A/N: Holy hell, I completely apologise for the lateness of this, I haven't been able to write much recently. A mixture of procrastinating, almighty headaches and work. I'm sorry for being such a piece of trash of an author. It may seem rushed and I don't know...half assed-ish? I'm sorry, really really sorry, feel free to complain.
Thank you to MariaAquarius for pointing out that dialect mistake ^^ in truth I didn't know there was a difference between them, but it's been changed now~ Clearly, that shows I still don't know much huh?
And to answer Eva Sirico's question...
*whispers*
There's only about 12 more chapters left. The end is near, my friends~
Well, at the rate I update then you don't have anything to worry about!
*brick't*
Have you ever felt like things around you don't seem real? That what you see, what you feel...it just doesn't seem to really exist?
Right now...I was having one of those moments.
This woman, sitting in front of me, casually drinking tea like nothing was wrong with the world, it just didn't seem true. My hands were clenched, balled into fists so tightly that my knuckles were turning white. I missed this woman, god I missed her so much. All this time, I was working myself up into a panic on a daily basis wondering where she had disappeared to...
And now she's here, almost a year later, sitting in front of me without any kind of explanation.
I have the right to be angry...don't i?
"This is a beautiful manor" Mum said out loud, soft voice almost echoing in the quiet space around us. Right now, it was just her and me sitting alone in the dining room, Ciel opted that everyone left us to it while he had a 'private' discussion with Sebastian. Something seemed off about their demeanour, Sebastian more so, but that was a thought for later. Right now, I had to deal with this.
"M-Mum..." I choked out, voice quivering despite my best efforts to keep a calm disposition. Glancing at me casually, mum said nothing, instead she drank her tea quietly.
"Where the hell have you been? Why have you just suddenly appeared out of nowhere?" I blurted out faster then I could think, tears threatening to spill forth once more. Mum's eyes furrowed together, a pained expression washing over her pale features.
It had been a long time since I'd seen her, a long time since I laid eyes upon her appearance. She looked different from the last time I saw her, and those changes were highlighted drastically by the midday sun seeping through the large windows. Her skin was paler then I remembered, though she'd always been somewhat light skinned. It almost resembled fresh linen in colour I suppose. Her facial features seemed sharper as well, no doubt she'd lost some weight. The only good thing about her appearance was that she wasn't deathly thin or looked as haggard as a toad's skin. She looked clean and proper, but also detached and small.
Delicately frail fingers placed the tea cup down gently, before reaching up and taking ahold of my own. Her hands were so cold...
Looking into her eyes, I felt my heart sink when I noted another change in her appearance, something which had previously gone unnoticed.
"Your...your eye." I breathed out in shock, my previous questions seemingly forgotten at this moment in time, "what's happened to your eye?"
"Ah..." She whispered, removing one of her hands from mine before reaching up and touching her left eye, sweeping her fingertips underneath it. Her eye was...it wasn't right. It looked like it was looking off into another direction, plus it looked completely clouded over and...blank.
"I...I can't see in this one eye anymore, It's completely blind you see."
The way she laughed it off like it was nothing, like it wasn't a threat to her health...I couldn't take it anymore. I knew her eyesight was faltering the last few years but, now that it was taking a grip of her, my heart pained. I just wanted to cry. Ripping my hands from hers and pushing the chair from underneath me with a loud screech...I found myself stumbling over to her faster then what I could think, embracing her in a tight hug that I'd been desperate for all this time.
"Mum...muuuuum!"
I let the tears fall, holding her close to me like I didn't want to let her go again, and the truth was that I didn't. Neither if us were going to make it far in life, and it hurt. It hurt so much.
"Shhh...it's ok...it's ok Amy. My precious baby, I'm here..."
She soothed softly, in the familiar soft voice I'd grown to love. Reaching up, she placed one hand on my back, running it in a slow circular motion. Always...she always did that. Everything she did was the same as I remembered, her mannerisms, the way she spoke...even her scent was the same. Bizarrely, only for a split second, I felt like a young child again.
"Why does this have to happen to us? What did we do to deserve this!?" I choked out between sobs, keeping my grip on her slender frame. Mum never said a word, merely trying to comfort me in my despair. As much as I was enjoying being close to her again, it still didn't feel complete. I needed to know what happened to her, what she's been doing all this time.
Eventually, we broke apart, my body still shaking as pathetic sobs ebbed away slowly. Slowly, she used her free hand to wipe the tears away from my eyes before giving me a reassuring smile but somehow the smile just seemed...vacant.
