Hey-yah! Not sure if it's the longest chapter I've ever written but it's one that's been brewing for some time and then when I went to write it up I had an idea for something to happen in the middle of the chapter and it just seemed to grow from there. Last day of half term and I did this instead of my maths homework so I hope you'll enjoy it. I'm not JK and I don't own anything, especially the ref to the books/films at the end of the chapter. Please R&R

"Urgh, I better get going then," said Remus, glancing at his watch.

"Going where?" asked Sirius, not taking his eyes off the chess board.

He and James were locked in a fierce game with very high stakes, the winner would get three galleons, while the loser would have to kiss a Slytherin girl of the winner's choice, all Sirius could say was that he was glad all his cousins had left.

"Patrol duty," answered Remus, rubbing his eye, it was the full moon tomorrow and he was already starting to get a headache, it was always worse in the depths of winter.

"I can cover for you if you want," said Lily from a nearby table, where she was sat doing her Astronomy homework.

"No it's okay."

"Are you sure, you look knackered."

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine Remus," she said, marching over to him, Remus froze as she raised a hand to his face, "thought so," she said, as her had made contact with his forehead, "you've got a temperature, and it's freezing out in those corridors. Come on, how about we swap, you can do my patrol on Friday, you should be feeling better by then right?"

"Yeah," said Remus, "thanks Lily, you're amazing."

"I'm just doing what any friend would do," she shrugged.

"Yeah well... thanks anyway, don't let me forget about Friday."

"I'll write it on your face if I have to," joked Lily, squeezing his hand, "go and get some sleep or something Remus, I'll see you tomorrow, I don't want to see you up when I get back."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye," replied Lily, flashing one last smile towards Remus before disappearing through the portrait hole, ignoring the other three boys altogether as usual.

"What the hell was that?!" demanded James as soon as Lily had gone.

"What was what?" asked a bewildered Remus.

"Never mind, I'm going to bed," James snapped, stomping off up the stairs to their dorm.

"Okay what the hell was that?" asked Remus, turning to Sirius and Peter in the hope of some explanation for that display of extrememly un-James-like behaviour.

"Merlin Moony," Sirius sighed, "I thought you were good at feelings and all that crap, isn't it obvious?"

"No," said Remus indignantly.

Sirius sighed again.

"He thinks there's something going on between you and Evans," he said in a positively bored tone.

"What?! That's utterly ridiculous! You know I would never..."

"I know, I know that. But you what James is like when it comes to Evans, his brain reverts back to caveman mode as soon as she comes within five feet of him. That's why he's always making a prat of himself in front of her, and that's also why he sees you two being friendly with each other, puts two and two together and gets nine billion."

"Well I'm not going to stop being friends with Lily just because it's making him jealous."

"I'm not suggesting that Moony, look just go and talk to him and I'm sure he'll see sense."

"Fine, but you'd think he's be able to see sense by himself seeing as it's standing barely a foot away from him and staring him in the face," he muttered as he stalked off up the stairs after James, he opened the door to find him sitting bolt upright on his bed staring into space.

"What do you want?" James grunted, remaining still as a statue.

"To tell you that there's nothing romantic between Lily and I," said Remus, making an effort to portray more patience than he actually had for his friend, James snorted, "Look we're just friends, we've been friends since first year and we've grown closer this year since we've both been made prefects, what's so hard to believe about that?"

James snorted again.

"Yeah right," he said.

"Look it's not my fault she won't go out with you you know. She won't go out with you because she thinks you're an arrogant son of a boggart not because she fancies me."

"Shut up! Don't talk to me! I'm not an idiot you know, I can see what's going on around here with all the hand holding and the..."

"That's just girls James! All girls are like that with their friends," said Remus.

James snorted again, it was really starting to annoy Remus now. He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, a habit James had caught from Remus, though when Remus did it was only ever a sign of exasperation.

"James, I swear I have never and will never look at Lily in that way, I'll never look at any girl in that way if I can help it, and you know even if I did I wouldn't do anything about it! And as for Lily... I think she just feels sorry me."

"Oh and I bet you love that don't you!" snapped James, springing up off the bed, "'Are you alright Remus?'," he said in a high pitched whiny voice that sounded nothing like Lily's, "'Do you have a fever Remus?'"

James raised his hand to feel Remus's forehead like Lily had done but before he could get there Remus's wand was in his hand and pointing at James's chest. He didn't even remember what curse he had hit him with, the next thing he knew he was marching back down the stairs and into the common room.

"Remus, what happened?"

"Where's James?"

