"Lexie, over here. Steven, Brian, get the patient."
Frustrated that she was again stuck with Meredith, Lexie walked over to her half-sister.
"Patient was drowning … body temperature low … pulse steady but slow." Brian's report came immediately.
"Bring him in." Meredith ordered. "Lexie and I have to discuss further treatment."
With big eyes Lexie stared at her. That was clearly not the person she got to know first hand.
"Take over." Meredith thrust the chart into Lexie's hands. Not sure if she had heard right she didn't move, waiting for some more instructions.
"Why are you still staring at me? Move. It's your patient and your responsibility."
"But…why?" Lexie went white. She had always dreamed of having a patient of her own but this was really scary.
"Do you want the case or not?"
"Yes, yes, of course." Shocked she spun around and headed after Brian and Steven.
Whilst running she studied the chart. Every single cell of her brain was working on maximum and slowly she knew exactly what to do. Feeling more confident she finally caught up with her two colleagues and together they wheeled the patient off. A short look over her shoulder told Lexie that Meredith wasn't coming along with them. She was on her own. But despite all her fear she was excited.
Meredith was scared to death having given the patient to Lexie. To her very relief the ambulances around her were all taken over and slowly she walked back into the hospital.
"So Derek knows. He will be gone by tomorrow."
Beep, beep, beep!
Scared she pulled the pager off her pants. Lexie needed her. "Shit!" At a rapid pace and cursing she followed the rest of the crowd, not knowing how long she could actually pretend being okay.
--------------------------
It had been three hours since the emergency call. Three hours between wondering and worrying. Addison was standing right next to a woman who had gone into preterm labor. Slowly she backed off, wondering where Derek could be. She had to find him. There was not much time left to discuss the previous incidents.
"Addison?"
"Hey." Forcing a smile on her face she spun around.
Callie was leaning in the doorframe. "Do you have five minutes?"
"Yes, sure." Thankful for the distraction and after making sure that the woman was alright she followed Callie.
"What's this all about?" Smirking she poked her. "Why are you all worked up?"
"Sssht. Look." Seeing Callie reveal the pregnancy test she was carrying with her Addison's smirk transformed into a wide grin. It was so great to finally see someone positive.
"Did you take it? Tell me!" Overanxiously Addison stared at the package.
"No, I haven't. Do you really think I could hide the outcome for longer than two seconds? I thought maybe you wanted to come with me to find out."
Callie was nearly bursting with excitement.
"I wouldn't want to miss this for the world. How do you feel? Do you think it's happening?"
"Oh my god. You are worse than I am. And I thought I was all crazy."
Laughing she linked arms with Addison and giggling they made their way to the nearest toilet.
"Are you done yet?" Addison was staring at herself in the mirror, smiling from one ear to the other.
"Gosh, I haven't even unbuttoned my trousers. Maybe I should've done this without you."
"Oh stop bubbling and do it already."
"Ey, ey, captain!" Callie didn't want to reveal how nervous and anxious she really was. If this wasn't working out she didn't want to be too disappointed. Flushing the toilet she stared at the stick for a split second.
"Oh come on. You are finished." Addison turned around when she saw the door open.
"If you don't stop I will throw you out." Callie teased her, laying the test next to the sink in front of them.
"You tell me. I can't watch." Fumbling with her fingers she leaned against the wall.
"How long do we have to…"
"Three minutes. I think I am dying." Callie pointed her view to the ceiling, counting the spotlights.
"No you are not." Staring at the stick Addison wished for a second pink line to appear. "Why didn't you take a blood test?"
"Because I don't want anybody to know." Callie slowly walked back to Addison. Her heart was pounding twice as fast as usual.
"Okay, good point. Hey, did I already tell you that Meredith is keeping the baby?" Cheerful Addison tried to distract Callie but this was clearly not the right topic.
"How…nice." Callie gulped. "How long?"
"One minute. Gosh, a child at the check out counter isn't that impatient as you are." Addison stared at the white stick in front of her. There was still no sign of a second line.
"I know but I am really nervous." Fumbling at the buttons of her white coat she stepped closer to Addison. Both were staring at the stick.
"Is this a second line?" Callie kneeled down and looked at it from another angle.
"Where?" Addison tried the same. "No, don't see one. By the way, why isn't George doing the test with you?"
"Because I didn't want to bother him." Callie answered with a sad look. "I think that's it. There will be no second line."
