A/N: So sorry it's been so long since I've updated this one. New Year and hopefully my muse will serve me better in 2019 than it did in 2018 where it was altogether much too quiet. To answer some reviews I've received in the last few months for this one (& Reconnect) I haven't abandoned it and I'm going to try my best to have more regular updates for you on it. So, if anyone is still reading this hope you enjoy the chapter! Also, a Caged Tyger update is coming your way (hopefully) soon. Thank you so much for all the positive feedback I've received on it. I have about half the chapter written so far.

(Oh and also, I do intend to get back to Reconnect too at some point. I have had much of a chapter written for some time but I'm considering changing the ending so might take a while for progress on that score as that will mean a plot overhaul.)

Chapter 37 – Dark Horizons

Sacramento

Around eight months earlier.

Jane made a rare visit to the bullpen at nine pm, his thirst for a new pot of tea marginally winning out against scribbling furiously in his notepad. He'd made good progress of late on his Red John list, eliminating more and more people he'd met by investigating them diligently. Some had been out of the country at the times of some of the murders, some had been out of State, and some had even been arrested for other minor crimes. Van Pelt had assisted by checking social media posts, checking whereabouts and tone of any posts on dates provided, and was a careful caretaker of relaying said information. He'd read news articles until the words ran into each other and sleep had claimed him, the tiniest crumb of intelligence on anyone from his list pulled apart to extract any detail that would help convince him of guilt or innocence. But even though he'd made progress - over two thousand people he'd met now at a more manageable four hundred or so - it was painstaking work. Not to mention dull.

As the kettle boiled he strolled into the bullpen then noticed Cho standing in Lisbon's office, hands on hips as he surveyed the desk. Jane proceeded to the door, leant against the door frame. "So? Are you finally moving in?"

Cho turned to him, lips locked in annoyance. He shrugged. "Doesn't feel right."

Jane walked inside, picked up the baseball on the desk with a soft smile. "Did she ever tell you why she kept this here?"

Cho shook his head. "Never asked. Guess she caught it at a game."

"Yeah, maybe so," Jane responded. He'd never asked either. All those years being in that office with her he wondered why he'd never enquired. And, in this moment, he wished he had for some reason he couldn't entirely figure out. For the first time since she'd left, he truly wondered if he'd ever see her again. That first wrinkle of uncertainty sent a shiver up his spine.

Cho intruded on his thoughts. "Had another meeting with Bertram. Told me either to accept the promotion and move in or he'd find someone who would."

Jane smiled wryly, "Love to see him try that if he wants me to stick around."

"So if I accept the position does that mean you're not gonna cause me trouble?"

Jane smiled fully for the first time in what felt like years. "Sorry, did I say that?"

Cho's expression changed too, a glimmer of amusement just visible in his dark eyes. The light left them again almost immediately. "Bertram said she's not coming back."

"Did she tell him that?"

"He wouldn't say. But he seemed convinced."

Jane was certain he could get the truth of the matter from Bertram but he wasn't at all sure he wanted to know. That sliver of doubt that she'd ever be back was more than enough and he'd rather keep his head firmly rooted in the ground for now. He shrugged. "Maybe he just wants to be. In any case, you should take the promotion. You deserve it."

Cho sighed, gaze back on the desk again. "Not like this."

"It's what she would want," Jane tried again.

The other man nodded. "I know." He took a breath. "Okay, then." He nodded towards the break area, decision made. "How are you going with the list?"

Jane walked behind him to fetch his tea. "Heading in the right direction."

"How many?"

"Less than initially calculated."

Cho arrived at the coffee dock, unsurprised he hadn't received a straight answer. He'd been more surprised Jane had shared with him working on any type of suspect list at all and that he'd become his irregular confidante in Lisbon's absence. "You believe you'll be able to narrow it down significantly enough to make a reasonable ID?"

Jane poured boiling water into his cup, teabag poised over its edge, "That's the hope."

"Doubtful."

"Well, we'll see. Better doing something than nothing, right?"

"Nothing from Martins?"

"No. Haven't spoken to her in a month."

"I noticed. You believe she'll reach out?"

"I do. Eventually. Or maybe it won't matter if she does or she doesn't."