"Where have you been?" I choked out finally, pressing the issue once more. At my question, I noted at how her body seemed to tense up instantly, but she wore an expression of fake happiness. It made me frown, greatly.
"Let's...not discuss that right now."
"You're not getting out of telling me you know, mum." I snapped almost instantly, surprising both myself and her. She flinched ever so slightly, the smile on her face dispersing into a worried frown.
"Amy..."
"No excuses! I want to know, I need to know! You don't realise how hard it's been for me, thinking that you were somewhere out there all this time suffering because of me-"
"Nothing is your fault!" This time, it was mum who snapped back harshly, voice raised that it almost boarded on a yell. At this, I recoiled back slightly in surprise, watching as another pained expression washed over her features.
"Don't you dare say that, don't even think it. None of this is your fault ok? None of it. Don't let him make you believe it's all your fault!"
Her voice cracked slightly, hands shaking in what I could say was a mixture of frustration and sadness. Her eyes were shut tightly, glistening tears filling the cornered of her eyes. I sighed. The worst feeling in the world is seeing your mother cry...
"I'm so sorry Amy, so sorry you've been worried about me...but for now, please please just forget about it? It's your special day today, just for you. Forget everything else, please..."
She was pleading, desperate not tell me anything. I don't know why but...ah, I'm so torn. There's so many unanswered questions that needed clearing up, I couldn't just drop it like that on command...but, I suppose she was right. This was my day after all, the fact that she's here now with me is a miracle in itself right?
With a sigh, I yielded to her request.
"Alright, for now at least. But you need to tell me before the day ends, understand?"
Reluctantly, after a hesitant pause, she nodded in agreement. However, something told me she had no real intention of going through with it. None the less, I took my place back in my previous seat, wiping away feverishly any loose tears in my eyes. The doors to the dining room opened, and in walked Ciel with Sebastian closely behind. Glancing up at the young lord, Mum stood up and bowed slightly, flashing a meek smile in his direction.
"Lord Phantomhive, thank you again for letting me stay here today...I truly didn't intend to arrive at your dwelling so suddenly..."
"I admit, I wasn't expecting a guest so pardon the lack of proper welcoming." Ciel replied, waving his hand in dismissal. He took his seat back in his usual place at the head of the table, casting a glance in my direction. I looked down at my hands out of distraction, fingers wringing together in nervously. I didn't know why exactly I was nervous, perhaps it was regarding the fact that mum appeared at our doorstep unannounced and uninvited. Ciel hated it when people showed up without much as a word before hand, the notion aimed at Elizabeth, Soma and especially Lau. I guessed I was on edge about his reaction to my mum, someone he didn't know, turning up out of the blue and expecting access to his house. Besides, the way he and the demon butler left with such darkened looks had me uneasy.
"Though I must say, why did you arrive today at all times? If I do recall, you and your husband have been declared missing since last year."
The news of their disappearance spread quite fast. Rumours that he fled with his earnings after conning customer or that he murdered mum and went into hiding were whispered amongst the small community, but needless to say, it all died out as quickly as it arrived. On our outings, children would whispered things to each other of other rumours they heard, such things as he kept a monster child up in the loft. Sometimes, I'd ignore it but others left me in tears. I was unknown to most people, yet the only fact of my existence was a rumour of me being a monster?
"It's...a complicated matter, Lord Phantomhive, I wouldn't want to bore anyone with such trivial matters, but I am only here to see my daughter on her birthday, nothing more nothing less."
"Very well."
The matter was quickly dropped, much to my surprise as much as it was mum's. Sebastian said nothing at first, keeping a fixed eye on the woman next to him, before offering her more tea in his usual cool tone. She accepted gleefully, glancing around the dining room with her one good eye, taking in the expensive surroundings. I, on the other hand, finally made eye contact with the two others in the room, seeing Ciel look unamused from his seat while Sebastian wore his usual stoic expression. But I small scowl appeared and vanished in an instant when he finished filling up her tea, moving to the young lords side. Something was going between those two...
I broke the silence after a few moments when no one else offered to speak.
"Uh...I think we should call the others back in right? We can't have them hanging out in another room all day... "
Ciel nodded, ordering Sebastian to call everyone else back in. Within minutes, their voices flooded the room once more, Soma and Elizabeth chatting loudly like they were old chums. I let out a sigh of relief, with the arrival of the others any and all tension within the room seemed to fade away into the background, it didn't disappear completely though. Mum smiled at the new arrivals, and of course, the questions started rolling in, directed solely towards me.
"So, who is this lovely lady eh Amy?"
