"Wow." I breathed, as he collapsed on top of me, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tight, rocking slowly from side to side.
"Stay." He whispered into my neck. I stroked the back of his head, knowing that if I answered that right now I would swear to stay with him forever.
Instead I changed the subject. "Did Capable teach you that, cos it was pretty awesome." I said, kissing behind his ear as he rolled away onto his side, pulling me after him so that his shaft traced wet trails along my belly.
He grinned, "She likes that too, but I learned sucking war boys years ago, before I was sick." His voice changed as he said the last words, all the humor and lightness running out of it, leaving only a touch of hurt melancholy. I looked up at him curiously, wondering at it.
Seeing my questioning expression, Nux sighed, and spoke reluctantly, "Used to make Slit - my lancer - happy, until my half-life started running out. He turned on me then; never could stand weakness. Tried to take my wheel and replace me as driver." The hurt in his voice intensified. "Got shredded by the war rig trying to stop Furiosa."
I hugged him, trying to comfort him with the warmth of my body. He stroked my hair and then I heard the laugh come back into his voice. "Think I prefer girls anyway; all soft and shiny," he buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath, "smell better too."
"What about you?" he asked suddenly, "Someone in your world like the way you tease?" He tangled his fingers in my hair again and kissed me deep, pressing me closer.
I frowned, thinking about it. It seemed like my memories worked better for things longer ago; whenever I tried to think about the days leading up to my unexpected translocation details slid away from me, tantalising but never becoming solid. I shrugged. "Not sure about now, but I can remember lots of sex. It doesn't feel odd, anyway."
Nux sat up, dragging me with him. "Hungry." He explained, clambering to his feet.
From my viewpoint sitting in the grass he looked impossibly tall, stretching his lanky body up to pluck more apples from the lowest bough. I hugged my knees and accepted an apple, biting into it thoughtfully. His information about his former lancer brought more context to the endearment he sometimes used with me. I watched him devouring his apple with gusto, stretching his long legs out and leaning back again in the grass. Did I really want to rush away from him? I shook my head, remembering the prisoners I'd killed. No, if there was a chance to get away from being coerced into acts like that, I had to take it.
"What you want to do now?" He asked me, breaking into my thoughts. "Didn't really plan any further than this." He flashed me a wicked grin, stretching his lip scars.
I grinned back. "I dunno, more of the same? Do you want to explore? Maybe there's something other than apples."
I scrabbled in the grass for my scraps of clothing while Nux climbed into trousers and boots. I was still struggling with the knots when he came over and pushed my hands away, tying them deftly while he kissed the back of my neck. I stood up, noting that he'd left the knots pretty loose.
We wandered around the perimeter of the mesa, sampling apricots and figs from the continuous orchard. Finally we stood opposite the other mesa, its once green fields black with soot. In the centre stood the dark twisted shape that had once been a stately tree. Both standing there silent, I reached for his hand. The mesa of the War Boys was a mess; apart from its burnt crown it was pitted and rent, spilling twisted metal out of jagged craters.
"We'll fix it." Stated Nux with quiet confidence.
"It is a shame about the fields though." I sighed, thinking of Cheedo's sobs as she'd watched them burn.
Nux nodded and put an arm around my shoulder, guiding me away from it. We walked further, zig zagging in and out of the groves to keep the devastation out of sight.
The sun was past its zenith when we stopped to rest, looking out towards the third mesa, its blunted pinnacle green but less so than ours, a forest of cranes and pyramids instead of fruit groves. Behind it curved the great rust coloured escarpment, a ship's prow cutting through the ocean of desert.
We sat cross-legged beside each other on the edge of the grass, close to the precipice, eating an assortment of fruit we'd picked up along the way. For the first time since I'd woken in the canyon I felt the luxury of eating too much. All of it had seemed an unimaginable feast for Nux; I guessed that under Immortan Joe, war boys had mostly fed on hard tack biscuit and whatever they could steal. And yet talk of violence still came easy to his lips as he chattered on enthusiastically about his part in the various battles defending the Citadel, how he hoped that someone would attack the war party when they were on the road to Gastown tomorrow.
