Chapter 37 – What Now?
John Flynn's POV
"So Elliott, we have about thirty minutes before your brother will be joining us. What is on your mind?"
He is sitting on the couch bent over playing with the mud on his work boots. He looks up at me. "Sorry, I will clean this up. I um, you know I have never done this. In all the years Christian had counseling; I have never ever bared my soul to anyone. This feels fucking strange."
"Don't worry about the mud. I have a vacuum." He nods and sits back." What is strange?"
"I haven't been sleeping very well and I have had fucking nightmares. I usually sleep like a baby. And I have had this dream several times where I am at one of my construction sites and I am operating the bulldozer digging a huge hole. I am covering Christian up with dirt and when I try to stop the bulldozer and it's no longer me driving it but Elena Lincoln. She keeps covering him with dirt and I try to pull her off of the bulldozer but I can't get her off the damn thing, so I leave. I wake up when all the dirt falls on Christian and it's so fucking real. John, I am not fucked up am I?"
I smile. Elliot is such a down to earth nice young man, I feel for him. I have always known even when Christian couldn't make any room for his family, that Elliot loved his brother and would do anything for him. He is feeling such guilt and his dream is quite classic of someone who feels he let his loved one down.
"No Elliot, you are not fucked up. Do you understand why you are having these dreams?"
"I assume it has to do with the fact that I didn't help him when I should have. I should have stopped him from going over to see Elena."
"Why are you putting this on yourself Elliot?"
"He was always a quiet little kid and a loner. I was the only person he ever hung out with and we had fun. We were really close. Then he started getting into trouble when he was around fourteen and I was seventeen and he was always acting like a dick. You know we started fighting a little bit. He would mouth off to me and I was bigger at that time and I would tell him to fuck off and we would end up fighting. I mean actual fighting with our fists. We would really go at it. I was bigger and stronger and I would beat him down pretty bad. I always felt bad afterwards and tell him I was sorry. He was getting in fights all the time at school and in all sorts of trouble. He then had his growth spurt and I still out weighted him but he was my height so when we fought he wasn't as easy to beat down. He was just so miserable and mouthy. You know some things he did were typical for that age, but he was so fucking angry all the time and treated my parents like shit. I couldn't take his attitude." Elliot gets up and walks towards the window.
It was the summer after my senior year, so I wasn't quite eighteen yet and Christian had just turned fifteen. He had been in so much trouble that school year, half the time he wasn't talking to any of us. He was grounded in his room almost every day that year. My parents were ready to put him in military school. It was pretty bad. Then they told Christian he was going to work at Elena Lincoln's house and I remember he was so pissed that first day he had to work there. But he went and he kept going back and he started doing better and actually being more like his old self." Elliot comes back to the couch. It is fascinating to hear this from his perspective.
"You mentioned that you knew what was going on with Christian and Elena. Can you tell me about that?"
"I didn't know about the sick shit – well maybe I did I don't know." He rubs his hand through his hair. So this is where Christian learned this habit. "It was later in the summer, right before I was leaving for college and I went into Christian's room where he was lying on his bed. I remember I was bored and we use to wrestle just for fun when we were younger. So I jumped on him and we started wrestling and this is going to sound bad but I could smell sex, you know pussy all over him. I stopped wrestling him and I pulled back and said 'Bro have you been fucking?' I mean I was almost eighteen and lived to get laid. You know that is all I thought about at that age and I knew that smell. He jumped up and got really pissed at me and went into his bathroom and never said anything. He avoided me for a few days but I noticed the only place he was going was to Mrs. Lincoln's house. See I knew she was fucking him because first of all, he always came home smelling like sex, but she also tried to get me to fuck her when I was about fifteen, but I didn't want anything to do with her. So I knew he was getting some pussy and he was a hell of a lot more pleasant than he use to be so I just let it go. I figured once summer was over and he quit working for her he would go back to school and he would have learned a little over the summer about sex and be done with her. I actually thought he was shy with girls and this would help him with his self confidence. I left for college and never suspected that it was going on for six more years."
"You mentioned Elliot, that maybe you knew that Elena was physically abusing him. Tell me about that." I can see this is painful for Elliot. He leans over placing his elbows on his knees and looks down at the floor.
"I never put it together John. But it was right there. I was so into being eighteen and getting laid and my own life that I didn't put it together. If I had stopped and thought about it I could have figured it out. I could have stopped it." He pauses and wipes his eye. "I walked into his bedroom and he was in his shower. We always walked in and out of each other's bedrooms and bathrooms. I needed something in his bathroom, I don't even remember what it was and he was in his shower leaning with his arms against the wall and his back towards the door. His fucking back was bleeding and he had bruises all over his ass and it looked like someone had taken a belt to him. I yelled, 'what the fuck happened to you" and he jumped and screamed at me to leave. I kept asking him what happened and he told me he scraped himself when he was working at the Lincoln's and fell hard on the pavement. I knew it was bullshit, but I didn't have any other explanation. I thought maybe he had been in another fight but didn't want to let us know because he had been doing so well."