After a quick glance at her watch Addison sighed. "It has already been five minutes. But we can do a short check up if you want."
At the brink of crying Callie took the stick and quickly stuffed it into her pocket. Addison insecurely patted her at her shoulders. She didn't have the feeling like Callie wanted to be hugged and trying to find the right words she dived for a tissue in her pockets.
"Maybe next month." Addison knew how much this hurt. She had been there countless times herself.
"I know. George will be thrilled to hear that it's negative." Callie forced a smile on her face. "Thank you for doing this with me. How are you holding up?"
The change of topic took Addison by surprise.
"To be honest, I don't really know. Everything is so exhausting. Gosh, Meredith isn't feeling good at all. In fact, it's getting worse and worse. Now that she knows that she is pregnant everything she has suppressed so far seems to surface big time. I…"
Callie interrupted her. "I wasn't talking about Meredith. I was asking about you."
"But that's what's bothering me." Addison answered, not sure if she even knew herself what was going on with her.
"How does it feel being with a woman?" Callie knew exactly what to ask and Addison gulped.
"I…ah…okay. Yes, it's really great."
"Damn it Addi. I am your friend. For once and for all, stop being so damn perfect around me. I know you are only human and I've also seen you cry, by the way."
Shocked and slightly hurt by those harsh words Addison fell silent. How did she really feel?
"You are right. I shouldn't be – how did you put it? – so 'damn perfect' around you. So…how am I feeling?" She pulled the pager off her pants. There was no message and her shift would only last for half an hour.
"When's your shift over?"
"Half an hour. Thank god." Callie answered with a sigh. "Why?"
"We could go to the on call room or the coffee machine. The toilet isn't the best place to talk, you know?"
Laughing Callie nodded. "I guess you are right. Where?"
"Closet? On-call room? Coffee?" Addison shrugged her shoulders.
"Okay, then the on-call room it is." Callie led the way and some minutes later both slumped onto a bed. It was nearly dark outside and for a split second Addison's thoughts wandered to Meredith and Derek. She wanted to talk to both of them. Meredith's shift would be over too and they had made plans to meet at the main entrance.
"So, talk." Subconsciously Callie pulled out the pregnancy test. Giving it a short look of disappointment she threw it into the trash.
"Being with Meredith feels great but weird, you know? Like falling in love for the first time. You don't know what's expecting you and everything seems to be perfect. It's just so strange. I've never actually thought that I could end up like this one day. I just did it. I am so scared about the whole thing but so happy too."
Callie clung to Addison's lips and just nodded from time to time.
"Look at me. I am forty and I feel like my life has just started. I feel more like a teenager than a grown up."
Addison stopped talking and insecurely looked at Callie who was just about to ask a question.
"But what's bad about those feelings? I would give the world to have back this feeling for one moment." Not knowing if she was any help she again fell silent.
"It is great. Don't get me wrong. I know that I love Meredith and I am not even scared to say it out loudly. What scares me is that I haven't known this feeling till now, this incredible feeling of total happiness. Do you know what I mean?"
"Sure. Have been there with George. Right now it…" With big eyes Callie scooched closer. "Wait a second. You don't know this feeling? What about Derek? What about Mark?"
Addison only shook her head, realizing that maybe this was the scariest thing of all. Not having known and experienced this kind of feeling so far.
"So this is your first big love?" Callie couldn't believe her ears and a big grin appeared on her face. "That's something."
"Don't look at me like that." Addison couldn't hide the big grin and slightly blushing she nudged Callie into her side.
"Can I ask you something personal?" Addison stared at her feet.
"Sure." Anxiously Callie awaited the question.
"Are you jealous of me?" Addison blushed.
"Why?" Trying to avoid her voice changing she stared at Addison. "W…why should I be?"
"Because…because I am about to become a mom and sometimes I get the feeling that you are more pretending to be okay than you really are." Having dropped the bomb and changed the subject in one sentence Addison remained silent, watching Callie's reaction.
"No, I am not." She knew that her shaky voice was giving her away but she just couldn't admit it to Addison.
"Come on. You said I had to be honest with you. So why are you still trying to hide stuff from me." Relieved that the main topic was off her chest and on Callie's side Addison exhaled.
"I know. It's not that easy, you know. I want to be a good friend and jealousy hasn't got room in this."
