Guest: I know. Lol. But, it's only a minor setback. And, hopefully this next chapter will restore some of your faith in Paige.

Bel Yeah. It did. But, these situations often do.

Angy I try.

Guest Glad you liked it.

PaigeMarie712 It's fine that you posted a link. I'm flattered that you're enjoying my story enough to want to share it with others. I'm glad that you like it. Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to leave a comment.

Guest I guess one step forward, two steps back, would be a pretty apt description of her progress. Hopefully, it'll soon just be steps forward.

Guest. Sorry.

Chapter 37

Every one of Emily's instincts was screaming at her to get up and go chase after Paige. To stop the other girl from climbing into her car and driving away. To gather Paige up in her arms and apologize, tell her she took it back, that she didn't know what she had been thinking. But, she couldn't. Not when apologizing wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change what she believed. And it wouldn't change how she felt.

Maybe it was unfair of her to put this on Paige so early in their relationship. But it's not like she planned the conversation. They'd sort of stumbled into it. And now she had to figure out whether she was willing to stay with Paige, if the other girl decided that their relationship would end with graduation.

So even though she wanted to chase after Paige, she held her ground, stubbornly resolved not to cave on this as she heard the hum of her engine as her car sprang to live. Bitting her lip, she planted her feet and gripped the couch cushions so hard her fingers went numb as the glare of headlights filled the living room as Paige backed out of the driveway.

It was only when Paige had sped away that she allowed herself to rise to her feet and drift towards the door. She pulled it open and stepped out on the front porch, wrapping her arms around herself, against the chill in the night air, or perhaps to contain the emotions roiling within, as she leaned against the railing and stared off in the direction Paige's car had gone.

And when her taillights disappeared around the corner, she felt her resolve weaken. Maybe she was wrong on this. Maybe it was worth it to be with Paige, even if their time was limited. Maybe she had been too hasty even bringing the subject up. And to let Paige leave thinking she'd issued some kind of ultimatum.

She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. Swiping it unlocked she scrolled through her contacts, and sent an S.O.S text to the girls. They would give her some perspective on this. Message sent, she tucked her phone back into her pocket and settled on the porch swing to wait.

Aria, who lived the closest, just a couple blocks away, was the first to arrive. On foot, and panting, she hurried up Emily's walkway and dropped down beside her, immediately drawing Emily into her arms.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly, as Emily settled into her side, arms wrapped around Aria's waist, head against her shoulder.

"I think I've made a terrible mistake," she muttered, closing her eyes and trying to accept the comfort of Aria's hand rubbing gently up and down her back.

"What do you mean?"

"Can we wait until the others get here? I don't want to get into it, just to have to repeat myself."

"Of course."

Aria rocked the swing gently with one leg, the motion, as well as the heat of the smaller girls body next to hers, lulling Emily into a quiet calm. She wasn't feeling quite so dire when Hannah pulled haphazardly up to the curb in a screech of tires, and scrambled out her car.

"What's the matter with Em?" She asked Aria, as if Emily were not sitting right there.

"I don't know yet. She wanted to wait for you and Spencer to get here."

Hannah nodded, then crossed her arms and turned to stare at the road, staring off in the direction Spencer would most likely come from. "Where is Spencer, anyway?"

"I don't know, Han. I only got here a few minutes before you did."

"Well, did she call, text? Say anything about when she'd be here? How do you even know she got the message? We could be out here all night waiting for her if she's off with Toby somewhere-"

"Toby's home. His truck is parked right there. And there's a light on in his room."

"Or, if she's studying," Hannah continued, undeterred. "You know how she gets-"

"I'm sure she'll be here. Just, sit down. If she's not here in a few minutes, we'll start without her. Okay?"

Hannah spun around, looking agitated, but after a moment huffed and uncrossed her arms. "Okay. That sounds all right."

She slipped onto the other side of the bench, and sidled up beside Emily, draping herself over her side. "Whatever it is, we'll figure it out, Em."

"I know, Han." She felt better already, just having the girls here, and they hadn't even done anything yet. She slipped one hand from around Aria's waist and snaked it around Hanna's instead, pulling her close, soaking up the comfort of both of her friend's just being there for her.

