Chapter Thirty-Six: And I want these words to make things right (but it's the wrongs that make the words come to life)

Tommy's POV

Drake's fingers were carelessly running through my hair, my face hidden in the curve of his sweat-drenched neck. My heart was thrashing in my chest and I was still trembling, my member still buried deep inside of him. Drake kept saying Adam's name and, while I understood his love, it made me feel… I didn't know. I knew that he needed me because Pharaoh hadn't come to him. I knew he needed to feel like he was worth something again, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt when he said Pharaoh's name instead of mine…

But even still… All the nights I'd dreamed about taking Drake as my own, kissing him like he was mine and touching him in ways Pharaoh always had. All those nights wishing and I'd finally… I'd finally done what I'd wanted. And yet, despite the fact that I should've been happy or euphoric, I felt… Guilty. I felt guilty because I'd gone against Pharaoh's wishes. I'd gone behind his back with his boy, his love…

I felt Drake's fingers stop running through my and I looked up at him. But he was facing the door, a look of shock and regret on his face. I frowned, reaching up and caressing his cheek gently. His eyes were wide and beginning to fill with tears and I felt my heart cracking in my chest. I whispered his name gently, cupping his cheek in my palm, turning his head back to face me.

"Pharaoh…" He whispered delicately. My heart skipped before slamming to a stop, but I frowned further until Drake spoke. "He saw us…"

My eyes widened and I stared at him before looking away and cursing under my breath. I held his face in my hand before bending down, kissing him softly as I pulled out. He whined, inhaling sharply before falling limp into the bed. I kissed him again, feeling shame and regret painting itself over my heart and on the back of my throat with an ache that was not entirely comfortable. I sighed heavily, resting my forehead against Drake's shoulder and he resumed stroking my hair with his fingers.

"What do we do?" He asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat, thinking only one thing. We needed to talk to him. Drake needed to tell Pharaoh how he felt and that this whole thing was… Well, it was what it was, but Pharaoh needed to know why.

"We need to talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel about him, because right now he probably thinks you've given up on loving him.." I told him. Drake sighed and I looked up, frowning. His eyes were distant, perturbed and his lips were set into a soft frown. I tilted my head to the side, running my fingers up and through his hair. It'd gotten so long since he was brought here, it was a wonder he hadn't cut it yet.

"What difference would it make, Tommy? He's not going to want to talk to either of us. He's probably going to want nothing to do with us.." Drake's voice trailed off and I sighed, sitting up and slipping off of the bed. He stayed where he was, but he curled up into a small ball, turning on his side to face me. I bent down, grabbing my trousers off of the floor, pulling them on. I glanced at my stomach, grimacing a little as I saw Drake's come still splattered on my skin. I snatched up the blanket I'd tossed off the bed, wiping myself clean.

"It could make a world of difference, Drake," I commented, turning to him. His eyes were lost with regret and sadness and I sighed, kneeling down beside him. "You asked me to love you, and I did. I do. I love you dearly, Drake, but I know your heart belongs to Pharaoh. If you tell him how you feel, he'll know that you want to be with him." I said, reaching up and, gently, pushing Drake's hair out of his face. He sighed softly, refusing to look over at me.

"Look, let me talk to him, okay? I don't… I don't want him yelling at you over any of this, it wasn't your fault—" Drake's eyes snapped up, meeting mine and he looked, almost, angry.

"But it is my fault, Tommy! I'm the one who pulled you into this. I'm the one who used you! I…" I placed a hand over his mouth, shutting him up. Inside, my heart was beating painfully and I wanted to pull him into my arms and rock him to sleep. He was so humble and wanting to keep the image of everyone so safe and pure. He wanted to blame himself and I couldn't let him do that.

"No. You asked to be loved. That's all you wanted, Drake. You wanted to be loved and you wanted to be wanted. There is no fault or shame in that, so, please, don't say that this was your fault." I said, but Drake didn't seem to believe me. He looked away from me, staring down at the floor. I sighed, pulling my hand away and kissing him gently. "I'll be back soon, alright? Hopefully, I'll be able to knock some sense into him and he'll understand." I told him, standing up and crossing to the door. I ran my fingers through my hair, smoothening it out before pulling open my door and slipping out, closing it behind me.

Part of me didn't want to leave the safety of my room or the comfort of Drake's arms. But I knew that I had to. In order to fix everything that had happened, I needed to leave Drake to find Pharaoh. There was something that told me I wouldn't have to look hard. That he would be where he always was when he was in a foul mood; his bedroom. I inhaled slowly, taking off down the hallway, my bare feet slapping the stone floor. My trousers were loose on my lack of hips, but they stayed on.

Fortunately, there was no one else around. All the other servants had gone to bed hours ago. I couldn't begin to imagine what time it was, but the moon was out and the halls were, mostly, dark. I inhaled deeply through my nose, turning a corner and jogging down another long, wide expanse. That was the only unfortunate part of the palace. It was so fucking big. However, nicely enough, my room and Pharaoh's chamber were not very far apart, unlike, say, his chamber and the library.

