Chapter 37: Together
The remainder of the day passed in a haze of actions and voices, but nothing really registered in William's mind. He performed his duties, as they had been assigned to him within the learning facility, and moved on to the establishment of his office; opening box after box and emptying it into places he wasn't even sure were right for the papers, files and possessions. He hadn't brought much with him, his former cubicle held very little, but when he had arrived at Quantico he had found the office filled with boxes, many of them still covered in plastic, and he knew that they had been bought to furnish a respectable mans office. By the end of the day, William's mind had still not cleared. His thoughts were still flowing between what his destiny had predetermined for him and what his heart was telling him. He knew that Abigail was alone, his heart ached for her, and he knew that she would be in the one place that would make her feel more alone than anywhere else.
Leaving the building on his second day felt like an escape. He wanted to be away from the decisions that had brought him to this point. He wasn't sure why he had accepted this change in his life, why he had ever gotten as mad as he had on the side of the highway, or even why he was now doubting every decision he had made throughout his life. As he drove away from the campus and down the freeway into the heart of the city he found his surroundings becoming more familiar and without knowing why he had done it he pulled into the visitor parking at the condo that he had left just one day previously.
Abigail was shocked out of her slumber as the buzzer rang for the apartment. She had never heard it before; no one ever came looking for her in this place and when William had found her there before he had managed to sneak in, but her heart skipped a beat in the hopes and the dread that it might be William who buzzed.
"Yes," Abigail's voice came over the speaker, it was shaky and cautious.
"It's me," William said softly, "I think we should talk."
The buzzer sounded again and the door clicked as it unlocked. William practically jumped at the door as he pulled it open and rushed for the stairs. Running, as fast as his legs could carry him, he bolted up the twelve stories to the upper most floors and found, to his surprise that Abigail was standing in the door to her apartment waiting for him. Her hair was a mess, her clothing wrinkled and she looked like she had been crying, but her manner was stern and questioning.
The crisp, clean, suit that she had worn to the confrontation was now just a wrinkled blouse and a pair of dark pants, her feet were bare, her hair tangled and messy. William had never seen her look so miserable looking or as discouraged as he did now, and they had gotten themselves into many compromising situations over the course of their partnership. Abigail had always taken pride in her professional appearance, it gave her airs of being more than she was, but here she was; a mess and oblivious to the fact. She lowered her eyes to the floor as he walked up to her and he could tell that just his presence was about to make her cry again. He froze. He wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms. His body longed to hold her, to feel her again close to him and the instincts that he knew were ruling his life wanted her so badly, but he couldn't do it. He couldn't reach out. He fought every thought and desire of what had passed between them just night before, and only stared as her composure crumbled.
"What do you want to talk about?" she asked not daring to look him in the eyes as she ran her bare foot over the division between her apartments hardwood floor and the tiles of the hallway. She felt small, insignificant and vulnerable as she stood before him. She could feel his eyes on her and she felt guilty because of what had passed between them. She wanted to hide in the darkness of her apartment or fall into the shower and cry as she prayed for the water to wash away the guilt and the awkwardness, but she couldn't move with him standing so close to her now.
"I think we have everything to talk about," William said standing before her, "everything that has passed between us in the past five years. Everything that we were afraid to say in any moment that passed between us in the years that we have been working together, and everything we've never said but thought about. I want to get to know you properly and I want you to know that I'm sorry."
Abigail finally looked up at him, his eyes pleaded with her and he rung his hands nervously, but there was something in his eyes. He was distressed and uncomfortable, and there was truth in the way he looked and spoke. He was not lying now, he couldn't lie anymore. William, the man, stood before her and he could only tell the truth. His face was warn, his eyes were dark and blood shot, he had been crying as well and Abigail could see the vulnerability in him. It was something that had never been there before. He was just as lost and uncomfortable as she was. This really was like their first meeting.
William had showed up at the apartment completely without thinking. He still wore a brand new pair of running shoes and his medical issued scrubs. He looked out of place in the hall of the luxury condo, and yet, Abigail was sure there were other doctors that lived in the building with her, but she had never seen them before. This man who stood before her, however, was a stranger. She wasn't used to seeing him this way. The dark suit, aviator glasses and properly polished shoes were gone and in his place stood a medical man, his eyes filled with longing and desire, and yet he seemed lost and out of place.
"Come in," she said as she sighed and stepped aside. Abigail turned and walked into the kitchen, William following behind her as she began looking into the barren refrigerator. "I hope you're not hungry because I don't have any food here." She stated slamming the refrigerator door, tears in her eyes at the realization of how ridiculous her situation seemed. "And all I have to drink is a warm bottle of white wine." She added throwing open cabinet doors and slamming them again. She sighed heavily and choked on the breath that she took in. she was a miserable sight, and yet, she didn't seem to care. She dried her eyes with the sleeve of her blouse, leaving traces of her mascara there, and slowly made her way through her kitchen like a lost and injured animal.
"We could order in," William stated taking the bottle of wine from her and placing it in the fridge. "By the time the food gets here the wine will have chilled."
"Ok, but I don't think I have wine glasses." Abigail said softly as she handed an outdated phone book to William and walked past him again.
