Chapter 37: Off to Chickamahoney County

For those of you who have not picked up on just what Luke's method of getting back at his cousins and friends for his own bachelor party as well as Coy and Bo's tampering with his stash of condoms, here it is, all laid out. He recruited Jebb to brew up a batch of moonshine. In the mash, Luke added a secret ingredient, Saltpeter (also known as Soft-Peter). For those of you who don't know what Saltpeter "Allegedly" does, I'll try to be as delicate as possible while I try to explain it.

Myth tells it that Saltpeter has, throughout the centuries, been used to prevent men from being able to get full use of their sexual organs. It would not curb the desire for sex, only the ability. Places like the military, prisons, and monasteries benefited from such measures. Like I said, it is only a myth; no science has been put behind these claims though hundreds of thousands of men have attested on various websites to their own personal experiences with this ingredient.

With Luke being a former Marine, he'd be well versed in this legend. I hope this cleared some of the questions up a bit. If you have any more, just ask me. Now, given the topic of the upcoming chapter, I will say that I have tried to write the goings ons as tastefully as I could. If this subject will offend you, please gloss over this chapter. Thank you for the reviews. The more I get, the faster I update. Happy Reading! :D

~01~

Jebb watched his cousin/brother-in-law drive off as he made his way over to Luke. After making sure that no one would hear him, he asked his cousin if he was sure that about what he'd planned for his bit of revenge for Bo's and Coy's prank from his own honeymoon.

"I counted three glasses of 'shine today between the reception and the glass that he had to calm his nerves before the weddin'."

"I know," Luke smirked. "Between what he drank today and what was in his system from last night, his first night as a married man won't exactly go as planned." Luke chuckled, "Thanks to the 'shine that is."

"I'm just glad that I stuck to the punch today. I ain't sure that the jug you set aside for us was clean last night."

"You don't trust me?" Luke asked a bit offended.

"Not today. Not about this. Come on, we're being recruited to help with the clean up now that folks are starting to filter out."

The fellas started to stack up the chairs as the women started to pack the leftover food away while the younger members of the family were put to work clearing the tables of the dishes so that the tables could be cleaned up and taken down. Once again, Jebb's sisters were more than happy to trade their chores for watching the toddling blond Duke Boys. Inside, Kira got to work with washing dishes as they were brought to her.

On one of Jebb's trips inside, he caught sight of Kira in the feminine colored dress and couldn't stop himself from staring just a bit. He couldn't remember a time where he'd ever seen her wearing the soft color. Walking up behind her, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him as he nuzzled her neck. Kira let her head fall to the side to give him better access as she pretended to ignore him as she scrubbed a plate. After a few moments, Kira had to tease her husband.

"You know, Cooter, Jebb just might walk in and catch us."

Jebb let go real fast when she said that. "What?"

"I'm kiddin', Jebb," Kira said laughing as she spun around and pulled her husband back to her. "I knew it was you the whole time. Cooter usually grabs something besides my waist when he comes up behind me. Brent's the one that grabs my waist." Jebb narrowed his eyes so Kira raised her hands up. "It was just a joke. There ain't no one but you and you know it. Still, we ain't exactly alone on the farm, ya know." Kira put her arms up around Jebb's neck gave him a couple kisses along his jaw-line to get him to forget the lame joke she'd just pulled on her husband.

"Then we better make sure we take full advantage of any time we can get alone," Jebb said as he bent his head to capture Kira's lips while he had her trapped between him and the kitchen sink.

Glad that he'd decided to let the incident go, Kira relaxed and let him heft her up onto the counter as he continued to explore her mouth while he let his hands roam his wife's body that was concealed by the dress that she obviously hated. It was only when John cleared his throat that they realized that they were no longer alone in the kitchen.

"Hey, John. We were just..." Kira started to speak as Jebb helped her back off of the counter.

"Makin' out?" John finished for her. "At least it was me instead of Pauline that walked in just now. She'd have died if she saw what I just walked in on. Of course, it's your house; I don't see nothin' wrong with it myself. But you may want to be a bit more careful with all of the youngens running around."

"I'd better go and help the others with the tables," Jebb said as he silently thanked God that it hadn't been his mother that caught him and Kira washing dishes together. Kira laughed as Jebb headed on back outside while she turned back to the sink.