I stopped by a corner, breathing deeply before deciding to walk the last stretch. Pharaoh's doors were coming into view and, I wondered, if this was a good idea. To go to him after he saw me and Drake in bed together. Some people would argue and say that it shouldn't be a problem, that Pharaoh's watched us touch and kiss before. But that was always under his request. This was behind his back. This was meant to be done without him knowing about it. And we weren't lucky enough for such.

Or maybe we were lucky that he caught us. I paused, my hand half-way reaching out to grab the handle. Maybe… No, maybe Pharaoh was lucky he saw us? Maybe now he would understand his feelings for Drake. Maybe now he would see just how much pain he's caused that boy to want to run to someone else. I inhaled slowly, pushing my thoughts away. I needed a clear head. I needed to be alert for whatever was ahead of me. Though it wasn't much of a history, I knew Pharaoh had a tendency for violence. Between slapping me and doing whatever it was he did to Brad…

"Open the fucking door, Thomas." I hissed to myself, curling my hand into a fist and knocking three times before grabbing the handle and pulling the door open. I slipped inside, bringing the door shut behind me and, before he could say anything, I spoke to him, "We have to talk." The fortunate thing was my tone was level and my voice strong, but, inside, I was shaking like a leaf in the wind.

"I do not wish to see you and I do not wish to speak with you, so you may go," Pharaoh hissed, glaring at me from his spot on the stairs. His shoulders were tense and his body language rigid with anger. I knew that he had no desire to speak to me, but that didn't mean I was leaving. He had to listen to me. He had to understand and he had to go back to Drake and make things right.

"I'm sorry, My Pharaoh, but that is one order I cannot follow. We need to speak, now." I told him, my voice harder, stronger and more demanding. I took a step towards him, staring him in the eye the whole time. Pharaoh growled, baring his teeth as little as he turned towards me, shouting at me with a glint of tears shining in his eyes.

"Thomas, I demand that you leave my chambers right now!" I stopped in mid step, staring at him. His hands were curled into fists. He wanted to hit me again. He wanted to hit me, but he was holding himself back. "Go!" He shouted, motioning to the door. I inhaled slowly, staring at him dead in the eye.

"No. We need to talk about Drake and I'm not leaving until we do…" I hissed at him, taking a step closer. Pharaoh glared at me, climbing the stairs and getting up in my face, staring down at me.

"How dare you talk back to me. Leave this room at once, Tommy, or I will have you removed." I clenched my jaw, stepping even closer. Though I hated the fact that I was shorter than him, I did not let this bother me in the slightest at the time. I swallowed the lump in my throat, speaking clearly and slowly.

"You will not disregard me, My Pharaoh. Listen to me, not as a servant, but as a friend." I pleaded. Pharaoh scoffed once, turning away from me and walking over in the direction of his vanity. I let out the breath I'd been holding, watching as he paced back and forth before turning and staring me down from where he was.

"Why should I listen to the man who slept with the one I love? Why should I acknowledge your presence when you went behind my back?" He hissed, his body tense with rage and his eyes burning. I forced myself to walk forward to him, keeping my shoulders back and my head high.

"I only slept with him because you haven't been—" there was more to say, but Adam scoffed, his eyes burning and I knew he wasn't going to let me finish my thought before deciding to intervene.

"Just because I have not does not give you the right to take from me what's mine, Thomas! I've been letting Drake heal from what he's been through!" Adam shouted. Now it was mine turn to scoff and roll my eyes. He glared at me, clenching his jaw as I shook my head with disappointed laughs.

"Letting him heal, Pharaoh? That's a bullshit excuse! You've been ignoring him, avoiding him! He thinks you don't want him anymore!" I yelled at him, pressing my hand into his chest and pushing him back a step. His eyes narrowed and he glanced at my hand before looking back to me, "The only reason we had sex was because he's been feeling neglected of love. He feels like he has no value to you anymore!"

Pharaoh's eyes wavered in their intensity, and for a moment I thought I'd gotten through to him. But then they hardened and he glared back at me, acting as if my words hadn't affected him in the least, "If he feels neglected, he should have come to me and said something. But he went to you, instead. Obviously he has no interest in receiving my affections for him." His tone was laced with venom and obvious hurt. I groaned in frustration, shoving him again.

"Maybe if you had offered your affections in the first place, he wouldn't feel so hurt!" I screamed at him. Pharaoh's eyes turned a dark, raging blue and I immediately began to regret ever coming here. He stormed up to me, getting into my face again as he barked at me in a tone I'd never heard before.

