Chapter 37
Exams loomed over the students again. In the second week of July, all Ryuichi wanted to do was hole himself up in his room with the air conditioner on full blast so he could focus on studying. His goal was to make it within the top ten this time, even if he didn't reach the number two spot. He couldn't disappoint Mitsuru again.
His room seemed to be the only safe place to study nowadays. Oftentimes in school, some of the kendo team members would come find him to beg him to be their captain again. When Ryuichi first informed his teammates that he was quitting kendo, most of the guys did their best to be supportive of his decision. After about a week, their support grew cold, and the underclassmen in particular quickly distanced themselves from him.
He often caught glimpses of the team's darkened stares when they passed in the school hallways. Their seething disappointment gnawed at him daily, making him question if he had made the right decision. Guilt reminded him that it was better to have his teammates hate him rather than his family, but even after telling himself that, he ached to apologize to the team and be their captain again.
"Please, Captain!" some of his loyal teammates thundered at him after school on Saturday. They all surrounded his desk, bowing low to show their sincerity.
Ryuichi felt himself crumble, wanting so badly to join them. He knew he couldn't, especially since he had work to attend to that day.
Kenta spoke up for the others. "Even if it's just once a week, we just want you to come help out whenever you get a chance," he tried to reason with Ryuichi.
His phone vibrated in his pocket. Sighing with relief, he said a quick "One sec" before checking his email. There was a message from Ikutsuki, asking everyone to meet up in the command room that night. Ryuichi caught sight of Mitsuru also checking her phone, who locked eyes with him in a knowing look that seemed to read his mind.
He closed his phone and sighed again. "I'm sorry, but I can't," he told them all clearly. "I'm pretty busy right now, so I'd only drag you guys down."
"You've never dragged us down!"
"We need your skills!"
"You're the only one who can beat Hayase!"
He apologized again and got up from his desk. His teammates parted to let him through, and Mitsuru collected him to whisk off to the Student Council Room.
"Will you be all right for tonight's meeting?" Mitsuru asked him as she unlocked the room.
He was already planning out what to say to his father about not being able to come in to work, but none of it sounded convincing enough.
"You might want to stay outside for this one," he told her, and Mitsuru allowed him to enter the room alone.
The phone call had been a painful one, where his father cursed him out a number of times with the belief that he was just trying to get out of doing hard work. For nearly ten minutes, he had to listen to his father rant and swear in front of the customers, where he was sure that some of them left mid-meal without taking their food with them. When his father finally paused to breathe, Ryuichi dropped Mitsuru's name to let him know that his reason for skipping work at the restaurant was actually work-related for his other job. Toshio reluctantly let him go, but not without a few more curses before hanging up.
"How did it go?" Mitsuru asked when he emerged from the room.
Another sigh, like steam escaping a kettle. "Let's just say that work tomorrow is gonna be fun," he said exasperatedly through gritted teeth.
"Couldn't you tell your father that you need to leave work a little early for your other job?"
He let out a wry chuckle. Mitsuru seemed to understand what he meant and didn't push for an answer.
That evening, just a few days after their most recent midnight operation, everyone in SEES gathered upstairs in the command room. Mitsuru gave Ikutsuki her account of what happened during the operation, with Minato, Yukari, and Ryuichi keeping silent during the whole story. As Ryuichi served everyone tea, he listened to Mitsuru's tale, holding his breath for most of it as he waited for her to get to the part about her waking up to a naked Ryuichi in front of her. She was merciful and only told the chairman what she had told Akihiko about their minds getting muddled and being separated, leaving out the more sensitive details.
"It was a difficult operation," she concluded, sitting with her arms folded across her front.
"I see. They're getting tougher," Ikutsuki said, nodding. "But, it's not all bad news. I called today's meeting because—"
"I'm sorry," Yukari said, cutting the chairman off and startling everyone else. "Before we go on, I'd like to ask Mitsuru-senpai something."
