Disclaimer: I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.
A/N: Two weeks late! Ha. Haha. Hahahaha. I suck, I know. *flails* But I replied to everyone's reviews except, like, 10 of you! What a fail, I know. But I'm trying!
Happy (Late) Birthday to Lolo and Dark Mage Zeru!
Nina POV
I awoke the next morning with a smile on my face and a warmth in my heart. Mark was gone. I was free.
I was free.
"Someone's been in a good mood today," Amber commented as I all but skipped into the dining room after school. I blushed and snatched up a donut before heading into the kitchen to grab a drink. Fabian stood there, looking distressed, but he smiled when I entered. Still, I brought out my phone.
What's wrong?
"There's nothing wrong in specific," he said after a second. "I just… I'm supposed to go do Eddie's lesson in an hour with him at Silver Strings, and I was contemplating whether or not to invite you." I brightened at the mention of Eddie, even as my eyes narrowed.
Of course. Why wouldn't I want to?
He looked surprised. "Really? I just thought that…. Well, you haven't really wanted to be around me lately," he said quietly. Guilt pricked at me. Had he really thought it was him this whole time?
It's not you, Fabian. It was Mark. And now that he's gone… well, I'd be open to spending time with you again. Especially when I get to see Eddie as well.
He brightened so much it startled me. "Oh, really? That would be so fantastic, Nina, really. I've missed you." A blush rose to my cheeks.
I've missed you too. Should we go? There's going to be traffic.
"Oh, yes, of course," he said, shooting upright and heading into the living room to grab his coat. "Eddie has missed you. He was talking about you a lot during our last lesson." He shifted uncomfortably. "Well, also talking about you and I getting together." He laughed awkwardly. "Children, right?" I quickly nodded, forcing a smile.
Yeah. Silly.
The following tension in the silence could've been cut by a knife.
We left soon after that.
X
"NINA!" cried a familiar voice, and all I saw was a flash of blonde hair before my leg was enveloped by Eddie's little arms. I almost stumbled in surprise, but managed to stay balanced, even smiling back down at him.
He grinned up at me with shining teeth. "I missed you! Fabian taught me the C Major Chord last week, isn't that cool? And I got a piece of candy for doing so good. I haven't seen you since the day you were with that boy I didn't like. Did you get rid of him, Niiiina? He was mean, and he made mommy say a bad word. Oh, wasn't that so funny? My teacher says another word would be 'shocking', but I don't know what that is. What does shocking mean? Isn't that when you touch the thing the plug goes into and your hair stands up like a mohawk? Mommy says I can't do that. I don't know why, I think mohawks are cool. Do you think mohawks are cool, Niiiiina?" he asked, talking like his life depended on it. I blinked at him, unsure of how to reply. How well were his reading skills, anyway? Would he be able to read a note?
Maybe you should speak to him, whispered a voice in my mind, a voice that I quickly shoved away. No. I wouldn't speak, not here.
Not in front of Fabian.
So instead I nodded and smiled wider, picking him up and resting him on my hip. He squealed when he was swung into the air, and laughed, poking at my nose. Ms. Miller watched us, giggling.
How have you been, Ms. Miller? I'm sorry about that night, by the way.
I typed it out with one hand and raised it up for her to see. She quickly waved off my apology. "Oh, no, it's fine. I've been… good." Something in her eyes seemed to light up, and she paused before explaining. "See, I was born in America. I moved to the UK when I was in my twenties, and I met a man here - Eric Sweet. We got married, and had this little squirt, but things ended badly. I moved back to the US with Eddie. But… we came back because he and I are trying to reconnect. Eddie deserves a father. We've been talking more recently, and… we have a date next Friday."
That's wonderful news, Ms. Miller, really. I'm so happy for you.
"Francis Sweet?" Fabian asked, surprised. "Isn't that the headmaster of The British Arts Academy?"
Ms. Miller raised an eyebrow, confused by his statement. "Yes. Why?" Her eyes widened. "Do you two go there?" We both nodded, and she smiled. "Oh, what a coincidence! Yes, he's the headmaster, and has been since it began. We've even got a cat named after Anubis, since that was the first house created. You might've seen it hanging around the grounds of the school, he lets it roam free. Orange tabby? White tufts on the ears?"