"And who are you to talk about affections, Thomas? Who are you to tell me not to ignore him because I'd lose him? I bet you were only saying that to keep me thinking and thinking, giving you opportune amount of time to have him all to yourself!" My heart skipped and my eyes widened. I screamed in frustration, rearing back and punching him in the jaw. Pharaoh howled, stumbling back a step before regaining himself and turning on me, grabbing me by the throat. He squeezed for a moment, choking and holding me there before sending me down to the floor. I tumbled, my elbow connecting with the stone before I bounced.

I cried out, cradling my elbow for a moment before looking up at Pharaoh through the veil of my hair, glaring with tears in my eyes. I could still feel his hand around my throat despite the fact that he was three feet away from me. The only difference about this compared to the night he hit me was I was not at the bottom of the stairs, and Pharaoh showed no remorse for what he'd done. To be honest, I didn't blame him. For I had no remorse for punching him.

"Who are you to deny that boy what he wants?!" I shouted back at Pharaoh from my position on the floor. He was breathing hard, his chest rising and falling, rapid and deeply, as if he was trying to contain himself from hurting me further. His pupils dilated in the darkness of the room, "All Drake wanted was to be loved. And when I was with him, he said your name. Your name, Pharaoh!" He didn't seem to understand. Or maybe he was so enraged that he couldn't understand. I shook my head, speaking a little softer.

"Don't you get it, Pharaoh?! That boy is in love with you, and you're trampling on his heart by ignoring him! He's broken and afraid now that you're just going to throw him out!" Pharaoh's eyes wavered again, and his scowl faded from his lips, replaced with a look of hurt and shock. Maybe I was breaking through to him after all…

"He… Loves me?" Pharaoh's voice was soft, afraid and curious. I sighed, pulling myself to my feet, mindful of the ache in my elbow and the ghostly memory of his hand around my throat, choking me. I swallowed, inhaling deeply.

"Yes. That boy loves you dearly, Pharaoh. He's wanted nothing more than to have you take him and love him the way you used to. He wants you." I told him, my eyes pleading for him to understand. For a moment, I didn't care that he'd started to strangle me. I only cared about him realizing what a fool he'd been. I only cared about him making things right with Drake…

"Then… Then why did he go to you?" Pharaoh's voice, again, was gentle, quiet. Reserved. I sighed, running fingers through my hair.

"Because… I was there. I was there to catch the pieces of his breaking heart, My Pharaoh. I was there to hold him together while you continued to abandon him." Apparently the term "abandon" was harsher than it sounded coming from my mouth, for Pharaoh turned away with tears in his eyes, his fingers knotting themselves into his hair.

"I didn't mean to hurt him! I… I just.. I wanted to make sure he was ready. I didn't want to try to be intimate with him and then have him fall apart on me because of what Brad did to him. And then… Then when his sister died, I thought he wouldn't have the will to be intimate because of her…" Pharaoh admitted, his voice quivering with sobs as he pulled on his hair. I sighed, going to him and reaching up, taking his hands from his hair. I turned him towards me, cupping his face in my palms.

"Pharaoh, if his thoughts were connected with Brad, they were because he thought you didn't want him for what Brad did. He knows the difference between what you do for him and what Brad did to him." I explained. Pharaoh's eyes flickered back and forth between mine, glistening with tears that were threatening to fall down his cheeks. "He loves you. He wants you. Can't you see that? Because, I'm sure… I'm sure if Alexander came to you, he would tell you to be happy. He would tell you to love that boy like you loved him…" I whispered.

The tears in Pharaoh's eyes seemed to prove too strong for his will and they fell. He closed his eyes, bowing his head and resting it on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to me as he cried. He'd been such a fool for so long when it would've been so easy… He'd let his shame for being unable to protect Drake cloud the fact that he could've taken care of Drake. He let it cloud his heart, keeping him from healing the boy…

"What have I done?" Pharaoh sobbed into my bare shoulder. I ran my fingers through his hair, pressing a kiss to his hairline.

"Think not of what you've done. Think about what you can do to fix this. Drake is waiting in my room. Go to him, comfort him. Apologize and tell him how much you love him." I suggested, hoping and praying to Ra that he would take my advice. He shuddered, keeping his face buried against me.

"What if he doesn't want me?" Pharaoh asked. I eased his head off of my shoulder, staring at him.

"Drake will not deny you of anything. You tell him to bed with you, he'll put himself into the palms of your hands. You tell him to run, he'll ask you how far and how long. Explain yourself and he'll welcome you with open arms." I told him. Pharaoh's eyes refilled with tears and he smiled gently, kissing me on the forehead in a soft, swift peck.

"Thank you, Tommy." He whispered. "I apologize for hurting you, again. I was not thinking." I shook my head, as if telling him not to worry about it. While, yes, it hurt like hell, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was deserved. Pharaoh had nothing to apologize for when it came to me.

"Go to him. Tell him you love him, and fucking mean it or, I swear to Ra, Pharaoh…" I said, but he just shook his head, gently leaving a chaste kiss on my lips before pulling away, rushing to the door before disappearing, leaving me more exhausted than ever before.