They all looked to Mitsuru, who appeared just as confused as they were. "Me?" she asked.
She nodded. "Since I joined, so many things have happened. I went along with it, without really understanding what was going on. But now I need to know."
Yukari seemed hesitant to ask, but pushed through with it. "I'm gonna ask you straight out: You've been hiding something from us, haven't you, Senpai?"
Mitsuru's eyes tensed up, and Ryuichi could see pain from within as she fought to hold her ground.
"You act like you don't know anything about the Dark Hour and Tartarus, but they're related to that accident ten years ago, aren't they?" Yukari snapped accusingly.
"What accident?" Junpei asked.
The haughty girl continued. "There was an explosion near our school, and a lot of people died. It must have been big new back then. You know about it, don't you?"
Ryuichi looked to Mitsuru, who calmly answered: "Yes."
Yukari wasn't satisfied just yet. "Luckily, no students were injured, but around the same time, a large number of students were recorded as absent. Seems like more than just a coincidence."
"What do you mean?" Mitsuru asked. Ryuichi knew that she was playing dumb, but not out of cruelty.
"I dug up some old school records and found something interesting," Yukari told Mitsuru. "The students who were absent? They all collapsed suddenly, and had to be hospitalized. Sound familiar? You know, like the girls who bullied Fuuka."
Horrified, the other underclassmen stared at Yukari, then at Mitsuru. Ryuichi and Akihiko squirmed in their seats.
"There has to be an explanation!" Yukari shouted. "What really happened on the day of that accident? The Kirijo Group built our school, so you must know something!"
She fixed her glare at Mitsuru, who showed none of the agony that Ryuichi felt for her. "Tell me the truth!" Yukari demanded, and Mitsuru let out a defeated sigh.
"I wasn't trying to hide anything from you," she said softly. "It just never seemed relevant. But—"
"It's okay," said Ikutsuki. "It's not your fault."
Nodding to the chairman, she let out another sigh."All right. I'll tell you the whole story:
"The Shadows have many mysterious abilities. Some research indicates that they can even affect time and space. We think of them as our enemies, but what if we could somehow use them to our advantage? They would be a source of unimaginable power, wouldn't they?"
"What?" Yukari asked uneasily. The other juniors looked just as lost.
Ryuichi braced himself for what he knew was coming next. Mitsuru's sullen eyes dimmed as she recalled the past.
"Fourteen years ago, one man pursued that line of thinking. He was the group leader of the Kirijo Group, Kouetsu Kirijo—My grandfather."
There were gasps and swears, but Mitsuru kept going. "My grandfather was obsessed with the Shadows. He wanted to harness their power for something extraordinary."
"'Harness their power'?" Fuuka echoed uneasily.
"He assembled a team of scientists, and over several years collected a significant number of Shadows."
"He what? Damn, that's freakin' crazy!" exclaimed Junpei.
"However," Mitsuru said, "ten years ago, during the final stages of the experiment, they lost control of the Shadows' power. Consequently, the nature of the world was altered."
Everyone froze. Fuuka spoke for them.
"You mean—?"
Mitsuru nodded. "Yes—Tartarus and the Dark Hour."
Through everyone's gasps, Mitsuru pushed through with her story.
"By their account, the mass of Shadows they collected split into several large ones that then dispersed. These are the Shadows we've been encountering on nights when the moon is full."
"Is that why they've appeared in different places?" Fuuka asked.
"Wait a minute," said Yukari. "If what you said is true, then why did our school turn into Tartarus?"
She gasped. "Don't tell me—That's where they conducted the experiment?"
Mitsuru gripped her arm tightly now. "Yes."
"Then, those students who were hospitalized—"
"I'm afraid it's just as you're thinking. Port Island must have been an ideal location for them. It was a highly-populated area, and the Kirijo Group had influence there. They could do as they pleased. As you guessed, the experiment ten years ago was conducted at Gekkoukan High School."
"Holy shit."
