(A/N: I'M BAAAECK!...hi. Hopefully updates will be a bit more frequent now that it's SUMMERTIME and I'm trying to clear out these requests. Speaking of which, partial credit for this chapter goes to DarkDremora. Thanks, my dude!

Now READ ON!)

Ch. 37: Breakin' The Law

Summary: For her sake, Tak tries to avoid any danger, but Zim puts a damper on her plans.

MONDAY

It'd been a while now since Tak caught onto her "affliction". It'd only acted up a couple times before, but it seemed like every time she and Zim got stuck in some life-threatening situation, she'd feel "hot and bothered", if you catch that drift. She couldn't help it, it was just that whenever those situations occurred, she'd get the feeling like it'd the last time she'd ever be with Zim. Might as well end on a high note, right...?

But now she had a plan! All she had to do was safe-proof their conquer-the-planet schemes from now on! As long as she and Zim stayed out of danger, he wouldn't get any...misguided ideas.

It was a fresh, new week and Tak was ready to execute this. She came up behind Zim in the lab.

"Hey! Come on, let's get to Skool."

"We're not going to Skool today."

"Maybe you aren't, but I'm not getting ultimate detention again. Later."

"WAIT!" Zim faced her, smirking widely. "You won't want to go to Skool once you bear witness to my creation!"

"Prove it."

Zim pushed a button, raising a tube-shaped chamber out of the floor. "THIS is a transmutation module! It can alter the shape and size of any life form!"

"Really?" Tak crossed her arms. "Could it change a man into a beast, and vice versa?"

"Not entirely! Just reshape them. Rearrange their bones and flesh in a mostly painless process."

"Then that isn't 'transmutation', it's just mutation."

"Tomato, potato."

"And why'd you make this? So you could finally be taller than me?"

Zim scoffed several times. "Nooo! Nooo."

"There goes my afternoon," he thought.

"I'm going to use it on Nick!"

"Who?"

"You know, Nick! Nick E. Lodeon?"

Tak shuddered. "Your overly saccharine human test subject?"

"Yes, I'm going to examine how the happiness distribution in his body reacts to the alterations. There's a human expression 'happy as a clam' that inspired me to incubate him in clam juice! Now he's soggy and ripe for experimentation! And I could use some extra assistance running the machine!"

"Sorry, but I'll have to pass." Tak switched her disguise on. "This isn't quite worth getting detention over. But promise me you'll be careful."

"When am I NOT careful?"

XXXXXXXLATERXXXXXXX

"...but they didn't have a formal military. So they found themselves helpless in the face of the enemy attack..."

Tak rolled her eyes at the seemingly endless lecture. She gazed out the window and did a double take. What looked like an enormous Nick was frolicking among the buildings in the distance. Her eyes widened.

"M-Ms. Bitters, I have to go!"

"Not during the lecture, you don't."

"But-! I-!...I left my medication in my locker! If I don't take it, I'll blow chunks ALL over this room! It's reached ceiling-level before!"

"Needlessly vivid, but fine. Go."

Tak dashed out of the classroom, and all the way back to the base as quickly as her legs would carry her; she found it in shambles.

"Ungh...! ZIIIM! Please tell me you aren't buried in rubble!"

"Tak!" Zim popped out of a shrub. "Was it a half day today?"

"What're you doing in that bush?"

"I can't exactly take cover in the base, can I? I think the chamber reacted adversely to the clam juice. Now Nick is permanently giant! But it's okay!"

"What part of this is okay?!"

"Giant Nick is destroying the humans for me! It's just like Peepi, except my instrument of destruction is actually obeying me this time!"

"'Peepi'...?"

"You weren't there for that."

"So you think it'll be smooth sailing to world domination now?" Tak clung to Zim's arm as debris flew towards them. "You don't think anything's going to go wrong?"

Zim eyed her strangely. "Why do you always think that? NO, nothing's going to go wrong!"

Suddenly, Giant Nick froze in place. His happiness probe fell out of his head as he shook all over before standing straight.

"At last, my happiness level has reached its zenith," the colossal boy spoke. "I have no more pleasure to be found on this plane of existence. Only pain. By my enlightenment, I must ascend...ascend...ASCEEEND!"

