Title:- Fragment - Behind the nightmare
Pairing:- Izuo
Rating:- M
Disclaimer:- I don't own Durarara
Warning:- language, violence, yaoi, death
Summary:- It's all messed up.
Requested by:- Truekuroko7
A/N:- So I wasn't going to do this one because there's a lot I didn't agree with and other stuff. It's sort of a sequel coz that's the only way it worked out. Enjoy.
It wasn't happening. Izaya felt numb looking around the small room. Everyone was dressed in black and looking appropriately miserable. His two children sat kneeled beside him as he stared disbelieving at the altar. Emi was a teenager but still too young to lose her mother. Ryo was still a child. It was a fall. A harmless tumble. Both of them had repeatedly told their son not to leave his toys over the stairs. They should have been stricter. Maybe then his Shizu-chan wouldn't have fallen and his children wouldn't be without their mother.
"Dada..." Ryo tugged on his sleeve. Izaya stared dead ahead at the smiling picture sitting on the altar next to his wife's ashes. He couldn't bring himself to look at his son, afraid of what he would say or how he would react.
Emi understood remaining solemn, one arm comforting her little brother. He didn't care that the funeral had been perfect or how everyone said the same damn lines.
"I'm sorry for your loss."
"Shizuo was a good friend."
"He'll be missed."
"I know this must be hard for you."
Bullshit. He didn't need their false sympathy or their pathetic words of pity. Idiot humans, the lot of them. How could they understand anything? He had only ever loved Shizuo and only ever would. His heart has been ripped out leaving pain and emptiness behind.
"Orihara-san, I'm-"
Izaya blocked him out. More half assed sympathy. They'd meant nothing to Shizuo. So called friends and acquaintances. They'd known nothing about him. Not about the lie he'd been living or the pain he'd gone through. Nothing.
"Dad. I think it's time we went home." Emi this time squeezing his shoulder. "If not uncle Kasuka could take us home."
Izaya may have nodded or grunted staring unblinking at his wife's photo. It wasn't long before he was left completely alone after the last guest filed out. "Shizu-chan, why did you leave me?"
x-x-x
Shizuo was already forgotten. It had only been a week and everyone had already moved on with their pathetic unassuming little lives. Izaya felt his wife's loss every second of the day. If not for his children he'd welcomely join Shizuo in whatever afterlife he'd gone to.
Everyday was mundane, tedious and painfully dragged. Izaya sighed opening the desk drawer and taking out a half full bottle. His secretary had been one of the only ones not to be fired. In Shizuo's memory he kept the admin department on.
His phone was ringing again but he ignored it taking a swig. His mind was pleasantly fuzzy, the pain dulled. Glancing at the time he groaned. It was five o'clock. Emi and Ryo had finished school ages ago.
"Ugh." Pulling himself up Izaya staggered gripping the bottle tight. Rio cast him a sympathetic glance as he hit the door frame.
"Do you want me to call a cab?"
"I want you to get out of my way." Izaya snapped pushing her hard. She fell but he couldn't bring himself to care. "I can drive."
Staggering into the lift he took another swig waiting for the doors to open. Down on the ground he slumped against his car fumbling for his keys. They dropped. He hiccuped turning quickly to empty the contents of his stomach.
"Izaya, Do you need any-" Izaya scowled snatching his keys out of his employee's hand.
"I don't need anything Dotachin. Go home to your wife."
"Izaya, I know how you must be feeling-"
Izaya spun around in venom feeling dizzy. "Do you? Your wife is still alive. But you think you looooved my Shizu-chan didn't you? You wanted him sooo much. You're already over his death. Dotachin has moved on."
"Izaya, I don't think you should be driving in this state."
Izaya swung his arm. "Get away from me!" He swung the bottle again forcing Kadota back. "Don't look at me like that. I don't need your pity! Go away. Go away."
Izaya threw the empty bottle turning away as it possibly hit the man. Opening the car door he crawled inside. "Shizu-chan."
His fingers brushed against the handle, vision blurring as he tried to close the door. "Shizu-chan. I want to see shizu-chan."