"You two haven't had a chance to be alone much since all of this weddin' stuff got started, have ya?" John asked in amusement as his son headed back out into the farmyard.

"Kind of hard with a house full of family around. Jebb'll live though." Kira smirked. It'd only been two days since she and Jebb snuck off the last time. Still, the Duke libido was working in overdrive, just like always. Fortunately for Jebb, Kira had the same drive.

"How about I watch the boys for ya later? That way you two can spend some time alone. You two need it before you head to Atlanta next week for that case that you've been talkin' about."

"Yeh, I guess we do. I'll be in Atlanta throughout the week helping Tom and Michelle, driving back on Fridays between now and the end of January. I hate to admit that sometimes I do miss the faster pace of the courtrooms in Fulton County. Though I'll be getting my fill of them for the next two months," Kira said as she thought to the caseload that she'd agreed to help try for Ben's old legal partner. He wasn't as young as he used to be. He thought that it might would be good to get some help for his last remaining cases over the next couple of months before he finally decided to retire. "Thanks for the offer, but what about Pauline. By the looks of things, she'll drop the moment that she realizes that she doesn't have anything else to do."

"Then I'll let her sleep. There are plenty of folks around to help with the boys. You two go off and unwind once things are cleared away." John said before heading back out of the kitchen. He figured that there was still plenty to do this evening for everyone but the moment that he saw a lull in the goings ons, it was clear that he'll have to force his own wife to pull back and take care of herself. Otherwise, Pauline just might wear herself to a frazzle.

Outside, Luke had wrangled Darcy into helping the other men as well. Darcy had just begun to think that he'd be able to get away from the farm without having to have the man to man talk that he'd been expecting since he showed up for the wedding. That is until Luke asked Darcy to ride with him in Jesse's truck with a load of tables that needed to go back to the Ladies' League. Judd and Jebb would be following in behind them in Kira's truck. Once Darcy was trapped in the vehicle with Daisy's oldest cousin the conversation that he knew was coming finally began.

"Darcy, I saw that Daisy didn't come home last night," Luke started. He waited until he'd left the farm since Daisy would have had a fit if she caught Luke grilling her boyfriend. Regardless of the reasons behind it.

"No, as you probably already figured out, she stayed with me."

"I see," Luke said. Well, at least he knew that he might as well be honest about it. "I wanted to ask you something. You have been goin' with Daisy off and on for years."

"Yeh, so?" Darcy asked even though he knew what Luke was getting at.

"So, have ya ever thought of doin' anything about it? I mean, to me, it looks like you're just hangin' on to Daisy when she-"

"Luke, if you're askin' me when I intend to ask Daisy to marry me, I think you may want to think about whether or not Daisy really wants that right now, in the first place."

"What are you talkin' about? You saw her when she caught that bouquet. She wants to get married."

"No, what she wants is a weddin'. That ain't the same thing," Darcy replied. "She's been dreamin' of her wedding day for years but she ain't ready for anything past the actual ceremony."

"Why would you say that?" Luke asked since that didn't make any sense to him.

"Because even though I ain't dated no one else in years, she ain't never once asked to date exclusively. I ain't the only man that she sees from time to time. That's a fact that I've always known and I'm okay with that for now. I know you only want the best for Daisy but she has to decide what she wants for herself. Neither I nor you can do that for her. Do I want to marry her? You bet your ass I do. But I'd hate to propose to her, get married and find out that she wasn't ready for marriage after all. I ain't gone nowhere yet, and I ain't plannin' on it anytime soon. In the meantime, I'll just tell ya that I promise not to hurt her. I'll also promise to give her as much time and room as she needs until she figures out what she wants."

Luke glanced back at the man that he'd been prepared to strong arm into giving his cousin a commitment. He had never once considered any of what Darcy had just said. "Alright. Fair enough. In the meantime, maybe you can come around the family more often. No sense in makin' yourself scarce."

