. "So…Tris?"
"Yeah," Tobias answers, as vague as her question. He nods, pretending nonchalance on the matter, but he can't help it when he smiles. "She's back."
For a minute, she pretends to be interested in her paperwork more than him. "Guess that explains why you bailed on me," she says.
"Listen," he starts, feeling genuinely guilty for how he'd blown her off. "I'm sorry about that. I can explain about wha-"
"I'm joking!" she practically shouts as her head pops back up. "I just wanted to make you squirm a little." If he wasn't so relieved to know her anger is non-existent, he might actually be irritated. Instead, he just feels a weight lift from his shoulders. "You have to tell me what happened, though."
Now he hits the roadblock. "I'd love to, but…it's not my story to tell." He already feels guilty for revealing Tris' homelessness to Christina. Especially since the girls work together, and are even friends themselves. It doesn't feel right.
The look on her face makes him wonder if she'll challenge him, but she doesn't attempt to push him further. If nothing else, Christina knows when to respect his privacy. He suddenly has a greater appreciation for that fact than he ever had before. "So, how was your dinner with Will?"
"Oh, please," she answers with an eye roll. "The boy was as perfect and sweet and, quite frankly, boring as always. But I'm not interested in discussing the wine or tiramisu right now."
Poor Will. Perhaps Tobias can give him a lesson in spontaneity the next time they are together. Knowing Christina, she will probably be over the moon if he springs some ridiculous activity like rock climbing or zip-lining on her. "Alright," he relents, completely incapable of not grinning like a fool as he reveals the one piece of information he's just dying to confess. "I finally kissed her."
"Shut up," Christina says. "You finally grew a pair, didn't you?" Tobias narrows his eyes which leads to a round of giggles from Christina. "Just saying, it was about damned time. So, did you two…you know?"
He did know. The implication was loud and clear, in fact. "Of course not!" he protests.
"Calm down, buddy," she answers, holding her hands up. "No need to get defensive over doing the deed. Will and I shacked up before I even knew his last name."
Tobias shakes his head, not really caring to hear any more details about Christina and Will's first time 'shacking up'. "Things are…fragile with Tris."
"Are you saying your relationship is fragile, or that Tris is?" The question spurs more introspection than he might have anticipated. "Because you kind of walk around like she's this delicate flower that you have to protect from the world, and I hate to break it to you, but Tris is actually pretty tough. She did live on the streets for years, don't forget."
Of course he knows this. Tobias knows Tris isn't going to fall apart just from the slightest of provocations, but he can't help treating her with caution. Because she is worn and damaged and she shouldn't have to be tough anymore…right?
"In fact, she'd probably prefer it if you stopped treating her with kid gloves all the time."
She says the words with a thoughtless shrug as she pretends to, or maybe she really does, focus on something on her computer. "I guess you're right…" he admits begrudgingly.
"To add on to that," she starts, her eyes nervous now as she shoots him a brief glance before quickly shifting her gaze back to her computer. Tobias waits expectantly and she lets out a sigh of defeat, realising she's too far in to turn back now. "Maybe it's time to man up yourself?" her voice is tenuous, clearly uncertain as to how he'll receive what she's saying. "Stop walking around like someone stole your lollipop and just work towards whatever the hell you want out of life. You want to kiss a girl? Kiss her! You want to tell someone to go fuck themselves? Do it! You want to take some really incredible job offer and bring your nearest and dearest friend along with you? Take it!"
Immediately, he raises his hand, pointing an accusing finger in her direction. "Who exactly…"
"Who do you think?" she says with a laugh. "Don't be mad. Tris was sure you had told me already." Christina lobs a crumpled piece of paper at his head. "Which you should have, bonehead."
He offers a sheepish smile in apology as he picks the paper up off the floor, as if his cleaning this one small thing would make a dent in the disarray of this place. He momentarily forgot that she just told him to man up. "It's not as easy as it seems." The idea of defending his stance on this whole job thing for the second time is not appealing to him.
But Christina cuts him off before he's even begun. Unlike Tris, she won't wait in patient silence whilst he slowly pulls the words out of himself. "Well, nothing really good in life is ever easy, is it? You've got to give shit up and work hard and piss people off. It's the only way you're ever going to get anywhere, to get away from this job where you are clearly miserable."