"And what do you know now?"
Elliot doesn't say anything. He leans down playing with his shoelaces then rubs his hair again. "I know what she did to him. I know the best of it was that she beat him with canes and belts. I know she shoved shit up his ass, beat his balls, handcuffed him, tied him with rope, suffocated him, pissed on him…she treated him like a fucking animal. Hell worse than that. She fucked him up and I didn't stop it. I should have done something, and I didn't. I went off to college and left him there to be physically abused. I let him down." I let Elliot cry silently for five minutes. "I am so pissed at him. Why didn't he come to me John? I would have stopped her. Hell I would have killed her. He's my little brother and I didn't help him. I let him down. But why the fuck didn't he tell me?" Elliot is crying again and I look at my watch knowing that Christian will be here any minute.
"Elliot, have you asked Christian why he didn't come to you? Have you told him you are angry with him?" He shakes his head no. "What do you want to tell Christian today? I know you want to ask him why he didn't come to you, is there anything else?
"Yes I want to tell him I am sorry about all that fucked up shit that happened to him, I want him to know it doesn't change anything between us. I love him. He is my best friend, my little brother and I would do anything for him. I am sorry I wasn't more insistent and that I didn't help him. And I am angry with him because he hid everything from me you know. Like he spent years fucking all these women, and we never hung around together and we could have been having fun like we do now. I don't know; I am pissed at him and at the same time I am so sorry I didn't help him. I love him and it is all just pulling at me."
My receptionist buzzes me that Christian has arrived. Elliot gets up and wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He clearly is embarrassed as he tells me he never cries.
"You obviously are very close to your brother, and learning about his past is still knew to you Elliot. It is a lot to absorb. Are you ready for your brother to join us?" He nods that he is ready.
Christian walks in and I am immediately struck by how different they are. Christian is dressed in a herringbone suit with a tie and very expensive shoes. Elliot is in ripped jeans, work boots and a sweatshirt that says Grey Construction. Christian shakes my hand and walks over to Elliot and extends his hand to Elliot who puts his hand out and looks up. Immediately Christian realizes that Elliot has been crying.
"Elliot, fuck, I um…" Christian doesn't know what to say to Elliot. "Are you okay?" He sits down in the chair next to the couch and reaches over and touches Elliot's shoulder.
"Christian; Elliot and I have been talking about his discovery of what happened between you and Elena Lincoln. He is dealing with some feelings that have interrupted his thoughts as of recently. We thought it would be best if he could talk to you about them, here in this setting. Elliot, why don't you share with Christian some of your feelings that you shared with me? Start with how you feel about Christian not coming to you when he was fifteen to tell you what was going on."
There is a very long pause. "I am pissed at myself for not protecting you bro. I am pissed at you because you could have come to me and I am sick to my stomach knowing what she did to you. I can't eat, I can't sleep and when I do sleep I have fucking nightmares about letting you down. I let her fuck you up and we barely knew each other for those years that she had control over you. Even when you were no longer involved with her and we went out or fishing or rafting there was always something I knew you weren't telling me. I wanted to be your best friend, a good brother and I let that fucking psycho hurt you. Why didn't you fucking tell me Christian? Didn't you trust me?" Elliot is trying not to cry again.
I always knew that Christian's past would eventually hurt his family if it came out. But I never anticipated it would be his brother that would carry the burden. I need to find out why Elliot continues to shoulder this burden more than anyone else.
"Elliot, please don't do this. You are a selfless, giving, great brother. I would rather hang out with you than almost anyone in the world other than Ana. I trust you more than anyone else in the world and I love you and would do anything for you. But please, don't blame yourself for this. I hate that my fucked up past and life is doing this to you. I hate that I hid my life from you. I should have come to you. I didn't for various reasons, but mostly because Elena told me not to and I didn't think for myself back then. She controlled me body and soul. Even if you had known, I am not sure it would have stopped me from going back to her. I know now how wrong it was, but back then, nothing would have kept me from going back for more of the pain, sex, and affirmation that she gave me."
"What did she affirm Christian? I don't understand." Elliot looks a bit angry.
"She affirmed I was worthless and deserved to be hurt and punished." Christian puts his head down. Before Elliot can blow up, which I can tell he is about to do Christian stops him. "I know that is wrong now, I completely know how wrong everything was Elliot. But I didn't then. It has taken me years of therapy with John, and the love of a wonderful woman to get my head on straight. I am sorry Elliot that you are dealing with this.