"You got it," Darcy said as he inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. That wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

~01~

As Bo drove toward Chickamahoney County, he was beginning to see how fun it might have been to try to drive home Monday night from Riverdale County with Kim after she'd gotten drunk. The full effect of the rather large glass of moonshine that Bo had given her before they left the reception had finally hit her. She was pressed snug up against him in the front seat of the General Lee while Bo's arm was slung around her. As they neared the county line that would lead them to Chickamahoney, Bo saw that the road was blocked with equipment that had been abandoned for the holiday weekend. The Hogg road construction company at its finest. Groaning, Bo realized that he had to take the long way into the county. So now he steered his car towards Chickasaw County to take the detour. Ordinarily, Bo wouldn't mind a slight detour but with the way that Kim was kissing his neck, he really wanted to get to the hotel room that had their names on it for the next few days.

As Kim loosened his tie and began to work on his shirt's buttons, Bo caught sight of Sheriff Little parked in behind Ernie Leadbetter's car up ahead of them. Little must have caught Ernie speeding through the ornery sheriff's county. Smiling, both from the satisfaction of seeing the other man's misfortune and from the pleasure that he was getting from Kim's successful attempts at getting him hot and bothered, Bo checked his own speed to avoid garnering any more attention from the sheriff than the decorations on the stock car already would.

Bo had looked forward to seeing Kim drunk on 'shine ever since Monday night. She was definitely more aggressive after she had a little alcohol in her system. Aggressive and forward. Not that he minded it Monday night. He quite enjoyed himself. But then, he wasn't trying to keep the car on the road with a sheriff watching on. When Bo's shirt buttons were abandoned for a button a bit lower, Bo was torn between wanting to enjoy himself and pushing Kim away until they could get to the hotel.

"Kim...I don't think... this is a good idea," Bo gritted out as he felt his breath shorten just a bit in anticipation.

"I's thought a Duke Boy could drive no matter the diss-trac-shun," Kim said with a slight slur. Sober, Kim would never had been so bold. Drunk, though, she was all too eager to see if Bo could concentrate both on the road and her while she gave him some extra special attention below the waistline.

"Sheriff... Sheriff Little's up ahead," Bo said as if that would have been enough to make Kim rethink giving him the Highway Delight right now.

"Good. You can enjoy three thingsss that you like to do at one time. Driving, evading the law, and thisss," Kim said before she proceeded to give her new husband all the love and attention she could while they were going down the road.

"Oh God!" Bo moaned as he tried his best to keep his eyes on the road when they both wanted to close. Instead he gripped the steering wheel just a bit tighter.

Bo did his best to concentrate on the road in front of him while his mind really would rather concentrate on Kim and what she was doing. After they passed Little, Bo looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that the sheriff had finished up his business with Ernie and was pulling out to follow Bo in the General Lee. He undoubtedly was just waiting for Bo to make the tiniest mistake so he could pull the Duke over. Bo cursed under his breath as he saw the patrol car riding his tail. Bo was certain that his shadow would stay with him until he reached the Chickamahoney County line.

Bo wasn't sure if he should be glad or not that his equipment below the waist wasn't cooperating at the moment. Regardless of the fact that it was getting plenty of attention from his brand new wife. He reckoned that the saying that he'd always heard was true. A man only had enough blood in his system to operate one head at a time. Right now, Bo had better use the one on his shoulders to keep from giving the man behind him a reason to pull him over. Thinking things over, maybe he should have waited to give Kim that glass of 'shine after they got to the hotel. Or at least given her less than a full glass.

~01~

Kira and Jebb didn't get away from the farm until it was nearly dark and starting to cool off outside. Luckily for them, their hidden little love nest down in the silver mines nestled below their land was down far enough that a constant temperature was maintained. Even if it was a bit cool, at least the temperature wouldn't dip too low in the winter and it was always refreshing down here in the summer. Jebb and Kira took a different entrance than the family took to get any moonshine from the tiny alcove that was used to store the whiskey.

In the mineshaft, that tended to be their usual place to go to get away from the farm from the moment that they first realized that they were related that first Thanksgiving Day four dinners ago, they kept everything that they needed for a little get away. Right now, Jebb and Kira were lying on the sleeping bag that they kept down in the mine cuddling and enjoying the closeness of one another. Jebb wouldn't mind staying down in the mineshaft all night considering his home was still over ran with relatives. Judging by the response he was getting from Kira as he started to push her buttons in just the way that he knew would get her revved up in a hurry, Jebb didn't think that Kira would have much of a problem with that either.