"I don't believe it."
Yukari's cold glare returned. "Does this mean—All we've been doing is cleaning up their mess? You lied to us?"
Ryuichi noticed that Mitsuru now dug her long nails into her arm.
"You knew, too, didn't you, Senpai?" Yukari accused Akihiko. "They've just been using us! Or, do you not care as long as you get to fight?"
"That's not true," he answered in a low rasp. He lowered his gaze to the floor. "I have my reasons."
She looked to Ryuichi next. "And what about you, Ryuichi-senpai?" she hissed. "You work for the Kirijo Group, so you're obligated to do whatever they say, isn't that right?"
He glared back at her. "I stand by Mitsuru no matter what Kouetsu Kirijo did in the past," he answered gruffly.
"Think what you'd like. It was my decision not to share that information," Mitsuru said to Yukari. "I'm sorry. I never intended to deceive you. Convincing you to join SEES was my highest priority. As absurd as it may seem, only we—with our Personas—can fight the Shadows."
"How could you—?" Yukari's voice went high, but she didn't complete the thought.
"Besides," Mitsuru said in a low murmur, "some of us were never given a choice."
Her hands shook, along with her voice. "I—"
"Mitsuru," Akihiko said softly. "Don't."
Ryuichi shook his head. "It's okay," he whispered to her, and she looked to have drawn little strength from both of their words.
"Yukari," said Ikutsuki, "it's those in the past who are to blame. And they lost their lives as a result of what they did. We're all in the same boat here; none of us deserve the burden that's been thrust upon us."
"But—" started Yukari, unable to finish.
"It's been ten years since that incident. No one knows why those Shadows suddenly returned," he reminded them all. "But, since they're active, we can find and destroy them. Do you realize what this means?"
He looked around at them all. "What if I told you that those twelve Shadows are the cause of everything?"
"Then, if we defeat them all, Tartarus and the Dark Hour will disappear?" Akihiko reasoned.
"Exactly! That's what I was going to tell you earlier! See, it's good news, right?"
"Is that true?" piped up Fuuka.
"There's evidence to support it," he grinned. "Now, our true battle begins."
Yukari shrank on her ottoman, losing all of the strength she had only moments before.
"Regardless of what's happened in the past, we must fight to protect the people," Ikutsuki continued. "The Shadows are gaining strength. We can't afford to just wait for them."
No one spoke. Mitsuru remained stoic despite Yukari's accusations earlier.
Ikutsuki got to his feet. "And there are many mysteries still surrounding Tartarus. Why did such a gigantic structure appear in the first place? The answer must lie within it."
Silence. The heavy atmosphere lingered in the air, leaving no room to celebrate the good news Ikutsuki brought them. The chairman was the first to leave, telling them to keep up the good work on his way out. Yukari briskly left after him, and the others followed suit until only Ryuichi and Mitsuru were left in the room.
"You still intend to stand by me, despite everything that's happened?" Mitsuru asked him.
Looking at her, she appeared to have just survived a terrible battle. The confidence she had earlier was lost on her gaunt face and half-dead eyes. She continued to dig her long nails into her arm, the anguish visible on her visage even under the cover of her bangs.
Ryuichi began to gather the barely-sipped cups of tea onto the tray. "Well, why wouldn't I?" he asked. "You're doing a noble thing, trying to right a wrong from the past."
"But I withheld the real reason why we needed everyone's help," she insisted, averting her gaze. "I knowingly put everyone's lives in harm's way to clean up the sins of the Kirijo Group."
Ryuichi straightened up with a groan. "I get that Yukari probably doesn't like the idea that we didn't tell the whole truth about those experiments, but does that really change anything? You didn't force any of us to join, and we even planned to kick Yukari out of SEES when she struggled to summon her Persona."
He scratched his jaw with a finger. "And if I recall, you were staunch against me becoming your bodyguard back when I first joined SEES."
