Hello! Sorry for the long wait. I had a bit of time to write, but had some major writer's block. I have many ideas for the next chapter so it won't be a problem! Thanks for all your comments! I really appreciate it and it's so much fun reading what you have to say!
"Son of a Bitch," Olivia grunts as she shifts her body into a different position while on the sofa.
"What's the matter?" Elliot asks her, walking over to her from the kitchen. "Heart burn again?"
Olivia winces as she slowly straightens her body out.
"No, back pain," she responds. "Feels like somebody took an axe to my lower back…shit."
She squeezes her eyes shut as the sharp, stabbing pain continues to invade her lower back.
"Don't worry, this is normal," Elliot responds, standing a few feet in front of her. "Your center of gravity is just thrown off from the extra weight you're carrying… Your muscles are forced to work harder and that's putting stress on your joints so-"
"Elliot, shut up," Olivia says quickly, cutting him off. "I know the technical reason. I don't need a medical explanation, I just want the pain gone."
Elliot smirks, not necessarily to the pain Olivia is experiencing but the pregnancy itself. With this now being his sixth child, he is used to seeing the different aches, pains, and most importantly, the mood swings that come with being pregnant.
Olivia releases a strong gasp before looking up at Elliot's face.
"I swear to God, Elliot, I'm gonna rip that smirk off your face. I'll murder you," she pants while concentrating on her breathing in attempt to ease her pain.
"Sorry," Elliot responds. "And I know you're in your third trimester and everything, but can we at least wait until you're on the table and in labor before the death threats? It's a bit early for that, no?"
He looks down at her and doesn't see the slightest sign of amusement on her face as she glares at him.
"Whoa… if looks alone could kill…" Elliot says under his breath.
He cocks his head toward her bedroom before speaking.
"Want a' extra pillow?" Elliot suggests as he begins stepping in the direction of the hallway.
Olivia sighs and nods her head.
"Anything else I can get for ya?" Elliot asks.
"Yes, get this baby out of me," Olivia responds.
With that, Elliot walks to the bedroom and grabs one of her bed pillows. He enters the living room and walks back over to her, using his hand to tilt her back forward to slide the pillow behind her.
"That better?" he asks.
"Mm-hm," Olivia mummers, leaning against the extra cushion.
"It's almost over," Elliot tells her. "We're so close."
Olivia nods her head and looks back up at him as she speaks.
"Yeah, I know. Thankfully we won't have to be in pain for too much longer," she says sarcastically.
Elliot shakes his head before sitting down beside her on the sofa. He had always known Olivia to be feisty, but the pregnancy took her feistiness to a whole new level.
"You know what I meant," Elliot says.
Elliot places his hand on her thigh before reaching for the remote and resuming the movie that Olivia had paused moments ago when he went to the kitchen to put the dishes away.
"Finally," Olivia whispers as the pain dulls.
"I wish I knew what you were going through. I hate seeing you in discomfort," Elliot tells her.
"Oh, really?" Olivia responds, not able to hold in her sarcasm as she remembers the smirk that had been plastered across Elliot's face just minutes before.
"Yeah, really," Elliot answers. "I would switch our bodies and take the pain myself if I could."
Olivia shakes her head, secretly hating him for offering the impossible, something that he can't give or actually do for her. She winces once more when she feels the pain quickly returning.
"I'm not used to seeing you like this," Elliot says.
"Seeing me like what?" Olivia asks, turning to face him.
"In pain like this," Elliot responds. "I can't even count the number of times you've seen me in pain or in the hospital, but it's rarely the other way around."
"I didn't get shot or stabbed, Elliot. I'm pregnant," Olivia says, laughing a bit.
"I know, I know. I'm still not used to seeing you in pain," Elliot tells her.
"Stop worrying, I'm fine. Besides… I've been in much worse pain than this before. This is minor compared to what I've experienced," Olivia responds.
Elliot looks at her, puzzled. He nods his head when he finally realizes which experiences specifically Olivia is referring to.
Olivia watches Elliot as he bows his head and frowns. She swallows after she realizes that she has unintentionally brought the mood down. She notices the quick change in Elliot's expression and knows he is thinking of Grant. It is clear that Elliot feels guilty and that's the last thing Olivia wants.