The finest of blushes found it's way into mum's pale cheeks, contrasting beautifully with her skin tone. Bard noticed this and grinned wider, cigarette still hanging ungracefully from the corner of his mouth. I looked between the two, blinking.
'Smooth Bard...'
"This is my mum; Elaine"
She smiled, pulling her eyes from Bard finally and nodded her head respectively towards the other guests.
"How do you do."
"Mum, this is Bardroy, Bard for short," Bard grinned again, "This is Finny, Mey Rin and Tanaka, they're servants as well." The others smiled too, bidding hello to the new guest. Tanaka simply gave his infamous 'ho ho ho' something which mum didn't know how to respond to.
"Here we have Lady Elizabeth, the young masters fiancé."
Said lady stood up with a beaming smile before curtsying perfectly.
"How do you do!"
"Pleasure to meet you to."
"And last but certainly not least- GAH!"
I yelped when I felt two hands clamp down on my shoulders suddenly, a joyful voice being practically screamed down my ear.
"Hello Amy's mother!" He waved, making mum blink in surprise before letting out an amused laugh.
"My my so vibrant!"
"Ah...this is Prince Soma, he's from India." Mum let out a soft 'wow' at the mention of the foreign country, before setting her eyes on the prince'a silver haired companion. Noticing this, I smiled and gestured lastly to Agni.
"And this is Agni mum, Prince Soma's 'butler' if you will."
...well. The reaction from her was subtle yet noticeable. As Agni beamed his usual comforting smile and bowed in greeting, speaking something in his native tongue, the blush that preciously adorned her features came back once again, dusting her pale cheeks in a soft shade of pink. To say I was amused was an understatement. I had to hold back a laugh to not draw any attention to the situation.
"So this is you're mum?" Mey Rin asked, before tilting her head in confusion and adjusting her glasses ever so slightly. "But didn't you say she went missing...?"
Mum glanced at me and sighed, shaking her head lightly, tufts of dark brown hair following her every movement. Her features returned back to normal as if nothing had happened.
"Dear of dear...seems the news is common business. How many people did you tell, Amy?"
Irritated, I pursed my lips into a thin line, mouth boarding on a childish pout. Why was she acting like it wasn't important?
"It was in the newspaper, everyone who can read knows. That's how I found out in the first place."
Mum visibly flinched, obviously that had triggered something within her mind. But then her features softened into one of surprise, the sudden change of topic catching me off guard.
"You can read?"
At that, I smiled proudly. My ability to read had, as Sebastian had put it, improved by leaps and bounds. I could now fully make out sentences and read a page with ease with only the slightest of difficulties hindering me. Of course, I was still no where near as good or as fluent as the rest of the manor but I'd still come further then I had done previously.
"Yeah! Isn't that great?"
"Very!" She laughed softly making my heart ache in happiness, "you must have been taught well, I never imagined one of us to be able to hold such an ability."
"It was a struggle at first." Sebastian mused loudly, breaking his silence. Mum looked up at him and nodded in understanding, like me she couldn't read also. Unlike me, she didn't have anyone to teach her how, much less a demon helping her out. The conversations then flowed naturally again between everyone in the room, the others talking to mum like the valued guest that she was. To see her smiling so brightly and looking happy for once, it made me feel like everything was ok in the world now, that not much mattered anymore. I was happy, truly happy. I know mum still had a lot to answer for but that was a problem between me and her, no one else.
Mum seemef truly happy as well, as she seemed to take to Bard like a duck to water, and Agni's presence made her blush constantly. In fact, both of the men did. I couldn't help but laugh, cooing softly to her if she 'enjoyed the window shopping' she was currently doing on my two friends. That earned me a light slap on the arm, but it was all in good humour. She then pointed out the change in my appearance to which I hadn't given much thought lately. Sure, I'd put on much more weight than last time but I didn't look overly different did on? Apparently I did, I guess a healthy environment really does help someone huh?
With urgency, Elizabeth decided it was time for me to receive and open my presents. The young lady bounced happily as she shoved the colourful box into my hands.
"What I got you is soooo pretty!" She beamed, making me flush with embarrassment.
"Lady Elizabeth, you really didn't haven't get me anything! I'm just a mere servant after all."
From behind, I heard mum lightly snicker. Elizabeth shook her head though, dismissing my words with a beaming smile.
"Nonsense! Servants are valued members of a household too."
I could help but smile, bashfully bowing my head in respect.
"You're too kind, Lady Elizabeth."
With that, I slowly unwrapped the fine paper, feeling all eyes on me as I did so. I wasn't going to lie, this was actually pretty exciting. The lovely decorated paper made way to reveal a rather plain box. Curiously, I gave it a slight shake, hearing something rattling inside. Then, I proceeded to open it, looking down in surprise at the accessory that lay neatly inside.