He stopped in mid-sentence, noticing my quietness. "It's killing you hate, isn't it." It was a statement, not a question.
I nodded, leaning on his shoulder as he passed a hand around my waist.
"Is it all peace in your world then?" He asked, sounding like this was something beyond comprehension.
"No, not for most people. I was just lucky, I guess. My part of the world was peaceful." I looked him in the eye seriously. "I never even saw a dead body before I came here."
Nux's eyes widened with pity and he pulled me closer. "Can't remember a time when I hadn't seen a dead body." He murmured, turning my face towards his lips.
My clothes were easier to untie this time, and we found that repetition of the act didn't diminish the pleasure of sensation, the emotional connection.
Afterwards we dozed on the grass, sprawled out, legs intertwined, letting the dappled light flow over our closed eyelids. Even in the shade the grass was warm, heated by the desert sun. It was quiet, not much sound floating up from below.
The light was cooling, a fine mist of irrigation water hovering over us when I came fully awake. It was late afternoon, lights springing up on the other mesas. I blinked, and rolled over towards Nux, stopping when I saw that he was already awake, propped on one elbow, his eyes brilliant with the fading light as he watched me. He brushed tangled hair way from my face, and accepted my kiss.
"Thanks for a lovely day." I said quietly. "Now I want a bath. Coming?"
He sighed mockingly and rolled his eyes. "Such a waste of water." But he rolled up into sitting quick enough, and helped me tie those damn knots until I was decent, pulling on his cargos and boots afterwards.
The sun was close to the horizon, boiling the sky into a deep red, as we made our way back to the sunken steps hand in hand. My heart was full of affection for him, and I wondered if I would have the will to leave even if the opportunity presented itself. I also couldn't help being curious as to how he was feeling about the whole thing; this day, enjoyable as it had been, had seemed like a prolonged goodbye.
We hugged close as the lift descended into the warm glowing darkness of the Citadel. The feeling of farewell intensified, and I found my anxiousness rising the more we returned to the heart of the mesa. I tried to shake off these gloomy feelings, and cast around for something to distract me.
"So when was the last time you bathed anyway?" I asked Nux, knowing that the answer would probably shock me.
He looked shifty. "Capable made me, first night we got back. Made me feel all raw." He added with indignation.
I laughed. "You know, back in my world I showered every day." He looked shocked by this statement, and I could see his brain ticking over, calculating the cost in water of daily showers.
Now it was my turn to pull him along, dragging him along the corridors and through the familiar circular rooms to the vault.
We entered onto a contented domestic scene; Cheedo and Hex were reading some colourful picture book while they cuddled together on the sofa. They looked up as we came in.
"Heya!" exclaimed Cheedo happily, "Where've you two been all day?"
I grinned while Nux and Hex shared one of their mysterious nod hellos. "Up in the gardens pigging out on fruit. Is it ok if I use some water for a bath?"
"Of course, don't be silly, don't need to ask." Said Cheedo, standing up. "Oh, I forgot; some war boy with a twisted nose brought you a present."
She winked at me slyly, and then trotted lightly into her room. Nux sat down next to Hex and looked over his shoulder at the picture book, his eyes widening with wonder. It made me realise that I didn't even know if he could read; there was still so much I didn't know about him. Cheedo bounced back into the room, and I laughed at what she was carrying; a folded pair of black cargo pants.
"Grouser!" I chuckled.
Nux looked up, and his eyes narrowed a little at the trousers, before his face broke in a wide grin. "You finally got 'em." He remarked. Then something in his eyes changed, sadness flitting across their rich blue.
I raised my eyebrows and flashed him a wan smile. Well, at least I would fit in tomorrow on the expedition to Gastown. Impulsively I hugged Cheedo tightly.
"Thanks," I told her, my voice choking a little, "You're awesome. I'm going to miss you."
"What?!" Cheedo cried out, holding me at arm's length. "You're not gonna stay in Gastown are you? That place is about as mediocre as you can get." Her lovely brow crinkled into a worried frown.