Cho poured his coffee and turned his back to the counter as he waited for Jane to finish his sacred tea ritual before he spoke again and could guarantee his full attention. "When you discover who he is then what?"

A quick swipe of his lips as Jane shrugged his shoulders, eyes firmly on his teacup as he brought it to his lips, "Then I catch him. Pretty straightforward I'd have thought. No?"

"Will you tell us who he is? Tell me?"

Jane faced him, a picture of goodness he knew Cho wouldn't buy in a second. Smoothly, "Of course."

"Before or after you kill him?"

Jane, slightly surprised at the blatant question, chuckled lightly as he shook his head. He was a different beast to Lisbon, not so easily deterred or distracted for a straight answer. "I-"

"I'm not Lisbon."

Jane frowned, condescension in his tone, "I am aware of that, Cho. There are a few less flattering differences between you both. But, those aside-"

Cho cut in, "I don't care if you kill him. I get it. I just want to be kept informed so I can get in front of it."

Jane took a second to respond, assessed his colleague's words carefully. "That's good to know," he finally said. While different, Cho was cut from a similar piece of cloth to Lisbon. But he was a much better liar. And Jane couldn't be certain if he was being truthful or not.

Cho took a step closer. "Call me. Before or after, doesn't matter which. If you need help. When you need help."

"Cho, look...I appreciate where you're coming from-"

"It's what Lisbon would want-"

"I'm not so sure she would-"

"Yes, she would."

Jane hesitated before he spoke again, decided there was no reason to withhold completely from Cho. Soberly, "She and I have had this conversation. She's against it, believe me."

"She's against you killing him. She wouldn't be against me helping you afterwards to get out of it if you do."

Jane shook his head. "Even if that's the case it's neither her job nor yours to get me out of it. I'm willing to live with the consequences of my actions however this all turns out."

Frustrated, "Jane-"

"Do you have any cases you need me to look at before I got back to my perch?" Jane said brightly as he walked back towards the bullpen after a sip of tea, closing the discussion.

Smith Corner, California

Present Day

Jane and Lisbon arrived at a dirt pathway with large mature oak trees planted either side. Their tall foliage kissed as their tops swayed against each other and rustled in the gentle breeze. A water tower and a deserted white farmhouse cloaked in darkness could just be seen in the distance. Under moonlight, they exited their vehicle and stood at a padlocked rusty metal gate that blocked their entry. Lisbon pulled out a torch from the glove box to illuminate the lock. Its silver shone brightly under the light. "Lock is newer than the gate. Amy's information seems to check out. Can you pick it?" she asked him.

Jane was about to pass his fingers over the metal then stopped himself. While unlikely, there was a small chance fingerprints could be taken from it. All those years working as a detective were perhaps rubbing off on him after all. He leant in instead to get a closer look, moving Lisbon's hand that held the torch nearer as he spoke. "Yeah, by its appearance I'd say this was placed here within the last year or so. She said she saw this Smith character parking here when she was driving to the store the following day after meeting him so this ties in with what she remembered."

Lisbon watched their hands in the dark shadows, hers pale against his. "He locked the gate after him?"

"Quite possibly, wouldn't you say?"

Lisbon fished her phone from her pocket, breaking skin contact. "Don't pick it. I'll call Cho-"

"Wait. Not yet."

She frowned, "Why-?"

Before she had the word out Jane had hopped over the fence that came to his waist. "Let's have a look around first."

"It's dark," she argued from the other side. "Better wait until morning."

He peered into the distance as far as he could which was admittedly not far. "You have a torch. Five minutes. C'mon, Lisbon, beautiful night for a stroll!" he called, already moving forward down a muddy path ahead.

"Damn it, Jane, hang on then!"

He turned, walking backwards as he talked to her again, "You need help to get over? Being vertically challenged and all, I mean," he teased.

As she made a run at the fence to climb over it she muttered under her breath, "You'll be the one needing help when I catch up with you."

"Sorry, did you say something?" he said, turning away from her again and striding on, an impish smile on his face.

Landing safely, she jogged to catch up with him. She shone her torch into the trees either side. "Urgh, feel like I'm in a Stephen King film," she mumbled. "Creepy as all hell around here."

"Not a fan of the horror genre, then," he responded. He pointed ahead, "Shine your light straight ahead. We're coming to some kind of clearing."