"L-Lady Elizabeth, this is..."
"I know you seem to enjoy hats," she started, before pointing to the one currently sitting upon my head, scrunching up her face in dissatisfaction, "and that one is just not cute at all! This one is much prettier for you!"
Inside was a delicate little hat, pink in colour with a decorated ribbon around the centre, forming a lovely little bow. While the colour was slightly off putting, I felt choked up at the gift. It was so pretty, and it was for me? Smiling wildly, I slipped off my normal hat and placed the new one on in it's place. Though slightly loose, it seemed to fit perfectly.
"Thank you so much, M'lady! It's beautiful."
Elizabeth gleamed with happiness and latched onto Ciel's arm, cooing that she knew i'd like it. Ciel merely nodded in agreement with his fiancé before motioning the others to bring any gifts they had. Of course, I tried to stop them saying it was fine and that they didn't actually need to get me anything but it all fell on deaf ears. One by one I was presented with gifts from the disaster trio and Soma and Agni, the whole time I was flushing with happiness mixed with embarrassment.
'This is so embarrassing...why make such a fuss over me?'
Lastly, there was mom's gift. It wasn't as nicely wrapped as what the others were, but I could tell some time and effort went into this. Carefully, I unwrapped the plain brown paper, tilting my head curiously as the object inside made itself known.
"It's not much..." Mum started, smiling at me sadly, "nor is it as nice as your other gifts but it's all I could get really..."
Inside lay a nicely carved wooden figure in what looked like the shape of an adult and a child. It was made from a lovely mahogany wood, deep brown in colour with every detail etched into it seemingly perfect. I held it in my hands tenderly, almost as if I was unconsciously scared of breaking, feeling the rough wood underneath my fingertips. The prominent figure, a mother I'd deduced, held the child in a loving embrace. Some could easily turn up their nose at this, saying that it's just a 'peasant carving'. It may have not been the best quality, and it certainly didn't match up to say the statues erected within the cemeteries of the local churches, but to me it meant everything, more than anyone will ever know.
"It's beautiful, thank you so much mum" I breathed out, clutching the figurine to my chest happily. I might apply some varnish to it just to seal it in and protect it from general wear and tear. Mum let out a small sigh of relief and clasped her frail hands together.
"Excellent!"
I felt giddy. Beaming a smile, I looked at everyone, "Thank you everyone for today, it's been so special...you didn't have to go to such lengths for me but thank you for everything and...ah, I'm so terrible with words, I'm so sorry."
I grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of my head. Despite my failed attempt at a speech, the message seemed to get through to everyone within the room, as I earned a slap in the back from Bard and a thumbs up from Finny. This was it, now I could finally understand what made a birthday so special. You just needed the right people around you to make it special.
Elizabeth was the next one to take the lead in the situation, clapping her hands together happily as she moved closer to the cake on the table.
"Let's have some of the cake now! It looks so delicious! You did a great job, Sebastian!"
A chuckle, "You're too kind, Lady Elizabeth."
Mum let out a small giggle before turning to me, "Want some cake, Amy?"
I opened my mouth to answer, but instead of words, a strangled cough burst forth from my throat surprising everyone as well as myself.
"S-Sorry, excu-"
Another cough. Harder than the last one. Instantly my eyes widened in complete horror
No...
No...not now, not now at all times...
There was a room full of people, all looking at me and staring...
Then was was another. Then another...soon enough, I'd gone into a full blown coughing fit, the same suffocating feeling constricting my chest like it usually did.
Oh my god...
"That's a nasty cough." Mum breathed calmly from beside me, resting her hand and my back and patting at an even pace. Initially, nobody seemed overly bothered by my coughing, but when it didn't show any signs of stopping after what seemed like minutes, their expressions soon changed. I tried to talk again in an attempt to just defuse the situation but I just couldn't muster any words, it was hard enough trying to breath let alone speak.
'Stop...please don't look...'
"A-Amy are you ok? You're going red in the face, yes you are!" Mey Rin squeaked out, seemingly unsure of what to actually do. None the less, mum continued to rub my back but even then, I could hear the sudden uneasiness in her voice.
"Amy, what's wrong? Are you sick?"
My chest was hurting, burning with intensity. I felt tears spring up in the corners of my eyes from both pain and sadness. In all my happiness, I was cruel brought back to reality. And right now...the reality was going to make itself known right in front of everyone.
"If I may my lord," I heard Sebastian speak up from beside me, "I think she needs some air to calm herself down."