Almost an hour later, Christian has done his best to get Elliot to understand that he never told him because he didn't want to let him down. He looked up to Elliot and he didn't want to have him know how sick and fucked up his life had become.
Elliot seemed to need reassurance that Christian was okay more than anything. He wanted to know why he had needed a BDSM lifestyle and more importantly was he still into BDSM. I think Elliot was honestly worried about Ana.
"I didn't know anything else but BDSM. I didn't want relationships with women I just wanted to fuck. So, I found women that wanted the same thing. When they wanted more I ended it. I did this for almost seven years. When I met Ana, I initially thought I would just have that kind of relationship with her because again that is all I knew. But, man I pretty much fell for her instantly. She was the first woman that I thought about non-stop, wanted to be gentle with and have more. I fell in love with her and she wasn't into the lifestyle. I knew I couldn't be in it anymore if I wanted her."
Christian stops for a second. He sees Elliot trying to say something but cuts him off. "Look, Ana and I have a lot of sex. She knows I have a pretty high sex drive. I know you know that we are pretty active as you are always giving us shit about it. We do not practice hard core BDSM, because I could never hurt her. I just couldn't do that. But Ana will play and she likes it. We do our fair share of kinky shit, but it's mostly your normal fucking and you know it's great. I have never been satisfied like I am with her. I am being candid with you because you need to trust that I would never hurt her. I just couldn't. I love her so much Elliot, so I appreciate your concern but I promise you I don't have any desire to practice BDSM, I don't have any need to hurt her and the only thing that is important to me right now is that you move on and are okay. It is killing me to see you so upset and fucked over my shit."
"I don't know if I can ever get past the fact that I let you down. But if you are okay, then I will have to deal with this. Nothing personal John, but talking about my problems isn't for me."
"So, what will it take for you to start sleeping again and getting your appetite back?" I ask Elliot as he stands up clearly ready to leave.
"I don't know. Let me see how I do over the next few nights. I prefer not to come back here again, but if I can't sleep I will let you know. Also, as far as my appetite goes I am fucking starving right now, so I guess that is a good sign."
We talk for about ten more minutes and the Grey brothers give each other a hug and leave talking about Christmas shopping together. I don't know if Elliot is really okay and I suspect he is still trying to deal with this whole issue. He is still rather angry with his Dad, even though he said they patched things up on the surface, he said it is going to take time for him to get over his dad's accusation. Christian implored him to not stay angry with his dad, but Elliot told him to give him time and Christian seemed to accept that.
Carrick and Grace have an appointment with one of my colleagues tomorrow, but they don't want Christian to know that they are seeing anyone. They are having an enormous amount of guilt and blame each other. They don't want Christian to know they are struggling because they feel he has been through enough. So, the entire family is struggling. Evidently Mia has been protected from all of this and I think it would crush Christian if his little sister found out the details of his sordid past.
The good news is that the Grey family is trying to heal and their strong love for each other makes me feel confident that they will move past this. Christian's excitement about his wife being pregnant with his son seems to be a good distraction and opportunity to start his life with Ana, truly free from his past. He has an appointment with me on Thursday and I am seeing Ana tomorrow morning. If I can get Ana to come clean with Christian about her step father I believe I will have them all on track. Her inability to talk about this very truly disturbing time in her life continues to be my biggest concern at the moment. Ana is working towards talking to Christian, but wants to wait until after the holidays. I hope she will find the courage to talk about her past before the baby is born..
Christian's POV
Fuck, I hated going to see John with Elliot. It kills me that he is having such a hard time over my shit. I hope this session helped him.
One thing I hate about this time of year is how early it gets dark. It is only five thirty and pitch black. Taylor and I are headed home and I have my head leaning back on the seat. We pull through the gate.
I believe that is Mrs. Grey walking with Benson sir. Would you like me to pull over?" I tell him to let me out and I will walk back with Ana to the house. Our driveway is almost a half mile long and we are gated in but Reynolds better be somewhere close by or I am going to rip his head off.
"Where's Reynolds Taylor?" I get out of the car and look around. Ana stops. "Hey baby where is Reynolds?" She shouts he is back at the house. God damn it. I open Taylors car door and ream him a new one and tell him to rip Reynolds apart for this. "Fucking gated property doesn't mean Ana is safe. I want her to have fucking security at all times. He better not run into me tonight." I slam the door. There is no excuse for this. I tell Taylor to go ahead and I will walk back with Ana.
I walk up to her and Benson is sitting right next to her. When I get close he stands and I pet him after I give Ana a quick kiss. "Why are you out here without Reynolds Ana?"
"Christian I am on the property. I just got home from work and thought it was a nice cold night and Benson and I could take a little walk. Please don't tell me you're upset about this?"
