Chapter 34 Unbearable Loss and Colossal Changes
"Vash…Vash…wake up Vash…" The blonde snapped his eyes open, sitting up and looking wildly about him.
"Meryl!" he called out.
"I'm right here…lay back down, you're still injured." She chided as she pushed him back gently.
"Where are we?" he asked as he allowed her to push him back down.
"In September. Back at my parent's house." She answered.
He focused his eyes on her. Her appearance was back to normal, her raven locks spilling about her shoulders, silver eyes blinking at him.
He pulled her down to him in a crushing embrace. "Meryl…" he felt tears well up and she sat down on the bed, holding him.
"It's ok Vash…it's ok now…"
He pulled back. "What happened?"
Meryl looked down at her hands. "I…still don't really know..."
"Where are the others?" he asked suddenly.
"They are still sleeping."
"How did we get here?"
"I…brought us all back…" she trailed off.
He sat up fully now, feeling much better than he had in a long time. "You did?"
"Yeah…I dragged you all to the car…"
Vash caught his breath. Kiba…
"What did you do with…" he trailed off, finding it too hard to say.
Meryl felt tears well in her eyes as she breathed in shakily. "I brought him back too. To bury him. I couldn't…I just couldn't leave him out there, all alone…" she let her tears fall. The pain was still raw. It had only been yesterday…
"Meryl…I'm so sorry…" Vash felt his tears fall as well and they embraced each other again.
"I should go check on the others." She said, drying her eyes and standing.
Vash nodded, flipping the blanket off of him and standing as well.
"Vash, you shouldn't-"
"I'm ok Meryl. I feel surprisingly good." He assured her.
"If you say so…" she trailed off and he grabbed her hand, allowing her to lead them out the door and down the stairs.
They stopped at the bottom, seeing Milly and Tasuki sitting with Grace and Jack in the living room. The light from the full moons shone in through the windows, bathing the room in a soft glow.
Vash stared at the two, his tears still on his face. They were crying too. "Hey…guys…" his voice was cracked.
Milly leapt up and ran to him, wrapping her arms around him. "Oh Vash!" she cried and he hugged her close. Tasuki stood and Vash locked eyes with him, seeing the pain that was deep in the redhead's eyes.
Tasuki rushed to them, latching onto them as Vash and Milly made room for him. The three stood there as they cried together, eyes shut, tears falling steadily.
"Gods…I miss him already!" Tasuki chocked out and Meryl buried her head in her hands, letting out a sob. The three looked to her and opened up a spot for her.
"Mer…" Vash said quietly and she walked quickly to join them. They clasped onto each other, silently supporting one another as they grieved.
Knives and Blue walked slowly in the room. They locked eyes with Grace and Jack, who held sorrow on their faces. Blue felt her tears begin, knowing what the mourning was for.
Knives blinked. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice full of concern.
Meryl let out another sob and the four tightened their holds on one another.
Blue looked down, her tears falling to the carpet. Knives still didn't know…
She breathed in shakily, bringing her gaze to his. "Kiba's dead."
Knives's jaw dropped. He felt a pang of emotion hit his stomach as her words echoed through the room. Tasuki let out a pained sound and Knives's eyebrows furrowed together. "What?"
All at once, he remembered Kiba shielding Meryl from Shikio, and then later seeing him on the ground, head cradled in her lap. Blue's tears…Vash's tears…they had been for Kiba…
For the first time in his life, Knives felt an overwhelming sense of loss, and his eyes clouded over. He closed them, allowing for a lone tear to fall, his shoulders stiff.
"Oh Knives!" Blue let out and wrapped her arms about his torso, burying her head in his chest as she cried. He circled his arms around her shoulders, feeling his heart thudding painfully in his throat. Kiba had been…his friend.
After a long while, their sobs had subsided to sniffs and hiccups, the air in the room tense and thick with grief.
"Where is he?" Knives asked, wiping a tear from his face.
"Out in the back yard, covered with a blanket." Meryl breathed.
"Where will we bury him?" Vash asked the burning question that everyone wanted to know, yet not know at the same time. Burying had a sense of finality to it that no one was ready for.
"I wanted to take him back to the ship at May city. He really liked science…so…I thought it would be fitting…" Meryl said quietly.
"I think he would like that." Vash said.