"I manipulated all of you," she said, her voice now harsh. "That fact still stands."
"You also saved many lives recruiting us," he said quietly, and watched as her pupils shrank.
He peered down at the tray of full cups and clicked his tongue at it, knowing he wouldn't be able to carry it all downstairs without spilling. "If you hadn't recruited Akihiko, he wouldn't have saved Junpei," he continued, pouring some of the tea back into the teapot. "And if you hadn't recruited everyone else, we wouldn't have been able to save Fuuka."
Mitsuru's stare rested on him. He saw her eyes go blank as she stood there, her hand loosening her grip on her elbow. Slowly, she slid her hand down the length of her arm and placed it on the sofa, as if to steady herself.
"No one would have needed saving if that incident hadn't occurred," she said finally.
Ryuichi wanted to say something to her, but decided against it. He remained silent as Mitsuru found strength in her assertion.
"We saved a few people, but how can you compare those few to the many lives lost because of my grandfather?" she asked him.
"By saving even one life, you've already made all the difference in the world for that one person," he told her softly. "You did that for me back in middle school."
She shook her head, mired in her own wretchedness. "How can you still see any good in me after what the Kirijo Group did?"
He exhaled loudly, letting his shoulders drop. "The way I see it, both you and Yukari are looking at you as if you're Kouetsu Kirijo," he explained. "But the thing is, you're not your grandfather. His actions are his, not yours."
"No matter how you look at it, I'm still a Kirijo," she said in a hollow voice. "The onus of my grandfather's actions falls to me because I'm the only one in my family who possesses the power of Persona. It is my duty to right the wrongs of the past, even if I wasn't the one who conducted those experiments."
Ryuichi picked up the tray of empty cups. "Yeah, you're a Kirijo, but that doesn't mean you have to bear the responsibility all by yourself. I'm here, and Akihiko's here, too."
She lowered her face. "And the others?"
"Well, we might've lost Yukari as an ally, but we've still got Minato, Fuuka, and Junpei," he said, sounding more confident than he felt.
"How can you be so sure of that?" She extended herself to her full height with her fists down at her sides. "How do you know we haven't lost everyone after tonight?"
He thought about it for a second, but it was too short a second. "Well, uh, they didn't say they were quitting, did they?"
He saw the disappointment in Mitsuru's eyes. He had been too hasty with his answer and cursed himself for it.
"Thank you, Ryuichi," she said with a deflating voice on her way to the door. "If you would excuse me."
After she left, Ryuichi just stood there, feeling like he had failed her yet again. There was nothing he could do except take the cups downstairs and wash them. He spent the rest of the evening worrying about whether or not the other SEES members would quit. He worried for Mitsuru's sake.
That night, as he lay in bed, Ryuichi remembered back in middle school when Mitsuru revealed to him what had caused the Dark Hour. He had just joined SEES, and he and Akihiko never once blamed Mitsuru for what happened. They were determined to put an end to the Dark Hour, armed with their Personas, their fighting skills, and their reckless sense of youthful invincibility.
The next morning, the dorm felt as grave as it had the previous night, where no one spoke to one another. Ryuichi wasn't sure what to think when he saw Yukari having a meager breakfast of toast with a little butter, where he couldn't figure out if she was planning on leaving SEES or staying. Just the sight of her made him want to skip breakfast altogether, figuring he could make himself something at the restaurant when he went in for work. Instead, he made sure to prepare a coffee cake for Mitsuru to have whenever she decided to have tea—That is, if she could stomach anything.
His father made sure he felt the scorch of his wrath for ditching last-minute yesterday. It didn't stop Toshio when the other workers showed up, or when the customers started coming in; he just wanted to keep lecturing his irresponsible son about being selfish like his sister.