"Yes Ana. Reynolds should know better but I will take that up with him. Anyway how was your day?" We are both wearing our wool coats. Ana has gloves on and the air is crisp and cold but it is a clear night. Benson walks right next to us.
"It was great. I got a lot done but I came home a little early and wrapped some Christmas presents." She smiles. "How was your session with Elliot?" We talk a little bit about it, but I don't want to betray Elliot by telling Ana all his fears, so I quickly move on. Ana takes a tennis ball out of her pocket and throws it for Benson to go after. I start laughing.
"Ana, what are you doing?"
"What does it look like? I am throwing the ball so Benson can get some exercise."
"Well, he isn't going to get much exercise if you throw the ball less than twenty feet. Bring the ball here Benson." He trots back, not even getting enough distance to get a good run. I take the ball from his mouth and throw it pretty far.
"Jeez Christian, don't throw it so far, he won't even find it." Benson has taken off in a full run, gets the ball and runs back to me. I take the ball and throw it again in a different direction pretty far and again he goes after the ball. We do this about ten times and Ana tells me she is getting cold so we walk back to the house. As we are walking I decide to fill her in on what happened with Aubrey yesterday and tell her I fired Chaz today.
"Oh, how did he take it?" Ana takes my hand and I put her hand in my pocket as I don't have any gloves on and my hands are cold.
"He was stunned which surprised me. I had Ros and Taylor with me and he tried to get me to reconsider but I refused to even listen. I was done with him. Ros fired two of her key people today as well. So today was bloody Tuesday at GEH." As we get closer to the house the security lights come on.
"Well, I would be terrible at firing people. Guess what?" Ana looks up at me clearly ready to move on. "My mom sent a box today with a bunch of Christmas ornaments. Some were ornaments I made as a kid but most were new. She sent a glider, a helicopter, one that says 'First Christmas Together 2011, one for Teddy, one of a boat that looks like The Grace and one little frame ornament with our picture in it. That was sweet don't you think?"
"Yes, that was actually nice of her." I am surprised. That must have taken thought and time. Carla doesn't usually give Ana much of either, but I don't say that.
Once we get inside the house Gail tells us dinner will be ready at 7:30. Taylor and I are going to work out but first I excuse myself from Ana and walk back to Taylor's office where I see Reynolds sitting at Sawyer's desk.
"Where the fuck were you Reynolds?"
"I apologize Sir. Mrs. Grey didn't tell me she was going out and then by the time I realized she had stepped out I saw you and T pulling down the driveway."
"Didn't you see her leave on the monitors?" I clearly need to have this chat with my wife as well. I also will be glad when Sawyer returns. He wouldn't let Ana get away with this.
"No sir, I was just telling Taylor the camera at the front door isn't working, so I never saw her leave. When I lost her on the surveillance I assumed she was in the restroom by the front door. The two cameras in the foyer and front door are both evidently not working." I step around and he shows me the monitor.
"I have already put a call in about getting someone out here in the morning to fix it sir." Taylor tells me.
"Fine. But be more on top of it Reynolds and please turn the internal monitors off tonight in the family room until Mrs. Grey and I go to bed for the evening." Taylor and Reynolds know what that means. They have seen us fuck on monitors before, but if I can head it off, I do. I don't like them to see my wife like that. It isn't always easy to plan ahead, but I plan on fucking Ana in front of the fireplace tonight.
Taylor and I worked out for ninety minutes and after dinner I start a fire and Ana and I sit in front of the fireplace on the sofa cuddling. I notice that the tree has quite a few packages under it. I tell her that one of my venders sent me a large wheelbarrow full of Milky Way's for Christmas. We needed a wheelbarrow at home so it was actually a good gift. I ate about ten of those fucking candy bars today. God damn it I wish people wouldn't send them to me. I have no control when it comes to those damn candy bars.
My cell vibrates and I see it is my dad. "Hi Dad. What's up?"
Carrick's POV
I am going to have to call McTiernan. I was in court all day and I told Christian I would make the call. I was so pissed off yesterday when he called Ana. Those kids don't need any more issues to be thrown at them. They just need to focus on their little family. I pull in the driveway and Mia is just leaving. I am sure she is off to Brady's again. They are moving in together after the holidays. I think Grace is actually having a harder time with this than I am. She will always be my little girl, but I think Brady is perfect for her. He is a nice young man and I have accepted that he is probably the one that has stolen my little princess's heart.
When I walk in the house I find Grace lying on the couch. She never does that. "What's wrong Grace? Why are you lying on the couch? Are you sick?"
"No. I just haven't been sleeping well, and I am exhausted. I will fix us dinner in a few minutes."