Why didn't he step in sooner? Then again, it would raise a lot of questions if we were to just run out the room without an explanation.
"Ugh..."
...
...I had to admit defeat.
No matter how hard I was trying to hold it back, I just couldn't anymore.
I stumbled in an attempt to head out the room but mum seemed to take this as though I was ready to faint and put her arms around my shoulders, keeping me close.
I coughed even harder, struggling to breath while the metallic taste returned once again, this time seeming stronger than ever.
'I'm sorry...I'm sorry for this mum...everyone...'
With force, I coughed up the bright blood i'd gotten so used to seeing almost daily. My hands became drenched in the substance, seeping through my fingers and into the lovely furnish floor beneath us. My ears began ringing terribly as my body trembled in the aftermath of what was my worst attack yet, everything just seemed to become so surreal and disembodied, my vision blurred and twisted. I was too ashamed with myself to even look at the other people in the room with me.
Suddenly the ringing in my ears stopped, only to be replaced by an ear piercing scream ripping through the air. Not just one scream though...I noted three. All at the same time.
"Mum...please stop."
...
"Please mum, stop crying...you know I hate to see you cry."
"How are you so calm about this!?" Was the response I got back before mum burst once more into a fit of tears. She wasn't the only one though. I looked around to see Mey Rin rubbing her eyes underneath her glasses, Finny almost mimicking her exact movements, a small sniffle emitting from the gardener. Bard wore an unreadable expression, but the fact he was chewing his cigarette nearly half to death with a clear indication of what was going on in his head.
Elizabeth, along with Ciel, both looked horrified, but the young lord was keeping his composure quite well. Soma and Agni both looked horrified too, The Indian prince looked like he was struggling to keep the tears in. The only ones that were actually pretty calm and silent were Sebastian and I, but then again we already knew a long time ago what was going to happen.
"Why god...why..." Mum wept loudly, "why must you take all my children from me...why..."
Inevitably, I flinched at her words as they hit hard. I was the only child she'd fully had...and even I was being taken away from her like the several before. My heart ached, not for my current situation but for mums suffering. As far as I was concerned, this wasn't even about me anymore. I'd already made my decision.
"It's just something that happens I'm afraid..."
"I don't get it...how can you be dying!?" Finny interrupted, sniffling softly as tears welled up in those perfect green eyes of his. I wanted to answer, but Sebastian beat me to it.
"She has contracted Tuberculosis, Finny. It's a burden of a disease and currently incurable."
"You knew about this?" Ciel snapped towards his butler, glaring at him slightly as if offended that he wasn't told first. Sebastian nodded.
"Apologise my lord, but I did."
The young lord then muttered something under his breath, slumping back in his chair while placing his hand to his forehead. I didn't catch what he said, I don't think any of us did really.
"This is just...this is wrong." Bard spoke up finally, looking at me with a stearin look. Despite his attempts to look calm, I could see the facade was breaking. Everything had gone from a happy to sad within minutes, one minute these people were laughing the next they we're crying...
And I felt responsible for it all.
"Look...everyone, please hear me out."
I spoke up loudly, making everyone look at me. I swallowed back my nerves before continuing on, but even then I felt strangely calm about this whole thing. Then again, I'd had some time to mull it over.
"I'm...I'm sorry I never told any of you about this. I didn't want to to know because it was better off without you know, both for me and for all of you. Heck, I only found out the true cause of the problem just before Christmas myself."
From my right, Mum continued to sob but it had decreased to slightly broken sobbing. Mey Rin was next to her trying to comfort her, while Agni kindly offered her a napkin to dry her eyes with.
I continued on from there, "look, don't get upset about it ok...? What's happening is just...unfortunate, I mean...I certainly don't want to die but I can't really control it. I only have a few more months left, and as you can see it's getting worse so...I just want the next few months to be normal, ok? I don't want any of you to worry about me, just be normal, be happy, the last thing I want is for the time that I have left to be filled with tears and regret. Can you do that for me? Please?"
Any and all crying seemed to cease, but the uneasiness in the room never lifted.
"How can you smile like this when you know you will no longer be with us? Aren't you scared?" Soma spoke up sadly, golden eyes glistening with unshed tears. At that, I did feel myself smile surprisingly.
"Of course I'm scared, but I learnt long ago that there was no point in worrying about it. Wallowing in my sorrow, where's that going to get me? No where. I might as well make the time I have special, so that at least then I'll feel like I had accomplished something."
The silence that followed was almost painful. Nobody seemed to share my confidence it seemed.