Leaving the door he started the engine and pressed his foot down on the accelerator the second time. The car peeled forward snagging against the gate as he passed. Izaya heard the crunch as his door slammed shut.
Twisting the wheel right he raced down the street watching as lights and sounds passed by him. His eyes widened wild in the mirror. Izaya reached out hitting it to turn away from him. He watched as the red needle went up going further and further over the dial. His hands clutched the wheel and then he stopped in the middle of a crossroads, numb as a series of cars beeped and drivers yelled profanities.
His phone was ringing. It was a new song by some new and upcoming boy group. It was Emi's favourite song at the moment. Sure enough his little girl's name flashed up on his screen.
Izaya stared at it. Then he scrambled out of the car and into the road. He fumbled with the contacts calling both a cab and his mother before closing his eyes and giving way to his tears.
x-x-x
The cab didn't come. The police did. His mother turned up whilst they were grilling him on dangerous driving, forcing him to take a breathalyser test and trying to move his car.
"I'm sorry for my son's behaviour. His wife died last week."
Izaya curled in on himself not hearing whatever else was said. He couldn't take their false sympathy and the change in their actions.
His mother took both his car and his license. The police bundled him into the back of their car wrapped in a blanket. The next thing he knew was he was outside his house feeling sick as cold fresh air slammed into him.
Staggering up the path Izaya patted his pockets finding he didn't have his keys. Slamming his head against the door he tipped forward caught in small arms. "Dad."
With Emi's help he made it to the sofa. Slumping down he lowered his head ashamed. Emi vanished from his side returning minutes later with a thick blanket to drape over him and then again with his dinner. He couldn't remember the last time he ate.
"Dad, you're freezing."
Izaya hugged her to him kissing her forehead. "Sorry. Your daddy's a coward. I'm sorry I failed as a father. I love you. I'm sorry."
"Dad, I miss mom too. So does Ryo. It's okay. I can take care of him."
Izaya shook his head. "No. I'll stop drinking. I need to look after you both. Shizu-chan won't forgive me otherwise."
"Dad, you're grieving. It takes time. Please eat something."
Izaya flopped his head forward. "I'll try."
"Good. I have school tomorrow so I'll-"
"Yeah. Good night." Izaya felt the warmth from his side go. Tipping sideways he lay on his side watching his dinner get cold.
x-x-x
A month later and he'd lost a tremendous amount of weight, his skin was pale and gaunt. His hygiene had seen better days and he couldn't remember the last time he'd stepped outside his and Shizuo's bedroom.
Izaya groaned rolling over and reaching blindly for a bottle. "Empty." He murmured tossing it to one side. "Empty. Ah this one is full." Taking a swig he froze at the knock on the door.
"Dad, I made breakfast. Um, I'll leave it here. "
Izaya fell back glancing at the empty side of their bed. "Shizu-chan."
His door almost came down as Shinra and Celty smashed the door down taking in the empty bottles and his current state. Izaya threw the bottle he was holding at the wall in warning. "You're not Shizu-chan. Only Shizu-chan can come in."
Shinra ignored him stepping further into the room still sporting a black eye and a split lip for his last attempt. "Izaya, you need to stop drinking."
Izaya gaze him a lopsided smile. "I need to stop living."
"What about your promise to Emi? You promised you'd stop drinking."
"It makes the pain go away." Izaya reached for another bottle snarling as Celty got to it first.
"This isn't what Shizuo would have wanted! You're a mess." Shinra grabbed him pulling him from the bed. Izaya struggled lashing out blindly but he hadn't been sober in a long time and he'd gotten weaker. "This is for your own good."
Izaya found himself staring into the mirror. His reflection terrified him. "This is what your children face everyday. It's a miracle you haven't hurt them."
Izaya growled. "I'd never hurt them."
"Not intentionally. But Emi is looking after everything. Ryo thinks he's to blame for his mother's death. Come on Izaya. Shizuo is gone but the life you made together is still here."
x-x-x
Izaya showered. Shinra helped him get dressed and let Celty run a comb through his hair. Beyond the tip of his room, the rest of the house was spotless. The kitchen was sparkling, the stairs were clear of any toys.
