LalalalalaBATMAN!

What?

Uh…anyway. We continue to slowly approach the end…sad huh? Ah well, I have no clue when it's going to end, but I think I can safely say that we have barely two or three chapters to go. I've had a lot of fun though.

This chapter is late! Very late! Well, the first week because I was sort of busy, the second week because I went away for awhile. Not to mention I'm still trying to figure out exactly how I want to end the story.

Oh, wait, yeah I do. I have to admit, Seto's getting WAY out of character. I mean, he's thinking like a GIRL! I'm surprised no one's jumped on me for this, but seriously, he's over thinking things terribly, which is a very un-Seto-ish quality. Though I have to admit, it is funny.

Oh, and another thing, it took me three tries just to get this chapter to a satisfactory start. However, I'm infamous for deleting huge pieces of chapters and rewriting them completely.

And at last, I finally spell 'pineapple' right! SHOWER ME WITH LAVISH PRAISE! Or at least say 'DANGIT, LEARN HOW TO SPELL, YOU LAZY FANFICTION BUTTHEAD!' I seriously need to thank all of you for putting up with the massive amount of typos in this story o-.-o you're too kind for me…

Look up 'moufette' in a French-English dictionary. Seriously, I dare you.

Chapter Thirty Seven

LOVE AND GUTS

In which intelligence (or lack thereof) is put to the test

Okay, I think I did everything right so far… Seto thought to himself. Picked her up, said hi, did small talk…complemented her outfit…that's the sappy stuff girls like, right? Girls do like that kind of stuff…sensitive…that's what I have to be…sensitive…that's easy. Easy peasy. Just say what I feel like. Just be natural, yet sensitive. That's what girls like, I'm sure of it. And funny…girls like funny too…that may be tough, all I'm good at is brutally sarcastic…but brutally sarcastic is funny…usually…wait…CHOCOLATES! DANG IT! I FORGOT CHOCOLATES! AND FLOWERS! OH MY GOD, THE BIGGEST CLICHES OF THE DATING WORLD, AND I FORGOT THEM! SHE MUST HATE ME! OH MY GOD, SHE'S GOING TO DUMP ME HERE AND NOW, ISN'T SHE? Oh god, she hates me! WHY AM I SUCH A FREAKY IDIOT? AH! I BET SHE'S CONTEMPLATING MY EVENTUAL DUMPING AT THIS VERY MOMENT!

"And that's when I realized that pineapples are just the adopted family of actual apples!" said Bianca, walking into the restaurant with Seto, who looked like he was about to cry from pure loss and frustration. "So we have to be extra nice to the pineapples, because if they find out the true nature of their lineage, they'll become sad. AND THERE'S NOTHING MORE CRIMINAL THAN UNHAPPY FRUIT!"

"Bonjour monsieur et mademoiselle," said Sandy, using the only French she knew, partnered with a very bad, very fake sounding accent. "Welcome to 'Chez Moufette'. Table for two, I assume?"

"WHEN YOU ASSUME, YOU MAKE A-" Bianca started.

"Yes…please…" Seto managed to gasp.

"Would the monsieur like a stimulant with his meal?" asked Sandy.

"Coffee so strong that if a small rodent so much as licked one of the beans, it would explode," said Seto darkly.

"Ah…the house blend then with the biohazard label on it then," said Sandy. "Right then, table for two then. Marik dear, over here."

Silence.

"Over here Marik," said Sandy, keeping her smile.

Silence.

"Follow the sound of my voice you little idiot…" said Sandy, struggling to keep her fake smile, as Marik wandered dizzily over to her. The reason his entrance was delayed soon became apparent, because he wandered into the room with a large bucket on his head.

Another awkward pause.

"Take the bucket off," commanded Sandy, as the bucket-head shook its head no. "There's no room for disagreement Marik. Bucket. Off. Now."

The bucket-head hung it's head sadly.

"Come on, off off off…" said Sandy, snapping her fingers expectantly as, very reluctantly, the bucket-head slowly pulled off the bucket, causing a few tufts of Marik's bleached-blonded hair to spill out of it, a very sad, pouty look plastered on his face. "Now, isn't that better?"

"No," Marik said flatly.

"Shut up," said Sandy. "Take these lovely not-french customers to table eight please."

"Um…which one's table eight again?" asked Marik.

"The one with the 'Table Eight' card on it," said Sandy.

"Oooooooh…" said Marik. "Sorry, I'm new! And brain dead!"