Remus ignored Peter and Sirius and climbed through the portrait hole. He was fuming, he was so angry he couldn't even think, his legs carried him out onto the grounds and into cold night air that did nothing to dampen the roaring flames that were burning within him, and even then he kept walking. Eventually he found himself at the boys' favourite haunt under the beech tree by the lake . He stopped, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down. On finding that it was useless he kicked the tree and stubbed his toe.

"Ow! Bloody! Fricking!..."

Once the pain had passed he sighed and sat down in the snow. He leant his head back against the tree trunk and tried and failed to think of nothing. 'James Perfect Potter thinks he's got problems...' 'How dare he!' 'How could he even think that?!' 'Does he really think I like it when people pity me?' He had no idea how long he had been sitting there absorbed in his own bitter thoughtsbefore he noticed he was shivering. With all the adrenaline pumping through his body he hadn't noticed just how cold it was but now that wave of hate fuelled energy had subsided and he was freezing, soaked from sitting in the snow and miserable. The last thing he wanted to do was return to the common room and face James and the others, but he could feel his toes going numb so it would appear that he had no choice. He was just got stiffly up and had barely walked ten yards towards the castle when he heard a gruff voice calling him.

"Oi! Who's there? If you're trying to sneak off into the forest or summit then I've half a mind to get Filch and he... oh it's yeh Remus. What are you doin' out here at this time a night? It's bloomin' freezing as well and you ain't got a stitch on yeh, you'll catch a death!"

"S... sorry," said Remus through chattering teeth.

"It's yerself yeh need to be 'pologising teh not me. 'Ere you aren't lookin' too well in the first place is it...?" Hagrid looked up at the sky and saw the enormous almost-full moon hanging there like a vulture circling a dying beast, "well you defin'tely oughtn't be out in this weather with the full moon so close. Why don't yeh come and 'ave a cuppa, I've got a nice fire goin' yeh can warm yerself up a bit alrigh'?"

"Alright, thank you, said Remus, glad for any excuse to put off his return to Gryffindor tower.

Remus stumbled as Hagrid pulled him into his side with one of his enormous arms and the two of them began to make their way towards Hagrid's hut. It was a little unpleasant smelling being pressed into Hagrid's body but it warm.

"Now you sit yerself down and I'll put the kettle on," said Hagrid, "and yeh can tell me what it is that's botherin' yeh."

"Nothing's bothering me," Remus lied, it was a stupid problem really and he didn't want to admit how much James's words had got to him.

"Now there must be somethin'," said Hagrid, sitting down in the chair opposite him, "You're a sensible lad Remus, and normally you'd never be out and about like this without so much as a cloak on yeh with the moon nearly full, so there must be summit wrong. Come on yeh can tell me lad, is it anything to do with them Slytherin ne'er-do-wells who attacked them kids last week? If anyone's been givin' yeh grief Remus..."

"No, no, it's nothing like that, I just had an argument with James, it's stupid really."

"If it were that stupid it wouldn't have bothered yeh," said Hagrid, "what happened?"

"He's just being an eegit, he thinks I'm going out with Lily."

"And are yeh?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Alrigh' just checkin'. Did you tell him he's got it all wrong?"

"Yes! He knows I don't like Lily in that way. He knows I'll never go out with any woman because no one will want to be with a blood werewolf, but he just can't seem to process that knowledge, all I can assume is that it never made it his brain because it got lodged somewhere in his thick skull!"

"Aye well men can be pretty stupid when it comes to girls," sighed Hagrid, "don't pay any 'ttention to 'im Remus, he's just jealous."

"But that's just it! Why the hell would he be jealous of me? How could anyone ever be jealous of me?! Can't he see that that he's got everything anyone could want? The only thing in the world he can't get is Lily and all of a sudden he thinks he's so hard done by and we're all out to get him!"

"Ah but who ever really thinks about everything they have got? We all focus on what we don't have Remus, even you. I know I do, I've got a great job with a great boss, I've got friends, I've got me pets, I've get me health, me life, and yet sometimes all I can think about is how I'm not allowed to 'ave a wand."

"I'm grateful every single day that I've got friends, even when their being... like this, I'm grateful I was allowed to come to Hogwarts, I'm grateful to my parents, to all the teachers, to Madam Pomfrey, to you. And yeah I'd say I'm even grateful to be alive."

"Only because you almost missed out on all those things, it's like 'ow I'm grateful to Dumbledore for everything 'e's done for me. But really Remus, we're you thinkin' 'bout all those things when you were wanderin' 'round out there, or where you thinkin' of how annoyed yeh were at James."

"I suppose I was thinking about how annoyed I was at James," sighed Remus, taking a sip of his tea, the warm aromatic liquid felt heavenly as it slid down his throat, warming his frozen core and calming his nerves.

