I'm so sorry I haven't updated in forever, guys. My summer's been busier than I thought it would be, and I've been binge-watching LOST like crazy. (Got to season 4 in three weeks oops?)

Also, Mysticgoats has published the fluff leading up to her smut, and the first chapter of something I think you guys will like.

She also helped me with this, and I appreciate it.

(Random AU)

"I hate you," Hades grumbled to his brother.

"I know," Zeus chuckled. "Now go!" He gave Hades a shove forward and ran off, almost causing his brother to drop the items in his hands.

Cursing Zeus under his breath, Hades reluctantly slid the items onto the counter, in a pathetic try at being casual.

Looking over them, he winced, as it looked even worse out of context.

A box of condoms, chocolate-flavored lubricant (that had been Zeus's asshole idea) and a giant can of whipped cream lay on the counter.

This was so not worth a hundred dollars-

"Sir? Can I help you?" Hades looked up at the cashier that had interrupted his thoughts, a pretty girl with fiery red hair and emerald eyes.

Christ. Of course she had to be cute.

Hades wanted to sink through the floor. Instead, he raised his head and looked straight into her glimmering green eyes.

"Yeah, thanks," he said awkwardly, wanting to die.

Picking up the box, she gave it a minute stare before placing it in the bag.

Hades cringed not wanting to say something for fear of making it worse.

She picked up the tube, and instantly stopped at the label, then glanced up at him.

"They're for my brother," he attempted to explain.

She raised an eyebrow, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

His eyes widened. "Oh my god, no, not like that!" Spinning around, he shouted at his brother, "YOU SUCK , ZEUS!"

"Does he, now?"

Hades whirled back to face the cashier, who was shaking with laughter now.

"I'm not- I just-' he sputtered.

She laughed again. "I'm only teasing," she assured him.

"It's a dare," he tried weakly.

"So you have no intention of using it? That's a waste of-" she checked the computer, "$6.90."

Hades honestly had no response, he just ducked his head.

Still smiling, she rang up the whipped cream and handed him the receipt, but not before writing something on the paper.

"If you ever have intentions of using any of these you can call me," she said, winking at him as she handed hin the bag.

He cracked a smile. "Duly noted." He turned away to leave.

"I'm Zelena, by the way," she called leaning over the counter.

"Hades."

"See you around then, Hades? Buying normal things?"

"One can hope," he replied, causing her to laugh.

"My shift's over at 8," she said. "You can tell me how you got roped into that dare."

"I'll be here."

"Great. See you then."

Review, please! This was honestly just born out of some prompt I found and it was too good to pass up (Mysticgoats came up with those items, btw)

Playlist update: 257 songs, 32 followers