On the table was a parents day letter dated one week prior. He hadn't known about it and if Emi had mentioned it he'd probably been out of his mind. "Kasuka went in your stead."
"Oh." Izaya let the letter flutter back down to the table.
"Izaya, you can't continue like this."
Izaya hung his head. "I know."
x-x-x
Shinra offered anti depressants, pain killers and a dozen different contacts do therapists. Izaya turned them all down wheeling his suitcase to the door. After many sleepless nights he'd come to a decision.
Shinra and Celty stood solemnly with Kasuka. Emi and Ryo clung to him balling their eyes out. Emi knew why he was going but it didn't stop her trying to stop him.
"Daddy don't go." His daughter cried hugging his waist.
"I'm sorry dada." Ryo wailed clutching his leg. "I'll be a good boy. I'll keep my room tidy and eat all my veggies. Don't go."
Izaya felt his heart tear. Crouching down he embraced his children. "Right now, I can't be a father to you. You'll be staying with Kasuka and Shinra when Kasuka has to go for a shoot. I'm not leaving because of either of you. I love you both and I'll be back as soon as I can."
Emi looked at him tears rolling down her cheeks. "Promise?"
"Yeah. I promise. When I come back I'll be a better father." Izaya held them tight smothering their foreheads in kisses and then he was gone walking away from their cries and wails.
x-x-x
Izaya groaned raising his head tasting sand in his mouth. There was a ringing in his ears and a strange wetness running down his head. His vision blurred hearing strange sounds and then everything went black.
Izaya woke up in a strange unfamiliar place. It looked like a round wooden shack. He was on a blanket next to a small fire. He wasn't alone. A teenager with heavily tanned skin, grass skirt and bare chest sat staring at him.
It was clear the moment the boy spoke it was a language he didn't understand. Izaya looked around confused. He'd left Tokyo on a chartered yacht with plenty of supplies and up to forty days worth of time alone.
So where was he? "Where am I?"
The boy said something and ran from the hut. He soon returned with a woman and two barbaric looking guys. They shouted something but the communication didn't exist between them.
He was manhandled and for the first time realised his clothes were gone and he too was wearing a grass skirt. Something was wrapped around his head. It felt like bandages. More noticeably his wedding ring was gone.
Izaya was led outside where there were numerous huts with dozens of grass skirts staring at him. He was no where near Japan. Pushed and shoved he found himself in a much larger hut. The chief he had to guess. Pushed to the floor the quartet chattered to him.
The chief entered the room and Izaya's mouth dropped open. "Shizu-chan?" The chief was the spitting image of his wife. The same shocking blond hair didn't look right with tanned skin. Unlike the rest the grass skirt was a lot shorter and with the way the chief sat, Izaya could easily see up the skirt. The Shizuo doppelgänger was intersex.
The chief's eyes were older than time. Izaya didn't want to guess his age but he knew the man in front of him was no ordinary human. He knew the chief hated him or just outsiders in general. Izaya shook himself. His shizu-chan was gone. He didn't care about where he was or who he was. Twenty days had been more than enough to clear his head. He'd kept his children waiting long enough.
An oldish man that looked like Shinra waded forward. "You are in the presence of our great chief Hsuzoi Aiajehwim." Shit. Even their names were alike. English. He was fluent and could work with that.
"I'm not staying. I have to get back home to my children. Show me the way home and I'll leave." Izaya said. The man translated.
"Who are you to ask this?"
"Izaya Orihara from Tokyo, Japan."
"There is no leaving this island. You are prisoner of the great chief whilst your worth is tested."
Izaya cursed. He didn't have time for barbarians. "You've taken my stuff. Where are my belongings?"
"They belong to the chief."
Izaya clenched his fists. "You have no right to take my wedding ring! Return it now." That was when he noticed the silver glitter on the chief's finger. Fury rose inside him lunging at the wooden throne.