"Yes, I've seen it several times, I thought it was a stray. And we live in Anubis," Fabian said with a grin. I'd never seen the cat myself. "This world gets smaller and smaller every second."
Ms. Miller nodded, hesitating. "Well, I have a request of you two. I wasn't going to ask, but since you live at the school, it makes it so much easier and safer…"
"Oh? What is it?"
"Would you babysit Eddie the night of the date?" she blurted. "I don't have many friends in the area, and I don't like leaving Eddie with strangers. I know you've only known him for a few weeks, but you two do so great with him, and it would be a huge-"
Fabian rushed to settle her. "Of course we will, Ms. Miller. Or at least, I'm up for it. Nina?" he asked, glancing at me.
Babysit a kid. Eddie. For a whole night.
The whole idea sent a rush of unexpected fear through me, and it took me a moment to understand why. Taking care of a child, a child that wasn't mine (not that I'd ever have a child that was), a child who trusted me and looked up to me.
I'd looked up to him. I'd trusted him. And look at how that had ended up.
My fear was of hurting Eddie in the way he had hurt me.
I pictured Eddie going through what I had gone through at the hands of me. Locked in closets for days on end, his stomach growing thinner and thinner, the skin beginning to almost hang off his bones, but still liking it more than having to be around me. Getting punched, kicked, cut until he was begging for my forgiveness and curling up in bed every night wishing I would just let him die. The overwhelming fear that I would come into his room once the sun had set. The slavery he'd be put through. The pain. Oh god, the pain-
"Nina. Nina. Sweetheart, calm down," said a voice. Distantly I realized that either myself or someone else had put Eddie back on the ground, and he was looking up at me with a confused face. My fingers were digging into my clenched palms so deeply that I felt blood trickle down my skin. Someone grabbed my hand, and I flinched away from it as a cry rose to my lips, but then Fabian spoke again. "It's just me, darling. He's not here, he's not going to hurt you."
Though he tried to speak them quietly, I knew Ms. Miller had heard him from the horrified look that spread across her face. My own horror hit me, and I began shaking my head so quickly I felt lightheaded. The hand came again, but this time, I didn't snatch mine away from his. Gently he tugged on me until I, still hyperventilating, stumbled over to the nearest wall. His face loomed inches from mine, blocking out everything else.
"Breathe, Nina, it's okay. You're safe. Just squeeze my hand as hard as you can."
The owner of Silver Strings - Victor, yes, it took me a moment to recall his name in the panic of the moment - appeared in my line of vision, and I cringed away from him. He appeared confused and stressed, two emotions I'd never seen on his face before. "Do I need to calm someone? What's happening?"
"No, don't call anyone. She's having a panic attack. They're caused by flashbacks, stress, anxiety over something, or anything specific that's a trigger to her. I don't know what started this one, but I can calm her down." Victor tried to take a step closer, and Fabian all but growled. "Please take several steps away from us. Men only freak her out more. She's alright, I promise."
Fabian focused on me again. "Do you have your Xanax with you?"
A quick mental search of my pockets told me no, I didn't have my meds. My vision began to haze slightly, and I shook my head. He let out a stressed sigh. "Okay, we can do it this without it. Do whatever you need to do, okay? Touch me, don't touch me, whatever-"
I wrapped arms around his neck and hugged him, resting my head in the crook of his neck. As I'd hoped, the smell of him that I loved so much already helped to keep me in the here and now, though I was still shaking and hyperventilating. He froze in shock for a second, but then he enveloped me in his arms, holding me closely.
"We're going to count to ten, alright? One. You're grounding yourself and where you are," he said, putting several seconds between each number. "Two. You're realizing that there is no danger here to you or to anyone else. Three. Your hyperventilating is beginning to slow. Four. Your shaking is stopping. Five. You're remembering that I'm here and I'm never going to let anyone hurt you. Six. You've stopped shaking. Seven. Your grip on me is relaxing. Eight. Your breathing has normalized. Nine. The panic attack is over. Ten…" He trailed off, and we just stood there was a few endless seconds, hanging on to each other for dear life.
Then I opened my eyes to see Victor's and Ms. Miller's shocked faces, and the moment came crashing to a stop.
They both now knew just how screwed up I was.