"We're all only human Remus, even us filthy 'alfbreeds are still stuck with all the bad bits of humanity," grinned Hagrid, giving Remus a 'gentle' punch in the shoulder that knocked him back into the chair and make him spill his tea, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said Hagrid, handing him a cloth to mop it up with.

"It's alright," said Remus, "I suppose that's one way to warm myself up anyway," he smiled, Hagrid's company could always cheer him up.

"Ere' I'll get you another cup, d'you want a biscuit to go with it, I baked some this mornin'."

"No thanks Hagrid," said Remus, in his experience it was always best to find a way to politely refuse any of Hagrid's cooking, "I'm not feeling too well."

"Aye alright then, come on we'd better get you back up the castle, I shouldn't be keepin' you up when you're not well, is it tomorrow?"

"Yes," said Remus, knowing that Hagrid was referring to the full moon, "but thanks for inviting me in, I don't think I would have slept at all tonight if you hadn't, you're right, I would have just stayed awake brooding."

"I may not know much 'bout magic Remus, but I know people almost as well as I know animals."

"I thought I knew people quite well, but obviously I don't," sighed Remus, he stood up but lingered a while, debating whether to ask the questions playing on his lips, "Hagrid? Do I... do you think people think I like to be pitied?" he asked finally, looking down at the floor.

"No one likes being pitied," said Hagrid, "anyone who's ever been pitied knows that, and most who haven't. I've never exactly been pitied before, you don't get pitied when you're my size. I s'ppose that some people may think being pitied is better than being hated or feared, but that's jus' a matter of opinion ain't it?"

"Feared is definitely the worst," said Remus, "but being pitied is a close second, for me anyway."

"And anyone 'ho knows you would know that," said Hagrid, "whatever James said he said 'cause he was angry and he wanted to say summit that would hurt you and he didn't care what."

"Okay, well, thanks Hagrid, and thanks for the tea as well, bye."

"Well seeing as I split most of it down yeh I don't think yeh need to thank me for that,2 laughed Hagrid, come on I'll walk yeh back up to the castle, lemme jus' find summit teh keep yeh nice and warm eh?"

Once Hagrid had found a 'shoulder cape' that came down to Remus's thighs the pair walked back up to the castle. The biting wind froze his face, whistling through his ears and making his headache worse but at least his body remained mostly warm. At the castle doors he thanked Hagrid again, gave him back the cloak and said that he needn't accompany him any further. However he regretted that decision when he rounded the first corner he came to and found himself face to face with Argus Filch.

"Naughty naughty, students out of bed after hours eh? I'll bet you were up to no good as well."

"Oh no, I'm a prefect", said Remus quickly, indicating his badge, "I'm patrolling the corridors, you can check the rota if you think I'm lying."

"Rubbish! Even if you are a prefect you were meant to finish your patrol half an hour ago, you'll have a detention with me tomorrow night."

"Sorry I can't do tomorrow night," said Remus pleasantly, suddenly in a strangely reckless mood where a spot of Filch-taunting seemed like just what he would like to do right now.

"A detention is a punishment, it's not something that can be rearranged for your convenience."

"Fine, suit yourself, tomorrow night it is then, though I should warn you I'll be feeling rather bloodthirsty and may very well lack enough self control to stop myself from following those urges."

"Is that a threat?" said Filch menacingly, taking a step towards Remus, he was now so close he could smell his sour breath that made a cloud of condensation in the cold air.

"No, it's a fact," smiled Remus, "tomorrow night is a full moon, I am a werewolf, so unless disembowelment was what you were going for I'd recommend saving that detention for some other time."

Filch recoiled at the word werewolf.

"Fine, the day after next then, my office at seven, now back to your common room with you."

Filch insisted on walking all the way back to the Fat Lady's portrait with Remus, but kept surprisingly quiet, surprising because the caretaker never usually stopped muttering oaths against the filthy students who were the bane of his existence. Then it dawned on him that he was scared. He hadn't been lying when he told Hagrid that he hated being feared more than anything else, but for some strange reason all he wanted to do now was laugh. Somehow his previous anger had morphed into wild elation, that was until he climbed back through the portrait hole and saw James talking to Peter and Sirius, then suddenly the whole weight of their argument came crashing back down on him. James deserved for Remus to be angry at him, he was still angry at him, despite everything Hagrid had said, but his mad elation tripped him up, the lingering desire to laugh seemed to throw him and he just didn't feel capable of summoning the same level of outrage as he had done before. So when Sirius beckoned him over, instead of storming up the stairs as James had done, he obliged, slumping into one of the arm chairs and shiver run up through his body in the sudden warmth of the fire.

