Let's Talk

Kei made sure we were both out of the room before dinner, something about maintaining appearances. However, I wanted to take a shower before going to the mess hall. After some convincing, Kei agreed it was a good idea, again, something about appearances. I quickly washed up and returned to my room to get into a fresh set of clothes.

Upon my arrival at the mess hall, I noticed that some conversations began to die down. I glanced around the room to try and figure out why, but people wouldn't meet my eyes. While I was in line for food, I began to think about what would cause this strange behavior when Grimm waved to me from a table. I had wanted to sit next to Kei, but I didn't see her in the room. I decided that I would wait with Grimm until she came back.

"How bad was it?" my wing-mate asked me as I sat next to him with my meal. I quirked an eyebrow at the question, not knowing what he was referring to right away. Seeming to catch this, Grimm decided to clarify. "Kei seemed pretty angry when you got back, at least, that's what Petra was saying. And judging by the way she flew through here, she didn't seem any bit calmed down either."

"Kei was angry?" I asked bewildered. I had been with her only a couple minutes ago and the only thing I could imagine her being upset over was the small amount of resistance I had given to her attempts at leaching my heat. Now it was Grimm's turn to look confused.

"Well..." Grimm began, starting to look like he had stepped on a mine. "... I don't know her as well as you do... So... I could just be reading it wrong... But, usually, when I see someone storm in and just grab some food without acknowledging anyone, it means they're upset." If Grimm's observations were to be trusted, then Kei was definitely upset about something. But she was happy just moments ago, what caused her to change?

"I guess I'll need to talk to her about that," I said as I began to eat some re-hydrated potatoes. Not enough milk in this batch. Wait... If the milk was also powdered...

"Something wrong, Capt- Blaz- Caden?" Grimm said as he shook his head each time he began to stumble.

"I'm eating powder within powder." I said simply as I continued to stare at my potatoes.

"She didn't hit you in the head, did she?" Grimm asked cautiously.

"What?" I asked as the ridiculous question was proposed. "No, she didn't hit me in the head." Grimm just continued to look at me in a slightly worried state until Sylvia came to sit at his side with her own tray of food. Once she was at his side, any attention that had been directed at me was stolen.

"Hello Caden, nice to see you're still alive. I swear, that was the fastest I've ever seen Kei get out of her plane," the woman explained as her curly red hair bounced around with her animated statement.

"Yeah, well, after that stunt with the fuel, I wouldn't have blamed her if she made you a cripple. Least then you wouldn't be running the risk of blowing us all up," Petra said as she walked up to the table from behind me to sit on my left side. She flashed a quick smile at her fellow CSO as she sat down and took a drink from her cup.

"What happened to the 'good luck'?" I asked her in mock astonishment.

"Well, you're still alive," Petra responded as she put down her glass, a small milk mustache staying on her upper lip. "So I'd say it worked. Now I get to dish out what I need to," Petra said with a smile that told me she had no idea about the white line on her upper lip. I decided to keep that information hidden from her for the moment.

"Mind if I join you?" a deep voice asked from our right. We all turned and saw who was easily the tallest member of our flight.

"No need to ask, Marcus," I told the man as he approached. He gave us a large smile that stood out against his darker skin.

"So I see you're still kicking," He remarked as he took a seat to my right.

"I see scuttlebutt still gets around quickly with a skeleton crew," I responded with an exaggerated sigh, causing him to smile slightly more.

"The 3rd Osean Naval fleet has been around since 1503," the man began, giving me a small history lesson. "I'd be surprised, and a little disappointed, if a tradition that's been around since then stopped merely because of a smaller crew." The older captain then gave a small smirk. "Besides, you and Captain Nagase are the stand-in for our entertainment. We haven't got a good television signal in a month."

"Hey," I said quickly, not wanting to be outmatched in the exchange. "I'm not the one who put us together in the same room." Marcus was just as quick with his response.

"Neither was I," he said quickly with a sly smile. I stopped for a moment at that. Either it was an outright lie or some convoluted truth. Seeing my confusion, Marcus decided to help me out. "Let's just say that roommate arrangement was done because of a friend I owed a favor to." I was still confused but Marcus stopped his information give-away and resumed eating his potatoes.

"So you two share a room, huh?" Petra said to me suggestively as she elbowed me in the ribs. I whipped around to defend myself to see her eyebrows wriggling around as well. Despite her jab to make me frustrated or upset, I couldn't help but snort out a laugh at the woman with her mustache still in place.