They walked on, an owl and the crunch of earth under their feet the only sounds emanating in the vicinity. Soon, the trees tapered off and the space before them opened up to a large open field ahead. The farmhouse, more visible now, sat at the right corner, as dark as the night with its windows barred up. Wind rattled the metal legs of the water tower as it came into focus on their left.

Lisbon walked on to the edge of the field, eyes narrowed as she prodded the ground with the toes of one boot. Whatever had once been planted there had withered away, resulting in a mulch substance underfoot. The earth gave way easily. She looked at Jane and he nodded in agreement. Possible site of a body dump was left unspoken between them. It would be a good place for one, off the road and secure.

"Better call Cho now," he said grimly.

She nodded then pointed to the farmhouse. "Let's check there's no one here first."

"Good idea."

She removed her gun from its holster and they walked quietly towards its porch. Jane remained at her back as they surveyed windows and doors. All appeared to have been locked and bolted down for some time.

Practically impossible to explore further in the dark without the chance of ruining evidence they might find in daylight they'd been forced to retire.

"Cho and a team will be here in the morning," Lisbon said, putting her phone back in her pocket as Jane drove them back into town.

"Good."

"Property owner went bankrupt some years ago. No reason to believe he has anything to do with Smith. Lives with his son in Florida and suffers from dementia. He's going to get someone to give his son a call in the morning anyway, email the photo fit just in case of a connection."

Jane nodded and they drove in silence for a long minute.

"You were good with Amy earlier," he said quietly.

"You weren't."

His teeth shone. "I was always better at provoking than placating between the pair of us."

She smiled faintly. It had felt like it used to between them when she was his boss for some moments back there at the diner. "Not always," she replied softly. She'd witnessed him do that exact opposite to gain confessions more than enough times.

"Eh. But the provoking is much more fun."

"Until you get punched."

He chuckled, "Admittedly, that may be one of its downsides."

They grew quiet again but she could almost hear his thoughts. What you said to Amy...I heard you...I'm here for you...did you mean all of it?...Please, let me in...

He voiced something else quietly instead. "Did I make a mistake bringing you back here?"

Firmly, "It was my decision. We've been through this, Jane."

"But-"

"I don't know," she answered him honestly. "I don't know if it's helping me work through this or if it isn't. I knew what I was signing up for and you said yourself this wasn't going to be easy. But I'm not sorry I came back."

Yet.

They arrived at their guesthouse a short while later. Their bedroom doors placed at a ninety degree angle from each other they brushed shoulders as they unlocked them with large brass keys. They stood tentatively, one eye on the inside of their respective rooms and the other trained on each other.

"Goodnight," Lisbon said first, hurriedly making her way into her room.

"See in the morning, Lisbon," Jane replied brightly as he entered his room to the sound of her door being closed.

Lisbon locked the door behind her and flung the overnight bag she'd had the foresight to bring with her onto a nearby floral cotton covered chair. All the years working in Law Enforcement had left their mark. She still kept a go bag in her own trunk back in Maine. Just in case. But she'd almost forgotten how tiring a day investigating could be. She was fit – physically. But the impending sense of a dire discovery wasn't tested in Maine. Her heart raced at the thought of what she might see the next day. A good possibility it was someone who'd been discarded for not being strong enough. Never mind that Smith's next target may – right at this minute – be beginning their own descent into addiction. Fury raced through her like a fix as she thought of Smith. She wanted to kill him, torture him. Extract every piece of life from him as slowly as possible. Make him beg for mercy. Make him beg for his own needle.

A knock on the door stopped her wishing and her racing heart. No surprise who was on the other side of it. He'd been too quiet on the way back. She took a deep breath, uncurled her shaking fingers before she opened it.

"Hey," Jane said, unusual sheepishness in his eyes. He stood in his shirt and pants, barefooted.

She ignored his appearance. "Hey. What's up?"

He held up a toothbrush. "May I borrow a cup of toothpaste? Forgot mine."

She regarded him sceptically but waved him inside, pointed to the bathroom. "Sure."

"Thanks."

He went inside, left the door ajar.

She listened to water running and teeth brushing noises as she checked the window locks in the bedroom. She closed the curtains and smiled. "How do you suppose you're going to pay me back for the toothpaste?"