I had to admit, this wasn't how I wanted it to go. I wanted to tell them in my own time, tell them at the right time. But no...it had to be here and now didn't it? God...I feel like I'm cursed.
Mum continued sniffling softly, but eventually her tears began to subsided. Furiously, she wiped her eyes with the napkin then standing up abruptly.
"I'm sorry, I must leave now. Thank you so much for allowing me into your home, Lord Phantomhive. I bid you all a good evening."
She spoke so fast that I could barely comprehend all of what she said. She then darted out the room, quicker than I could blink. I know she was upset but running out like this...?
I excused myself from the others then proceeded to follow her, catching up to her pretty quickly at the entrance of the manor.
"Mum!" I cried out, panting as I reached her. She had her back turned to me, body hunched over while her pale fingers wrapped themselves tightly around the door knob.
"Don't run away...I know your upset but please don't leave me again."
At this, she turned slowly, fresh tears threatening to spill forth. It was breaking my heart to see her like this. The one thing no child wants to see is their mother crying.
"Oh Amy..."
I was pulled into a tight hug, latching onto her thin form like it was needed for my survival. I didn't want to let her go, not again. I finally had her back here with me, and even if my life eventually fizzled out...mom could hand a good life in my place, right?
"Please stay here...with me..." I whispered lowly into her shoulder, feeling the woman tense up.
"Amy..."
"You can stay here and be a servant with me. You'll be looked after here, honestly. Please just don't go..."
"I can't..." She choked out, making me pull away slightly. Reaching up, she gently wiped away the tears that I didn't know had been falling.
"Why not?" I demanded.
"I can't...believe me, if I could I would but...but..."
She was trembling...but why?
"Amy, please...you need to forget about the past, forget about me."
I didn't understand. I pulled away completely, severing our shirt lived embrace.
"I don't get what you mean but I'm not forgetting about you."
"Well you should!" She suddenly snapped, taking me by surprise. "I shouldn't have come here today...I shouldn't have. It was a mistake."
"What do you mean a 'mistake'!?" I gasped, in utter surprise at her sudden sour mood, "don't you realise how long I've waited to see you again?"
She fell silent then, looking away from me towards the wall. I felt myself scowl, both in anger and sadness. Finally, almost a years worth of frustration came spilling out, and I just couldn't stop myself.
"You just don't get it! Ever since you disappeared I've been worried about you, you and only you mum. There have been times where it seemed to fade out of my mind but I never truly forgot. I always ALWAYS thought about you, thought about how you were doing and where you were. I even thought you were dead at one point!"
That seemed to catch her attention, making her finally lock her face with mine.
"S-So don't tell me to forget about you when you were always the only one on my mind!"
At this point, I didn't really care if the others heard me or not. I wasn't letting her go that easily, I'll fight as long as I needed to to keep her here with me, whether she liked it or not. After a while of neither of us saying anything, mum let out a long, drawn out sigh, shaking her head back an forth.
"I'm sorry Amy, I'm sorry I worried you for so long...I had no choice in the matter though..."
As much as I wanted to continue kicking and screaming, I stayed quiet and let mum continue to talk, even though it wasn't what I wanted to hear.
"As much as you want to know everything...I just can't tell you. It's better if you don't know anything all..."
"But why!? Why can't you tell me? What's stopping you from just...just staying here with me?"
"They're the ones who sent me here. They're watching everything thing we do..." She spoke, almost in a hurried whisper. I was caught off guard by her words, my frustration simmering down almost completely before being replaced by shock and curiousness. 'They'? Who does she mean...?
"'They' sent you here? Who are 'they' mum?" I asked before pausing when a thought came to mind, "is one of them Dad?"
I must have hit the nail on the head, as she gasped softly, eyes reflecting the clear fear that was now taking over her.
"I-I've said too much! Please Amy, I need you to listen to me."
With that, she reached over and grasped my hands in her own. I could feel her hands shaking, fingers holding onto me tightly. She was afraid, very afraid. I'd recognised the mannerisms of her body quite clearly.
"Forget about me. Forget about the past, forget the shop, your dad, everything that happened back then! For your own safety, please please stop chasing shadows. Don't come for me, don't find me."
'For my own safety...?'
I don't get it...
Why...
"But why?"
"Just listen to me, this one last time. It's for your sake as well as mine. Stay safe and severe our ties. You have everything here. You have a wonderful new family, a new home, a new way of life...everything is perfect for you. Don't throw that away."
Looking down, I shook my head silently.
"But...my life isn't perfect unless you're in it..."
Quietly, she leaned over and placed a small kiss on my forehead.
"Then you're going to have try to make it perfect."
