Title: One Soul Condemned To Heaven And Hell {36-60}
Author: Emono
Rating: FRM
Fandom: Supernatural/RPS
Pairings: Sam/Jared, Dean/Jensen, Castiel/Ryan
Disclaimer: I do not own the souls of J2, or Sam…or Dean…or anyone…not even my own *le sigh* It's all Kripke and McG, the lucky bastards
Beta: gil_follower
Warnings: Post-Hell!Dean, very AU, SLASH!!, post-Season 3, Demon!Sam (sort of), whumping, angst, OOC-ness, wing-kink, SPOILERS!!!!

(AN: Jensen, in this story, doesn't wear his glasses often. He wore them a lot at Missouri's house and before, but now he's mostly doing the whole contacts thing. For the sake of his integrity, he's not going to wear them anymore during this story. I know for a fact that you, I, and Dean would all cry if they got broken.)

Jensen wasn't completely unaffected by his impromptu vacation.

Only Jared remained oblivious to the other's pain, not one to look deeper into a situation that seemed fine. That, and he kind of had his own shit going on…finding out he was a half-angel and all. Sam could feel the darkness that clung onto the man's soul, hitching a ride back to the surface world. Something had stained Jensen's soul, yet it did not corrupt it.

Dean first knew it two days after his lover came back.

Dean was showering. He scrubbed his skin raw, trying to get off the mud that had caked to him. They had accidentally stumbled across a Woman in White, damn near ran her over with the Impala. She had rammed them, forcing them to pull over.

Before they knew it, she was inside the car and all over Jared. Jared had screamed, but she had just kept whispering over and over "You can have me" and "You're going to pay for your unfaithfulness" and "Pretty angel, you're mine now" while Sam freaked out and started yelling about how he didn't care if Jared cheated and to get the fuck off my boyfriend before I cut you, bitch!

Sam didn't take having his Jared touched very well, so he obviously overreacted.

A mental flex and all the doors flew open, along with the three others. Dean had the bad luck to land flat in the mud, coating himself instantly. Somehow, his not-so-little brother held the bitch across the road with his power alone. Unfortunately, it was a struggle and he shouted at them to hurry up and do something! It took some scrambling and some digging around in the trunk, but they found a banishing spell. Jared read it out loud, but it didn't work. Obviously, because White Ladies could only be destroyed by taking them back to where they killed themselves or have their bones burned (it all depended.)

Just as Sam was about to lose his grip on her thrashing spirit, Jared shouted something at her in a language that none of them knew and kind of stung. On the drive to the motel, Sam questioned his lover about the spell. If a banishing spell hadn't worked, what did?

"It wasn't a spell" Jared had admitted sheepishly, tilting his head down in that way that hid his eyes "I just told her that she was forgiven and had to move on…to let her anger go."

And didn't that just shock the fuck out of everyone?

Dean heard the door open, smiling to himself as he rinsed the soap from his eyes. Sam and Jared were going at it like fuckin' rabbits next door, his brother had been the one to suggest separate rooms tonight. Poor Jared, being used like a demon-battery and not even knowing it. With his angel powers all super-poweredly charged, there was no way Jared wouldn't figure things out soon. Such a smart boy, such a good boy…sometimes he thinks Sam doesn't deserve him.

So, the point is, it could only be Jensen in the bathroom now.

There was a rattling sound beneath the constant pounding of water in his ears, making him freeze. What was that? It sounded like…pills or candy. Oh! Maybe Jensen had managed to snag a container of mini-M&M's? Dean's mouth watered at the prospect. He leant backward and peeked around the shower curtain, squinting

through the steam.

Jensen was running water in the sink, gazing into the foggy mirror dully. He had on one of Dean's threadbare dark shirts, those pretty emerald boxers that clung to him the right way. There were crimson bruises beneath his eyes, not dark enough to cause serious worry though.

There was a bottle of pills by his right hand, there setting in the corner of the counter.

Jensen scowled suddenly, shaking his head as if to dislodge poisonous thoughts. He cupped his hands beneath the spray, pudding some water there before spending and splashing it on his face. He did it twice, groaning softly. Jensen snagged the bottle of pills off the sink, pressing and twisting off the cap. He shook two of the clear capsules into his palm, then into his mouth. He cupped some water in his hand, bringing it to his mouth to help swallow them down.

