"Do you want to discuss what that was about?" Jack asked calmly as he watched the Doctor exploring the artifacts. The Doctor didn't look at Jack as he continued to examine one of the artifacts. He had been staring at the same one for the last ten minutes as he tried to figure out what it was. It was listed as an unknown weapon in the database but he wasn't sure if it was a weapon as he had never seen one before. Intrigued, he was trying to narrow down what planet it might be from so he could figure out its use as well.
"I told you I was curious about what you kept down here," The Doctor answered on purposely misunderstanding. He put the artifact down picking up his sonic in one hand and the tablet in the other. He had been using the sonic to scan the item and then pull up the correct screen on the tablet. Now, he used it to enter in the information he knew about the artifact so that he could use the TARDIS to figure it out later.
"While I don't like that you broke into my vault, I knew it was going to happen eventually. What I didn't expect is your sudden possessiveness over Conner," Jack informed him. The Doctor glanced over at him finally using his finger to push his thinking glasses back up. They had appeared from his pocket as he examined one of the first artifacts. The Doctor claimed they were just for thinking but Jack suspected he also needed them to see the words clearly.
"If you will allow me to, I can reorganize your vault for you. I also plan on taking a few of the items and placing them in the TARDIS," The Doctor told Jack rather than explaining how he felt.
"That's fine. You can also help me to build a new lock for the vault that is more secure. But only if you tell me why you felt the need to keep Conner from me. I know you were upset earlier when you heard felt Conner crying in pain, but you also know that I would never allow harm to come to him," Jack answered acknowledging the Doctor's ability to help with the vault while not letting him avoid talking about Conner. The Doctor sighed loudly setting down the tablet and sonic, he took off his thinking glasses. He rubbed the bridge of his nose with one hand as he laid his head against the shelf.
"I don't know," he finally responded softly. He continued on with his voice barely above a whisper making Jack strain to hear him. "I haven't felt right since I became pregnant with him. And it could just be the hormones that changed in my body or the bloody pills that I have to take, but even though I know he is safe with you, I suddenly didn't want you to take him. I just needed him to be in my arms where I could protect him. Even now, I am fighting myself not to just take him from you." He took a deep breath. He had said more than he wanted to but there was no taking it back now. He knew Jack had heard ever word despite how low his voice was.
"It's going to be alright," Jack informed him as he took a step forward coming up behind the Doctor. He held out the infant so that the Doctor could see his son out of the corner of his eyes. The Doctor reached out to take his baby bringing him to his chest in order to cuddle him close. Jack laid a comforting hand upon his back, running it slowly upon his spine.
"You can't possibly know that," The Doctor told him. He straightened up pulling away from Jack so that he could look him in the eyes.
"You're right I don't know that everything is going to be alright. Everything could go to hell tomorrow but one thing I have learned over the last one hundred years is that you have to keep moving forward," Jack responded. The Doctor saw a brief glimsp of pain in the Captain's eyes as he spoke. It ran deep and the Doctor wondered what happened to the man he knew beyond what Jack had told him.
"I do move forward," The Doctor sighed.
"So do I," Jack replied softly in the same tone. He understood the pain of moving forward alone. He out lived every one he had ever loved except for the Doctor, and would again. Even the young Welshman that had stolen his heart would only be with him for a moment in time. A moment that he planned to cherish for as long as possible. "I know it is hard Doctor, but you need to find someone that you trust to talk to. Someone that can help you carry a little of your pain."
"Talking doesn't help. It just makes the nightmares worse as my memories resurface. It is better just to forget," he informed Jack softly as he cuddled Conner closer to him.
"Until you try to take your own life again," Jack wondered gesturing towards the Doctor's arms. The Doctor looked down at the bandages.
"Memories didn't cause me to do this," The Doctor admitted. He had already told Jack more than he wanted to. Would it really hurt to open up to Jack? He knew that Jack wouldn't judge him or use the information against him. Jack had proven that time and again over the years including while they were on the valiant together. He had spoken to Jack during their long hours chained up together in the boiler room before the Master would realize that his energy headaches had faded.
"Oh?" Jack questioned as the Doctor didn't elaborate. The Doctor slid down the shelf sitting down on the floor of the vault. Jack flopped down next to him. He didn't touch the Doctor or say anything to him as he waited for the Doctor to continue.
"This body was no longer my own," The Doctor finally explained.
"Because of Conner?" Jack clarified.
"Him, the man who sired him, the creature on the planet midnight, they all own part of this body now. I just wanted my body to be my own again," the Doctor whispered. He leaned towards Jack and Jack lifted his arm allowing the Doctor to rest against him. The Doctor shuddered as a sob escape quickly joined by another one. He allowed Jack to comfort him as he came to the conclusion that Jack was wrong. Talking didn't help anything.