Chapter Twenty-Nine

Hawke woke blearily, looking out at the unfamiliar sight of Isabela's apartment. The night's events hit he fiercely and she sobbed quietly again.

Her mother was dead.

A thousand things filtered through her mind, people she should tell, things she had to arrange. Her hands trembled. Bethany. Maker, Bethany.

As she sobbed, she heard a knock on the door and was surprised to see Merrill poke her head through the door. Hawke nodded and Merrill went over to the bed, scooping Hawke up in her arms and singing softly as she stroked through her hair.

When Hawke stopped crying, Merrill murmured, "There, there. We're all here for you. Even the baby and the dog. We're going to get you through this, dear."

"Bethany?"

"She knows," Merrill reassured, "I phoned her myself a few hours ago. She can't get leave for the funeral, but some of the mages pooled their money together and sent some flowers. They're quite pretty. There are some flowers from the prescient too."

"Is that all people can do?" Hawke asked with a bitter smile, "Any white lilies?"

"Luckily the ban on them was still in effect, so nothing so ironic could occur."

Hawke nuzzled into Merrill's shoulder and Merrill patted her back as she did her own child. Merrill said softly, "We've already set up the spare room for you. Varric's cleaning up the house so if you want to sell it, it's ready. I've been making the phone calls, trying to get things arranged. We're here for you. You're a sister to the two of us. You won't be alone, I promise."

Hawke stood up weakly and Merrill took her hand affectionately, walking with her as she stepped out into the living room.

Merrill had been right, they were all there. Anders had Theron on his knee, coaxing the child to sleep. Fenris was curled up on the couch beside him, a blanket tossed over him as he snored lightly. Tali slept on top of him. Varric was on the phone, apparently ordering food for the funeral, Isabela beside him telling him to get more of everything.

They seemed to pause what they were doing, looking up at Hawke for a moment before she nodded and they went back to their tasks. Merrill scooped up Theron from Anders, singing to him softly as she put him to bed in the other room. Anders stood and Hawke hugged him as he wrapped his arms around her. They said nothing. They did not need to say a word.

Merrill was herself, bringing them food and tea while arrangements were made. Anders' job seemed to be to distract Hawke. She appreciated it. He was not as soft or gentle as the others, he still treated her as he always had. She needed someone to still believe in her strength.

The funeral was that afternoon, a quiet affair with a reception at Hawke's home. She greeted all her mother's friends kindly, many bringing food and flowers until it seemed her house was full. She had been patted and stroked and many cried in her arms as she looked awkwardly away.

She managed to escape into the backyard and saw Anders sitting by himself, his bare feet swinging off the porch. She sat down beside him and for a few moments, they simply just watched the colouring leaves rustling in the trees.

"I've never been to a funeral before," Anders commented with a sad smile, "I was starting to find it overwhelming."

"Never?" She asked with surprise.

"No. They don't do them in the Circle. Then I was on the run for so long. Even the Wardens are not big on ceremony. I guess I'm a real adult now."

Hawke smiled sadly, "My first one was my Dad's. Then we never really got to have one for Carver. I guess it's just Bethany and I now."

"You have us," Anders said, "You know that."

"I know," she said, "But…everyone I came over with from Ferelden…they're all gone. It's just me now. Strange."

"You miss Aveline," Anders said.

"That makes me feel awful," Hawke admitted, "Of course I miss my mom. I blame myself…I hate myself for not getting to her…and Maker, I miss her. But I want Aveline here. I want her to comfort me. That makes me feel selfish, but it's the truth. We were in this together…but she left me. Bethany and Mom were taken, but she left. I wouldn't have left her."

Anders did not reply, but simply looked out into the trees, "You have someone who wouldn't leave you, Hawke. Don't be stupid and push her away now."

Hawke looked through the sliding doors and into the kitchen, seeing Isabela passing out glasses of wine. Isabela was dressed demurely, but still her eyes shone. She seemed to notice she was being watched and came out to porch after excusing herself.

Anders stood, "I should go back in. Don't stay out here too long, you'll catch cold."

"Yes, doc," Isabela replied teasingly, "I promised to be a good patient from now on, didn't I?"

"Yes and my penicillin supply thanks you. Be good."