"What's the matter with your sister, anyway?" Toshio snarled over a sizzling batch of hamburger patties. "Why doesn't she want to work here? You know, we let her come back home and live with us for free, and even though she's got a nanny, she doesn't want to do anything to help out! She's not even paying for the nanny, and she thinks she can just—"
Ryuichi nearly asked if his father had tried telling Shizue everything he was yelling at him. He kept his head down and his hands moving, trying hard to block out everything else while he worried about Mitsuru. He considered sending her an email just to check to see if she was doing all right, but when he had it typed out on his phone, he kept telling himself that she just needed some space.
The moment he sent his message, he regretted it. Even so, he wanted to see if she replied, but all through the work day, his father made sure he was kept busy with cooking, checking inventory, and cleaning, all to make up for him skipping out last night. When Ryuichi finally got a chance to check his phone, Mitsuru simple wrote "I'm fine" and nothing more. The time stamp showed him that her response came three hours after he had sent his message.
The following Monday evening, Ryuichi returned to the dorm from a trip to the grocery store where he found everyone gathered in the dining room. Yukari and Fuuka sat at one end of the dining table across from Mitsuru and Akihiko. Minato and Junpei stood behind the two juniors, as if to back them up in case trouble ensued.
Ryuichi felt like he walked right into a field of landmines as he crossed the lounge into the kitchen. He noted the tense stares from his dorm mates following him as he went to put away the groceries, imagining himself just seconds away from getting sniped. No one spoke, only letting the tension grow as thick as the wet summer heat. After Ryuichi put away the groceries, he kept his distance from the group, instead taking a seat by the kitchen counter so he could keep an eye on everyone in case someone sprung an attack.
And then, silence. Ryuichi wasn't sure how the group came to their current seating arrangement, if they had gathered to discuss what had happened last Saturday or if Mitsuru and Yukari tried to have a quiet talk and everyone else just jumped in uninvited. Without a doubt, the source of the tension came from Mitsuru and Yukari, yet neither made an attempt to assuage the dampened mood.
"What's wrong, everyone?" Akihiko asked suddenly. His quiet rasp took everyone by surprise. "Are you guys hungry?"
Yukari cast her gaze down at the table. "N-Not really," she murmured.
The silence was so strong that it threatened to crush them. Ryuichi took out his phone to check the time, accidentally dropping it on the counter with a loud clatter. Everyone but Mitsuru glanced his way briefly before casting their gazes downward again.
"Umm." Fuuka's head swiveled around at everyone at the table. "Y-You know, it's almost summer break. Do you have any plans?"
"I wish I could go to the beach," Junpei answered with a big grin on his face. "Hot sand, cool breeze, babes in bikinis—Man, it sure would be nice! Somewhere in the south, where the water is crystal clear!"
Ryuichi pictured the scene in his head, but didn't care for it much.
Junpei let out a groan. "But first, we have exams to worry about. Ugh, what a drag."
"Now, now. You'll be fine," Fuuka reassured him with a peaceful smile. "But yeah, I'd love to go somewhere famous for its beautiful beaches, like Okinawa."
"Well, it's not Okinawa, but how about Yakushima?"
Everyone turned to look as Ikutsuki came up to the table, smiling.
"Mr. Chairman," Mitsuru gasped. "I didn't realize you were here."
"I happened to be in the area, so I thought I'd drop by and tell you my schedule for next week," he told them with a smile. "Mitsuru, your father will be vacationing in Yakushima during the break."
"He will?"
Ikutsuki nodded. "You'll all have some time off after exams, right? Why don't you go and pay him a surprise visit?"
"Seriously? We're gonna go on a trip?" Junpei exclaimed, looking ready to jump up with joy. When Ikutsuki nodded again, he popped up into the air with both fists raised. "YES! Beach babes, here I come!"
Yukari let out a sigh while grumbling "Men", and Fuuka giggled next to her. Minato had a tiny smirk on his face as Junpei continued celebrating. Ryuichi stayed quiet in his little corner, feeling like he was the only one not excited for the beach.
"How about it, Mitsuru?" Ikutsuki asked.