"Aint that the truth…" said Odion, wheeling a huge stack of plates on his cart as he passed by.

"SILENCE BUSBOY!" yelled Sandy, as Marik leaned closer and closer to the silver bell on the table. "And you, touch that bell, and you won't have any hands to collect the tip. Now take the people to their table now."

"Mm…no," said Marik.

"What?" asked Sandy.

"Nah, don't really feel like it," said Odion. "Make Odion do it! He likes to do this kind of stuff!"

"You're a bloody liar!" said Odion from the other side of the room.

"SHUT UP BUSBOY!" said Marik, imitating Sandy's tone of voice.

"Shut up waiter," said Sandy. "Take these people to their table."

"NO! MAKE ODION DO IT!" said Marik. "I wanna stare a the bell!"

"Look, I don't think you understand," said Sandy. "What I'm asking you to do is work. When you work, you get paid for your services. It's called 'capitalism'. Does that makes sense?"

"…no," said Marik. "I wanna have other people do work for me, and I want to get paid for it!"

"No Marik," said Sandy. "That's called the 'feudal system' a completely different economic system that our country is run by…we like to think. This is capitalism. Go and bring them to their seats."

"NO! I WANNA LIVE BY FEUDALISM!" yelled Marik.

"People who live by the feudal system don't get to ring the bell," said Sandy.

"Stupid Capitalism…" muttered Marik darkly, vaguely waving Seto and Bianca to their seats.

"Did you do a background check on this kid or something?" asked Seto to Sandy.

"Whenever I typed his name in the database, a little picture of a devil would appear on the screen and start laughing…" said Sandy.

---ooo---

"Ah…darn…it…" said Asuka to herself, panting from exhaustion of running up and down the streets, her hand gripping the wall of the restaurant, currently the only thing stopping he from passing out onto the ground. "I can't believe it…I lost her. I'm an expert in tracking…she's just a clumsy girl…and I lost her…"

She looked in all directions around her, but she saw nothing. Just streets with people meandering up and down them. There was no sign of any simple-minded friend-lover running up and down the sidewalks of the town.

"Just need to get back on the trail," said Alexis, pushing herself off the wall of the building with a slight wobble. "Yeah. Just have to find a homicidal friendship lover on a densly packed street on a Friday night…easy…easy…

---ooo---

"Well, I think we can say with relative safety that this trip has been an absolute failure," said Dartz, as he, Alister, Valon, Raphael, and Ziggy sat on a corner of the street that had a sign that said 'Moping Zone from 3:00PM-9:00PM', as well as a few other people on the corner.

"Yep," said Alister.

"Yes," said Valon.

"I agree," said Raphael.

"We did not succeed in getting the Puzzle," said Dartz. "Heck, we haven't even seen Marik at all today. All we did was get mixed up with a killer rabbit, meet more than one relative I didn't want to see…and overall just moped about."

"We got in trouble and sucked into a parallel dimension," said Raphael.

"I need to go…" said Valon.

"I cannot believe it…" murmured Zigfried. "Vy vould Leon become so mad at me? Vat have I done to make him so upset?"

"Have you ever done anything specific that would give him a right to hate you?" asked Dartz.

"Well…maybe a few things here and zere…but nozing serious…" said Ziggy.

"What do you mean 'a few things here and there'?" asked Dartz.

"Well…" Zigfried mused…

---ooo---

"ZIGGY!" screamed a little kid Leon outside of a ten-year-old Zigfried's room, as he was reading a book. "I THINK I FELL AND BROKE MY ARM! CAN YOU HELP ME?"

"In a minute…" said Ziggy.

---ooo---

"ZIGGY!" screamed a little kid Leon outside of the same room, but now a twelve-year-old Zigfried sat in his comfy chair and continued to read the book. "I JUST GOT HIT BY A SIXTEEN WHEELER, AND I'M KIND OF BLEEDING ALL OVER THE PLACE! CAN I GET A LITTLE HELP PLEASE?"

"Almost done with zis chapter…" said Ziggy.

---ooo---

"ZIGGY!" screamed still another little kid Leon outside of the exact same room again, now with a sixteen year old Zigfried sitting in the chair. "A HUGE GANG OF THUGS HAS ME PINNED TO A WALL, AND NOW THEY'RE SAWING OFF MY LEGS WITH THE INTENTION TO SELL THEM ON E-BAY! IF YOU HAVE A SPARE SECOND, COULD YOU CALL THE POLICE?"

"Two more pages left…" said Ziggy.

