I feel like a DICK! The date on the original notes for this was 5-10-15 (And it was SUPPOSED to be posted in MARCH of that year.)

HOW you gon' have "a hard year" for years? Smh.

If ANYBODY is even still around, I am so sorry. And, also thank you.

Don't Make Me Over 36

Babycakes Is Born

Jonesy was in the middle of her workout (which meant doing choreography of R&B and pop song official videos, but real talk - like 2 or 3 videos and she'd be done with everything and everybody), when she first started feeling pains. The pains weren't severe or really uncommon for her, having had a couple of bumps in the road during this journey already. She wasn't really ready to give up on her workout yet because that end part of Beyonce's Grown Woman gave her LIFE, but when she felt… not really a pain, but more like a hard kick from the baby, she almost hit the floor.

"You ok, Boss Lady?" Bree asked.

Jonesy chuckled, "Yeah.. I felt this weird super kick…" She hoisted herself up and a gush of fluid released from her body. "Goddamn." She said, as calmly as can be. "I have to go change and get in contact with the doctor..."

Fortunately, she had her things together and it didn't take her long to both change and to put on an adult diaper which her mother insisted she purchase. At some point between the changing of her clothes, washing her face, brushing her teeth… she began to hurt. She rinsed her mouth, came out of the bathroom and gave Bree a worried look.

Bree had already called in assistance, in case something went wrong and she sat alert, "What is it?" She wondered.

"Just some pain." Jonesy took a few deep breaths. "Get a photo of me before I go into labor."

"Of course," Bree said and did so. She began tweeting while Jonesy made her way for the couch, her legs collapsed and she barely caught her fall this time. Bree yelped, dropped her phone and rushed over to help her. Jonesy's heart was beating really fast and her head was spinning. She almost started crying as she called Sam. "Sam. H… Hey…"

"Jones… are you okay?" He was already taking off his work belt. "Is it time?"

"I feel like I might have another seizure!" She sobbed.

"Where's Bree?"

"She's… she's…"

"I'm on my way! Let me speak to her!" He ran passed his manager, just saying, "Jonesy!" The manager, the rest of the staff and the customers looked either surprised or confused, but he hardly had time or attention to notice.

Jonesy was trying to explain something to Bree as Bree was on the phone with Sam, trying to listen to both of them and also to get Jonesy situated where if she had a seizure, she could help her power through it. "She might tell you not to call 911, but I've been saving up for it and just go ahead and do it. You can't really see her through a seizure and drive her to the hospital at the same time, you know?"

"Yeah…" Bree said, reaching for her own fallen phone, but keeping Jonesy's hand in hers and honestly feeling super overwhelmed wondering where the fuck her backup was. Jonesy heard New Edition's "Is This The End" playing from her laptop and hoped silently that that was not a sign, because she certainly felt like she might die.

Renee and Mack finally came in and Mack wondered, "Is this the baby?" in excitement.

"I think I might be preparing to seize," Jonesy was trembling and crying at this point. Mack's eyes widened.

Bree rubbed her belly, "Your hormones and blood pressure are likely not ideal, but maybe it'll be okay. Maybe you aren't seizing. Think about that. Say that," she spoke into the phone, "Yes, she's had one in the past and I guess right now she's having auras. She's pregnant, her water has broken and she thinks she might be about to have a seizure." She looked at Mack and said quietly, "Water and towels." Mack rushed off to comply. Bree put the phone down and cradled Jonesy. "I am going to try to get somebody here to help you. I need someone to help me get you into fresh clothes."

"I got the diaper on."

"Ok. Well, do you need help changing it?"

"No… I don't think I'm seizing. I think I felt the pain and started having an anxiety attack… Cancel the ambulance."

"No, Sam told me not to listen to that order. He claims he can afford it and if I'm being real, I can use the help for my own peace of mind."

By the time the ambulance arrived, they took her vitals, checked her out, confirmed whether or not she needed to be rushed to the hospital (and decided that she didn't seem to, but that they would bring her.) She wanted to wait until she had to be there. She wanted to be comfortable, in the meantime.

Bree had been in a Twitter war pretty much all day long. It started with her posting the pre-hospital photo of Mercedes, and the caption, "When your queen springs a leak but she's still on fleek." Several fans had responded and retweeted in the excitement of the nanny seemingly confirming that Jonesy's water had broken. But, several others decided it was time to try to come for her. There were size jokes and the typical declarations that there was no reason for people to care because, 'She isn't even actually a star. She's a blogger and her reality show isn't good.'

" KittyWildebeast MarleyRose And yet, here you hoes are. #LoveToLoveToHateYou #YallHatersCorny #BabycakesDay"

Sam sighed, "She is always on her phone."