With that, she let go of me and threw open the doors to the manor, disappearing out before I even had a chance to catch her. All I could do now was watch, watch as my mother vanished once more from my life. Down the steps, she ran, over the courtyard and into the forest that surrounded the Phantomhive estate until the soft patter of footsteps faded into nothing.
I was a mess. I thought I'd gotten my mum back for good, only for her to leave once again. But why? All the questions I wanted to ask her remained unanswered. She seemed to successfully leave without answering a single damn one.
Why...
I didn't have time to weep for the loss of my mum, a sound behind me startled me back into reality. Behind me stood Ciel, lips pursed into a tight line. Sebastian stood by his side, naturally, with his usual stoic expression. Sloppily, I wiped the tears away from my eyes, but I must have looked like a wreck by now.
"Young Master..."
"Come, I want a word with you."
That's not good. Obviously today's events might not have sat well with the young lord. Still, I didn't argue. Nodding my head lowly, I followed the master and butler duo up towards Ciel's office, which didn't leave me much confidence. I tried to stay calm though, even when he seated himself in his chair and stared at me with a harsh look.
"How long was it going to be before you told me about your condition?"
Well, he didn't mess around did he? I swallowed. "Until the time was right, sir."
He raised an eyebrow then sighed harshly, shaking his head, "and when was this right time hm? When you were bed ridden?"
"If I may be so bold sir," I frown, "I didn't mention it to anyone because I was worried about...by job here..."
This seemed to surprise him, as he lifted his head somewhat, curious by my confession, "what exactly were you worried about?"
"T-That I would be made to leave my position...made to live back in London because of my illness."
"...Well at least you were honest. I'm still not happy that you kept this from me but you don't have anything to fear."
I blinked at him, looking at the boy in surprise. "I don't?"
"Of course not. Why would I force you out of a job just because you were sick? Am I that shallow of a person?"
"No no! Of course you're not!" I blurted out, bowing in embarrassment. Lucky for me I missed his amused smirk.
"But, really my lord, why...keep me around if I'm just going to die in the end?"
"..." He paused slightly, then relaxed his shoulders, leaning back in his chair, "your condition is unfortunate, yes, but you're still a hard worker. The fact you've managed to keep on working through your illness is quite admirable, most would avoid any physical exercise."
I blushed, shifting nervously on he spot. Why was it always so embarrassing when someone complimented you?
"I say just keep on doing what you're doing, just don't keep anymore secrets from me from now on, got it?"
"Understood, young master!"
"Now, Sebastian." Suddenly, his attention turned to his demon butler whom had stood quietly off to the side during our discussion, "tell me, why do you have suspicions over Mrs Millington?"
Whoa- wait what?
"Excuse me?" I blurted out forcefully, looking at the butler with a stern expression, "what do you mean 'suspicions'?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes at me, before turning to Ciel, "I don't think her sudden arrival at the manor today was a mere coincidence, young master."
"Hmph...that is true, if she has been missing for almost a year then why suddenly turn up here and now of all times?"
"Hey!" I whined loudly, offended that they were talking about her like this in front if me, "stop that! you're acting like she's a criminal!"
"She might not be, but I believe she has hidden motives for being here today."
I was taken back, as was Ciel apparently. What was he on about? Hidden motives...tch, really...mum wasn't like that, right? But...even I couldn't deny that some part of me fell for his theory. She did suddenly just appear out of nowhere and left without exactly explaining anything...
Plus...she said 'they' sent her here. 'They' were watching us...
Did she really just come and see me for her own gain?
...no. Mum wasn't like that.
I shook my head in response, folding my arms over my chest, "she's not...she wouldn't do that, she wouldn't have any secret plots or plans, it's just not in her nature. I can honestly say, she wouldn't be the one to calculate a malice plot..."
"Maybe not her per say." Ciel chimed in, resting his hand under his chin thoughtfully, "but I think you know that there is someone else pulling the strings, correct?"
...
"They're the ones who sent me here. They're watching everything thing we do..."
"You heard it all didn't you?"
"Indeed we did."
"Then...maybe there is but, I just don't...know."
So...what. Mom was sent here today for a reason? Dad would never leave her...he has too much control over her, so no doubt he was at least one of the people hiding in the background. The thought of him made me shudder. God...it's been so long since that monster came into my mind. If that was the case then, who was the other person?
"I don't know what to think of this..."
"I know you're willing to defend a family member Amy," Sebastian started, staring down at me with those intense red eyes of his, "but even you can't deny there is something odd going on here."
As much as I hated to admit, something was a little strange but I guess I was too stubborn to see mum being a central part of it. If she was apart of something secret then she was being forced to participate. I didn't answer, looking off towards the wall like it had become the most interesting thing here.