He came out of the small bathroom, fingers wiping his mouth before he grinned and shot her an overly seductive look. "Not sure. A few interesting possibilities come to mind."

She blushed but looked him straight in the eye. "Well, now you're just sounding desperate."

He took a step closer. "I'm man enough to admit it."

She raised her eyebrows. "That's a really attractive quality."

He chuckled lightly. "Okay. Thanks for the toothpaste." He went to leave.

"That's really all you wanted?"

Challenging her, "Disappointed?"

She opened her mouth to respond but he added, more gently, "Not every word out of me is part of some manipulation, Lisbon."

"Okay." She shook her head. "Sorry."

"I get it. Years of purported dishonesty-"

"Purported? Really?"

He edged to the door, turned as he placed his hand on the doorknob. "Try not to worry about tomorrow, tonight. Get some sleep."

"Because there'll be time enough to worry about tomorrow, tomorrow, huh?"

"Precisely," he grinned.

As he opened the door she interrupted him. "Hey, can-can I ask you something?"

"Sure," he frowned, facing her again.

She spoke hesitantly. "Uh...it made me wonder...earlier with Amy...the hypnosis thing-"

"I didn't hypnotise her. Just a light trance. You did most of the work getting her relaxed enough in the first place to let me do even that."

"'Okay, whatever. But my question is..." She wavered, rosy cheeked.

"Just ask, Lisbon."

She stammered, "You-you had nightmares too."

He didn't react, just kept staring at her to complete her question.

"I've heard of self hypnosis. Is that even a thing?"

"Of course. After some exercises and practice, naturally."

"You can do it? I mean, I remember you joked once about something like that-"

"Yes, I can perform it. You want me to teach you?"

"I-I don't know. I'll think about it. Maybe?"

"Not a problem."

She licked her lips. "But..."

"Did I ever use it to stop my own nightmares? Is that your real question?"

She nodded.

He shifted on his feet, bare toes flexing against a beige carpet. He looked over the top of her head when he spoke. "No. No, I never used it for that."

"Why not?"

He smiled as he looked down then pursed his lips. He slipped his hands into his pants' pockets, rocked slightly. Softly, "Two reasons. One – they focused me. I'll never forget that moment...obviously. That..." He swallowed thickly, "that moment I opened the door-"

"Jane, I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to make you relive it-"

"It's okay," he said, taking a grateful breath. He looked her in the eye, composed himself. He spoke more like he was explaining another person's narrative and not his own. "Having nightmares of that moment – time and again – intermixed with other...horrifying visions...over the years..."

There was no need for him to voice some of those visions involved her. Her cheeks reddened.

He continued, "Well, having them so prominently displayed helped me focus on what I needed to do. On what was important. On keeping that fire of rage stoked."

She gaped. She knew he'd blamed himself, tortured himself. But she'd no idea he'd done it quite so ruthlessly and determinedly.

"And two," he added, showing no concern for her reaction.

"You think you deserved them," she finished for him.

He shrugged, "That obvious, huh?"

"Not...not really until now," she replied softly. "But yeah, I guess it is with how you blamed yourself for what happened."

She shook her head. "You could have saved yourself that pain yet you inflicted it upon yourself."

"Could have. But then I might have faltered. So I needed that pain, Lisbon. It helped feed me."

"Feed the anger, you mean."

"For many years it was the same thing."

She backed away, shaking her head. "I think I'm sorry I asked."

He chuckled lightly. "Yeah." He edged away from the door. More seriously, "So, you'll allow me to teach you? It's a good solution to your sleeping issues. You don't want me in your head so you can, well, be in your own. I can help you control your mind so you can train yourself to sleep more peacefully."

"I'll think about it."

"What's to think about? I should have thought of this myself sooner. And you really don't have anything to blame yourself for-"

Sharply, "I said I'll think about it, Jane. Please, don't push."

He held his hands up. "Okay. No pushing."

He retreated back to the door. "Goodnight, then."

"Thanks," she said, "I'm-I'm sorry for-"

"Being your snarky self? S'okay. Feels just like old times," he smiled before he made a hasty exit.