---ooo---

"You know, it's a miracle that kid isn't shooting you down as we speak," said Dartz. "Honestly, no wonder he's trying to destroy the…"

He suddenly trailed off.

"Hey, WAIT A MINUTE!" said Dartz angrily. "I'M the one who wants to destroy the world! That little brat! He's cutting in on my street cred! Imagine how embarrassing it would be to attempt to destroy the world, and then to be beaten out by some little kid! I mean, yeesh! I'd be completely mortified!"

"Well, considering we'd all be dead, I think you'd get over it pretty fast," said Alister.

"That's not the point!" said Dartz. "It's the PRINCIPLE! I'm not going to stand for this! There's been a temporary change of plan boys! For the time being, we are going to combine our efforts to save the world!"

"Wow…this is a very odd twist of fate indeed…" said Raffy.

"COOL!" said Valon.

"Whatever," Alister groaned.

"And you're going to help us!" said Dartz angrily, pointing to Zigfried.

"VAT?" asked Zigfried.

"YOU'RE GOING TO HELP US, BECAUSE YOUR STUPIDITY CAUSED IT!" yelled Dartz. "Besides, I'm not giving Pegasus a reason to come back and discuss our various 'Family Problems' ever again!"

"But…but I can't!" Zigfried cried. "He'd never listen to me! Besides, it zounds like he's very cross with me already…"

"Don't care, probably never will," said Dartz. "Okay, now we just need to figure out where the little pest is…well, knowing him, anger and drive for revenge has already driving his basic reasoning through the ground so that it's on the same level of most one-celled organisms in cleverness of plots. So if we think like a stupid, power-mad loony, than we're good!"

"Okay Valon," said Alister, turning to his dim-witted Australian comrade. "If you were trying to take over the world, and we didn't know where to find you, how would we?"

"I'D LEAVE A DETAILED MAP SHOWING WHERE I WAS!" Valon said enthusiastically.

"Of course you would," said Alister. "And where would you put this detailed map?"

"Probably in the kitchen!" said Valon.

"Why would you put it in the kitchen?" asked Dartz.

"CAUSE THAT'S WHERE PIE IS BORN! AND I LIKE PIE!" said Valon.

"Of course!" said Dartz. "My God…for once in his miniscule life, Valon is acting like a genius!"

"Well, more like the opposite of one," said Raphael. "He's sort of like a Negative Genius…"

---ooo---

"Oh Bob, not even a bunch of pulsating, puss-secreting aliens with six eyes and not mouths could keep me away from you, my beloved," said Jane, as she found a spot securely in the hot embrace of Bob's over-muscular arms.

"Darling, I must say that skin tight mini-dress with a frighteningly low neckline and thigh-high boots are only complemented by your beautiful smile and the six-eyed-no-mouthed alien blood splattered all over you," said Bob in a low voice.

"Bob…you promised if I slaughtered all the aliens on this floor…you'd kiss me…" said Jane.

"Then lets make it slooooooooooooow…" said Bob, as the distance between their lips depleted more and more and more-

Sandy's eyes shot over the cover of 'Love and Guts' (her favorite sci-fi/romance magazine) in response to the sound of the gentle tinkle of the bell over the doorway, signaling another victim that had entered Chez Moufette. She quickly slammed the magazine shut and stuffed it in the podium, then attempting to straighten herself out as best she could to create the feeling that she actually had been waiting with tremendous anticipation for their arrival.

"Bonjour Monsouir et…" she started, but then trailed off pathetically as the couple walked through the door, because frankly, while she knew the first figure was a man, she couldn't figure out if the second one was a man or a very ugly woman. "Um…welcome to Chez Moufette!"

"WOOT! SWEET!" said Joey. "AT LAST! I AM WHERE THE GEESE AND SALESEMEN RUN FREE!"

"…yeah…" said Sandy. "Table for two, I assume?"

"WHO TOLD YOU?" cried Joey, looking around to find the person who tipped her off about them wanting a table.

"Uh…yeah, this way," said Sandy, getting up from behind the podium and directing the two misguided youths to a table.

"-and that's why pineapple farmers all have huge scars from here to here!" said Bianca, pointing to both sides of her head, as she and Seto sat at their table, waiting for their waiter.

"Interesting…" said Seto. "So um…how did you manage to become so well versed in the knowledge of fruit?"

"Well…my parents either died or abandoned me because I had no brain!" said Bianca. "Either way, I was found and adopted by kind fruit farmers in a small town in northern Florida! There, I learned the ways of the fruit…what made the fruit happy…what made them said…why you shouldn't sit on overly ripe fruit…"

"How…tragic…" said Seto.