No one stopped him. The chief grabbed him lifting him high. Izaya almost laughed how much was the same. The Shizuo look alike stared at him calmly and threw him to the floor.
x-x-x
They stuck him in a small wooden cage. Izaya watched the grass skirts walk past him, some stared but others glared. He was an outsider. He knew the groups that were family. He'd seen a Kasuka look alike, once again reminded of his failure as a father.
Izaya sighed wondering how he could convince them to let him go. As it was he didn't have to wait long. His prison was lifted and carried into the main hut where it stayed under the chief's watchful eye.
The Shinra translator sat beside him. "Chief Hsuzoi doesn't like outsiders. He is one hundred years old."
Izaya shrugged. "I don't care about your tribe or whatever you are. Give me back my wedding ring."
"Chief has taken a liking to it."
"He's a thief!"
"As are you." The translator spoke. "You are not the first to come here. Like the others you will attempt to steal everything from our island."
Izaya narrowed his eyes glaring. "If you keep me from my children I will destroy this island and everything on it. Tell your chief to return my wedding ring or I'll find a knife and cut it off him myself."
"If I pass on that message he will not be merciful."
Izaya stroked over the indent where his ring had been. "Once I get out of here I won't be merciful."
x-x-x
Izaya refused their food and attempt at chattering. He ignored the translator asking questions on the chief's behalf. After what he'd known as two sunsets passed the chief himself stood outside his cage. Strange since they were in the same hut and the barbarian had been pointedly ignoring him. The translator wasn't far behind.
"You need to eat."
"Give me my wedding ring."
The chief looked at him. For a barbarian he was intelligent. "Is the trinket more important than your life?" The translator asked.
"Yes." It was his last memento of his Shizu-chan, the symbol of their bond.
Izaya groaned as his hand was ripped through the bars and the ring placed in the centre of his palm. With a pained smile he returned it to his ring finger kissing the silver. "Thank you."
With that he turned away and curled up hugging his hand to his chest. "You are a strange outsider. What is the trinket?"
Izaya sighed. "My wedding ring."
"Wedding ring?"
"The bond between husband and wife." The translator should know the answers already.
"You have a wife? We call our partners here Soulmates."
Izaya swallowed past the lump in his throat. "He died."
A large hand poked through the cage petting his shoulder. Izaya shrank away. "I don't need anyone's pity. It's not going to bring back my Shizu-chan."
"The chief says you will eat."
x-x-x
Eight sunsets later Izaya was released from the cage. He was set down in front of the chief involuntarily looking up his skirt. That was when he learnt it hadn't just been his ring taken.
Izaya gasped seeing his smartphone in the chief's hand. "The chief wishes to know about the device."
"It's my phone." Izaya shrugged. "I use it to contact people."
"Show the chief how it works."
Izaya sighed standing and walking up the wooden dais. Taking the phone he flicked it open. A picture of his two children filled the screen.
"Who are they?" The translator repeated.
"My son and daughter." Izaya smiled sadly. "I need to get home to them. You have family and friends. How would you feel if they were taken from you?"
The chief didn't answer.
"Show the chief your wife."
Izaya sighed unlocking the phone. He had too many photos. Usually he changed his wallpaper everyday. It had been hard to get a photo of Shizuo that wasn't scowling or in focus. Selecting one of the most recent, Izaya showed it to the chief.
"This is my Shizu-chan. He was intersex like you and the mother of my children. He had an incredible strength and a temper to match." Izaya wiped his eyes feeling the tears come. He hadn't spoken about the love of his life since his death.
The chief stared wide eyed snatching the phone and flicking through his pictures. Calmly he was dismissed and placed back in the cage.
x-x-x
After sunrise Izaya found his prison back outside as the grass skirts formed a crowd. They would either let him go or kill him. The chief exited the hut and Izaya could see how much everyone loved and admired him.
There were words spoken that he didn't get a translation. His phone was held out and passed around the the crowd. Izaya shifted feeling uncomfortable. Chittering broke out and the grass skirts turned to look at him. Izaya felt his skin crawl.