A sob threatened to escape my lips, and I ripped myself from Fabian's arms without warning. Within another second, I was running out the door and down the sidewalk, unsure of where I was going or what I was doing but knowing that I had to escape. Behind me I heard footsteps chasing after me, and a hand clasped around mine.
"Where are you going?" Fabian asked, pulling me gently to a stop. Tears trickled down my cheeks, and he sighed. "Nina, come back to the store. They aren't going to judge you. You don't have any money for a cab with you, and I'm not going to let you roam the streets. It's not safe." I scrambled to get out my phone.
I can't go in there. I can't face them.
"You don't have to talk to them. You don't even have to look at them. Please, Nina, I can't teach Eddie while you're out here on your own." I took a slow, shaky breath.
Fine.
We made our way back to the store, and the second I stepped through the doorway, I made a beeline for the couch in the corner, overlooking the street. No one said a word to me, and I didn't dare glance their way.
Then, Eddie whispered, "Is she okay?"
"Yes, Eddie," Fabian said reassuringly. "She just freaked out a bit, that's all. But she's okay now." I could hear him sigh. "I would be happy to babysit him. I'm a friend of a fellow student who's very trustworthy, I'm sure she could help out. I don't know if Nina will join in or not… I'm not sure if the topic of taking care of him was the trigger that set her off."
I cringed with every word he said. Triggers. Setting me off. He was talking about me like a fragile toy he'd done research on so he'd know how to keep from breaking me.
And that wasn't so far from the truth.
"Ready for your lesson, little man?" There was a crow of excitement from Eddie, though duller than usual, presumably because of what have happened with me. I could hear Fabian mutter something to someone, but it was beyond my hearing level, and I didn't try to guess. It was probably about me, anyway. There were more footsteps. A closing of a door.
Silence.
X
An hour later, the door opened again. I continued to stare out the window, which my eyes hadn't strayed from since the moment I'd sat down. I knew Ms. Miller had taken seat in another chair nearby, but she hadn't tried to speak to me.
There was a tap on my arm, startling me enough that I nearly leapt out of the chair. I jerked my head to look at the cause.
Eddie.
I relaxed, even as my eyes warily flickered up to Ms. Miller. Would she want me near her child after seeing how I could turn on a dime like I had? But she just watched us with a small, if not sad smile. Eddie tapped on my arm again, drawing my attention back to him.
"For you," he said, presenting me with a flower he'd hidden behind his back. It was a rose, rich red in color. I took it with a smile. "Fabian told my mom you were coming today, so I got you this." He giggled. "I know Fabian wants to give you one, even if he won't tell you that, since he likes you. So it's kinda from both of us." Behind him, I saw Fabian go red.
Without considering what I was doing, I leaned down and put my lips close to his ear.
"Thank you very much, Eddie," I whispered, so quietly that only he would have a chance of hearing. There was a moment when everyone froze, even those who couldn't hear.
And then Eddie exploded.
"MOM! MOM, SHE SPOKE!" Eddie shrieked, running over to her on his little legs. "SHE SAID THANK YOU! AND SHE SAID MY NAME!"
Ms. Miller, in a bit of a shock as well, took a second to respond. "That's very nice, Eddie, I-"
"Fabian! Why didn't you tell me she could talk? I thought you said she didn't talk to you?" Eddie screeched accusingly, cutting off his mother. He was still grinning like the cat who ate the canary.
Fabian smiled down at him, though there was a tinge of sadness to it. "Because she hasn't told many people. And she hasn't spoken to me, Eddie. She's talked to several people, but not to me." His eyes locked onto mine, pained but proud, and a rush of guilt flooded me like it always did.
This news almost seemed to shock Eddie more.
"WHAT? But- but- but she likes you! And you like her! And you're all nice and awesome and you're a rockstar! Why wouldn't she talk to you?"
Fabian shrugged. "That's a good question. I don't know." He ruffled his hair. "It's time for Nina and I to go, little man. I'll see you on Friday, okay?" I took that as my cue and rose, making my way to Fabian's side. Eddie grabbed my hand and tugged on it.
"Talk to Fabian, 'kay?" he said with a heartbreakingly hopeful smile. "I think that'd make him really happy." Unsure of how to respond or what to say, all I did was nod. That was enough to make him cheer and hug my leg for another minute or two. When we finally pried him off me, we left.