Isabela rolled her eyes affectionately and sat down beside Hawke, reaching out to hold her hand. Hawke squeezed back.

"I never want to be in this house again," Hawke admitted, "I keep seeing her everywhere. I still smell her perfume. I…I can't do this again. It was hard enough losing Dad…then Carver…and Beth."

Isabela said quietly, "I was fifteen when I lost my Dad."

Hawke looked over at her in curiosity and Isabela said gently, "We weren't a wealthy family. My mother sold trinkets and told fortunes, he was a merchant. He was a good man with a big heart. Eventually it gave out on him. I didn't cry. My mother used to hit me when I cried. It sorta stuck. But I wanted to cry for him. He wasn't there much, but he would bring me back pretty things and ruffle my hair and tell me I would grow up to be a heartbreaker."

"Is your Mom still alive?"

Isabela laughed, "I don't know and I don't know if I want to know. I haven't spoken to her in nearly a decade. It was nice having Leandra, she was like the less smacking version of my mother. She also didn't force you into marriage, another plus there."

Isabela turned and said, "I'm bad at this. I know I am. I know you'd rather have someone else here, but…here I am. As long as you want me here."

Hawke said softly, the words ringing true to her, "I only want you."

"Now that is a relief," she laughed, "I was worried you might try to funeral-shag the mage. He seems like a good funeral-shag, the angsty ones always are."

"You pick up people at funerals?"

"Its how you celebrate life," Isabela explained with a smile, "And it is a form of comforting I happen to be very good at."

She kissed Hawke on the nose before anyone could see. Hawke smiled.

"Now come on, you still have some appearances to make."

Isabela stretched out her hand and Hawke took it, following her love back into the house.

Once the crowd was gone, it was only the six of them drinking to Leandra's memory, Fenris with a sparkling soda. Hawke was curled up with Isabela on the couch, laughing as Anders did an impression of Leandra's scowl. Merrill followed with the first week of Theron's life, the woman chasing her around trying to convince her that cloth diapers were unhygienic. Varric told about catching her reading one of his books. After that, he always left an extra copy "for Hawke" that never seemed to make it her way.

Merrill started to yawn, curling up on her husband's shoulder. He played with her hair affectionately. Isabela groaned, "Just go get a room already. Go work on baby two or something."

They smiled at each other, Varric kissing her forehead. He turned back to Isabela, "What, Rivani? It is time to celebrate life. I have a beautiful wife, can I not enjoy her company? I'm sure you're ready to drag Hawke upstairs the minute she gives you the go-ahead."

Hawke blushed slightly, giggling into her glass.

"And you, Blondie? Will you and the elf finally make love, not war?"

Fenris and Anders looked at each other and laughed affectionately, both shaking their heads at each other.

Fenris said, "I think I'll just have to find a woman to replace the Leslie shaped hole in my heart."

Isabela groaned, "Aw, but I liked her."

"No you didn't."

"She was very amusing."

"And you, Anders?" Varric asked.

Anders smiled kindly, "Sorry Varric, but you're not nearly hairy enough to be my type."

Varric grinned widely, "I keep working on it, Blondie, but it just won't grow fast enough."

Merrill looked at her watch, "Gods, its getting close to curfew. Any of you coming back to the house with us or is everyone staying here?"

"I'd like to stay," Hawke said quietly and Isabela squeezed her hand.

She nodded and asked, "Do you want me here?"

Hawke responded by nuzzling into her neck, sleepily resting her head on her shoulder. Varric smiled slightly and said, "Honey, why don't we take the boys over for a good meal and then make up the spare room for them. Hawke, you come on over if you need anything, okay?"

Hawke nodded as they packed up their things, each pausing to kiss Hawke's forehead on their way out of the house. Isabela picked up Hawke the best she could and led her up the stairs. They curled into bed together as Hawke started crying again.

In a hushed voice, Hawke whispered, "Promise me you'll stay with me."

Isabela replied, "Of course, I'm going to stay tonight."

"No, no, that's not what I mean. Promise not to leave me. Please."

Isabela frowned, "Hawke…"

Hawke murmured, "Forget it. Never mind."

Hawke laid on her side, tears drying as she felt her eyes closing. Isabela curled up beside her, resting her chin on her shoulder.

As Hawke fell asleep, she heard Isabela whisper, "I promise."