"Nah, it wasn't terrible!" said Bianca. "WOOT! IT'S THE WAITER!"

"Hello!" said Marik, walking up to the table, reading a script that was in his hands that had 'WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY TO THE CUSTOMERS' in big, bold, red letters, just barely managing to make it out due to his minute kindergarten education. "My…name…is…'the name on your…nametag'…"

Marik looked utterly confused by the writing. He stared into space for a moment, as Seto just glared at him, and Bianca stared off into the distance too, wondering what he was looking at. Then, the lightbulb finally turned on and Marik quickly looked down at the nametag that was pined to his shirt to see just what his name was.

"Sorry, my name…is…is…kah…ke…ruh…" Marik said, trying to decifer the text, I CAN'T READ THIS CHILDISH HANDWRITING!"

"It says 'Marik' idiot," said Seto, his nerves calming down to the point where he had the ability to be bitterly sarcastic again.

"OH!" cried Marik. "…what a creepy name. Anyway, I shall be your killer tonight."

"DIE MANIAC!" screamed Bianca, whipping out a plasma cannon from under the table.

"Oh, wait! I'll be your server tonight!" said Marik, waving a defensive hand, as Bianca changed her mind, and blew up a nearby empty table instead. "Sorry, sorry, I have a bit of a blind spot for 's's and 'r's and 'v's."

"And 'e's on occasion too?" asked Seto.

"Shut up customer!" said Marik.

"We wish to remind all patrons that blowing up tables in the serving area is WRONG," said Sandy, as she escorted Tristan and Joey to their tables.

"Now then," said Marik, pulling out a pencil and a pad of paper. "What will you be ordering tonight?"

"DO YOU HAVE ICE CREAM?" asked Bianca.

"Is it on the menu?" asked Marik, with a dark smile on his face.

"HOW THE HECK SHOULD I KNOW?" asked Bianca.

"WELL I'M THE STUPID ONE, SO HOW THE HECK SHOULD I KNOW?" asked Marik.

"No, I'M the stupid one!" said Bianca.

"What the…I'M STUPIDER THAN YOU ARE!" said Marik. "I've been training all fifteen years of my life in the ways of stupidity! I know how to be perfectly stupid, thank you very much! I AM DA STUPID MASTER!"

"HA!" said Bianca. "Well guess what Mr. Dummy-Pants? I've been training all TWENTY TWO years of my sorry life on how to be stupid! I OWNZER YOU!"

"HA! We shall see!" said Marik. "What is two plus two?"

"TWENTY TWO!" said Bianca. "Who invented the Refrigerator?"

"A man named Refrigerator!" said Marik. "What kind of animal is a bunny?"

"A FURRY ANIMAL!" said Bianca. "What is the name of the eight planet from the sun?"

"GEORGE!" said Marik.

Both stared each other down.

"I see that I have met my match," said Marik.

"As have I," said Biacna.

"So…you want the ice cream then?" asked Marik brightly.

"YEAH!" said Bianca. "Do you have fruit flavor? I just looooooooove fruit!"

"WHATEVER!" said Marik, drawing a picture of a stick figure dog on the paper.

WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT? Seto asked in his head.

"And what will you be having tonight skinny boy?" asked Marik.

"I'll have the steak, medium well, with baked potato instead of mashed," said Seto. "So anyway Bianca, you see I-"

"You'll what?" asked Marik angrily.

"Just have the steak medium well with baked potato instead of mashed," said Seto.

"OH-HO! I SEE!" said Marik. "Mashed potatoes aren't good enough for you, huh? Gotta get all FANCY PANCY on me, eh yah stupid rich boy pansy!"

"Huh?" said Seto.

"I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE TOO GOOD FOR MASHED POTATOES!" screamed Marik, gripping the pencil so tighly in his hand that he snapped it in half. "YOU STUPID BUNCH OF TWITS! YOU MAKE ME WANT TO THROW UP! YOUR KIND IS FULL OF NOTHING BUT MORTAL FOOLS! YO MOMMA WAS A-"

Before he could say another word, he was floored by a busboy trolley, sending him flying foreword on the ground.

"So sorry," said Odion, wheeling the trolley backwards, causing it to roll over Marik's back. "I'm SO utterly clumsy…we'll be here with your meal in a few minutes."

---ooo---

Next week…STUFF! I'm still kind of going through writers block…