"Yeah, science was his first love…" Tasuki spoke up, his voice cracked with emotion.
The group headed to the couches, where they sat in silence for a time.
"Can I…can I get you all something to eat?" Grace asked, her voice hesitant.
No one answered, until Vash spoke up. "We need to eat something. None of us has eaten for a full day, at least. We shouldn't let out energies waste away."
"What's the point." Tasuki snorted, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
"Tasuki…" Milly said quietly and he stood abruptly, irritation mingled with sadness on his face.
"Kiba can't eat anything, I won't either!"
Knives stood as well, glaring at him. "Stop this! He's dead! Sitting here getting angry at everyone won't help it!"
"What would you know? You don't even like humans!" Tasuki spat.
"Kiba was my friend too Tasuki!" Knives yelled out as he flopped back down to the couch, folding his arms and looking away.
Tasuki stared at him, feeling some of his anger melt away.
"He's right Tasuki…" Milly said gently, trying to tug him back down next to her.
He allowed her to, putting his head in his hands. "Sorry…" he breathed out, his tears starting again.
"It's ok…" Knives said quietly, some of his tenseness fading.
"Vash is right. You need to eat." Jack said and Blue nodded.
They stood, filing to the dining room, where they grudgingly sat down, whilst Grace and Jack set food in front of them. They stared at it, none of them really wanting anything.
"Please guys…" Grace pleaded gently and Vash reached forward, grabbing a piece of bread and taking a bite of it. It tasted stale, no flavor to it. Was it because it was an old piece, or because of his grief? He didn't know, but he forced himself to chew automatically.
"Thank you mom." Meryl mumbled and the others repeated her.
"I wish that there was more that I could do…" Grace looked at them helplessly.
"You've done more than we could've asked for Mrs. Stryfe." Milly said quietly, eyes downcast.
"Yeah…thank you for allowing us to stay here." Blue said.
"Of course. You are all welcome any time…"
"What happened to Shikio?" Knives suddenly asked.
Meryl froze.
"Did he die in the light around you?" Blue asked and Meryl shook her head.
"No…"
Knives snapped his head up. "What? He's still alive?" He sounded unbelieving, ready to spring into action.
"Yes…but…" Meryl trailed off as she looked at her parents.
"I'll be right back." Grace said, standing and leaving the room.
"Mer…what happened?" Vash asked quietly.
Her eyebrows furrowed together. "I just…asked for everyone to be saved…that's all…"
Grace came back, bearing a bundle in her arms.
Blue blinked. "What's that?"
Meryl stood, taking the form from her mother gently. "It's Shikio, I guess." She brought the bundle to the table, sitting and everyone leaned in. She pulled back the blanket to reveal a tiny blond baby, sleeping soundly.
Knives sputtered. "That's…Shikio?" he stepped back, his eyes wide. He didn't know what to feel. Was he angry that he was alive still? How could this child be him?
The sound of a chair falling had everyone looking in Tasuki's direction. He had stood, knocking the chair out from under him, and was now glaring at the child in Meryl's arms.
"What the hell do you mean that's him? What, was he re-born or something?"
"Tasuki, calm down…"Milly said and he nearly growled.
"No! I will not calm down! How is this fair! Kiba had to die, so he could be reborn! Why couldn't Kiba have been saved too? Huh? Answer me! Why?" he was yelling at the top of his lungs now, and Meryl clenched her eyes shut, bowing her head as the baby awakened, crying.
Grace took the baby from her, shushing him as she rocked him back and forth.
"I thought you asked for everyone to be saved Meryl! Why didn't you save Kiba?" he had walked over to her now, accusation in his voice.
Meryl was crying now, shaking her head back and forth, and trying to speak. "I don't know…I don't know!"
He grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her lightly as he yelled in her face. "Answer me!"
"I don't have an answer!" Meryl screeched standing look him in the eyes.
"Then why the hell didn't you just leave Shikio out there?"
Meryl brought her hand back and swung it hard across Tasuki's face in a numbing slap.
All went silent, with the exception of the baby's small sounds.
"I did the best I could Tasuki! How can you ask me that? How can you ask more of me?"
She turned on heel, skipping stairs as she ran up to her room, slamming the door.
Tasuki flinched at the sound, eyes wide as his hand traveled to the cheek that she had slapped.