Dean watched as his lover tipped his head back and closed his eyes, rivulets of water trailing down his chin and hand.

Something was wrong with his Jenny.

Dean ducked back under the shower nozzle's spray, "Hey Jen, you hungry?"

Jensen's voice was calm, "Nah. I'm ready for bed. That White Lady earlier freaked me out. Can you believe the way she just popped into Jared's lap? I thought Sam was gonna bust an artery. Unbelievable…the nerve of these things, huh?"

Jensen left…Dean rushed the rest of his shower.

Dean came out of the bathroom soon enough to see his lover rubbing at his eyes jadedly and slumping (defeated) on the bed.

"Jensen?"

Jensen raised his head from his hands and smiled, "Done already?"

"No more long showers for me" Dean flashed him a grin, sitting his naked ass down beside his lover "I've got my fix right here."

"If that's your way of asking for sex, forget it" Jensen chuckled, half-heartedly "I'm tired, dude."

"No sex then" Dean pulled on a pair of boxers, he hadn't expected anything less "You, uh…ok?"

"Fine" Jensen grunted, maneuvering himself until he laid down on the other side of the bed "Turn off the light and get your pert ass in bed."

Dean leaned over Jensen and turned off the wall lamp. He gave his lover a long pet, trailing his palm from his shoulder down to his hip. He cupped the subtle curve there, dropping a kiss down amongst his light hair. Jensen sighed contently at the touch, melting into the covers easily. He settled back onto the mattress, keeping an inch of space between their bodies.

Dean let it go for now.

()

While Sam and Jared slept peacefully in the other room, Dean was rudely awoken about two in the morning.

The hunter jerked as nails raked down his back, a scream in his ear. Without pretense, he grabbed the knife beneath his pillow and twisted to stab whatever was attacking him. He bodily flipped the thing, pinning it.

Before he could do something he'd forever regret, his eyes adjusted and he froze. Jensen was the one below him instead of a Beastie. The actor was whimpering now, face twisted in pain as he thrashed his limbs.

"Jen?" Dean woke up completely, tossing his knife on the floor in horror "Jensen, wake up!"

Jensen whimpered, eyes fluttering open, "Dee?"

"Yeah, honey, come back to me" Dean cooed, smoothing back his lover's hair "It's alright now."

It was a few minutes of twitching and shifting eyes before Jensen quieted, melting under his lover's touch.

"You haven't been sleeping at night, or at all" it wasn't a question.

Jensen's eyes met his, ashamed, "The pills don't help."

"They never do" Dean settled himself by the slighter man's side, still stroking the soft hair at the base of the his skull "You don't have to talk-"

"It's Alastair" Jensen hissed, the phantom ache all over his body faded as the dream did "It's always Alastair…sometimes it's the sky, though."

Dean nodded reluctantly, staying quiet.

"He didn't let another demon touch me" Jensen admitted, licking absently at his dry lips "He reserved all his attention…for me. I don't feel guilty, I can't even remember their faces…it's all blur and blood. Hundreds…I tortured hundreds, and I don't care."

Dean gaped at this, unsure what to say.

Jensen met his lover's eyes, blinking back tears, "Am I selfish for only having nightmares of my own torture? Am I a bad person?"

Dean wanted to spit out yes, but swallowed it down.

Did he really want Jensen consumed by guilt like he had been? Did he want his lover hurting and drinking and overall brooding? Would he really be happier having Jensen confined to bed and crying into his pillow? This wasn't what he had expected Jensen to be like…but it was better than a blubbery, broken mess.

"No" Dean half lied "It's…it's better like this."

Jensen sighed in relief, relaxing into the mattress. One of his hands came up, slipping under his t-shirt sleeve to touch the scar on his arm. Dean's breath hitched, his fingers moving without his permission and tracing the handprint there as well.

"We match" Jensen teased lightly, but it was nothing that held humor.

Dean chewed the side of his lip, "Honey…it's not a good thing."

Jensen shrugged, tugging his boyfriend down and back to bed.

//Our trips weren't the same, he has no reason to feel guilty// Dean assured himself, laying along the slighter man's side //I can't even compare our trips…like jet lag and a coma…//

TBC

Hold on to me