Hannah was, predictably, only docile for a moment or two before she started fidgeting. Patience not being one of her strong suits, she was quickly up and pacing again. Before she could start fretting about Spencer's whereabouts, the girl in question pulled up in front of Emily's neighbour's house and jogged across the lawns to the porch.

"Hey, I came as soon as I got your message," she said, mounting the steps to at a time. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

Her hair was damp, and the pajama pants she was wearing beneath the knee length trench coat she had cinched tightly around her waist indicated what she had been up to.

"Em, are you okay?" She knelt in front of Emily, wide, concerned eyes searching her features for an indication of what was wrong as she rubbed her hands soothingly up and down Emily's legs.

Emily nodded and shrugged at the same time.

"Okay, Em. What's going on?" Hannah dropped once again onto the bench beside her, all traces of impatience gone from her voice, replaced instead by soft concern.

Emily took a deep breath, and spilled everything. "…And, then she left," she finished with, blinking back tear as she remembered the forlorn expression on Paige's face, and the lingering kiss. What if that was the last time she got to kiss Paige? "I really screwed up, didn't I?" She searched the faces of her friends for an answer. "I pushed too hard. Which I promised I would never do. And now I may have lost her."

"I'm sure you haven't." Aria rubbed soothing circles across her back.

"Yeah. I mean, this is Paige we're talking about," Hannah added with a shrug. "The girl is obviously crazy about you."

Emily smiled a silent thanks to her friends for their automatic, unwavering support and reassurance, but as much as she wanted to believe them, she couldn't. There was this niggling feeling in the back of her brain that persisted in reminding her that this was Paige's first serious relationship. The first time she'd had real feelings for anyone. She was still exploring and coming into her sexuality. So why would she want to tie herself down with the first girl that expressed interest in her? There was a whole world out there for her to explore, come graduation.

"What you guys have is really special," Hannah continued. "I know that she would never you throw it away over an eventuality. What?" she demanded, when all three of the girls turned to her. "I know big words."

Emily chuckled, and gave Hannah a squeeze. "I know, Han."

"We didn't mean it like that."

"Of course you do."

The three of them spoke at the same time, and Hannah laughed. "I know. Don't worry. I was just bugging you. I'm just saying, Maybe you should focus on the now? Forget about the future and enjoy being together in the moment."

It was sound, sensible advice. But, Emily wasn't sure she could take it. "It sounds good, in theory. But, I'm falling for her, Han. Hard. I think I might already love her. Even though my head is telling me that it's too soon. It's just, I can remember my grandmother telling me she knew my grandfather was the one they day they met. And my father told me he knew he was going to marry my mom after their first date. And, I look at Paige and I…"

"Wait, are you saying that you know Paige is the woman you're going to marry?" Aria asked.

"Holy shit," Hannah said, a huge grin forming on her face. "I can totally see it, you know? Getting married just out of college, living in Philly in some shoe-box apartment, then buying a house. A bunch of little mini-you're running around."

Emily nodded along as Hannah spoke, her words echoing the images playing around in her head. "It's totally crazy though, right? I mean, we've only been together a couple weeks."

"It's not crazy to want it," Spencer said. "But, it might be a little soon to start picking out china patterns. There are a lot of steps between where you are now, and all of that."

Emily nodded. "I know."

"But, you should never feel bad about asking for what you want, what you need, out of your relationship." Spencer squeezed her hands lightly. "And, if what you need from Paige is a little reassurance that she believes that the two of you have a future, well then, by all means…"

Emily nodded. She understood that. That wasn't the problem. The problem was, it didn't seem like Paige was able to give that. She had all but admitted that she didn't see a future for them.

"And, if she can't give it to me, what? Am I supposed to just break up with her?"

She wouldn't do that. She couldn't. Paige was so important to her. She couldn't just end their relationship because they had a difference of opinion. Even over something as vital as this. The truth of that hit her like a brick, and she had her answer, of what she was going to do about this situation.

"We can't answer that question for you," Aria said softly. "That's up for you to decide. But, I really suggest that before you come to any conclusion, or make any decisions, you talk to Paige."