"I'm…sorry…I don't know what came over me…" he said almost inaudibly.
Milly stood, wrapping her arms around him. "I do. The loss of your best friend."
His eyes clenched shut as more tears trailed down his face and he turned into her embrace, burying his head in her shoulder.
Vash stood, walking up the stairs to Meryl's room.
"Mer…can I come in?" he called softly and he heard her muffled sobs. He opened the door and shut it behind him, coming to sit by her on the bed.
"Mer…shhh…it's ok. Tasuki didn't mean it."
She looked up at him, pain in her eyes. "I know…but he's right! Why couldn't I have saved him Vash? Is it really fair?"
"Meryl, my guess is because Kiba was already dead at that point. I don't think that anyone here has the power to bring someone back from the dead…" he trailed off.
"I wish he didn't do it…I would have been ok…I would have survived…"
"He didn't know that…he loved you Meryl, until the very end…"
"I didn't ask him to die for me!"
Vash went silent, trying to find the right words. "No, you didn't. But sometimes, we don't have a choice in things. He made his own decision, Meryl. And…he had no regrets. You heard him. He said that."
Meryl leaned into him, nodding. "I know…"
Vash sat there for a while, letting Meryl cry. After a time, she sat back, saying, "I had better go apologize."
Vash followed her down the stairs, where their friends still sat in silence.
"Tasuki…" she said and he stood, rushing her and grabbing her in a hug.
"I'm sorry Mer…so sorry…"
"Tasuki, I'm sorry too…maybe you're right. It's not fair…"
"No Mer…I know you would have saved him if you could have."
They held each other for a time. When Meryl pulled back, she looked to her mother, who held the bundle tight in her arms. "He's sleeping again, isn't he?"
Grace nodded.
"What will we do with him?" Blue asked.
"Jack and I have agreed to keep him." Grace said.
Knives stood, eyes cast downwards. "He deserves death." His voice was quiet, full of hate.
Blue stood, looking at him. "Knives…no one has the right to take the life of another, remember? Our conversation?"
"He took Kiba's." Knives bit out.
Blue sighed. "I know…but if we were to take this child's life, we would be just- like- him…" she emphasized the last words by separating each one.
Knives visibly clamed, his shoulders slumping slightly as he sat back down. He looked to the bundle in Grace's arms. "I can't forgive him…ever."
"Maybe with time, Knives. But no one is asking that of you right now. Meryl should be feeling the same as you. She lost someone who was very dear to her. But…she has made the decision to let her parents keep him. Can you imagine how difficult that must have been for her? She had to drag Kiba's body, along with all of ours, back here…how must she be feeling?"
Knives blinked, his eyes opening a little wider as he glanced to Meryl, whose face was staring a the table. Knives felt his anger melt away as Blue's words sank in. She was right.
"I'm…sorry Meryl…" He said softly and she nodded.
"It's ok Knives."
She looked out the window. It seemed that it was almost dawn. If they had reacted this way to Shikio, what would they think when they saw what else had come about from her exertions?
Meryl awoke to the soft snores of her friends around her. She smiled as she noticed that they had all stayed together in the living room, blankets and pillows strewn about the floor. She looked out the window. It seemed to be early afternoon and she stretched her arms to the ceiling.
"Morning Mer." Vash said quietly from his place beside her.
"Morning Vash." She leaned down to plant a kiss on his forehead.
Standing and stepping around the sleeping forms of their companions, she reached a hand out to him. "I want to show you something." She whispered and he grabbed her hand, allowing her to help him up.
She brought him to the front door and turned to him. "Close your eyes."
He raised an eyebrow. "What's going on Mer?"
"Just do it ok?" she whispered, almost exasperated.
Vash complied and she opened the door quietly, leading him into her front yard. He breathed in deep, the air warm as it played with their hair. Something was different…
Meryl let go of his hand as they came to a halt in the middle of her yard.
"Can I open my eyes now?" Vash questioned and Meryl smiled.
"Yes." She held her breath, watching as his lids fluttered open.
Vash blinked, holding a hand over his eyes to shield them from the noonday sun. His breath caught in his throat as he looked from left to right, then spun slowly in a circle. "What…is this place?" he asked, his voice full of wonder.