There was just one problem. Here he was, more than eager to take full advantage of the little bit of time that he had with Kira but not all of his body was responding to the fact that both he and his wife now were down to their underwear and in the process of losing themselves in one another as they, too, began to be stripped off of the sex starve couple. Knowing about the 'shine, he'd drunk water during the toasts today and drank punch with the meal. Somehow, though, Jebb had the feeling that the moonshine that he'd drunk last night was not as pure as he thought. Groaning, Jebb rolled off of Kira while he started to curse under his breath.

"What's wrong?" Kira asked more than just a bit curious. It was clear that Jebb was just as eager as she was. Pulling away was not like him.

"I can't."

Kira gave Jebb an odd look. That was a phrase that she was sure that a Duke Boy had never uttered in regards to sex. "What do you mean you can't? And why were you cursing Luke under your breath? What does Luke have to do with anything?"

"Hang on. It might take a minute to explain everything."

"This I have to hear," Kira said as she crossed her arms and bore a hole in Jebb with the look she was giving him.

~01~

Just as Bo had suspected, Ed Little stayed right behind the stock car until Bo left his jurisdiction. Once the sheriff was no longer behind him he was able to relax just a bit and enjoy the attention that Kim was still giving him as they drove down the road until they pulled up at the fancy hotel that specialized in newlyweds being their primary guests.

After straightening his clothes back out, Bo left Kim in the car while he checked into the hotel. He figured that he'd better get her straight up to their room without letting too many see her right now in her amorous condition. Neither he nor Kim had really cared much for an elaborate honeymoon so coming to Chickamahoney was just fine for them. The family went in together to pay for a few nights in the honeymoon suite and he was looking forward to getting Kim upstairs so he could enjoy it.

Once Bo was able to get the key to the room he went back outside and helped Kim out of the car and grabbed their bags out of the trunk. Bo caught sight of Kim's medical bag but figured that it would be safe to leave it in the car so he left it in the trunk. Kim was still steady enough to carry the plate of food that Pauline had sent with them for their supper but that was about it.

Once up in their room, the bags were thrown off to the side as the plates were left on the small table in the suite as Bo reached for Kim like he'd wanted to since before they left Hazzard behind. Quick work was made of Kim's elegant, cake-stained, wedding gown. All Bo had to do was lower the zipper and let if fall to the floor to reveal Kim's lacey under things that she'd bought just for tonight. Bo would have taken more time to appreciate the view but she'd been toying with him for nearly an hour now and he was tired of waiting to consummate his marriage.

Kim helped Bo get undressed as best as she could in her current drunken state. Once freed from the bothersome tuxedo, Bo and Kim collapsed onto the bed as the couple began to ravage one another. Well Kim ravaged, Bo was lost in confusion. He wanted so badly to make hot, steamy, passionate love to Kim. The problem was that even without the stress of a certain sheriff following close behind them on the way here to the hotel, his lower half of his anatomy seemed to be clueless about why they were in the honeymoon suite of the hotel. Here he was with his motor running, but he couldn't get his gear shift out of neutral.

Frustrated, Bo threw himself full force into trying his best to match Kim's vigor for the upcoming night's escapades. He'd always been all for foreplay but he was ready to get on with the main event already. Fortunately for Bo's ego, Kim was already too wasted to know that anything was wrong. Taking a break after a while, Bo quenched his thirst that he'd worked up with the 'shine that his sister had sent with them and Kim, too, down some more whiskey. With her low tolerance for alcohol and the added 'shine to her system, Kim soon passed out. This left Bo still frustrated and unsatisfied. He just couldn't understand why his own body would betray him on the most important night of his life.

~01~

Luke checked in with Faith, whose nursery was just in the next room over, then went off to his and Jo's room to turn in for the night. Nearly everyone in the house was already asleep or passed out from celebrating a little too much with 'shine. Now he practically fell into bed beside his wife. He gave Jo a light kiss and pulled her to him before trying to fall asleep. Luke thought about the irony of how he'd seen to it that so many men in Hazzard wouldn't be able to have sex even though they had willing and able partners. Meanwhile he was unable to enjoy one of his favorite past-times until Jo was cleared after giving birth to Faith. He guessed there'd be a lot of sexually frustrated people in the county tonight.

Smirking to himself, Luke figured that he'd better dump the leftover moonshine. He'd hate to get caught in his own trap and drink any of the tainted whiskey once he could do more than just cuddle with his wife.