"I know," Emily admitted with a sigh. "I'm just afraid of what'll happen when we do have that conversation."

Her friends, unfortunately, did not have an answer for that. Not that Emily really expected them to. They had done all for her that they could, and it was getting late. Her mom would start to worry, if she wasn't soon tucked into her bed.

"Sorry for dragging you out so late."

"Don't even worry about it, Em. We know you'd do the same for us," Aria said.

"You have done the same for us," Hannah reminded her.

Emily nodded. "I don't know what I did, to deserve friends like you. But, thank you. So much. I love you guys."

"We love you too."

It felt weird to be going about her morning routine without talking to Paige. Normally there was a good morning text waiting for her when she woke, then the two of them would flirt and joke around until Paige had to leave for practice, or Emily made her way downstairs and had to put down her phone under threat of glare from her mother.

This morning, however, Emily's phone lay silent on the dresser as she got ready. She hadn't heard from Paige since last night, a single word text, Goodnight to indicate that she had made it home all right. Emily supposed she should be grateful she'd gotten even that.

She debated being the one to break the ice, to send Paige a text, but every time she picked up her phone to do so, she hesitated, uncertain as to what to say. She'd lain awake for hours after saying goodnight to her mom, trying to figure out how to make things right between them again, but was no closer to knowing what to say now than he had been last night.

With a sigh, she tucked her phone into her pocket, without sending any texts, and made her way downstairs for a quick breakfast with her mom before school. Luckily, her mom knew Paige had an early morning field hockey practice, and didn't enquire about her whereabouts that morning. Emily didn't feel up to getting into it with her mother, but if pressed, it wasn't something she would be able to keep to herself.

They had a pleasant breakfast before Emily was out the door, heading off to school as if she didn't have a care in the world, even though her thoughts were racing, and her emotions were a mess.

She made it to school with some time to spare, hopefully it would give her a chance to get her head on straight before she had to face her friends. Or Paige. She was in the cafeteria, just finished buying a coffee, when her phone buzzed. The faint vibration making her breath catch in her throat. Hesitantly she shifted her coffee and her wallet into one hand, and reached into her pocket with the other, uncertain whether she was hoping it was Paige, or not. She unlocked the device to reveal a text. Two words, no context.

Room 212. From Paige.

She recognized the room number as being in the tech wing, near the bathroom they had met privately in a few times. For a moment she debated whether or not to go, before shaking her head, dispelling the notion of avoidance. It was stupid. And counter-productive.

On my way, she texted back, then quickly made her way through the maze of corridors to her destination.

The door was ajar when she reached it, although no sound came from within. Cautiously she pushed it open, revealing Paige seated in front of one of the computer terminals in the center of the room. She was bathed in the blue glow of the monitor, with her head bent as she scribbled something on the notepad at her elbow. And, despite all of her inner turmoil, Emily couldn't help but stand and admire her for a moment. She looked adorable, with her lip captured between her teeth and her brow furrowed in concentration. Not to mention, her everyday beauty never failed to take Emily's breath away. And today was no exception. Her hair was long and loose, the ends still damp from her post-practice shower, and curling slightly. Her posture was relaxed, easy, and the tank top she was wearing clung to her torso in all the right places, accentuating the curve of her breasts and the flat of her stomach. Emily could have easily stared at her all day, if not for the pressing matter they needed to attend to. Stepping fully into the room and letting the door fall shut behind her with a soft click, she captured Paige's attention.

Her head popped up, and a slow, cautious smile formed on her lips. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey." Emily closed the distance between them and hovered at Paige's elbow, uncertain as to what to say.

Wordlessly, Paige pulled out the chair beside her, and gestured for Emily to sit.

"Look, Em. I'm sorry-"

"Paige, I'm sorry about-"

They both cut themselves off, and shared an awkward smile and a laugh.

"Go ahead." Ever polite, Paige tipped her hand in Emily's direction, signalling her to go first.

"I'm sorry. About last night. For what I said. For what I implied. I didn't mean to freak you out. To ask for too much from you or-"

"Wait. Em. I'm sorry, but do you mind if I…"

The interruption was so uncharacteristic that Emily immediately fell silent.