"What's so funny Capt- Caden?" Grimm asked as he looked over at me for the first time since Sylvia joined the table. Then he noticed the comic look of Petra. Eventually, everyone at the table was snickering at a confused Petra. Seeming to catch that it was something to do with her face, she grabbed a spoon to quick check her reflection.

"Oh my-" she said, quickly bringing up her sleeve to wipe off the offending feature. "That's not funny. Why did no one tell me?" she asked the table.

"Wait," Marcus began. "You mean you don't usually have a mustache?" he asked, his speech being interrupted by a stray laugh every few words.

"No," Petra muttered as she continued to hide her face with her arm. I then remembered that I had to speak with everyone about the president's proposal for a more permanent position as defenders of peace.

"Hey," I began, getting everyone's attention. "While I've got you all here, I need to tell you something." Then I looked around the room. Maybe the mess hall wasn't the best place to be discussing something so... Secretive. "On second thought, meet me in the briefing room later today. Maybe, 2100?" I asked everyone at the table. Grimm and Sylvia both seemed to be in sync as they simultaneously looked up towards their brains in thought. Petra was pretty quick to nod in agreement and a moment later, Grimm and Sylvia seemed to both reach the conclusion that they would be free. After Marcus gave a verbal response of, 'sure,' I was satisfied enough to continue. "Okay, meet me in the briefing room at 2100. I've got something important to discuss with you all."

Our meal time chat and get together continued quite amicably with people around us even joining in on some of the friendly jibes we threw at each other. Around 1900, I got up from the table to see if I couldn't find Kei or Larry and inform them on the meeting we would be having later tonight. My first place to check was the flight deck and I was glad it was.

"Hey, Cap," Larry said as he threw me a lazy salute. He seemed to be in thought as I walked out onto the flight deck with him which was otherwise empty.

"Hey yourself," I said back as I sat down next to him.

"Need me for something?" Larry asked after a couple moments of silence. I had been starring at the falling sun as was my usual habit when it began to look beautiful and had momentarily forgot the purpose of my visit.

"I'm having a flight meeting at 2100 tonight to talk about something pretty important. Kind of need you to be there," I said as I looked over at the man. He had a look in his eyes that told me he had been reflecting on things before I had walked up on him, and part of me was upset with myself for interrupting his meditation.

"2100, got it," the man said with a forced pleasant smile, telling me the things he had been meditating on had not been pleasant in nature. I briefly thought about the story he had told me about how he had betrayed Kei's father's friendship and trust. I decided to leave Larry with his thoughts. There wasn't really anything I could say or do to counsel him. Or so I thought. As I got up and started leaving, the man suddenly spoke up. "Hey, Irving?" he said over his shoulder, a conflicted look on his face like he was debating asking something or not.

"What's up?" I asked turning to face him. He looked at me for another couple of moments before turning back towards the golden sky and sighed.

"Do you think it's too late for me?" he asked finally.

"To late for you?" I asked confused and seeking clarification.

"To ask forgiveness?" he replied, still looking into the sun. I decided that Kei could wait a while longer to find out about the meeting. I walked back over to Larry and sat down again. "You know I've done some shitty things, and that's just the stuff I've told you," he said glancing at me a little, not wanting to make full eye contact with me. "Takuma was the closest thing I had to a brother. Growing up, I had a family that couldn't give two shits about me, so him and I, we took care of each other. We shared in each other's accomplishments, victories, defeats, sorrows, everything. So when he got married... Of course I was happy for him, but in a way, I sort of got left behind, at least, that's how it felt. My best friend, my brother, didn't fly with me anymore. It felt so weird to be up there without him, without family. So I began to fill that void. And I filled it with the wrong people." Larry hung his head as the golden light of the sun began to turn to a darker red.

I continued to sit quietly as Larry gathered himself. "I got a phone call one day while I was doing some merc work in Sotoa. He had a kid and couldn't come down from his high. He told me I was an uncle." Larry looked at me now with bleary eyes. "An uncle," he repeated. "My brother still considered me just that, and I tried to kill him." He took a shaky breath, trying in vain to calm himself. "After what I've done, I wouldn't blame Takuma if he tried to blast off my head, but I've been so alone for the last fifteen years. I just want my brother back." The sun was long gone now, only a faint strip of red on the horizon letting me know it had once been in the sky.

"It's not too late," I said finally, speaking for the first time in almost fifteen minutes. Larry chuckled morbidly.

"Easy for you to say," he said dismissively.