"Go ahead and take a nap, I have a call to make real fast. When I get done why don't we run over to the 520 Bar and Grill. I am in the mood for a greasy hamburger. Your tired, no need to cook." I bend over and give her a kiss on the cheek. "Grace, I know you have been agonizing over everything we have learned over Christian's past lifestyle and our failure to help him, but he is doing just fine. It will be good to talk this through with a professional though." She still doesn't even know the half of it. The boys and I agreed that Grace doesn't need to know the horrid details. I don't know if she could recover from that. She knows enough. She has been researching BDSM and blaming herself for what Christian went through with Elena. Like I said, thank god she doesn't know it all.
"Yes it will. You know Elliot and Christian had a joint session tonight. I wonder how it went. You know I had lunch with Elliot today. Between feeling guilty that he wasn't' there for Christian and some doubts he was having over Kate as recently as last week, I am a bit worried about him Cary." That is unusual. Elliot has never really given us anything to ever worry about.
"What is going on with him and Kate?" I am surprised I don't know about this. Usually Elliot would come to me if something is on his mind. But ever since I almost hit him in my study the night Elena died, he has been distant. I know we made up and he even came over Sunday and had a good laugh at my expense. But, it still feels strained.
"He said that sometimes he thinks their age difference plays a factor in what they want in life and as you know, this whole sordid mess with Ethan has caused a strain between them as well. Elliot is fiercely loyal to Christian and Mia and can't forgive Ethan for being with Mia all summer while having feelings for Ana. It is a mess. He and Kate evidently fought most of the time they were in New York. He said they almost broke up but Kate is really trying to correct some of the behavior that was leading to their fighting." Grace signs. "But Cary, I am worried that he is not ready to be married. He has some serious concerns. He wants to start his family right away. Kate doesn't want that at all. And you know how Kate can be sometimes. Any rate, the poor kid has a lot on his mind right now."
I know she is still angry with me for blaming Elliot for Elena's preying on Christian. As much as I know I should sit down and talk to her more about Elliot, I look at my watch and see that it is after nine pm back east so I make my way to my office and shut the door. I don't want Grace to get involved in this mess.
I call McTiernan and he picks up on the second ring.
"Mr. Grey."
"Let's cut the crap McTiernan. I don't appreciate that you called my daughter-in-law leading her to believe it was me on the phone. If you have something to say to my son, you go through me. He has made it clear he doesn't want to speak to you, and he doesn't want you contacting his wife."
"Listen Grey, I didn't call her to upset anyone. I have left three messages for Christian and forwarded the information he requested several months ago with a note asking him to contact me about something important. He has not returned my calls and I wouldn't pursue this if I didn't have a good reason."
"I don't believe he has looked at the information you sent to him yet. Why don't you tell me what is on your mind."
"Before we continue, you know technically, I am Ana's father-in-law. I wasn't misleading her."
"Are you really going to go there McTiernan. Neither my son, nor Ana consider you family. What do you want from him?"
"I am a desperate father Grey. My daughter Angela is seventeen years old. She has non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. We were told a month ago that she might need to have a bone marrow transplant. It was confirmed last week and she is in the hospital at the University of Michigan medical center. We are desperately trying to find a donor and so far we haven't had a match. My other two children are not matches. I know I have no right to ask Christian to be tested, but…." McTiernan chokes up. "I'm sorry, I don't want to disrupt his life, I don't want to be the unhappy reminder for him of his early years. I feel guilty enough about what Ella put that kid through. But Grey, please understand, Angela is my youngest, my baby and she could die. I am desperate. I would understand if Christian told me no, but there is a very outside chance that he could be a match. I don't know where else to turn."
I am stunned into silence. This is heartbreaking. I feel for him and I honestly believe he isn't trying to disrupt Christian's life. But, how do we ignore a dying young girl who is innocent in all of this a chance to live?
"I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. Has she just suddenly been diagnosed?"
"No, Angela has been battling this for over a year. She was in remission over the summer and then she started running a fever in October and she is now out of remission and simply not at a place that she can survive without a bone marrow transplant."
"I don't know what to say. Let me talk to Christian. Does your daughter or family know about him?"
"My wife knows, but she understands if he doesn't want to get involved or be tested. She even feels we have no right to ask him. But so far no one has been a match and I don't know if I could live with myself if I didn't at least ask him. I wish to god I didn't have to. Please, please I am begging you, talk to him for me if he won't call me back. If he says no, I will understand. But please tell him, Angela is a good girl with a life ahead of her. She is a great tennis player and a sweet, sweet girl. She has copper hair and grey eyes and you would know they were related the minute you saw her. She doesn't look like her sister Jaclyn or brother Cooper. She looks like Christian. I just sent you a text of her picture. I know that isn't fair of me. But you have a daughter. Please understand how desperate I am."