Paige took a deep breath, and Emily's heart sped up in anticipation of what she might say. "I care about you. A lot. More than I've ever cared about anyone. And, there's a small part of me that wonders why you're with me."

How could Paige ever doubt what Emily saw in her? She was kind and smart and funny and oh so sweet. Not to mention beautiful. Emily opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, when Paige shot her a look, pleading with her to let her finish. Reluctantly, she nodded, letting Paige continue, even though she desperately wanted to break in and plead her case.

"I tell myself that, even if it doesn't last forever, at least I have you now. That I can be grateful for whatever amount of time we get together, because at least I'll have that. And I haven't given any thought to us being together after graduation because I can't. I can't bring myself to think that far ahead, to hope…" She let out a heavy sigh and raked her fingers though her hair,

Emily bit down on the inside of her lip, forcing herself not to interrupt. But she reached out and placed what she hoped was a comforting hand on Paige's knee.

"I'm sorry if I made you think that my feelings for you were temporary, or had a time constraint. Because that wasn't my intention. It's just, I know the statistics on long term relationships. And the thought of something like distance tearing us apart… I don't think I could handle that."

She turned to face Emily fully, her eyes shining with unshed tears, and glimmering with emotion. "I know it's stupid. But I…I guess I took comfort in knowing that if we broke up after graduation…it would be because we had to. It would be something out of our control. And I could tell myself, in the back of my head, that it wasn't because your feelings for me had changed. It would just be the situation. The way thing worked out."

Emily was struggling to follow Paige's somewhat rambling logic. "Let me get this straight," she said "You would rather be forced into a breakup, then try and work things out, long distance?" She had to be missing something, because that was just ridiculous.

"If it meant that you weren't leaving me because you wanted to, then yeah."

And finally, it clicked into place, what Paige was really afraid of. It would be sweet, it it wasn't so sad.

"Paige that's—" She reached out to cup Paige's cheek, but Paige jerked out of her reach.

"Stupid. I know. Okay?"

"I was going to say, that's not going to happen. It's like I said last night. Feelings don't change based on proximity. If they do, then they weren't true feelings to begin with. And, why do you assume it would be me who would change their mind? How do I know you won't go off to some school on the other side of the country and decide that you want to explore what's out there? I mean, I'm the first person you've had feelings for. Maybe you'll decide that you don't want to be tied down so young."

Paige looked stricken. "Is that something you're actually worried about?"

Emily shrugged. It wasn't something that she'd spent a lot of time considering, but she couldn't deny that it was a valid fear.

"Em, I would never."

"And, I believe you when you say that." She brought her hand up again, this time completing the action of cupping Paige's cheek. "Even though, I guess there are no guarantees. And I know that's scary. Just like I believe it when I say that distance doesn't matter. It makes things hard sometimes, but it can also be more rewarding. Because you never take the other person for granted."

Paige's eyelids fluttered lightly as she leaned into Emily's touch for a moment before pulling away and turning to face the computer screen once again. She jiggled the mouse, and the screen saver disappeared, a spreadsheet appearing in its place.

"I'm working on seeing it your way, about the long distance. But, why tempt fate? I think it would be more prudent to look at ways to build our future, together. Like, applying to the same schools. Or only accepting offers from ones that aren't more than a few hours apart." She clicked a button, enlarging the writing on the screen. "This list here is the one with the best swimming programs, this one field hockey, and this one track." Paige pointed to each one as she spoke. "Now, the chances of both of us getting into the same school for the same sport is unlikely. Especially if we're both relying on scholarships. But, some of these schools have both excellent swimming and field hockey or track programs. That's these ones here."

Emily knew she should be paying attention to what Paige was saying, but she was more focused on the girl beside her, watching as she became animated about the research she had compiled. It was the sweetest, dorkiest, thing someone had ever done for her. And if Emily had any doubts that she was falling for Paige, they would have been dispelled in that moment.

"What?" Paige turned, and blushed, ducking her head away from Emily's gaze.

"Hey. No. Don't look away." She reached out and gently turned Paige's face back towards her. "What you did." She nodded her head towards the computer screen. "That's amazing. It is easily the sweetest thing anyone has ever done. And, I would love to go over it with you. In detail. In just a moment. But first…." She leaned in as she spoke, until her lips were brushing against Paige's, then she captured them in her own for a slow, sweet kiss.