"I'm sorry," said James, looking into Remus's eyes, Remus always respected James for that, he was never one to look away when talking to someone, no matter how unpleasant it was for either party, and now he realised that was what had seemed to off earlier, "I was out of order," James continued, "I knew I was just making stuff up, I can't believe I accused you using your... you know what as a sort of... I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I'm sorry I hexed you, you didn't deserve that."

"I did."

"No you didn't. What did I even do? I sort of lost control, I haven't done that since I was about eight, I could have really hurt you."

"Nah I don't reckon you could have, it wasn't really accidental magic because you were using your wand, just non verbal I reckon, you'll have no trouble next year anyway, we have to learn how to do that for NEWTs. Anyway it was just a stinging hex and I knew the counter curse so no harm done."

"I'm sorry."

"Merlin Moony, you are impossible to apologise to you know tha? You just end up apologising yourself you plonker!"

"Sorry, I mean... Oh shut up Padfoot!" he added at Sirius's laughter, but when he saw James trying desperately to keep a straight face he started laughing too, and then that in turn was the last straw for James and in a matter of seconds all three boys wer bent double in hysterics, leaving Peter looking between the three of them wondering what he was missing.

Remus was the first to recover, all the blood had rushed to his head and it was bringing his headache back again.

"Where did you go anyway?" asked Peter, wanting to move away from the converstion he had obviously lost track of.

"Outside."

"Just in your shirt?!" exclaimed Sirius, "It's bloody freezing out there!"

"Yeah that's why I came back in," said Remus sheepishly.

"Well it took you long enough to realise it," said James, "you must have been out there for at least an hour."

"Well I wasn't outside all this time," said Remus, "I ran into Hagrid while I was out there and we had a cup of tea, and then I ran into Filch and..."

"Filch? Man you broke our record Moony, we haven't been caught breaking curfew since first year!" said James.

"Well sor-ry Prongs, I was a bit distracted being angry and cold."

"Mate that's a pathetic excuse," laughed Sirius, but both Peter and James looked abashed by his retort.

"Did you get detention?" asked Peter.

"Yeah," said Remus, laughing at the memory., which prompted weird looks frombhis three best friends.

"And since when did Mr Moony find detentions so amusing?" asked Sirius in his best impression of Professor McGonagall.

"Well Mr Padfoot, our charming Mr Filch decided to give me a detention for tomorrow night and when I pointed out that I would be otherwise occupied on a mindless quest for human flesh he seemed to think I was threatening him."

"Man I wish I could have seen his face!" said James.

"I do kind of wish I'd had a camera," smiled Remus.

"So, does Mr Filch intend on keeping his appointment with Mr Moony?" asked Sirius.

"No, I've got detention the day after instead."

"But you won't be fully recovered yet by then," said James, "you shouldn't have to do detention."

"Yeah, get Madam Pomfrey to write you a note," said Peter.

"Or better yet threaten the bugger again," said Sirius, "and can we watch this time?"

"I didn't mean to threaten him Sirius! And anyway I'll be fine."

"Well we all know that's a load of old cobblers," said Sirius.

"Look it's not a big deal guys."

"I know what this is about," said James, "this is about you and your stupid pride right?"

"You're one to talk about pride James."

"See, he's not denying it."

"So what? I'm not going to give in to him alright, I just want to show him you know."

"Show him what? What a bloody martyr you are?"

"I am not being a martyr Sirius, I'm not looking for sympathy!"

"Mate if you're still angry about what I said earlier then that's okay but take it out on me, you've got nothing to prove mate," said James.

"Who's being a martyr now?" Remus retorted, "look I'm tired and I've got a splitting headache alright so forgive me if I'm not in the mood for listening to you guys spouting your meaningless codswallop, I'm going to bed. And that was not intended to try and make you feel sorry for me!" he added before stalking off up the stairs.

Remus collapsed on his bed and curled up into a ball, rubbing his throbbing temples. What the hell was wrong with him? He had forgiven James completely and then for some stupid reason when and got all angry again, and now he felt utterly wretched. It was just pride, he knew that, maybe he was more like his dad and James and Sirius and all the other Gryffindors than he thought. But no, he wasn't going to give in to Filch or anyone else, he'd be fine, it was only a detention for crying out loud. He groaned and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, pushing them into their sockets, too much was happening at once. How on Earth had he managed to go from a vague sense of normality to anger to misery to happiness to recklessness to indignation in such a short space of time? One person couldn't feel all these emotions at once, they'd explode, Remus thought to himself as he pulled his pillow over his head to try to block out world which seemed to pressing down on him, exerting so much pressure on his body and mind that he thought one of them would crack.