Chapter Thirty Seven

If hate is poison then loves the cure
And it's you that drives the demons from my door

The Script – Army of Angels

Maddie's house was the same way it had been before Sean had left, he was used to the place seeming lived in and he was not disappointed to see a couple of dishes still drying on the draining board in the kitchen and cushions askew on her couch. Maddie wasn't the most tidiest of people and there was a form of solace in that. Being here made him feel like he could release the breath that he had been holding. The place was familiar and soothing, somewhere that was safe for him to regroup and plot his next course of action.

The logical side was back again and he praised that side of him for coming to the surface when he needed it the most. What he had endured at the hands of Adalind had been harrowing but there had been a reason behind it. Adalind had wanted to put him out of action as much as she had wanted revenge. That much was clear, the drug she'd hit him with had meant to knock him out for longer but when his Wesen side had finally made an appearance because of the attack, he had been able to process the paralytic faster. His plan had been to go after Adalind but instead Maddie had shown up and all hell had broken loose.

There was a sickness inside of him, it churned in the pit of his stomach and Sean found himself swallowing hard to get past the nauseous sensation that tormented him. He couldn't shake what had happened back at his apartment, he'd been ready to choke the life right out of Maddie, he would have murdered the woman he loved because of Adalind. It frightened him how out of control he had been, how close he had come to snuffing out her life and he thought that attributed to the rage that was boiling deep within his veins.

They hadn't talked much in the car but it was very clear that the two of them had been keeping secrets from one another. Maddie had been surprised by his transformation but he could see that her reaction was on a much more personal level. Anyone else would have started screaming their head off if they hadn't known about Wesen.

"Here this will help." Maddie's voice broke through his thoughts as he raised his head to see her standing beside the couch holding out the navy blue, steaming mug that he always used when he was here.

He took the mug from her hands gratefully, wrapping his cold hands around it before bringing it to his lips to take a sip. He didn't usually drink herbal teas but he felt his body beginning to unfurl and relax as he drank the sweet camomile liquid. He remembered making something similar for Maddie after her own attack. Sean watched over the rim of his mug as Maddie sat down in the plush comfy chair, drawing her own legs up underneath her.

"Take the bed tonight." she told him, clutching her own yellow polka dot mug to her chest. "I'll take the couch."

Sean shook his head in response, patting the empty seat beside him.

"I'll take the couch, I'm not going to force you out of your own bed." he informed lowering his eyes once more to his mug.

Maddie fixed him with an unimpressed stare which Sean chose to ignore. The truth was he would have done anything to share her bed once more but things were different now between the two of them, he wasn't just thinking about the attack. He had done something awful to her six weeks ago and he knew that they would both need time to heal.

"Sean, your six foot, four. There is not a chance you're going to fit on that couch." Maddie pointed out.

"I doubt I'm going to get much sleep anyway." he reminded her, draining the rest of the camomile tea from his mug before setting it down on the beech coloured coffee table in front of him.

"You doubt the healing properties of tea." Maddie uttered light-heartedly holding her mug up as if in toast to him.

"It probably has more of an effect than you think." he told her, finally broaching the elephant in the room between the two of them.

"I didn't really know if it would help." Maddie said with a small shrug. "I know Wesen metabolise things faster than the rest of us. I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing."

Wesen.

The word was out hanging in the air between them and oddly it had never seemed so normal. In an almost surreal way Sean felt like this was just part of one of the many conversations they had had during their time together. There was no judgement from Maddie, no fear in those pretty blue eyes of hers only curiosity.

"You know what I am." he stated, crossing his fingers together in his lap.

"I think I caught a glimpse of hexenbiest." Maddie said, tilting her head to one side as if she was trying to figure something out. "I've never seen one face to face so I may be wrong."

"Half -Zauberbiest." Sean admitted before explaining. "It's the male version."

"I did not know that." Maddie punctuated each of the words, filing that information away for later.

"It's passed down through generations, I got it on my mother's side." he added with a small shrug.

Sean didn't know why he had told her that. It wasn't integral to their situation but he found himself wanting her to know the truth about him, about what he was and who he was. There had been too many secrets between the two of them for too long, it was time to lie some of his cards down on the table.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." he said in a low, weary tone as he stared off into the distance, his eyebrows creasing as he thought of the agony they had both endured over the past six weeks.

"You thought you were doing me a favour." Maddie supplemented before exhaling deeply as several puzzle pieces began to slot into place.

"It was getting too hard to lie." he told her honestly, his lips pursed together grimly at the acknowledgement.

Maddie set her mug down on the coffee table and played both her hands between her knees as she perched on the edge of her seat. She wanted to go to him, to wrap her arms around his sunken shoulders and tell him everything was going to be alright but she knew he was vulnerable at the moment and one step could break that fragile exterior he was holding together. They needed to have this conversation, to clear the air between the two of them, so she held herself back, it took every fibre of her self control but she did it.

"Yea I know the feeling." Maddie informed him, nodding her agreement but not elaborating.

"How long have you known about Wesen?" Sean asked her as he leaned back into the comforting folds of the well used couch.

"A few years." she told him, pushing a stray strand of her platinum blond hair back behind her ear. "My partner back in Seattle was Blutbad, it opened me up to a whole new world."

"I can imagine." Sean said, meeting her eyes for the first time in what seemed like an age. There was so much in that beautiful gaze of hers, for the first time they were being open with each other and he could see that meant as much to Maddie as it did to him.

"What happened tonight..." Maddie began cautiously. "You are going to need help dealing with it."

"No one can know what happened." Sean told her, his voice commanding and resolute. "If it gets out it could destroy us both."

"Right now, my concern is you." Maddie said in the gentlest tone possible. "You can't keep it bottled up inside, something like this, it can consume you."

"I'll handle it." Sean told her, holding up his hand to cut Maddie off as she opened her mouth to protest. "Let me deal with it. I know what this can do to a person and I won't go down that road. I'm not a victim Maddie and I won't act like it."

"You're still taking the bed." Maddie insisted, raising to her feet and collecting both of their mugs.

The determined expression on her face left no room for argument and for once Sean didn't feel inclined too. He was a survivor after all and sometimes survivors needed a little bit of help.