My cell buzzes and I reluctantly open the text and see the picture of a beautiful female version of my son. I can hardly breathe. "I will call him and get back to you. What are the doctors saying about the timing on this? You know with Christmas and everything."
"Yes, well she is recovering from a kidney infection and her immune system is not responding to anything right now. So, they couldn't do a bone marrow transplant even if we had a donor right now. She needs to get stronger and be in better shape. But if she can pull out of this, the doctors are hoping that the first week in January she might be strong enough and have recovered enough for the transplant. If he could just get tested?"
"I will talk to my wife. She is a pediatrician and I think she might be the person to talk to him about this. He is a giving young man. I don't know how he will respond to this. But he isn't cruel. Just give me a day to figure out how to approach this. But McTiernan, you handled this wrong. I understand you are desperate and emotional right now, but Christian does not want to know you. Please understand that if he were to do this, my guess is he would want to do it privately and without any interference from you. But I can't speak for my son."
"Yes, of course. Anything. Thank you Carrick. I know I didn't approach this right. I can barely think, sleep or concentrate. We are in desperation mode and with all the money I have made over the years and have I can't buy my way out of this. I am a wealthy man as is Christian. But I would pay him anything to do this. I will do anything."
"Yes, well as I said, give me twenty four hours." I hang up and sit in my chair. What a tragedy. But surely Christian will get tested. I would be greatly disappointed in him if he didn't. I stare at the picture of Angela McTiernan. She is an innocent young girl, and she needs Christian's help. A sister, he doesn't even know he has. I can't do this without Grace.
I walk in the kitchen and Grace is up and rummaging through her purse. "Gracie, sit down for a minute will you honey."
"What happened now? You look like you have seen a ghost." She is half smiling but she can tell something is wrong. I rub my hands over my eyes.
"It seems it will never end for Christian, it is always one god damn thing after another." I sit down and fill her in on McTiernan trying to reach Christian and Ana and stop when I tell her I just got off the phone with him.
"What did he want? Why won't he leave our son alone? He is a wealthy man he doesn't want money does he?"
"No, he doesn't. Here, look at this." I show her the picture on my phone. She stares at it for a minute and then puts her hand up to her mouth.
"My god, she looks just like Christian. Is this…is this one of McTiernan's children?"
"Yes Grace, her name is Angela and she has non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. She needs a bone marrow transplant or she isn't going to live. She is seventeen years old and McTiernan is a desperate man. He would like to know if Christian would consider being tested to see if he is a match."
"Oh god, oh my god." Grace shakes her head and her eyes water up. "What a terrible, terrible thing and god forgive me, but how can he ask this of Christian? Oh don't answer that. I understand. I am sure he is desperate. Has he tested his other family members?"
"Evidently he has another daughter and son and neither were matches."
"So Christian has a biological half brother and two half sisters. Well, the odds aren't great he would be a good match. While family members are always the first to be tested for the HLA which are markers that are common traits, over seventy percent of the people needing transplants get them from unrelated donors. Surely they can find someone from the general registry that would be a match. If he is a match, it's not overly painful and done with general anesthesia with a relatively quick recovery."
"Grace that is the doctor in you talking. Now switch gears here. What and how do we approach Christian? He is a grown man. He needs to make his own decision on this and we need to tell him. I wish I didn't have to tell him it was for a half sibling. He hasn't wanted to know if he had any brothers or sisters. But I don't see how this can be avoided."
"Get him on the phone. We can tell him together. If he has medical questions I will answer them for him. This is just terrible. That poor little girl." Grace wipes a tear. I am not sure if she is crying for the young Angela that she doesn't know, or for Christian who she wishes didn't need to know.
I call Christian's number and put him on speaker phone. "Hi Dad, what's up?"
"I hope I am not interrupting anything?"
"No Ana and I are just sitting on the couch in front of the fireplace, looking at the Christmas tree and I was feeling Teddy kick the shit out of his mommy." He sounds so happy. God damn it I hate this.
"Well give our best to Ana. Listen son I am sitting her with Mom and I would put this call off, but time is somewhat of the essence." I take a deep breath that I am sure Christian can hear as I exhale.
""What's wrong?" Christian tells Ana to stay. She must have been trying to get up to give him some privacy.
"Yes honey, put us on speaker and keep Ana at your side." Grace suggests. This is probably a good idea, she keeps him calm.
"Mom and Dad, just come out with it. You're scaring the shit out of me." We hear Ana tell him to calm down.
"Christian, I just got off the phone with Rusty McTiernan and the reason he has been desperately trying to reach you is that, well this is difficult to even say, but he has a seventeen year old that is gravelly ill with non Hodgkin's Lymphoma and needs a bone marrow transplant. They haven't had any luck finding a donor and he is desperate son. He would like you to consider being tested."
