It took all of his effort to keep himself focused, all of his effort to stare straight ahead and remind himself that she just needed comforting. He told himself she only asked him to stay because he was the one present, that she would have asked Dorian if he had been there instead. He kept one foot planted firmly on the ground, refusing to let himself be fully on her bed. Cullen worried where his brain would wander, how much hope he would let himself feel, if he reclined on the bed with her completely. So he kept himself stiff, letting her curl against him as he held his arms around her lightly, unwilling to touch her fully. He tried to ignore the pressure on his thigh from where she was sitting on it, tried not to think about the fact that she was in his lap, clinging to him with her hands.
There was the scent again, wafting up to him from her hair as she rubbed her face against his mantle. Like rain, reminding him of a spring thunderstorm. She kept trying to snuggle closer to him, her fingers running lightly through the fur. She murmured incoherently and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He realized after a long time had passed that she had stopped crying, her breathing becoming deep and even. Cullen shifted slightly and peered down into her face; she had fallen asleep.
He worried if he moved she would wake up, and so he held her until she no longer stirred or snuggled against his shoulder. His fingers stroked through the black hair that cascaded down her back, and he was once more disappointed by his habit of wearing his armor and gloves all the time. She was finally loosening her grip on his mantle as she relaxed in her sleep, and he began to slide himself out from under her, lifting her curled form off of him and onto the pillows. He tucked the sheets and blankets around her and she sighed, her fingers flexing slightly where her hand rested on the pillow. Cullen couldn't resist smoothing her hair off her face, letting himself stare at her a moment longer as she slumbered.
Finally assured that she was resting comfortably, he turned away from the bed and slowly made his way down the stairs and out of her quarters, closing the door softly behind him. Josephine was standing waiting for him.
"Is the Inquisitor all right, Commander?" she asked, stepping forward. He wondered if she had been waiting for him since she'd seen him carrying Evelyn past her in the hall and tried to follow him.
He sighed and glanced back at the door to the Inquisitor's quarters before he answered. "Let's get Cassandra and Leliana, we need to talk."
"A month?" Leliana questioned. "Do you think that is wise, Commander?"
"Yes," he answered firmly, his hand resting casually on his pommel as he looked at the surprised faces of the three women across from him. "I think it is our best course of action to let the Inquisitor rest. We need her at her best if we hope to save Empress Celene."
"I…actually agree," Cassandra chimed in, speaking slowly. "I have noticed the Inquisitor struggling, since the Hinterlands. I spoke with Varric about the events in Crestwood, and I've spoken before with her other companions when they return from their travels. They all say the same thing; she's drained, overwhelmed, though she tries her best to hide it."
"What happened tonight?" Josephine asked, turning to him. "She was nearly hysterical when you carried her by my office."
"I also spoke with Varric," Cullen nodded at Cassandra. "He expressed the same sentiment that she is beginning to become overwhelmed with her duties and the expectations of being Inquisitor, and that Crestwood seemed especially hard on her. She and I also had an…argument, when she returned this afternoon. I sought her out to apologize and suggest that she take some time. It seems the suggestion finally broke her resolve to hide her burden, and she burst into tears and was unable to stop."
"Is she all right?" Leliana asked with concern.
"She's sleeping, now," Cullen answered.
"Did she take a sleeping draught?" Cassandra asked.
"No, she asked me to stay with her, she seemed scared to be alone. She fell asleep in -" he stopped, unable to say that she'd fallen asleep in his arms, that she'd fallen asleep as he held her to him. "I stayed with her until she stopped crying and fell asleep."
He noticed Leliana's quirked brow as she looked at him and he tried to keep his face neutral. Nothing got past their spymaster, and he knew she had to be filling in the words he'd left unspoken. Cullen shifted on his feet a little, avoiding her gaze.
"We should have someone check on her, maybe a healer," Cassandra suggested.
"I've noticed she seems exhausted, I wonder how long it's been since she actually slept," Josephine sighed. "I agree, we should have a healer check on her, maybe have them administer sleeping draughts for her. At least for a week, to make sure she can sleep well at night, to try to catch up on rest."
Cullen nodded. "I'll send for Adan in the morning, see what he can do for her."
"Do we really think we can afford a month without her? There have been more reports of rifts all over Thedas, and Hawke and Stroud are heading to the Western Approach -" Leliana began.
"We'll manage," he interrupted. "Our forces grow by the day, and they are becoming more capable. Leliana's scouts and my soldiers should be able to handle things for a month. We owe this much to the Inquisitor, since it was us who placed this burden on her shoulders."
The three before him nodded their assent.