"Hey," I said sharply, not wanting to stand around and be asked for an opinion only for it to be dismissed. "You need to snap out of this pity party of yours and get on with life." Larry looked up to me with a twinge of anger in his eyes, but I kept going. The truth hurt but needed to be said. "You're wasting time and energy feeling sorry for yourself when that effort could be put to use mending the relationships you've ruined. In case you haven't noticed, you've got a niece on this ship and you avoiding her isn't helping your situation any. She's going to be hostile to you at first, I can probably guarantee you that, but if you can make good with her, it's going to go a long ways towards getting your brother back." The anger Larry had moments ago was now replaced by a thoughtful gaze towards the dark water. I glanced at my watch and saw I still had about thirty minutes to find Kei before the meeting I had arranged would start. I got up to leave Larry with his thoughts.

"2100?" Larry asked while I was getting up.

"Yeah," I replied as I headed back inside without another word exchanged between us. I began to head towards my room in hopes that Kei would be there. When I approached the door and heard movement inside, I knew I was in luck. Deciding I should be careful entering unannounced, I banged on the door before entering. "Kei? You in there?" I asked loudly enough for my voice to go through the metal door. It quickly was opened up by a slightly out of breath woman.

"Hey, there you are. Where have you been? Grimm told me there was going to be a briefing in a little bit."

"Yeah," I said, trying to get a look inside the room which Kei was hiding with the door. "I'm going to tell them about the president's proposal and see what they think," I replied as I continued to crane my neck to try and glimpse inside. "What are you doing in there?" I asked at last as Kei continued to block my vision.

"You'll see later," she said with a small smile. "Why don't you go find Larry and tell him about the meeting. No one's seen him in a while so I doubt he knows."

"Actually, I just got done talking to him. He'll be there and he might want to talk to you," I told her, causing her small smile to vanish and a slight frown to take its place.

"Caden,-" she began, looking like she was about to go into a little lecture.

"Just let him talk to you," I interrupted before she could begin. "He really just wants to talk to you and I think you should let him. He has some pretty serious problems that he needs to deal with and part of that process is speaking to you. The least you can do is let him talk." Kei gave me her stink eye mixed with the best frown she could manage. "Do it for me," I told her after a moment of silence. She held out a few more seconds before her frown collapsed and she closed her eyes.

"Fine," she said dejectedly. "But you'll owe me. A lot."

"Put it on my tab," I told her casually as I began to walk away since she wouldn't let me into my own room. With only a couple of minutes until the brief to go anyways, I decided to head to the briefing room. Almost as soon as I got done making the room ready, Sylvia and Grimm showed up. They were obviously surprised to see me because as soon as they entered the room, they quickly parted their hands. I just smiled at their attempt as Petra came in behind them.

"Oh, don't stop on account of us," Petra said as she walked up to the front of the room, clearly having watched Grimm and Sylvia hold hands the entire way to the room. Sylvia's pale face became a nice shade of red along with Grimm's, but what Grimm did next surprised me. With as much gusto as an embarrassed man can muster, Grimm took Sylvia's hand again and sat on the side opposite of Petra. I raised my eyebrows in surprise, Petra having an almost identical reaction. Grimm just continued to stare straight ahead ignoring our looks while Sylvia first looked down at their hands and then at Grimm's face. She then whispered something into his ear that did what shouldn't have been possible and made him turn redder. But his straight face now had a goofy grin.

Soon to follow was Marcus followed by Kei. Just before my watch told me it was 2100, Larry walked in and took a seat that was as far away from everyone without being disrespectful to me.

"Well," I began, taking a brief moment to look over everyone before beginning in full, "now that everyone is here, I can begin. As you all know, this ship currently holds the president in addition to us. Right now, Wardog..." I caught myself, we weren't Wardog anymore. We stopped being the squadron when Osea declared us traitors. "Razgriz squadron currently serves as the personal squadron for the president in his effort to end this foolish conflict with Yuktobania and stop the Belken aggressors. What you may not know is that the president has offered to extend this service past this conflict; for us to act as his personal squadron even after the conflict ends." I looked around the room to see what kind of reaction there was and for the most part, everyone was wearing the same expression. Confusion.