Humming softly in the back of her throat, she pulled back, and rested her forehead against Paige's. "When did you do all this?"

"Last night. I couldn't sleep. I had a lot of time to think. It's not too much. Is it?"

Emily chuckled and shook her head. "Oh, it's definitely too much. But, it's also absolutely perfect."

"So, it's not freaking you out?" Paige asked softly. "I mean, it's one thing when together forever is an abstract concept. But when it becomes real..."

"It's not freaking me out. I know it's a ways off still, but I very much can't wait for it to become real."

Paige's grin was wide, and beaming, as she ducked her head for another kiss.

This one was just as soft, just as sweet, but more fleeting, as the clearing of a throat had them jerking apart. Emily's heart seized in her chest as her head whipped around to find Vicky, and another girl from their swim team, Amanda, hovering in the doorway. Immediately her eyes went to Paige, dreading her reaction, half expecting her to storm out of the room, half expecting a panic-attack. Paige was sitting wide-eyed beside her, stock still, and barely breathing. Damn.

She hesitated to reach out to her though, not knowing whether or not her touch would be appreciated.

"You know, I knew there was something going on between you two. Even after you told me things were fine. But I gotta admit, I never expected this," Vicky said, closing the door softly behind her and striding across the room.

"What are you talking about? What is she talking about?"

Emily shook her head. "It's nothing. Remember, I told you a few weeks ago, Vicky approached me, thinking we were still fighting."

Paige looked confused for a moment, then nodded.

"She thought it was because you were still freaking out, because I'm gay."

"I was ready to set you straight. So to speak," Vicky said with a smirk, as she dropped into a chair in the row in front of them. Amanda slid into the space next to her.

"Yeah, that would have been pointless. And, somewhat futile." Paige's lips quirked up in a bit of a smirk as well. Emily felt a sense of disbelief as she watched Paige relax somewhat into her seat. There was still some tension in her body, but she didn't seem ready to bolt.

"So, how long has this been going on?" Amanda asked, flicking her finger back and for the between the two of them.

"Just after the last meet," Paige said softly, reaching over and taking Emily's hand. She laced their fingers together, and squeezed just a little too tight. Emily didn't flinch, didn't adjust her position.

"Well, you two are adorable," Vicky said, and Amanda nodded. "But, why are you keeping it on the DL?" She shot an accusing glance over at Emily, who shrugged sheepishly.

"Have you met my dad?"

Vicky and Amanda both winced.

"Point taken." Vicky said. "And hey, sorry to interrupt a moment, but I have this class first period and I'm behind on assignments."

"No worries," Paige said, using her free hand to shut her computer down. "I have to walk Emily to class before the bell anyway." She stood, and gently guided Emily to her feet. "Can I trust that you two-"

"Mum's the word. Just uh, maybe be a little more careful about where you decide to get your mack on. Y'know, if you're trying to be discreet."

"Point taken. See you at practice."

Emily waved and smiled as she stepped past them, following Paige out into the hallway. As soon as they were through the doors, Paige dropped her hand. It stung a little, but Emily understood. And, it was nothing compared to the magnitude of what Paige had just done.

They still had a few minutes until the first bell, so she ushered Paige into the bathroom a few feet down the hall. As expected, it was empty. And she turned the lock as soon as the door had closed, to ensure their privacy. Once she had, she turned to face Paige, who was leaning against the sink, head hung low, as she took deep breaths.

"You okay?" She approached from behind and placed a hand on the small of Paige's back.

Paige nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good." She stood fully and faced Emily, who searched her face, trying to determine if she was telling the truth. "I'm fine, Em." She pecked her lips lightly. "I mean, it's a little scary, knowing that there's two more people out there who know about me. About us. But, it's not as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe it's because it's Vicky and Amanda, who I've known since Pre-K. They've always had my back before. But, I'm okay.

She smiled, and Emily couldn't sense any dishonesty or tension in her features, so she felt her own lips turning up in response. "I'm so proud of you," she said, wrapping her arms around Paige in a tight embrace.