"What are you in the mood for?" he asked as he peaked around the kitchen wall and watched as she walked into the bedroom. She was gone for a few moments. William wasn't sure if he should follow her, or if he should wait, but he looked around and saw that the apartment had been cleaned and yet there were things that were out of place. Within a few uneasy moments, as William contemplated the remains of the broken lamp her could see on the corner of the desk, Abigail reappeared.
"It doesn't matter," she said, her voice shaking like she was once again on the brink of tears as she stepped out of the bedroom pulling the heavy down comforter off her bed and wrapping it around herself before she fell onto the sofa. "I'm not really hungry," she sighed and stared blankly out the window. She had changed from her suit pants and blouse into sweats and a t-shirt. They looked brand new, never worn, never lived in, like the apartment and she slumped over and rested her head on the arm of the sofa. She had sleepiness in her every movement and vulnerability in her face, as tears still glistened on her cheeks.
"Pizza?" he asked. Seeing this change in her broke his heart. She was a child, fighting her tears, trying to be strong, but failing. It was like Abigail was drowning but she had come to terms with it. The life had fallen away from her and she simply didn't care anymore.
"Does pizza go with white wine?" she asked.
"Not really," he stated and flipped through the phone book some more. "Chinese?"
"Ok."
William dialed a couple of the numbers in the outdated phone book before he got a restaurant still in service. He ordered what he would have bought for them on any other night, had they still been working together, and then came and sat beside Abigail on the sofa.
"So what do you want to talk about?" Abigail asked after a long silence, as they sat together and the sun began to set.
William reached out and turned on the table lamp beside him before answering. "I want to talk about us." He said leaning into Abigail.
"What about us?" Abigail asked as she shifted away from him and sat up straight at her end of the sofa, "we suck at the 'us' factor."
"We were never an 'us' before, we were just partners. That's why we sucked at it," William stated.
"Oh yeah, and it has nothing to do with lying to each other," Abigail stated grudgingly.
"Or putting up fronts to prove ourselves better or smarter than the other," William retorted calmly.
Abigail fell silent and the silence lasted between them for a long and awkward moment.
"I'm sorry I lied to you," William said looking at his hands. "I just hate who I am."
"I'm sorry I treated you like shit," Abigail whispered. "And dragged you into stuff you never were interested in, and killed your pride, damaged your reputation, and questioned your decision making skills. How did you put up with it so long?" she asked with a sigh. "I'm surprised you didn't freak out sooner."
"I took it all in stride because I wanted to be with you," he stated running his fingers nervously through his hair, "and I was interested in some of the work you brought forward," William confessed, "I just didn't want to dive so deeply into it because I knew it already. It was all a terrible reminder of what my life was and will be. I've been living a life that was blocked out and planned since the very beginning. I thought that if I avoided it and just tried to do something else I would forget about it. For a little while it worked, but I can't escape it."
"Does it have to be as terrible as you think it's going to be?" Abigail asked softly finally looking at him. "Is there nothing you can do?"
"I don't know," William sighed, "what ever this year brings, by the end of it, I guess I will know then, or I'll be told to do something else. Who knows, everything in my life was planned up until this year. I know what I have to do, but after that point I'm lost. Maybe that's just the end for me."
"What do you mean?" Abigail asked, fear in her voice.
"I don't know." William admitted.
"So where do we go from here?" Abigail asked. "I mean, from now until the end of 2012, what is there for you?"
"I just have to wait," William stated, "then I initiate the second phase of the resistance, and that's all I know."
"What is the second phase of the resistance?" Abigail asked.
"Procreation," William stated.
"What!" Abigail gasped.
"It's an awakening," William explained, "with a touch or a look or even a word, I'm not really sure how it's going to happen, but I will begin a wave of resistance and people of age, with alien DNA that will withstand the colonizing aliens will begin procreation. That way, as the colonization begins and the first resistance is unaffected by their tactics more and more humans will be born to the resistance and the hope is that the alien colonist will move on, leaving us alone to self-destruct and ruin the planet at out own rate."
"So up until now, how many women have you been with?" Abigail asked sheepishly.
"You are my one and only," William stated, "there hasn't been anyone else and I don't want there to."
"And what if you are meant to procreate with as many people as possible?" Abigail asked, the blush rising in her cheeks.
"Then I'm going to be a pretty miserable failure in the face of the revolution, because I won't do that to you." William stated. "As much as you accused me of taking advantage of you, that was never my intention, I swear to you."
"It was my fault," Abigail stated. "I was afraid I was loosing you, you had never stood up to me before and in a moment I saw you really and truly leaving me. I didn't know what to do, so I did what I thought most men wanted."
"It's not just your fault. I wanted it; I just don't think that was the best way we could have expressed out feelings to each other," William sighed. "Our relationship all sort of happened differently in my mind. What happened was more a result of the alien connection we share and not our emotions."
Abigail fell silent again. She had never thought about what the alien connection could have meant. The things that he was telling her had never registered and yet it made sense, the colonization, the procreation, it all fit together and the actions, their insane passion and the awkwardness all came together.