"God, no." I answered, "I'm going back to the canyon; looking to see if there's a way home."
"But this is home!" she asserted, as if I'd always lived there.
I shook my head as she turned to look at Nux, who looked away back to the picture book with a tight shrug of his shoulders.
"There's probably won't be anything," I gabbled, "but I have to see, I have to know if there's some door or portal or something."
Cheedo's frown deepened, "How can there be a door in the canyon? I don't understand."
I took a deep breath, about to launch into a vague explanation on the concept of wormholes and alternate realities; realised most of my knowledge came from sci-fi tv series, and stopped. I didn't actually know what had happened, so how could I explain it to anyone else?
"Never mind." I told her, "I'm just looking for any way to get back to where I came from."
Her frown became quizzical, and then she shrugged, and turned to more important matters. "So that mean you're going back to Capable then, Nux?" She giggled, with one of her abrupt changes of mood, as Nux raised his eyebrows at her. "You might be too late, I saw her talking with some shiny war boy today."
He shrugged again, his slight grin and dancing eyes showing that he didn't take her too seriously. Feeling awkward about the whole situation, I turned and went up the stairs to the balcony and ran myself a bath. I'd hoped Nux would join me, but he seemed still entranced by the books.
Lowering myself into the water I let it soothe away my anxiety, the feeling that whatever decision I made was wrong. Talking to Cheedo about it, even if it had been an inconclusive conversation, made me aware of just how conflicted I was feeling at that moment.
After I'd hosed myself off, I picked up the trousers. The cargo pants were only slightly too big, and I was using a ripped length of cloth from my dirty top – Cheedo had provided some clean material – to make into a belt, when Nux appeared at the top of the stairs. He looked at the dirty water and then looked at me.
"You think I should?" He asked, and then knelt, turning the bathwater over with one hand. "Be not addicted to water, lest you become resentful of its absence." He intoned softly, and then smiled up at me. "One of Joe's sayings." He explained in answer to my questioning expression.
"He sounds like a right idiot." I pronounced, not bothering to stop staring as Nux shed his trousers and boots, stepping into the water gingerly. As always, the sight of his lanky frame, covered in battle scars and self-inflicted scarification, wiry yet muscled, awoke intense feelings in me. To hide my flustered reaction, I finished knotting the material into a long belt, instantly changing my appearance from pseudo War Boy to something more New Romantic.
"Hey Hex!" yelled Nux as he splashed water over his head. "Need help shaving after this."
"Organic." Came the reply from below. I heard boots on the steps and Hex rose into view, carrying a well-oiled but elderly straight razor in one hand.
"Is that safe?" I asked, looking at the razor doubtfully.
Both war boys gave me dismissive looks. "Course." Said Hex.
I didn't stay to watch the shearing, retreating to my room. I lit the lamp with the lighter I'd taken from Nux's pockets, and lay down on the bed with a contented sigh. I felt like today had shown me a little of the good side of the Citadel, and let me get to know Nux a little better. It was a good day to be the last day.
I found myself daydreaming about what life would be like if I stayed, and then fiercely reprimanded myself. I had to leave if I could; I wasn't naïve enough to think that all would be peace and roses here. And I knew that my power would be a constant temptation to any war leader; having an army that could be healed to fighting strength again almost instantly was just too big an advantage. Plus, although I really did love Nux, and valued the friendship of others like Cheedo and Valkyrie, I was homesick for a normal life.
Nux looked very pink and raw when he finally came in, scalp and face shaved right to the skin. He stretched his arms over his head and yawned, before throwing himself down on the bed next to me. I rolled towards him, kissing him soundly on the lips.
"Love you." I murmured, trying to make it sound as casual as possible. He raised his eyebrows and a small smile tugged at the edge of his broken lips. He returned the kiss, his hand stroking my back, reaching lower under the waistband of my trousers.
His other hand rolled me further onto him as our kiss deepened, before he broke away and I saw the glint of mixed affection and lust in his eyes. "One last time?" He asked, tilting his head to kiss the side of my neck.
I nodded and clasped my hands behind the smooth skin of his head, drawing his lips back to mine.