"What, why?" Addison got up and started pacing up and down in front of Callie.
"Stop it." Reaching for Addison's hand she pulled her back down onto the bed.
"Sorry. Just felt like too much energy." Embarrassed she took Callie's hands. "About this jealousy thing. I think that this is perfectly human and it would be really strange if you weren't. I mean…" Her view traveled to the trashcan where Callie had thrown away the test some minutes before.
"Yeah, I am. I am really and it makes me mad because I don't want to feel this way. But I will get there too, you will see. And now stop talking and asking about me. We are here because of you. Tell me more."
"Hm…okay. Still, I think…"
"Stop thinking and start talking." Callie pouted.
"Okay, okay, okay. So, where were we?"
"You said that you felt like a teenager." Callie giggled.
"Thanks for reminding me." She rolled her eyes but inside she was really glad to be able to talk to someone about her feelings.
"Yes, so…right now I am trying to get used to the thought of being with a woman. For example: I still don't know how to handle this at work or in public."
"Have you talked to Meredith about your concerns?"
"No, not really. I've tried but there are so many other things happening that this seems so unimportant."
Callie remained silent.
"Maybe I should give this all more time. After all people here don't give a shit about me. It's all about gossip. I really should be more secure about my decisions."
A quick glance at her watch told her that Meredith would probably be already waiting for her.
"People do give a shit about you. In fact, they envy you because you are so perfect."
Addison couldn't suppress an ironic laugh. "They what?"
Calm and if this was an every day statement Callie repeated the sentence. "They envy you."
"Me?"
"Oh come on Addison. You are the always-perfect one around here. Perfect at work, perfect looks, perfect hair, perfect choice of words."
"I am the biggest mess on earth and you know." Addison was shocked but also relieved that people seemed to buy her performance.
"I know but nobody else knows."
Exhausted Addison laid back and stuffed the pillow under her head. She was tired of being the strong one and Callie had once more opened her eyes.
"Addison?"
Meredith stuck her head into the on-call room to make sure Addison hadn't fallen asleep. She had been looking for her round the hospital for over half an hour after she hadn't shown up at their agreed meeting place.
Callie raised her head. "Oh, hello. Addison is here."
Meredith quickly closed the door behind her. Not sure if she was interrupting something she remained standing next to the door.
"Hey you." Came Addison's tired but calm voice from behind Callie.
"Sorry, we've been talking longer than expected. How are you holding up?"
Callie gave Addison a frowning look. Was everything they had been talking about within the last hour worth nothing?
"Yeah, I am fine. Am I interrupting something? I can come back later."
Meredith felt awful but she had the gut feeling that this shouldn't be about her.
Addison sat up. "No, no, stay. We were just talking about..." Tired of pretending she pointed from Meredith to herself. "…talking about us."
Meredith gulped. "Us? Okay…so should I come back later?"
"We could grab something to eat…if you want." Callie suggested in direction of Addison.
"Sounds wonderful. I am starving. What about you?" Two inviting pairs of eyes rested on Meredith and pulling herself together she smiled.
"Why not." she agreed, trying to suppress a big yawn.
Addison laid an arm around Meredith's waist, pulling her close. Not sure what this was all about Meredith shifted away.
"Since when are you okay with us being seen in the hospital?"
Addison gave Callie a short look who nodded approvingly. "Because I know that I want to be with you and I don't care anymore what people think about me."
"You, Addison Montgomery, don't care about people's opinions? Wow! Callie, what did you do to her?" Smiling Meredith also faced Callie.
"Oh, let's say: We had a word between friends. And you are a lucky woman to have her."
"I know." Meredith also laid an arm around Addison's waist and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.
Addison felt like the whole Mount Everest had suddenly vanished from her chest and looking at Meredith she knew that a great burden had fallen from hers too.
"Maybe we shouldn't care too much about people's opinions. I'll be fat soon anyway and everybody will find out sooner or later."
"Look at you two." Callie stood smirking at the door, pushing down the door knob. "All grown up."
"Scary." Meredith laughed and arm in arm they left the on-call room, not bothering about people's stares. In fact, nobody even noticed.
Addison felt Meredith's weight leaning against her and looking at her she knew that she had to be awfully tired.
"Are you sure you want to come with us?" Addison asked concerned.
"Yes, totally. I need some distraction. Tomorrow is my day off so I can sleep in."