AN: Yes, yes, yes, I know, I suck, I'm sorry, here, enjoy!
Chapter 37: Worth It
"So what aspect are you two going for?"
All the girls are sitting in the break room, since it's our lunch break. Well, not all of us. Victoria is conveniently absent, which means that Jessica is as well. Part of me wonders why, but the other is Agnes telling me to that I already do. On Wednesday, Victoria had brought a pillow to work for her to sit on and wouldn't sit on anything else. Seems like someone actually has an STD. Or hemorrhoids. Either way, I'm satisfied. I recognize that what I did was a little petty, and wouldn't win me any good girl points with the guy upstairs, but I can't bring myself to regret it, either.
"Me and Alec were going to focus on awkward moments in everyday life. I do not know how we're supposed to capture those shots, since they're all sort of spontaneous but we will try." Jane replies, taking a small bite out of a celery stick she's holding in her hands. "What about you?"
Angela shrugs. "I don't know. We had a few ideas, but we haven't really narrowed them down yet. What about you Bella?"
The forkful of salad halts for a second as I mumble a, "Same here." I'm not sure where to start with this project, but I'm sure that Edward will have a few ideas. And I'm even surer that I'll be able to work with him successfully, too. Then again, what the heck do I know? It's really easy to say that when I'm not around him, but we'll just have to see how it goes.
We finish up eating and then get back to work.
{~'~}
"Deadline is next Wednesday, guys. Please email me the candids by Friday, though, so I can dally them up accordingly." Mr. Seth says.
"Also, also! If you look through your mail, you'll see an invitation to Geshe's evening gala. As many of you know, we attend it every year, and this year is no different. The event isn't for another month, but I'm telling you now so you all are prepared. Dress is formal attire, fellas if you've somehow forgotten what that means, it means no tennis shoes." He leans forward and raises an eyebrow at all the men in the room. "Women, please wear shoes you can walk in, and please dress. . . . appropriately." He looks pointedly at Victoria and Jessica. "Men, buy a new suit from a good store. If I have to wear a suit, then you'll have to suffer along with me. That means no cheap ties."
"Mike!" Tyler coughs into his hands, and a few of us try to stifle our laughter. I think Mr. Seth hears it because his mouth quirks, but he continues.
"Everyone is entitled a plus one, but please make sure that they follow the dress code as well. If you have any questions, please do ask me." He claps his hands, gives us a wide smile and bows, signifying the end of our day. We filter out of the conference room one by one. As soon as we get to our department and I've gathered up my stuff, Edward taps my shoulder.
"Ready?" he asks, slinging his bag over his shoulder.
"Yeah, sure. Bye guys," I say to everyone behind me. I hear a few respond back, but we're already walking towards the door. I keep a reasonable amount of distance between us, but not to the point that I hurt his feelings. Then, I start to wonder why I'm sparing his feelings when he obviously didn't spare any of mine. Oh, right. Because I'm being professional.
We pass by Rosalie's desk at the front and she shoots me a look. I can't really read what her expression is, but one of her eyebrows is considerably higher than the other. I mutter a "see ya" and trudge along. When we do make it outside, I figure that this would be the proper time to speak.
"So, we should walk to Spruce street. There's a nice park over there and we could get some good shots." I say, nodding to the right. Edward glances down the street, then back to me.
"Alright."
And then we walk. The only sounds we make are coming from our shoes on the pavement. I tighten my peacoat around me and start gnawing on my lip. I won't say anything to him, I'd already decided, that is not work related. I'm trying to keep it cordial and that's it. But we're not at work anymore. And I have got to admit that his lack of communication is starting to bother me a little, but I don't show it.
So we walk in silence.
And even when we get to the park, we take pictures in silence. Even when we direct each other, suggest filters, and advise, it's still pretty silent. Forced. Agnes tells me to get used to it.
{~'~}
"I like this one," Edward says. He looks up from my camera and leans over to show me what he's looking at.
"Thanks," I say, and look back down at his camera. I hear him huff from beside me, and from my peripherals I see him pull back his sleeve to look at his watch.
"I think that's enough for today. We can shoot some more another day."
"When?" I ask, not looking up from his camera.