"Do you want to talk about what happened? About what triggered you?" Fabian said gently as we walked.
No. Not yet. Not right now. Maybe in a day or two.
This seemed to satisfy him, and he nodded. "Sounds like a plan." He hesitated. "Look, I have something to… request of you." Immediately my guard was raised, and he was quick to reassure me. "It's nothing major, really. But I'd rather have you do it than anyone else."
Alright, what is it?
"I'm supposed to take off my back's gauze and take photos of the scars to send to my doctor. Thing is, it's a two person job. And I figured since you're probably more familiar with scars than anyone I know, I-" He cut off, his eyes widening. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, that was a horrible thing to say, I am so sorry." I giggled.
It's fine, Fabian. You're right, anyway. And of course I'll help you.
He paused. "Are you sure you'll be okay seeing me shirtless? I mean, I know you freaked out last time…"
No, I'll be okay. I promise. When do you want to do it?
"How about as soon as we get home?" he blurted. "I mean, I've missed so much time with you because of Mark, and like I've said, I've missed you. Unless you have anything else planned for the rest of the evening, of course, I don't want to screw up plans."
No, I'm free for the rest of the day. We can do it then.
He opened his mouth to speak, then hesitated, his eyes flickering down. "Are you okay with doing it in my bedroom? It would require sitting on my bed… If not, we can do it in your room. I just don't want to bother Amber, I know she was about to go up there to do homework, and I don't know how well she'd handle the scars."
This required a moment of thought.
I'd be okay with that. Just don't be offended if I'm a little jumpy.
"Of course, Nina." He took my hand and squeezed it. "Thank you."
X
45 minutes later, I was sitting on his bed and he was taking off his shirt. His front was wrapped in white gauze, stopping at the equivalent of where his shoulder blades were on his back, and then at his lower stomach on the other side. His pants hung low on his hips, and I blushed as nerves rippled through me.
"Are you okay? You look flushed." His words ripped my eyes away from the barely visible line of his underwear peeking out from under his pants and to his face. He was looking just as nervous as I was. I waved off his question and sat down on the bed, patting the space in front of me.
He settled himself on the bed, back facing me. "Alright, this is how this is going to go. On my back, there's a strip of gauze where my wrap starts that I can't reach. Gently tear it away and help me unwrap it. Then take a picture of my back so I can send it to my doctors."
I nodded despite the fact that he couldn't see me and searched the wraps until I found the beginning. Lightly tugging on it, the thing fell away and began unraveling. Together, Fabian and I unwrapped it piece by piece, until finally, the skin of his back began to show.
I couldn't help my gasp when it finally fell away.
There were scars spread up and down his back, thin but most of them long. The guitar really had done a number on his back. That was almost an understatement.
Near the slight curve of his lower back, there was a much longer scar that was oddly shaped; there were spots carved deeper than other, forming circles. It took a second to realize that was the location of the bridge of the instrument. In the same amount of time, I began feeling nauseous.
"Nina?" he asked softly. "Does it really look that bad?"
No, Fabian, of course not. I'm just feeling guilty again. But it's alright, I promise. Better than I'd pictured, actually.
I could hear the shame in his voice. "I understand why you're always so self-conscious of your scars. I feel like I'm about to burn into a crisp just so you don't have to look at them."
Do you remember what you told me? About my scars?
He didn't respond, so I continued typing.
You told me that I should be ashamed of my scars, because they were signs of strength, signs that I'd survived what I'd been through. That's no different for you. So what's the truth? Were you lying to me, or are you lying to yourself right now by letting your insecurities get in the way of what's really going on?
He stared at the text for a few seconds as I took a picture of his back. "You know, you'd be a really good therapist," he said quietly. "I'm sorry about what I said. That was hypocritical."
That's alright. You're going through a lot, I understand.
"Not as much as you." He shifted so he was facing me, and he grabbed my hand. "How are you doing with all of this? The guilt over my accident that I know is still there, Mark, Amber pressuring you about the dance, whatever else was in that letter that you aren't sharing with me…" I tensed, and he shook his head. "I'm not going to interrogate you about that, not again. I don't want to ruin things between us by pressuring you too much. But if you want to share, I'm here, Nina."