Giant Nick turned away from the city towards the shore and strolled right on into the ocean. The townspeople rejoiced at his ascension (and the end of his assault on their livelihoods).

"...well, that was anticlimactic!" Zim fumed. "He barely destroyed anything! The navy didn't even get involved!"

"Thank goodness! I mean, that's too bad! I'm just glad we survived that." Tak patted his arm. "Will you come to Skool now?"

"I WOULD, but look at the house! Not to mention the damage Nick did to the lab! I've got to stay here and get everything repaired before the humans start asking questions. You know how much I abhor questions!"

"Well, alright..."

Tak hurried back to Skool, grateful things were kept under control.

TUESDAY

"Zim! Hurry, we're going to be late! I swear, it's like you're trying to get in trouble."

"I can't help being a busybody," Zim muttered, sliding out from under the Voot Cruiser. "Well, this won't be flying any time soon. Curse that Nick!"

Tak surveyed the demolished lab. "It took you practically all day and night to determine that?"

"No, I spent that on something else!" Zim got up and rounded a corner. "I'll go get that something!"

"Okay, but we really need to get a move on!"

A couple seconds later, Zim returned on a motorcycle...just a full-on motorcycle.

"Wwwhat's this?"

"A motorcycle!"

"Yes, Zim. I know it's a motorcycle. I'm asking why you have it."

"Well, with the Voot temporarily useless, I need some way to cover long distances, don't I? It's a bit primitive, but I get a good feeling from it."

"Do you even have a motorcycle license?"

"No, but Human McMan does! ...Human McMan is the name I used to rent this."

"And that's another felony under the belt."

"LOOK! You were just complaining about hurrying to Skool! We can hurry on this!"

"Any helmets?"

"Helmets are for crabs and soft-skulled humans...do you want to get there on time or not?!"

"...against my better judgment, fine. Should I sit behind you, or on the handlebars?" Tak asked sarcastically.

"Whichever!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not long afterward, Zim and Tak were motorcycling their way to Skool. Zim wasn't particularly well-versed in the rules of the road, but with Tak's "guidance", they were making decent progress. When they stopped at a red light, a few other people on motorcycles stopped next to them.

One of them turned to Zim. "...hey."

Zim glanced at him. "Wha...?"

"You wanna race?"

"Spe-SPEAK UP!" Zim hollered. "THESE MOTORS ARE NOISY!"

"I said, WANNA RACE?!"

"TO WHERE?"

"HEY!" Tak tugged Zim's tunic. "It doesn't matter where! We're going to Skool, nowhere else!"

"Aha, WE SHALL RACE TO THE SKOOL!" Zim declared.

"FINE! BY! MEEE!"

"Not by me!" Tak protested again. "Why are you even bothering with these randos?!"

"Didn't you want to get to Skool quickly?" Zim replied. "We'll get there even more quickly doing this! Besides, I haven't really had a chance to test this vehicle's capabilities. This'll be like a test run!"

"But- -!"

"LIGHT'S GREEN!"

With that, all the motorcycles went screeching down the road. They zoomed past buildings, trees and awestruck pedestrians. All the motorcycles were roughly the same speed, none of them pulling too far from the others. The longer the race went on, the more twists, turns, tunnels and other obstacles the participants passed through, giving the event a more chaotic atmosphere.
Ducking under a branch, Tak pressed her face against Zim's collar and tightened her arms around him.

A shudder ran through him, wobbling the motorcycle. "U-Uh, Tak?"

"Huh?!"

"Are you, um...itchy?"

"No, why?"

"No reason! I just feel a certain element of scratching post-ism."

Tak stopped. "NO, YOU DON'T."

As the Skool came into view, Zim finally managed to push his motorcycle ahead of the others, reaching it first.

"VICTORYYY!" he boasted. "Haha, and with minimal effort!"

He did little victory clasps as the huffy bikers stopped behind him.

"How could we lose...?!"
"We're wearing fingerless gloves and everything!
"We won't forget this, kid!" they vowed before riding off.

"Drama queens." Tak slid off the motorcycle. "At least we got here on time. Come on, Zim."

"Oh, I just came to drop you off. I still have to work on the base."

"I thought your computer had finished rebuilding it by now."

"The house part, yes. Everything else, no. SEE YA!"

Tak stared after him. "...never again."