All around were rolling fields of green grass, flowers of every imaginable color dotting the land. Trees sprung up sporadically, and snowcapped mountains could be seen in the distance, like they had popped up over night. It extended as far as the eye could see.
"This is still September." Meryl confirmed.
Vash was at a loss for words. The beauty he beheld was something he had never laid eyes on before. It was breathtaking.
"What…happened?"
Meryl shrugged. "When I came to, it was like this. I wonder…if this was the paradise that Shikio was looking for."
Vash just stared, taking in the landscape like it would disappear, or he would wake up from a dream. "The others have to see this…" he said and Meryl nodded.
"I was going to wake them soon."
The words were lost on Vash as he sped back to the house, yelling out to their friends. "Guys! Wake up! You have to come see this!" he stopped at the door, not bothering to wake them gently.
Knives snapped awake and was on his feet in an instant. "What? What the hell is it?" his voice held concern and Vash laughed.
"Just get everyone else up!" he said and disappeared out the door.
Knives raised an eyebrow. Why was Vash so excited? He bent down, shaking Blue awake. "Blue, wake up. Vash needs us."
She sat up, blinking sleep from her eyes. "What is it?" He shrugged as he kicked at Tasuki.
"Get up Red."
Tasuki scowled as he sat up, Milly already standing. "What the hell is it?" the redhead yawned and Milly helped him to his feet.
Vash reappeared in the doorway. "Come on you guys! Come quick! You won't believe it."
"Alright already, we're coming brother." Knives mumbled as he laced his fingers with Blue's.
Knives pushed open the door, squinting as the bright sun hit his face. The others followed suit, walking over to stand by Vash and Meryl.
Knives stopped in his tracks when he realized the changes around them. "What…is this?" he breathed as he spun around, much like Vash had done.
"Are we still on Gunsmoke?" Blue asked hesitantly, eyes wide as she surveyed the land.
"Oh my Gods…it's beautiful!" Milly cried out as she clapped her hands together.
Tasuki just stared, his mouth agape.
"Yes, it's still Gunsmoke, alright." Meryl confirmed. The fact that they were at her parent's house was proof enough of that. "I think…this is what Elysian looked liked, before it was destroyed…" Meryl pointed out and all eyes fell on her.
"I dreamed of this place, a while ago. It looked just like this. I think…I understand now what Shikio was trying to do. He had said something about returning the planet to its beginnings. And I think that this is what he meant."
"But, how did he know that this is what would have happened?" Blue asked and Meryl shrugged.
"I don't really have an answer to that. I think he was so lonely and consumed by his hate that he was desperate. His intentions in the beginning were probably pure, but over time, he changed."
"I wonder if it's like this all over the planet…" Knives observed.
"Well, we'll see when we go back to May city." Vash spoke up and they all nodded.
"I wish Kiba could see this." Tasuki said softly and Meryl's eyes softened.
"I'm sure he can, Tasuki."
Meryl sure didn't know what happened after death, but she knew that it couldn't just end here…
"When are we going back?" Milly asked.
"As soon as my parents get back from town. They're…getting a coffin for Kiba." Meryl answered, her voice quiet.
They went silent for a time, until Meryl smiled. "Lets go in. Mom left food for us in the fridge and we should eat it before we go. Who knows when we'll get another home cooked meal again?" She started back to the house, but Knives voice stopped her.
"It was you Meryl. Wasn't it?"
"What was?" she called back.
"Who did this…" he indicated to the landscape and she shrugged.
"It was like this when I woke up." She turned and headed inside, Knives staring after her.
Meryl really didn't know for sure if it was her. It could have been Shikio's will in the moments that she held him for all she knew. But, she did know that it was her power that opened up the gateway.
A while later, Grace and Jack returned, bearing a coffin for Kiba. Vash and Knives helped Jack load the body up, setting the casket in the back of Blue's car.
Meryl watched from the window as they lowered her friend into the wooden box. Her heart wrenched and it was all she could do not to cry again as her father nailed it shut. He was really gone…
"Meryl, are you ready to go?"
Blue's voice reached her ears and she nodded.
It was time to go back, and get back to real life. But…would anything truly be normal again? She was a plant, a very powerful one at that. One of her best friends was dead, and now, the entire face of Gunsmoke had changed literally overnight.