She reaches for his hand and tugs on it lightly as he stares down to the floor.
"Elliot, I'm fine. Now is not the time to get all sad on me. You should be okay knowing that I'm okay…And actually I'm better than okay, I'm great."
"Are you sure, Liv?" Elliot says, speaking softly. "You can tell me if you aren't. You never need to hide your feelings from me. Ever. Are you still hurting? Really, you can tell me."
Elliot stares into Olivia's eyes as she sits in silence, a look of uncertainty plastered on her face as she wonders whether or not she should travel down this road with him.
"Yes, Elliot…I feel the pain from time to time, but that's normal. To be honest, I don't think some of those memories will ever go away. And you should be worried if I said otherwise. It wouldn't be realistic if I didn't think about it occasionally. It just doesn't happen that way," Olivia responds.
"How often do you think about it; how often do you feel the pain?" Elliot asks her.
Olivia places her hands in her lap and clasps them together as she looks down at her fidgeting fingers.
"Elliot, this won't benefit anyone. Why do you want to know?" Olivia asks, avoiding eye contact with him as she twiddles her fingers in her lap.
"I need to know," Elliot responds without providing an actual reason.
"I said that I'm fine, and that's all that should matter. It shouldn't matter how many days of the week I think about it," Olivia tells him. "I'm fine, Elliot," she repeats.
Elliot nods his head reluctantly and drops the conversation. He decides not to push her any further even though not knowing the details of what Olivia endures each day tortures him.
"Okay," Elliot says, forcing a smile on his face. "I believe ya."
Olivia pushes herself off of the sofa slowly, balancing herself as her ankles adjust to the weight of her belly.
"I'm gonna go hop in the shower," she says as she begins walking past Elliot.
Elliot extends his hand out and grabs her wrist gently, stopping her.
"Don't be upset. I really do believe you, Liv. You know me though… I just worry too much. I know you're okay. You don't have to prove to me that you are. I can see that you're happy. I'm sorry for being so invasive… Like I said, I just worry a lot," Elliot explains to her.
"I know," Olivia responds. "I'm not upset, but I really should shower. I haven't had one today."
Elliot stares into her eyes and sees the pain she's feeling, but releases her wrist, realizing that she needs her space. He can't tell if the pain is a result of her thinking about her past experience with Grant or if she is hurt and frustrated about the fact that she can't convince Elliot that she is fully recovered from that experience.
Olivia heads toward the bathroom and Elliot drops his head, cursing himself for pushing her.
Once in the bathroom, Olivia begins removing her clothing. After she removes her shirt, she walks over to the shower, reaching her hand inside the curtain to turn the knob.
While waiting for the water to warm up, she examines her body in the mirror, taking in her large belly. After seeing a bit of steam rise, she turns toward the tub and slowly steps in.
When the hot water hits her skin she closes her eyes. Grant's face suddenly flashes before her and she shoots her eyes back open. She desperately looks around the bathtub, looking for a distraction as Grant's face is permanently burned into her memory.
She sobs, realizing that even the most innocent and simple activities bring up memories of him, even months following her capture.
She hears the hinges squeaking as the door cracks open and holds her breath. She listens closely and hears footsteps approaching the bathtub.
What is he going to do to me? she wonders. Is he going to yank me from the tub again? Beat me for taking too long?
"I'm almost done, Grant," she says as she sees his silhouette through the curtain. "I'm going as fast as I can."
"Take your time," Grant tells her. "There's no rush. I'm just coming in to check on ya."
Olivia swallows hard and closes her eyes as she hears him take his last step. She feels his presence and knows he is standing right beside the bathtub, no more than a couple feet away from her.
Grant gently pulls the curtain back and as the curtain rings slide along the metal pole Olivia turns to face him.
Grant says nothing, gazing at her while she stands in silence. She freezes as the hot water continues to pour down onto her bruised body.
"What do you want, Grant?" Olivia whispers, dropping her head and feeling completely exposed once again.
"Can I join you?" Grant asks while smiling sadistically.
"I was just about to step out actually," Olivia says while her breathing picks up. "I'm done."