The following morning she found him in the breakfast room early. He was sitting at a small chestnut table beside the window chatting amiably to the owner and his wife who were in their late fifties, regaling them with an anecdote Lisbon most likely believed to be untrue. So he's charming them to ensure good eggs are served. His gaze caught hers as he sipped from a cup of tea, a gentle smile accompanying it that made her blush much more than it should. She was barely awake enough to fight against its power so she resorted to her own standard defence in times like this and shot him a well practised eye roll.

She sat down opposite him after a brief re-introduction to the owners, her eyes falling to the coffee pot immediately. The wife, aged Lisa, filled the empty cup at her side with it without a word. She had been in the business of hosting long enough to read patrons of her establishment well enough. Shortly after she'd taken her order – rye toast and some fresh fruit – the owners had withdrawn to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

"Extra caffeine hit won't hurt this morning," Jane said as she peered into the cup. "Might be a long day ahead."

She nodded, satisfied he was correct. It could be hours before any bodies were recovered. If there were any buried in that field at all. Or maybe this was all a wild goose chase engineered by Volker and they were wasting their time when they should instead be focusing on what might be happening in Sacramento.

"We'll know by the end of day which it is," Jane said, reading her thoughts.

With a nod she looked outside. "Guess so. You know, if we do find a body or something related to Smith at that property today then-"

"Then Volker was most likely here too. At some point. Yes. Or someone in his employ sent to check out Smith was who he said he was and could do what he said he could do."

"Some sort of test subject engineered by Volker before I was taken?" she ventured.

He nodded. "It's possible. Volker is a planner. He'd want to ensure your...transition...went smoothly. Any teething problems dealt with beforehand."

Lisbon sighed, drew the coffee cup to her lips. "God, like I couldn't hate him any more than I already do."

"Hm," Jane agreed.

They heard the sound of dogs as soon as they approached the deserted property an hour later. Cho was waiting for them at the open gate while a small team of forensic analysts worked around him.

"Have they found someone?" Lisbon asked him without preamble, head nodding towards the field.

"Morning. Techs are currently working on the north west corner of the field. Cadaver dogs got a hit there."

"Just one?" Jane asked.

They moved up the path towards the field.

"No. Three hits at various points."

"Looks like we've hit the motherlode," Jane stated.

"You got warrants to search this place fast," Lisbon added with a glare in Jane's direction.

"Owner's son has POA, gave us permission to search. Have reinforcements coming to aid in the search later today."

"Did he recognise Smith?"

Cho shook his head. "No. He's going to show the photo fit to his father later. He's more lucid in the afternoons. Had Van Pelt age it backwards twenty years so-"

"So if his father knew him back then he may remember his real name," Jane finished for him.

Lisbon nodded. "If he has dementia his long term memory should work better than his short term. Depending on its progression. It's worth a shot."

They reached the field, the majority of techs in white jumpsuits working meticulously as they searched the north west corner. Suddenly, a flurry of activity made Cho, Jane and Lisbon hurry their pace. "What have you got?" Cho called.

The lead analyst came forward. "Bone. Appears to be that of an adult human," he said chillingly.

Just as Cho was about to respond his cell rang. "Van Pelt," he answered. "I'll call you back. Just in the middle-"

He stopped speaking, glanced at Lisbon and Jane as he furrowed his brow.

"When?" he said into the phone.

"Why didn't we know about this before?" he added, a bite of accusation in his tone.

Jane and Lisbon looked at each other. They couldn't hear the conversation but Van Pelt's urgent chatter at the other end of the line meant it was obviously an important one. "Put it on speaker," Jane mouthed to his team leader.

Cho nodded. "Hang on a sec, Van Pelt," he said into the mouthpiece.

He gestured for them to join him at the edge of the field and complied with Jane's instruction.

"On speaker. Jane and Lisbon are here and listening in too. Say that again," he said.

Van Pelt's voice quivered slightly. "I-I got a hit on that program I ran overnight," she started. "Looking for missing persons that might largely match Lisbon's profile. Looked outside Sacramento and its nearby vicinity."

"And?" Jane pushed.

"Hit close to L.A. There's someone I'm certain fits the profile. Or at least close enough...I mean...Okay, whatever the likeness to Lisbon or not I'm pretty sure this must be who he took."

Jane frowned. She was hesitating, almost sounding apologetic. Then it hit him. God, it's someone we know.

She confirmed his reasoning as she uttered quietly a beat later, "Guys, Madeleine Hightower is currently missing."