"There have been and always will be countries, organizations, and people out there who will want to plunge the world into chaos," I began anew, trying to clarify the need the president was trying to fill. "Our role as the President's personal squadron would be to neutralize these threats to peace before they become a problem that must be dealt with a whole nations military. Now, I want you all to voice any feelings you have about this proposition either now or in the next week with me, other flight members, anyone who's relevant, really. We'll have another meeting like this one to make a final decision but I wanted to get your input before I gave an answer to Harling. With that said, does anyone have questions they would like to ask now?" I stood at the front of the room, waiting for anyone to ask any question. Grimm was the first to crack.

"Would we be in the same squadron and everything? I mean, would our group change at all?" After Grimm finished his statement, a couple of other heads nodded in the room.

"As far as I know," I began, glancing around the room, "we would be staying together. In all honesty, the president wants this bad enough that he will probably concede a lot of points to us, so even if it wasn't originally in his plan, I could probably make it a condition." The people in the room seemed to digest this for a moment before another person asked a question. This person just so happened to be sitting right next to the last person who had voiced a concern.

"Will we be regulated like a military unit or would we be more hands off like we are now?" Sylvia asked. Immediately, both Petra and Marcus laughed, causing the woman who had just spoken to turn beet red alongside her companion.

"As it's been explained to me," I started, trying my best not to join in with the laughter else be criticized of being hypocritical, "we would be more like a PMC than a normal military unit. Again, we've got most the bargaining chips here so we would be able to specify conditions." Doing her best to hide her embarrassment, Sylvia only nodded and held tightly to Grimm's hand, an action that was reciprocated by the man. There was a long awkward silence before I decided I would close the meeting and hope others would come to me in their own time for the duration of the rest of the week.

"Okay, well, if that's all the questions for this evening, then I'll call this meeting over. Thanks for your time and your concerns." Everyone began to get up from their chairs and leave the room, exception being Kei who just sat in her chair and grinned at me. She had a funky smile on her face that had been somewhat distracting during the whole meeting and now that it was just her in the room, my curiosity couldn't be placated any longer. Luckily, I didn't have to ask any questions as she was the first to speak.

"Pretty good meeting, I'd say," she said, still not getting up from her chair. Deciding I wouldn't be the first to move, I continued to stand at the front of the room as I gave my reply

"Would've been better if more questions had come up," I replied, voicing how I really felt. I had hoped that there would've been more than two questions asked. This was an important decision after all and affected everyone in the squadron.

"I'm sure more people will come to you on their own," Kei said comforting me a little. "They just need time to think about some good questions."

"How about you," I asked, starting to wonder why Kei still hadn't gotten up from her chair.

"What?" Kei asked, a slightly confused element playing into her smile that still hadn't left her face.

"Got any questions for me? About all of this?" I asked as I waved my hand around to indicate everything by motioning to nothing in particular. Kei's grin returned within half a second. She finally decided to stand up but didn't come towards me.

"I've got questions for you, but I think I'd rather discuss them somewhere a little more comfortable. And private." With that, she made for the door of the room leaving me behind for half a second in the room. I made sure to return the brief room to its original condition and then made my way towards our room. Outside the door waiting for me was a still smiling Kei.

"I'm starting to think you've done something," I said, failing to keep a smile off my face.

"What ever could give you that idea?" Kei asked with mock innocence.

"What did you do in our room?" I asked, remembering that Kei had refused to give me admittance earlier.

"I think I'd rather show you than talk about it our here," Kei said, finally opening the door and ushering me inside. When I was completely inside, Kei joined me and shut the door while I continued to look at her handiwork. "It's not much of an improvement in terms of horizontal space," she began, assessing the look on my face, "but as you can see, there is a marked difference in terms of room for your giant head." On the ground were two mattresses that had been... Forcibly removed from their original locations. These mattresses clearly hadn't been designed to come out from their positions and had evidence of tearing and ripping around some of their edges. They were side by side, allowing for twice the width of a normal bed, but even together, there was barely five and a half feet of width. But, as Kei had pointed out, there was absolutely no chance of me hitting my head on anything above me.

"I see you were busy," I managed to say after a few seconds of silent observation.

"Yeah, well," Kei replied, looking from me to the two mattresses she had torn up. "When I want something to happen, there's little that can stop me." I nodded slightly before looking back at her.

"So, you want this?"

"Well, yeah," Kei said looking back at me. "It was nice this afternoon. I mean, being together that is. The small space and your back hurting, that probably wasn't so great for you, but I still enjoyed it," she finished her smile still present. However, it began to be replaced by a look of concern. "Do you want this?"

"Only if you're okay with it," I replied. Clearly, this was the wrong answer. Kei slumped her shoulders a bit and tried not to look too dejected. "What? What's wrong?" I asked her as I took one of her hands in mine.