"I know I'm usually strict about your long showers, but I'll make an exception for you this time."
Olivia shuts her eyes once more as she hears Grant removing his belt before hearing his pants drop to the tile floor. She waits with her eyes closed and flinches when she feels his warm flesh on her back as he steps in behind her.
Olivia reaches for the knob to turn the water off and her first attempt fails. Her grip on the knob is weak as her hands tremble. She squeezes her hands more firmly around the knob and tries again, finally shutting the water off.
Feeling suffocated inside the shower, she quickly steps out and grabs her towel. Elliot hears the bathroom door shut again and lifts himself off the sofa, walking toward the hallway.
He looks down to the floor and sees Olivia's wet footprint tracks leading to her bedroom. He follows them and slowly cracks the door open when he reaches her room.
"Liv?" he asks in a concerned tone. "You doin' alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Olivia says in a shaky voice.
Elliot pushes the door open fully and sees her slipping on her robe.
"You don't sound fine, babe," Elliot says honestly.
"Well, I am," Olivia retorts as she rubs the towel into her soaked hair.
Elliot enters the room but keeps his distance.
"That was a quick shower," he comments. "What happened, Liv?"
"Uh, the warm water went out," she lies. "I couldn't shower in freezing water."
Elliot recognizes the uneasiness in her voice and immediately knows she is lying.
"Olivia, you can tell me the truth," Elliot says calmly.
Olivia pauses from drying off and faces him.
"What do you mean?" she asks, shrugging.
She's able to keep her upper body steady and take control back over her voice, but her hands still shake. Elliot looks at her face and notices the redness in her eyes. She had obviously been crying.
"I don't know why you feel like you have to go through this alone. Olivia, whatever you tell me, I can handle it. I need to know what you're going through so that I can help you and be there for you," Elliot pleads.
"It's not necessary, Elliot. I'm fine," Olivia responds as she wraps the towel around her damp hair, twisting it to release more moisture. "I got a little spooked but I'm fine now. It happens."
"I feel responsible for that," Elliot admits. "It's my fault; I pushed you and I shouldn't have."
"Don't be silly, Elliot," Olivia says, shaking her head. "None of this is your fault."
"It was clear that you didn't want to talk about it, but I went there with you anyway. It won't happen again," Elliot says, apologizing despite Olivia's claim that he is not at fault.
"It's not you, El. Sometimes… the simplest things remind me of Grant. It was the shower, not you," Olivia tells him.
Elliot slants one eyebrow, his mind wondering as he tries to think of reasons of why being in a shower brings back painful memories of her time spent with Grant.
"Yeah, but I feel like I triggered it. What I asked was probably the catalyst and for that I'm sorry," Elliot responds.
Olivia nods before walking over to the bed and lowering herself to sit.
"When will this end?" she says, sighing.
"When will what end?" Elliot asks.
"Elliot, I'm weeks away from giving birth to our child and I'm still having difficulties dealing with something that happened months ago. It shouldn't be this way. Grant's dead… I shouldn't still be afraid like this," Olivia replies.
"You're doing great, Liv," Elliot says in a soothing tone. "Like you said, this is normal. I'd be worried if you didn't get a little shaken up every now and then. A lot of people couldn't have survived what you did. It's amazing that you're even at where you are right now. It usually takes women years to get to this point…even women that have been through a lot less."
"I know," Olivia whispers. "I'm just sick of it. I can't stand being this way. And I'm worried about the baby, El. I feel like I'm putting stress on our child when I'm like this."
Elliot sits beside her and places his hand on her back.
"The baby's fine, Liv. Each visit to the doctor has concluded that we're going to have a healthy son. Don't worry yourself sick about that. We have a few weeks to go and you'll both be fine. Actually, better than fine, you'll be great," Elliot tells her.
Olivia nods again, looking into Elliot's light blue eyes and being thankful that at least one of them had it all together. If she can't be a good mother for their child because of her issues, she's happy to have Elliot here as back up.
For a short moment, Olivia begins thinking about a life without Elliot. She quickly shakes that thought away, knowing that she doesn't feel strong and whole enough to survive parenthood without him.
Pleeeease review! Thanks for those who do!