I smiled and gently reached up to brush his cheek without having to think about it, the silent thank you clear in my eyes. His own eyes closed, and he leaned slightly into my hand like a cat when it gets its ears scratched. "Remember when you used to be terrified of just brushing my hand? Now look at you, doing this just because you want to. Imagine how much you'll have progressed in another three months, or three years."
The future, I quickly came to realize, frightened me. I removed my hand from his cheek, warming and saddening at the look of loss in his expression.
In three years, you might have forgotten all about me. For all we know, in three years, I could be dead. We have no idea what the future holds.
He looked troubled at this - though not over the events themselves, but more about the fact that I'd given thought to this.
"First of all, I won't let you die. I'll give myself up first. Second of all, and let me make this absolutely clear," he said intently, waiting until I met his eyes to continue, "I will never forget you. Even if you disappeared tomorrow - though I won't let that happen, either - I would still remember you when I was 90 years old. I would remember your beautiful eyes…" He trailed his fingers across my temple. "Your handwriting… your smile that I've had to fight to receive every time… everything you've ever said to me. I would still dream about you and all the ways that you've changed me." He smiled at me, pure and wonderful and warm. "You've been imprinted on my heart, Nina. Imprinted, carved, etched, and more. I will never forget you, and you should never doubt that, because it's nothing but the truth."
My breath was caught in my throat. His words stunned me in a way I couldn't respond to, couldn't explain. Tears pricked at my eyes, and he frowned at the sight of them. "Did I say something wrong?"
In response, I threw my arms around him and pulled him into a hug.
He was taken off guard by the all but attack, but I heard him chuckle into my hair. His arms wrapped around my waist, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I see now. So I said something good?" I nodded against his shoulder. "Well, I'm glad. I was about to think I should just stop talking altogether if I was going to make you sad no matter what I said." We hung there in silence for a second. "I'm telling the truth. You know that, right?" Once more, I nodded. "Do you trust me not to lie to you?"
At this, I hesitated, not expecting the question. Of course I was fairly sure I trusted him, but did I trust him not to lie to me? Lying was such an easy thing... I saw it happen every day. Men lying to their wifes about where they went at night, women lying to their husbands about the same thing. Politicians. Bankers. Therapists, oh, I'd heard horror stories about the lying therapists. And 99% of the time, no one ever found out, because no one ever suspected them, because they trusted them not to lie.
Could I trust him like that?
Finally, I sighed softly and squeezed him tighter, moving my head up and down. Yes, I could trust him not to do that. I did trust him not to do that.
And I realized, as he'd mentioned before, just how quickly I was moving.
"Why don't you speak to me?" Fabian whispered into my ear, making me shiver, then freeze when I processed his words. Amber's accurate guess came back to me. Would he come to the same conclusion as she had? What would happen if he did? I drew away so I could grab my phone and start typing away at the keys.
Part of it is the guilt. Part of it is nerves. Part of it is... I don't know, Fabian, I can't describe it.
"But you've spoken to Amber, and Mara, and several other people. Yet I'm the one who's wanted to hear you speak more than anyone on this planet. I'm not trying to push you to talk, Nina, I promise. I'm just trying to understand why you won't talk to me when you'll talk to others. Help me understand, Nina, please."
I unlocked my phone again, ready to try to put down in words why I wouldn't speak in every aspect save for Amber's guess. But something interrupted me before I could.
A phone ringing.
My phone.
There was only one contact in my phone. I'd put it in the second I'd bought it almost a month ago, the number imprinted in my mind. It was the number I'd memorized in Kindergarten, the number on his business cards, the number I'd feared since the moment I'd read the letter that had later been thrown in the fire.
A number that belonged to the man I hated.
Calling - Stepfather
A/N: BAM. Just like that, this story is about to head down a whole new direction. What'll happen during the phone call? What will the stepfather say? What will Fabian do? Will he finally hear Nina speak?
Next chapter update is Sunday, December 15th. The phonecall. Words will be spoken, realizations will be made, and, as the common phrase goes, crap will hit the fan. Will I be on time? Who knows at this point, but I'll do my best!
Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that you get a you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. And the person who reviews first gets two. Tempting enough?
See ya on the 15th, my little definitions!