"...And I fear, whatever it is, isn't entirely human related."
Now that caught my attention. Ciel's too it seemed. The little lord sat up right in his chair, looking at his butler with confusion. "What do you mean 'human related'? Let me guess, one of those grim reapers are involved?"
Strangely, Sebastian shook his head.
"No my lord, it's something entirely different."
So...wait, I'm confused. Is he saying that another entity is involved?
"She has the essence of an Angel on her."
"An Angel?" both Ciel and I gasped loudly at the same time, wearing similar expressions and looking at each other in shock. That's...that couldn't be...true right?
"Angels exist?" Ciel spoke up next, his voice hinting his curiosity to this new piece of information. I, on the other hand, couldn't process what the demon had just said.
"Wait a minute here, my mum has the scent of an angel on her? That...I can't fathom that at all!"
"Whether you want to believe it or not is your choice, but I wouldn't lie about this."
He was serious. So serious.
Demons...grim reapers...angels?
"What's next? Elves? Fairies? Trolls?" I mumbled to no ones in particular, earning me a sharp glance from Sebastian.
"I need you both to stay vigilant."
Standing up from his chair abruptly, Ciel strode over to the window, looking out as the soon slowly made it's way down the horizon, basking the evening sky in hues of orange, red and pink.
"Angels or not, I feel something is not completely right about today. Keep on your guard both of you."
"...For your own safety, please please stop chasing shadows..."
"Are we in danger?" The words left my throat faster then what I could think. This made Ciel turn ever so slightly to look at me, one blue eye masking any emotion.
"...I don't know."
And...that was that. Nothing more said.
Today was supposed to be a great day, and look what's happened. Still, it could have been worse I guess. Ciel then ordered Sebastian to arrange a carriage back home for Lady Elizabeth, since it was now becoming late into the evening. Sebastian bowed and left, myself volunteering to clean up the dining room before before retiring for the evening. The young master nodded before dismissing me also, allowing me to slip out the room with my muddled thoughts.
'This is so fucked up...I really can't comprehend all of this...angels? Motives? Seriously, what happened this evening...'
"You always make the same face when you're deep in thought."
I jumped in surprise, blinking at the butler in surprise as he laughed at my reaction. He always seems to enjoy catching me off guard.
"Why are you still hanging around?"
He paused for a moment, almost as if he was trying to find the write words to say.
"Angels aren't that common in the human world, and when they are they have some sort of reason for being here. I suggest that you heed your mother's words and stay away from her."
Looking at him for a moment, scanning those red eyes of his, I shook my head 'no'
"I'm sorry but no can do, Sebastian..."
"And why not?" He demanded, eyebrow raised. Not many people can get away with being so defiant around a demon, but strangely I felt quite confident with myself.
"She's my mother. God, Sebastian you know as well as I do that I've been worrying about her for a long time, now that she's here I have a chance to save here."
"Do you really think that's wise?" He asked lowly, "I think, as it stands, you should be worrying about yourself right now."
Pausing, I smiled and shook my head. It was a genuine smile.
"Right now, I'm not bothered whether I'm dying or not, that's the last thing on my mind. My mom is here, alive, and...if I can just help her like you guys helped me then...then..."
Suddenly, I felt choked up. If she has been with dad this whole time then...what kind of torment has she been through? What has he put her through? Sometimes, I wished that she was the one who left and I stayed behind...
"It may seem like dull human sentiment but I won't rest peacefully until I know she'll be free of my Dad."
I was surprised when I felt two hands clamp down on my shoulders.
"Not everything in life is as easy as what you think. No matter what you believe, no matter if you think you're doing the right thing for her, the best thing for you to do is follow her instructions and let go of the past." He spoke cooly, but it just left me feeling more conflicted
She...she's not just something I'm expected to throw away and forget about...no matter what they think. It was silent between us, but my nod said it all, like I'd just sealed some unspoken promise.
But as much as it pained me...she was my mum...she was the only one I had left...
I'm sorry...I just can't keep that promise.
A/N: I figured Bard needed some love. C'mon guys, you can't tell me he's not a fine piece of ass. The kitchens not the only thing he'll set on fire, if you know what I mean.
Mmmm sizzlin.
19Delfin: Ah thank you for your review! I feel like terrible for making people wait! Thank you for reading~ ^.^
For anyone interested, I made a coloured sketch of Amy. FINALLY. The link is in my bio if you're interested. Unfortunately though my computer is broke so no digital artz for me...
*kicks wall*
*gross sobbing*