There is a long pause. We hear Ana say, "Oh my god. Christian are you okay? Give us a second Grace and Carrick." We hear soft whispers.
Finally Christian breathes heavily in the phone. "Please don't tell me anything else about her or him. I don't want to know. What would I have to do?"
Grace explains that initially he would just have to have a blood test. Even if he is a match, it doesn't mean his markers would be suitable or that he would have to donate.
"Mom, I am not a complete asshole. If I went to the trouble of getting a blood test and I was a match, I sure as fuck wouldn't walk away without taking the next step." Christian sounds irritated, but we both know this is just a lot for him to take in."I can't fucking believe this." I know Grace would like to lecture Christian about his language, but this is not the time and I shake my head at her telling her to leave him alone on that matter. I hear Christian breath in again. "Fine, I can't make some innocent seventeen year old die because I don't want anything to do with his or her father. So, what do I need to do to get the blood test?"
Grace tells Christian that he needs to come into the hospital tomorrow and she will take care of it for him. I tell him that the "child" has been quite ill in the hospital and is in no condition for a transplant right now but they are hopeful that after the holiday they will have recovered enough to have the transplant if they can find a donor. He says he doesn't want to know anymore about "the person." We talk a few more minutes and hang up the phone.
Grace calls McTiernan back on my phone.
"Mr. McTiernan, this is Dr. Grace Trevelyan Grey, Christian's mother. We have spoken to our son and he is willing to be tested. Please give me the information so we can send the test results in when they come back." We hear McTiernan sobbing and then we hear him talking to a woman, who must be his wife.
"He'll get tested, he'll do it?" We hear the woman cry out and start sobbing. "Oh tell them thank you, tell Christian thank you, thank you, oh god Rusty maybe he will be a match." We are invading their privacy as they are crying and talking and finally McTiernan comes back to the phone.
"I can't tell you how grateful we are. I wish Christian would let me tell him myself but I understand. Did you show him Angela's photo?"
I look at Grace and she shrugs. "No we didn't. He doesn't want to know anything about your daughter. He doesn't want to know if it your child is a female or male or her name or anything. He just wants to help out your child because he understands it is the right thing to do. But please respect his wishes to not know anything about your children. Christian is very close with his brother Elliot and little sister Mia. Very close. He doesn't want to deal with finding out now that he has other siblings. So, he only knows that he has a biological sibling that needs his help but prefers to know nothing else."
There is a long silence. Finally McTiernan tells us he doesn't understand why Christian doesn't want to know anything more but he will respect his wishes. We hang up and agree that all communication on this matter will be kept between me and him leaving Christian out of this as much as possible. When we hang up, Grace looks at the photo again and presses delete.
Ana's POV
Christian and I are stunned. We are sitting in front of the fireplace after hanging up from talking to his parents and neither of us knows what to say. I reach up and rub my hands through his hair. "Are you okay?"
"I guess so. I mean I now know I have a biological sibling that is seventeen years old and I didn't want to know that shit- ever. But, what kind of person would I be if I didn't at least get tested? It's not their fault."
"No, I agree, you are doing the right thing." I keep rubbing his neck. He looks over at me and pulls me on his lap.
"Come here baby, I need to hold you." He leans back on the couch and pulls me back with him. We sit there silently for a long time and I kiss his neck softly as I am curled up into his lap. Christian puts his hand under my shirt and rubs my back but we remain silent. I don't know what to say. He doesn't want to talk about it, so I decide just letting him hold me seems to comfort him the most. "Should we go to bed?"
Christian looks down at me and pulls my chin up and kisses me softly several times before pulling at my bottom lip and touching my lips with his tongue. "I need you baby. You make all the shit go away. Can I bury myself inside of you?" I place my hand on his face and we kiss passionately until we are both breathing heavy. I am getting rather warm from the fire, the heavy sweater I am wearing and Christian's warm body embracing mine. I lean forward and pull my sweater off and Christian moans when he realizes I don't have a bra on. I took it off after work as my boobs are getting too big for my old bras."God baby, your breasts feel so full and lush." Christian leans me back so my head is lying on the end of the couch on a pillow and leans down taking my breast in his mouth and sucks hard. Oh god that feels good. They are so tender and heavy. He circles around my areola which has started to get darker and bigger and then squeezes my nipple before he practically gobbles up my breast. My body is now lying across his lap and he easily reaches down my yoga pants into my panties and groans when he feels how wet I am. After stroking me until I almost cum, he tears my pants off of me, moves my body so he can pull his hard cock out of his sweat pants which he quickly discards on the floor and then pulls me up to sit on him. He isn't gentle or subtle as he slams into me. Grabbing my ass he pulls me in and starts moving me fast and hard, up and down and back and forth. He leans back with his head on the top of the couch and is moving me so fast I almost get dizzy. He stands up with me still on his cock and I squeeze my legs around him wondering where we are going. I am so close to finding my release but he pulls out of me spins me around and bends me over, nudging my legs apart, he tells me to hold on to the couch and slams into me from behind. He pushes harder and faster like he is trying to crawl inside of me as he pulls my body back into him so we are as deeply connected as we have ever been and then he fucks me furiously not letting up. I am exhausted but he is in need of me in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. Is this because of his appointment earlier with Elliot at Flynn's? Or is this because of the call about his dying sibling that he doesn't even know? I only know this is Christian when he isn't in a good place.