"Nothing," she said unconvincingly.

"Kei..." I said, trying to get her to talk to me as I brought her hand up to my face.

"It's just..." Kei swayed back and forth a little before coming to face me, taking control of her hand and rubbing my face. "I can tell that this kind of makes you uncomfortable, and I can understand that, I really can," she told me meaningfully. "I mean, we've really only known each other for what? About three months? And we've been a couple for even less time than that. Hell, even the term couple isn't quite an accurate word for what we are." I wanted to say something to get her to stop but she did it herself with her next point.

"But when I'm with you," she began, taking my hand and pulling it down for examination, avoiding my eyes as she just ran her fingers over it like she was memorizing it, "it feels so familiar, so right. It's hard to remember how I felt before I met you, and to be honest, I don't really want to remember how that felt anyway. Every time I fly with you, it's so unlike anything I've ever experienced with anyone else, it gives me goose bumps just thinking about it." Suddenly, she looked back up at me. "You remember that evening back in Oured?" she asked with pleading eyes, as if they were needed for me to even consider thinking about that night. "The one after the trial where Chopper and Grimm were passed out and you were going to go sleep in the cot?" I nodded at her question, remembering the night clearly. It was the night her and I had shared a bed. "That night, despite all the crap that happened that day, that night, I slept the best I ever had in a long time." She stared up at me long and hard before sighing gently and dropping her head down into my chest.

"Caden, I don't want to do anything that'll make you uncomfortable," Kei murmured into my shirt. "I'll go ahead and put the beds back." Before she could do anything, I put my arms around her effectively preventing her from doing such a thing. "What are you-"

"I don't want you to put them back," I told her plainly.

"But I don't want to make you uncomfortable," she persisted as she tilted her head up to me.

"Kei," I began, loosening my hold around her so I could better look into her eyes. "The only time you've made me uncomfortable was this afternoon when you forced us into that tiny bed." Her face immediately became disparaged. "But," I quickly added, "even then, it wasn't directly because of you. It was because we were in a tiny bed. You fixed the tiny bed issue." A small smile played across her face as she let her head come back down to my chest.

"I'm glad you like it," Kei said finally. "That was way too much work to not even use it," she said. I didn't even have to look down at her to know she was smiling. Once we had settled into the bed, I realized Kei had yet to tell me what she thought of the president's proposal.

"So," I began as Kei rested her head right next to mine. "Now that we are somewhere that's most definitely more comfortable and private, what are some of those questions?" Before she responded, Kei took my hand again and began to run her hands over it again like she had a few minutes ago.

"Well," she started, inspecting each of my digits with care. "My biggest question would be how often we get deployed. I really do want to have a normal life one day," she began, before giggling a little. "At least, as normal a life I can have with you."

"Hey," I said with mock hurt, pulling my hand from hers. "I can be normal." Not missing a beat, Kei took my hand again and squirmed just enough to put a kiss on my cheek.

"Caden," she started a small bit of laughter in her voice as she massaged my hand. "I probably wouldn't like you nearly as much as I do if you were normal. Anyways, like I was saying, I wouldn't want to be off fighting some covert war all the time and not be able to spend time with you and build our relationship. Sure, we got to where we are that way, but that can't be all we ever do."

"I understand," I told her, nudging her head with my own.

"Along those lines, I'd like to know that we could get out any time we decided, that we wouldn't be bound or contracted to stay in." I realized that I hadn't even though about these kinds of things. I began to thank my stars I hadn't just said yes to the presidents offer right off the bat.

"You're so insightful," I told Kei with a small sigh of contentment.

"Mmm," she simply hummed, making me shiver just a bit. I suddenly remembered what Grimm had said earlier today in the mess hall.

"Hey," I began, getting Kei's attention. "Were you angry getting lunch this afternoon?"

"Huh?" Kei asked, clearly thrown off by the question.

"Grimm said you were all huff-puffy when you came into the cafeteria today for lunch."

"Oh," Kei said, seeming to remember what I was referencing. "Well, I was supposed to be mad with you, remember?"

"But you weren't right?"

"Well, maybe a little," Kei admitted as she pet my arm. "But not as much as I pretended to be. Had to keep up appearances."

"Right," I replied. So that was what she had meant by appearances. Mystery solved.

"Goodnight, Caden," Kei said as she settled down for sleep.

"Night, Kei." I then proceeded to have one of the best nights of sleep I had ever had.