"Wednesday is good for me, how about you?"
"Yeah, sure." I unwrap the strap from around my neck and pass him his camera. I look at up at him and notice that he's frowning. He takes his camera and gives me back mine.
"Do you mind if we take the same cab? You know since we're both going t-"
"Yeah, that's fine." That comes out a lot harsher than I want it to.
"You know, if it bothers you I can just take another cab." he snaps, shoving his camera in its bag.
"If it bothered me, I would have said no. But I genuinely don't give a shit." I snap back. He looks up at me, runs his tongue across his teeth and raises his eyebrows.
"Yeah, I've noticed that you don't give a shit about anything anymore," and he just smirks.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask him, as calmly as I can.
He just makes that face that I hate, the one that always provokes me to scream at him. It's a little sad, actually.
I stare at him and take a deep breath.
"I'm not doing this with you anymore, Edward." His nostrils flare a bit and he hunches his shoulders, I can tell he's about to roll his eyes. "I mean it, Edward. I'm not. I've moved on from this."
"Who are you trying to convince, Bella? I heard you the first time."
I start to retort, but I realize that's exactly wants me to do. And I have moved on from this, so I don't say anything.
{~'~}
When we get to the apartment we immediately disband. He's up the stairs way before me, but I'm not complaining. A couple seconds later, I hear his door slam. I make it inside my door and close it quietly.
I suppose it would have been nice to come to some sort of understanding with Edward. I didn't know quite what I was expecting but I had kind of hoped that, I don't know, we could work on good terms. But now I see that this won't happen, and my chances of getting on good terms with Edward are slim.
Before I fall asleep at night, I wonder if it'll ever get better. And then I wonder if it's even worth caring about.
"Come on, Bella! Please, please?" Alice begs. Her voice over the phone is very high pitched and I wince, bringing it away from my ear for a bit.
"Alice, please don't beg. Jeez, you've got me begging now."
"But Bella! It'll be so much fun! Rosalie is coming, she already said yes. Now I just need my best friend there!"
"Alice," I sigh, running my hand over my face and through my hair, which, as usual is a tangled, knotted mess. "That's really not my scene. . . I don't, I'm not -"
"Well, how do you know that it's not your scene? Have you ever been clubbing before?" Alice quips.
"Well, no, but - "
"Then why say no? I feel like you always miss out on opportunities because you've never tried them before. Just because you have never gone to a club, doesn't mean you shouldn't ever go to a club!"
"Alice, that's not the point. . ."
"Then what is the point?"
This stunts me for a second. Besides my fear of dancing in front of people, I really don't have any other reason not to go. I realize Alice is right, I am just saying no for no reason. I mean, falling and making a fool of myself is a good reason why I don't want to go, but it's not a good enough reason for me to not go at all. I briefly think about using my condition as an excuse, but that just feels wrong.
"Well, I don't have anything to wear." I pout. And it's true, I don't.
"Then you know what that means," Alice says in a sing-song tone. I literally gulp at what I've walked myself into.
"Alice, but we just went shopping!" I whine. "I'm trying to get myself to stay on budget."
"Why? It's not like you need it!" Alice laughs. She's right, I don't. But still, waste not, want not. "But fine, you can just come to my place and borrow something of mine."
"Alice, we're not exactly the same size. . ." I'm at least three sizes larger than her. And about 6 inches taller.
"So what! The shorter the better."
"I still want to be comfortable, though, Alice."
"Don't worry, I have just the drink for that," she giggles.
"Alice, I don't want to get drunk!"
"You don't have to be drunk! Besides, I care more about your health than my own. We'll just take a couple of shots at my house with Rosalie before we go, bars are expensive. Can you be here by seven?"
I glance over at my alarm clock. Four hours.
"Yeah. What time are we leaving?"
"Ten thirty, probably. We have to get you ready, and me ready, and wait for Briar Rose to get here, and then we're gonna drink a little and then go." I chuckle a little at Alice's nickname for Rosalie.
"And there's no way I can get out of this?"
"Nope!"
"Well then, I will see you in a couple hours." I say. I end the phone call after Alice starts talking about what dress I should wear, and snuggle back into bed.