The chief walked over and calmly ripped off the door to his cage. He was being let go. A large hand touched his face, thumb smoothing against his cheek. Izaya took a step back. Hsuzoi said something to him. He didn't understand but the chief's expression told him what he needed to know.
Izaya struggled finding himself hefted over the man's shoulder. "Put me down! What's going on?"
"The chief has declared you as his soulmate." The translator smiled. "You will be bound together by sunset and father his children."
"No." Izaya struggled. "Put me down. You're not my Shizu-chan."
x-x-x
"You're not my shizu-chan. Go away, not my Shizu-chan."
"Izaya, wake up. Oi flea you're having a nightmare."
Izaya sat up wet with sweat. Breathing hard he blinked at the tears running down his cheeks.
"You okay?" Shizuo asked touching his cheek.
"Shizu-chan?"
"Who else would be sleeping next to you in our bed?" The blonde scowled. "You had a nightmare."
Izaya shook his head nodding. "Yeah."
"Was it because I made you have cake for supper?"
Izaya laughed despite vividly remembering his nightmare. "Are you admitting sugar has bad effects?"
"I like sugar plenty. Come on. Might as well have a midnight snack." Shizuo stretched getting out of bed. "Seeing as we're not the only ones up."
Izaya felt a little jittery following behind. Emi and Ryo were in the kitchen poking around in the fridge. Instead of being mad he surprised them both with a hug.
"Woah. Dad!" Emi jumped in surprise. "Uh why are you up?"
Shizuo yawned filling up the kettle. "Your father had a nightmare."
"Oh. Is it because you fell asleep during the tribe documentary I made you watch? Mom carried you to bed."
Izaya sighed. "No, it's not your fault."
"Is it because I asked for a new pet?" Ryo asked tugging at his pant leg.
"No. It was just a stupid nightmare."
"Okay. So we're not in trouble?"
Izaya glanced at what they'd been eating. "For eating your mama's pudding cups? Hm, I don't know. I think if you quickly hurry to bed he won't notice." Izaya conspiratorially whispered. Shizuo played his part pretending not to listen.
His son and daughter nodded quickly hurrying to bed.
"So what was your nightmare about?"
Izaya shrugged sitting down. "It doesn't matter. I'd never let it come true."
"I don't doubt that." Shizuo set his coffee down. "So we're not getting any more pets?"
"No. Not for a long while. There's no one that could replace Shi-chan and Iza-chan."
"That's true. They were family." Shizuo was behind him rummaging for pudding cups.
"Ne, Shizu-chan. I love you. I'll only ever love you."
"Oh I know. It's the same for me."
"Dada!" Ryo came running in holding out a small bear. "Here. This helps me sleep."
Izaya pushed his coffee to one side and scooped up his little boy. "You'll definitely help me sleep."
"Not me dada." Ryo shoved the bear in his face.
Izaya chuckled. "It's okay. You keep your bear. I have your mommy to help me sleep."
Ryo frowned. "But Emi-nee says the last thing mama helps you do is sleep."
"Ryo!" Shizuo gasped.
"Emi-nee said it!"
Izaya grinned. "Go on. You have school in the morning. Back to bed."
"Only if you carry me." Ryo pouted.
Izaya shrugged standing up and carrying his son to his room. Settling him under the covers he moved the teddy bears closer. "Sweet dreams."
Ryo's small arms curled around his neck. "You too dada."
Izaya checked on Emi seeing a flicker of light under the covers. With a smile he left her to it. Texting her friends, that unworthy boyfriend of hers or writing. He was just happy to reaffirm his nightmare had been exactly that. A dream formed of stress and worry.
Joining his wife in the kitchen he drank his coffee whilst Shizuo finished three pudding cups. "Well should we go back to bed?"
Shizuo took his hand. Izaya couldn't help but embrace him wanting the warmth of his Shizu-chan's skin. "One of those nightmares hm?" Shizuo asked not minding his clinginess. "I guess I'll have to hold you until you fall asleep."
Izaya grinned. "I'd rather hold you. I'm wide awake now. It would probably take a lot to exhaust me." Closing the door the two of them snuggled under the covers.
End