"It's behind us now," William stated breaking the silence between them again, "It won't happen again. I promise. That's not how I want my part to be played in the resistance."
"You can't risk the human race for me," Abigail said sadly. "You have a duty to protect the people of this planet. If it is what is meant to happen, then you can't go against it."
"Yes, I can." William stated, "I'd like to have some say over my own life."
"And I want some say over my life," Abigail stated aggressively, "and if you think I am going to bare enough children to save the human race you have got another thing coming to you. That's just crazy!"
William looked at Abigail for a moment. She was serious in her statements and yet there was the hint of something else in the way she spoke and the way she looked. She was sad, emotional and honest, but there was also jealousy. Every look of hers was a contradiction. She wanted to save the human race and yet she didn't want to think of him with anyone else. Abigail was torn between two truths that had come to settle in her mind, but William knew what he wanted and her concern and jealously gave him hope, a hope that he had never dared have before. He couldn't help himself and burst out laughing. "I don't think it's up to me to father the revolution, if that is what you're getting at." He stated through his laugher. "There are many, many other people out there that are carrying the alien genes. Not just you and I."
Abigail smiled as she jumped at the sound of the buzzer ringing and their take out was delivered up to the apartment. The delivery boy was paid, the kitchen was raided for dining implements that had never been used before and the bottle of wine was uncorked, which brought Abigail and William back to the sofa where they had been comfortably contemplating the future.
"We probably should have had this talk on the drive back to the city, rather than now." William stated as he sipped his wine from a coffee cup.
"That would have been the smart, more adult thing to do," Abigail stated as she put her take out container on the coffee table and sipped at her own coffee mug of white wine.
William laughed again. There was easiness in his laughter, his smile and his presence. It was like the young, athletic surfer sat beside Abigail on the sofa, not the strict, jaded, FBI agent whom had spent the last five years following Abigail like a puppy dog and hating her for her aggressiveness. Gradually, as the night progressed and the take out cleaned up, William's smile became more prevalent. They talked about everything but their time together as FBI agents. Genuine good humor fell upon them, and true comfort and companionship seemed to establish it self between them.
"So where do we go from here?" William asked as he pulled Abigail and her heavy bed comforter into his arms.
"I don't know," Abigail whispered, her mind still somewhat disturbed by the things that had been discussed. "How much time do we have, a few months, maybe less? What if things go terribly wrong?"
"Then I suppose we deal with the balance of power then," William sighed, "for now, what more is there to do. I work at Quantico and I want to enjoy my time away from the Bureau. Being a field agent was great for a little while, but I'm not that kind of guy and I hated what it made me."
"You should be doing medicine anyways, your schooling was going to waste as a field agent," Abigail stated, agreeing with him. "You can do so much more where you are. It is a really great change for you."
"What about you?" William asked.
"I don't know," Abigail confessed, "I feel lost, like I never really knew what I was doing, or if I was doing anything right. Maybe I'm not cut out to be an agent, but I don't know what else I could do, and I don't want to do it alone."
"Ask for a transfer, get into another department, maybe you could come to Quantico and teach." William suggested.
"I don't want to work with you anymore," Abigail stated bluntly and William was taken aback by the comment. "I don't want to work with you anymore, because, if we work together 'we' can't be an 'us'." She added with a sly, teasing smile.
"But if 'we' were an 'us', not working together, I could come home to you every night," William smiled.
"And we could put all this alien business behind us, until we have to deal with whatever is coming," Abigail stated and cuddled into his shoulder, "I have plenty of room here, and this condo has been going to waste for far too long."
"I need to find a place closer to Quantico," William smiled, "relatively speaking; my apartment is way too far away. Yours on the other hand seems amply situated to serve both of our needs."
"So when are you moving in?" Abigail she asked with a yawn.
"How's this weekend looking for you?" he asked.
"I can free it up."
"That might be a good idea; at least I have wine glasses." He smiled.
"Oh and I need those so badly," she giggled sipping her wine once more from her coffee mug.
"I don't understand how this place looks so good, and yet you don't have anything practical in it." William teased looking around.
"I always just used your stuff," Abigail stated as she looked around the condo, "we spent a lot of time at your place."
"That chapter in our lives has ended," William whispered, "its time to start something new."
"So am I to understand that you believe you should stay the night?" she asked playfully.
"I've had too much to drink," William winked as he downed the rest of his wine, "I couldn't possibly drive all that way now."
Abigail smiled up at him. She blushed. He noticed it and pulled her into his arms.
"Should we take this into the bed room?" she whispered as he gently caressed her neck kissing her along her jaw line and down into the nap of her neck.
"If this is what you want," he whispered.
"It is," she sighed feeling the blush come to her cheeks and the desire growing in her body.
William smiled a knowing smile and wrapped his arms around her. Gently he picked her and the blanket up and moved toward the bedroom. This night was going to be different. He proceeded slowly, exploring her body, reading her every curve, and listening as her breath caught in her throat.
Abigail was ready to experience William differently as well. She felt her desire deeply and yet she wanted to take it slowly. She burned under his touch, his kisses gentle and soft on her skin. There was time for them, time that they needed to make up, and the night was spent blissfully getting to know each other and putting their awkward past behind them.