"It's her connection to the outside world," Mercedes said, rechecking all of the stuff that Bree had gathered. "And, she already did her work. I'm just… Sort of freaking out."

"I would love if we can go, now." Sam told her.

"I still have time. I don't want to wait around at the hospital."

"I don't want to try to get there too late and have something happen. I can't believe you sent the ambulance away. We're still going to have to pay for it."

"Worrier," she said.

He quickly muttered in reply, "Says the one triple checking work that she already approved."

Bree commented from her seat, "He's right!"

"Was that a vote to go to the hospital?" Sam asked. "Because that's a two-fer, if so. And two-fers mean you gotta," He looked at Jonesy and she frowned, but reached for her bag. Bree got up and started gathering the stroller, with everything else tucked inside. Sam got up, took Jonesy's bag and made his way towards the door.

Ryvie had arranged for a private room and she and Mary had already decorated the door, which had a guard outside of it. Jonesy pointed a thumb at him as she came inside, "Ummm?"

Ryvie shrugged, "You never know, with your life." She looked at Bree, unpacking the stroller onto the small table and wondered, "Are you planning to be here for the duration? Because if so, I could give you a little tip for watching Ra. Her and her daddy are heading this way."

Bree asked, "Do you not want her to see and know the wonders of bringing human life into the world?"

"To be frank, I'm caught between not wanting to traumatize her with that bloody event and WANTING to traumatize her with it."

"She's too young to be anything but entertainingly grossed out by it, I think," Bree offered. "But, I will take her on. After it was decided to do the hospital thing, instead of the home thing, I'm really not worth much use around here other than handling supplies."

"Nonsense. I have felt better since you were hired," Ryvie said.

Mary was seated at the table, preparing the first outfit and kicked out a chair for Mercedes to sit at. "You ready for this painful miracle?" She asked.

"I am. It feels surreal. Like, so many times, actually coming to full term was not a reality, so inside of me, no matter how well I'm keeping it together, I am losing my shit."

"If it makes you feel better, you ain't keeping it together well. You appear to be losing your shit from where I'm sitting," Mary said.

Mercedes shook her head, "It doesn't make me feel better."

"Well, it didn't make you feel worse," Mary commented.

Ryvie interrupted with, "Whenever it all happens, there can't be too many people in the room. I hope you made some choices, because all of your little friends will get their feelings hurt if they think that they're about to crowd into this space when you're at risk."

The last checkup she received, her blood pressure was dangerously high and she had to be on bed rest. Mostly, it was her obeying, but feeling sick all the time and Bree helping her to try to keep her pressure down. But, the more she tried to relax, the more time she had time to sit and think about everything wrong. About if she saw a baby that looked like Finn, what was she going to actually do. About why she went through with this, especially with all of the complications and the restrictions. About the time when she'd gotten so upset that she had a seizure. A fucking seizure. And the doctors were not sure that she wouldn't have another one.

That was possibly why she had so much anxiety about it and almost manufactured one in her mind.

The level of support made her heart swell. She expected much of it, but hormones didn't care about that when she was crying every time she saw a new check in at the Babycakes Day event that Kurt set up on Facebook.

This. Was. Painful.

Hours of it, in fact. In her mind, she had imagined this happening with a soundtrack in the background that embodied the experience. She had thought that it would play out, not like a movie, but like a viewing. She had somehow expected an out of body experience. Like… she had dissociated from a lot of things over the past nine months and now, she was finally hit with the sobriety of her choice. There was now going to be another person in her life that no matter how screwed up or out of wits she was, she was going to have to be responsible for! And this additional person was coming today. And she was bringing the pain with her. Pain like Jonesy had not been capable of imagining.

For some reason, the "soundtrack" happening in Jonesy's mind was Tina covering Tina's Wish by Ike and Tina Turner at a Shucks on a Shingle show at her request. "I'm talking to the priest. The priest. And everybody out there in the universe. If what I'm saying is wrong, then tell me the right way to say it. Cause, I wanna be made over…"

"What was I thinking?" Jonesy groaned out loud, nearly crushing Sam's hand. "I don't want to do this. I didn't understand what I was signing up for. I can't be a mother. I can't raise nobody!" She cried.

Ryvie wiped some sweat off of her head and said, "You're already a mother, biologically. You still have time to sign off.."

Jonesy could barely breathe. Sam was handed Babycakes, and he stared at her, trying to smooth over the crying. "If you don't want her, I'll take her," he said and moved closer to her.

Everything hurt, but when Sam brought the baby over and showed her to her mother, Jonesy reached out to accept her and forgot whatever she had just been saying.