On his way back home, Zim thought back to Tak's weirdness. "Hmm."

WEDNESDAY

Tak stormed out of the Skool building. She hadn't heard from Zim since yesterday morning, and was getting really tired of making up for his absences and going through the day alone. She spotted Zim, dressed like a typical greaser (A/N: For those who don't know what "greaser" means, it's a popular 1950s American teen subculture. Greasers traditionally wear leather jackets and boots, jeans, sunglasses and slicked-back hair), by his motorcycle next to the sidewalk.

"Hey!" he waved. "How was Skool?"

"THERE you are! Where have you been?! What were you doing?! Why didn't you tell me?! And what are you wearing?"

"Pretty spiffy, eh? But to answer your questions, I had another run-in with those motorcycle humans."

"Were they still mad at you? Did they hurt you?"

"What? No!" chuckled Zim. "Like everybody, they were impressed with me, and asked me to join their coalition! And I agreed to!"

"So, that's why you've missed class," Tak narrowed her eyes. "You're in a...biker gang."

"That is the current state of affairs, yes."

"Zim, why would you of all people want to be in a gang?"

"I admit I was apprehensive at first, but honestly, those humans were pretty persuasive; there are plenty of benefits to this way of life! I don't have to obey the law, I get this uniform, I get free snacks, and best of all, I get to push around weak civilians!"

"My g- -You realize you could get in SO much trouble doing this!"

Zim adjusted his shades in irritation. "Well, I 'could' do many things. I 'could' be spray painting alleyway walls right now, but I came to get you instead. Now let's go; you can see what it's like!"

"Why don't we just go work on our mission in the safety and tranquility of our home?"

"Mmmmm, we 'could' do that, but something tells me you'd enjoy what I had planned more. It'll be all high-stakes, just how you like it!"

"What?!" Tak reddened. "What do you mean?!"

"What do you think I mean?"

"Ughhh, Zim!...ZIM! UGH!" Tak stomped away. "Let me know when you find your marbles!"

Zim watched her go. "I bet she's going to turn around any second now...now...nnnowww...well, that didn't go quite as well as I expected. OH, WELL! She'll change her mind eventually!"

THURSDAY

"And somehow, he was on the other line too! I just about- -" Zim blanched. "MMGH. I think...I need a minute."

"...?"
The gang members looked at him oddly. They were all just chillin', playing billiards, and suddenly this.

"Hold my fruit snacks, Jorge!" commanded Zim. "If you eat any of them, I'll destroy you."

Everyone stared after him as he exited the pool hall.
"That Human McMan's pretty cool."

Outside, Zim was beginning to panic, clutching around his torso.

"What is this unbearable, foreign feeling?! Could it be...doubt? What could I possibly have done that- -...TAK. Ow ow owww!"

A tiny Zim in a devil costume climbed out of his shoulder. "Tak? Please! What are you doubting about HER?"

"..." Zim blinked. "I KNEW Jorge put something in my fruit snacks!"

"No, he didn't. I'm your shoulder devil! I've been trying to get out and talk to you for hours now! Listen, all you have to do is go convince Tak of how foolish she's being! Then she'll rejoin you and you'll be smothered in her affections! SMOTHERED."

"But...do I want that? I don't think Tak would act that way under normal conditions, you know."

"I know, but does that matter? And even if things don't go exactly how you want, you can always quit, completely ramification-free!"

"Well, that does sound pretty goo- -URGH, NOTANOTHERONE!"

A tiny Zim in an angel costume emerged from Zim's other shoulder. "No! You mustn't manipulate Tak's emotions! No amount of affection is worth the risk of her hating you!"

"It's not manipulation!" the Zim devil huffed. "It's just placing her under certain conditions that will inevitably result in her behavior aligning with his desires!"

"That's EXACTLY what manipulation is!"

"Potato, tomato! Tak will love the alliance stuff! If Tak is happy, and Zim is happy, then I don't see an issue. Whatever happens happens."

Zim nodded. "A fair point."

"Well, uh..." the Zim angel stammered. "W-We'll see how happy he is when his crimes catch up to him and he's sent to federal prison! Tak will never forgive him for that!"

"Another fair point. Counterarguments?"

"Um, well, um...just do what I told you to!" The devil slunk back into his shoulder. "I think."