"But, my father is a busy man," she reasoned, and Ryuichi could hear the distress in her tone. "I don't want to ruin his vacation."
"Haha, don't worry. No father would be upset with a daughter who came all that way to see him," Ikutsuki replied with a chuckle. He looked to the others now. "You've all done a great job. You deserve to relax for a while. We already know when the next operation will be, so it should be fine."
"I don't know," she sighed, and Junpei and Minato both ran around the table to pop up behind her.
"YAKUSHIMA!" Minato shouted, startling Mitsuru.
Junpei was down on his knees. "Senpai! I'm beggin' ya!"
Everyone watched as Mitsuru stared in astonishment at the two. Her frown melted into a smile seconds after their little outburst.
"All right," she agreed. "I guess everyone needs a break now and then. Let's do it."
"Whoo-hoo!" Junpei ran around cheering while Akihiko grinned to himself.
"Hmm, the beach," he said thoughtfully. "I should design a special training regimen."
"Dude, I'm stoked! We're going to the be-each! We're going to the be-each!"
"I have to go buy a swimsuit," Fuuka realized.
Junpei came up behind her. "Hey, don't worry! I got an extra pair you can borrow!"
"Nice try, man," Akihiko said in his low rasp across the table.
"Are you going to swim too, Ikutsuki-san?" Fuuka asked the Chairman.
"I'm afraid I can't," he replied, looking ill at the thought. "I'll turn to dust if I'm exposed to sunlight."
"Whoa, was that a joke?" Junpei blurted out.
"Of course it was," Akihiko groaned.
Ryuichi slinked off to his room without anyone noticing his disappearance. Standing before his mirror, he could imagine all the scars criss-crossing, spotting, denting, and leaving bumps on his skin beneath his many layers of clothes. Even his calves had his scars from his first encounter with a Shadow. Without a doubt, swimming and any other activities that required minimal clothing would be completely out of the question. His would be a vacation best spent fully clothed.
With their break starting next Monday and ending on Thursday, Ryuichi thought about his family schedule. Originally, the nanny was supposed to come in on Mondays and Wednesdays to help watch Megumi, but his family changed their minds after about a week and decided to have Ryuichi come in on Wednesdays yet again in addition to Fridays. Ryuichi didn't mind the change too much at first, but he wished that they had discussed the matter with him instead of ordering him to follow their whims.
Since his family didn't bother to consult him first about his schedule, he called the nanny first to ask if she could work on the Wednesday he would be out of town. She readily agreed to it even before he could offer to pay her a little extra for that day. He then had to call Shizue to let her know about his absence.
"What, did Dad tell you to work at the restaurant instead?" she grumbled.
"More like a trip for my other job," he said, figuring that it was technically true. "I'm going to be out of town for a few days."
"Oh? What for?"
"Mitsuru's going on a little break after exams since we get a few days off. I'll be going with her."
"Aw, so you don't even get to enjoy the break because you'll be working?"
"Kinda?" He eyed himself in his mirror again. "I mean, I like my job, so it's not like it's unpleasant or anything."
"Okay, well, I hope she lets you have a chance to relax. It's your break, too."
He heard his sister coo at Megumi. "I'll give Kimura-san a call to see if she can cover for you on Wednesday," she said to him.
"I already gave her a call and she seemed happy to do it."
"For real? Awesome."
They started saying their good-byes when Shizue added, "Oh, yeah! Hey, you think I can come visit you a the dorm sometime?"
He cocked an eyebrow. "Are you that desperate to get out of the house?"
"Uh, duh! I think the reason why Megs is always crying is because the energy here is so bad. I mean, I don't think I've ever felt at ease here at home."
He couldn't promise anything, but he at least said that he would figure something out, if his schedule permitted. He still hadn't told his family that he quit kendo out of fear that they would seize the extra time he gave himself for themselves. When he managed to break free from their conversation, he had to hurry up and cram every last little bit of information into his brain for the long week of exams ahead.