"That obvious?" he asks. There is something about Christina that enables her to read him like an open book. Christina nods. "I guess you're right."
"Of course I'm right!" she answers with a laugh and a shake of her head. "Stop being so goddamned afraid of everything and just grab life by the horns and tell it what to do!"
The idea is equal parts terrifying and thrilling. Christina reaches across the desk and rests a hand over top of his. "I only say this because I love you." Tobias smiles in gratitude, overwhelmed by how thankful he is to have a friend like her. "That, and because I can sure use a better job."
Their mingled laughter reminds him that fear can only intrude on his life as much as he lets it.
With Christina's words in mind, Tobias walks home with renewed determination. She's right, he realises the more he thinks about it. He has been tiptoeing on the outskirts of life for too long now. If anything, now is when he should dive in headfirst and embrace whatever life offers to him.
Entering his apartment, he finds Tris in front of the stove. She's dutifully stirring something as she sings along with the music streaming from his laptop, which sits open on the island behind her.
Her ignorance of the door swinging open causes her to be completely surprised when Tobias swings her around to face him and kisses her, nothing careful about it. Their lips part and his arms wrap around her waist as hers twist around his neck, some orange sauce probably mixing in with his hair as she still clutches the spoon in her hand.
Tris's gasp of surprise from his sudden attack on her lips quickly turns to a quiet moan as he reacquaints himself with every curve of her lips and all the contours of her mouth. They've both been beaten down and thrown around, but Tobias is done with being ruled by it. He tries to convey this to her as he slides his lips to her jaw and down her neck, in the way he recently learned she likes it. He's done living life hiding under his bed, praying the monster won't get him. He communicates this with his hands, running them along her body, fitting in her curves and running along her back and twisting in her hair. He's going to take whatever the hell this world is willing to offer him and fight for anything it doesn't. To start: he is proclaiming himself as entirely hers.
No more will they hide behind cuts and bruises. No more will they try and keep the other from falling apart. They will build each other up and take on the world, as one.
The spoon clatters to the floor as Tris locks her legs around his middle. Tobias holds her for a moment before lifting her onto the island, next to the laptop that still plays the sounds of a man crooning about his one true love. Tris leans down just slightly to meet him and he thrills at the way her hands run down his chest and how they slide his jacket to the floor.
Moments like these usually lead to exactly one thing for Tobias. Knowing that this isn't an option between them just yet, he appreciates these little touches so much more. He trembles beneath her hands and shivers against her lips.
Their assault on one another is disrupted by the shrieking of the smoke alarm and Tobias curses all the damned interruptions. He could carry on with her like that forever.
He turns around in mild alarm as he sees smoke rising from the pot Tris had been paying such special attention to when he'd walked in. She hops off of the counter and switches the burner off, cursing under her breath as she removes the now ruined pot of sauce from the burner. "Sorry," Tobias apologises, running his hand across the back of his neck.
Tris laughs loudly, placing the pot back on a cool burner and turning back to him. "I hardly think apologies are in order." A sly smile rises to his lips as he takes a step towards her. "Come on," she says with a lightness in her voice, turning around and switching off the oven. "Get your coat. We'll go out to dinner."
"Or we could stay in," he says with a wink, though he's already putting his suit jacket back on and walking over to the coat rack.
His half-hearted suggestion succeeds in making her laugh. "What got into you?" she asks with a slow shake of her head.
Tobias shrugs, his eyes raking over Tris once again. He should have known long before now that of course this would work, it felt too damned right not to. "Common sense, probably."
She reaches up on her tiptoes and kisses him quickly, his arm wrapping around her waist to pull her back in, and she relents for a moment before pushing him away. "Let me change and then we can go."
Tobias watches her when she turns to saunter off towards their room, her eyes bright, alert, and full of energy. Now that he's decided to stop playing the victim to all the shit in his life, he can finally see that there is no limit to the opportunities that await him, assuming he's willing to work for them. He's certain that he's more than ready to step up and build a life he can call his own, one he will be proud to share with Tris.