"Honestly, I'm not so sure about my stance either," the angel admitted, returning to the other shoulder. "If only I had small, advisory versions of myself..."

"Wait!"

"Hm?"

"How do you exist?" Zim inquired. "I thought my conscience was destroyed."

"Oh, it was. But we're not part of your conscience, we're just conscience-themed hallucinations. Important distinction."

"That's concerning..."

FRIDAY

Just as Tak was leaving for Skool, Zim rolled into the cul-de-sac on his motorcycle, and he was back in his regular outfit.

She crossed her arms. "Well, look who came crawling back!"

"No time for sass! LISTEN," Zim dashed towards her, suddenly sheepish. "I have...terrible news, and mediocre news."

"Uh, what's the mediocre news?"

"I tried to quit that motorist association! Emphasis on 'tried'."

"And the terrible news?"

"They're on their way to destroy you!"

"What?! Why?!"

"They've undergone some embitterment over my quitting attempt," Zim paced back and forth. "They claimed you were the only reason I'd want to quit, and that to keep me and my glorious company in, they'd have to get rid of you!"

"What gave them that idea?"

"Not me! I think. If only there was something we could do to alleviate this tension between you and them," he cried dramatically. "So we could all be on the same page! The same side! That whole cooperation thing!"

"What's this 'we' business? They're YOUR gang! Deal with them yourself!"

"Heh? But how?!"

"Try to talk them out of it or something!" Tak reentered the base. "Good luck!"

Zim gulped. "Again, not as well as I expected..."

Inside, Tak pressed herself against the wall. It wasn't long before she heard the gang arrive. Overcome with curiosity, she peeked out the window. Oddly, the bikers didn't seem very murderous at all as they spoke with Zim. Maybe he was convincing them to leave? Well, now they looked a little upset...oh, no, now they were beating him up and wrecking his motorcycle.

"MIMI!"

On her mistress's command, MiMi skittered outside and shot lasers at the bikers.

"McMan's got one of those laser cats!"
"Let's get outta here!"
"AGHHHHH!"

Petrified, they climbed back onto their motorcycles and rode off into the distance.

"Ha-HAHh...!" Zim, a wounded heap on the ground, pumped his fist in triumph. "You better r- -ow, it hurts to raise my fist."

"Honestly, I don't know when I didn't send MiMi out sooner." Tak stood over him. "So, what'd you tell them?"

"I..." Zim covered his eyes. "I orchestrated this scenario where I told you that the motorist humans were going kill you if I quit- -"

"So that was a lie."

"No! Well, yes, but DO NOT INTERRUPT ZIM! I really did try to quit, that's why they took my uniform back! They said I had one chance to keep them from 'ensuring I didn't rat them out the authorities'- -ow, doing air quotes hurts too- -and I tried to do that by getting you to join. BUT you didn't! You just deserted me!"

"I saved you, moron! I had no way of knowing what was really going on! And I'd never get involved in this mess all because you wanted to play thrill-seeker!"

"Ohh," Zim spat up blood. "But I thought you liked being in peril."

"Zim..." Tak sighed heavily and sat beside him. "Do you know what 'arousal' is?"

"Of course!"

"..."

"...but explain it just in case."

"Simply put, it's when someone's body tells them to feel...certain feelings about something. But those feelings aren't always good, and they shouldn't let it guide their actions. At least you tried not to. And it was sweet of you to take that risk for me."

"Was i- -!"

Tak cut him off with a kiss. "The lab's good as new now, so come inside. You can stay home from Skool to get healed up."

"You'll have to help me up, my shins are broken."

XXXXXXXELSEWHEREXXXXXXX

"What the...?" Human McMan read his newest email. "I don't recall renting a motorcycle. Dangit, my ex must've found out my new credit card number. Time to move again!"

(A/N: Well...that was weird. It's crazy, I thought this chapter was gonna be so hard to write because of everything I planned to put in it, and to some extent it WAS, but a good chunk of it actually went smoothly. It was hella long, so it took a while to edit, but I don't really mind. Officially 3000+ words...Hope you liked it, and perhaps even learned a valuable lesson about thinking with your wee-wee.

Please review, fave, follow, point out any mistakes and I shall see you next time. Still 5 request slots open! Au revoir!)