"Tony, I'm not going to tell you again," Steve lectured as he followed a perturbed billionaire through the tower. Bruce hustled behind to catch up. "We need to have a better security system for this place."

"He may have a point," Bruce chiming in as they headed to the kitchen where the other Avengers were gathered for lunch.

"But we already have one," Tony offered.

"And outdated one," Steve pointed out.

Tony stared at him. "Did Captain America just say 'outdated?'"

Clint look up from where he was making his special PB&J sandwich. And by special, I meant he put a pickle on it. "What are you two going on about this time?" Bruce filled them in.

"I concur with Stark," Thor said. "What burglar in a sound state of mind would entertain the notion of breaking and entering our abode?"

Tony looked at Steve and pointed to Thor in a "see?" gesture.

"Blondie has a point," Clint said taking a bite.

"Maybe, but have you forgotten some of the goons we've fought in the past?" Natasha reminded them. "I wouldn't describe them as being in 'a sound state of mind.'" She did air quotes on the last part.

"Exactly my point," Steve crossed his arms. "Not to mention-"

Captain America stopped mid-sentence and sniffed the air. "Uh, Clint? Is there something in the microwave?"

They all turned around to find some dude in a red and black suit staring intently into the microwave. A Hello Kitty lunch box was in his hands and he bounced anxiously back and forth on balls of his feet as the seconds ticked down.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

"Awwww yeah!" he celebrated. He pulled a chimichanga from the microwave oven and put it in the lunch box before looking up to acknowledge earth's mightiest heroes. He waved his fingers. "Oh, hi guys."

Steve nodded a greeting. "Deadpool."

They stared at each other in silence.

"... Well this is totes awks," Deadpool said closing the microwave door. Clint asked the obvious question.

"Uh, what are you doing?"

Deadpool face-palmed. "Re-heating leftovers, duh. I'd be using my own reheating chamber but it got destroyed. I'm not saying how because quite frankly it's embarrassing but I will tell you it involved an elephant in a sombrero and a ten gallon tub of spray cheese." He said all this in one breath. "And if I may put in my two cents, oh great heroes," Deadpool slammed his lunch box shut. "Your security system is on the boring side. I mean seriously, no shark tank, no lasers or pew-pew guns, I didn't get incinerated, impaled, mortally injured. I didn't even get a paper cut for crying out loud!" He faked a yawn. "Boooorriiinnng."

During his rambling, Deadpool had made his way over to a window. He brought down his lunchbox on the glass and shattered it. Turning to Clint he added. "A pickle on peanut butter and jelly... Kudos to you Katniss, I'll have to try that." The he held out his arms and jumped out the window with a shout of "CATCH ME SPIDEY."

The Avengers stared in silence. A few seconds later, they all heard a splat of the freelancer hitting concrete. Then Deadpool's voice: 'WHAT'S YOUR DEAL, PARKER?!"

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose like he was fighting off an oncoming migraine. "I need a better security system."

A/N: I'd been wanting to do something with Deadpool for a while now XD I hope I somehow managed to capture a sliver of his... uh... uniqueness :P

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