Christian reaches around and rubs my clit as he continues his mad fury and even though I am distracted from just trying to hold myself in place, I find my release and almost fall to the ground. What feels like many minutes later of Christian fucking me harder and harder I hear him groan and almost howl as he pulls me up straight for one final slam. He squeezes my breast as he empties himself in me. We stand there catching our breath for a few minutes and without saying another word he picks me up and carries me to bed where we lay there in silence for the longest time holding each other tight.
"Baby are you awake?" Christian whispers in my ear.
"Yes."
"I'm sorry." I pull back, sit up, turn on the light and look at Christian waiting for him to say something. "I was way too rough and pretty selfish. Did I hurt you?"
"No you didn't hurt me, but you were pretty intense. But before you say anything else, you don't need to explain yourself. I think I understand." Suddenly I feel embarrassed. "Christian, were the security camera's running?" He tells me told Taylor earlier to keep the cameras off in the house until we went to bed. Great, everyone knows what we were doing tonight.
"How can you understand Ana? I don't understand. Why do I resort to fucking hard when I am pissed or upset? I shouldn't do that to you baby. You deserve so much more than that."
"Christian stop it. The sex was intense and rough. It wasn't exactly romantic but I am your wife and that is what you needed tonight and you needed me to give that to you. I am fine. I had an orgasm, I feel fine and you needed to let go of your frustration. It's okay."
Christian stands up and finds pajama bottoms and a t-shirt and throws me a t-shirt. "Benson, come on buddy, you need to go out." He opens the French door and forgets about the alarms which start going off. "Fuck, call Taylor and tell him we are good. I will call Sawyer." We both make our calls; Benson does his business and comes back into our room and gets into his bed. Christian takes off his clothes and walks in to our bathroom and fills the tub.
"Come on Mrs. Grey. I owe you some sweet loving."
I smile at him and take a deep breath. I am content to stay in bed and go to sleep but I think he wants to talk as much as play some more. So I get up and take the t-shirt off and take his hand to step into our tub. Christian gets into the tub behind me and puts his arms around me with his hand rubbing my bump. Teddy is very active and we fall into a peaceful quiet conversation about everything but what is really on his mind. Christian kisses my neck and takes a breath.
"I don't know if Elliot will get past this Ana."
"What do you mean? Is that what is on your mind or is it the phone call from your dad and mom?"
"I don't care that much about the call about McTiernan's kid. I mean the right thing to do is to get the blood test and see what happens. As I said earlier, it's not the kids fault. I don' want to know anything about this person. But my brother is so eaten up with guilt about my fucked up life he can't sleep, eat or think straight. Ana, when I got there tonight to Flynn's he had been crying. I hate that he is feeling so guilty over something he couldn't control." It is clear that Christian doesn't relate that McTiernan's "kid" is his sibling as well as Elliot and Mia.
"Elliot loves you Christian. He is having a hard time about not saving you from Elena. Just give him time."
"I know but I would do anything to keep him from going through this. You know I love Elliot and I don't know what I can do to make it better for him. I have never seen him so upset. I mean we talked a lot and he is trying to move on, and he will eventually come around but he told us he will never get over it. I think he is worried about you too. Like I might snap and hurt you or something. He says he isn't worried, but he has said some things and I don't know, I feel like he is really fucked up over this."
"Christian, do you want me to talk to him? Reassure him or whatever?" Christian rubs my back with the bath gel.
"Yes. I think it would be good. I would never have thought that, but maybe you can make him believe I am okay now and it is part of my past and more than anything, I don't blame him at all. It was my choice."
I turn around in the tub and straddle myself over Christian. I kiss him tenderly and lay my head on his shoulder as he cups his hand with water and pours it over my back.
"Shall we try this again Mr. Grey?" I kiss his lips and hold his face in my hands.
"I love you so much baby. I started living the day I met you. Don't ever leave me baby, you're everything to me." We are kissing quite passionately when Christian jumps and screams out. "Mother fuck, Benson you scared the fucking shit out of me." I turn around and Benson has leaned up on his two feet and has his paws on the tub and is looking right at us. I start laughing as I see my protective sweet dog staring at us with his deep soulful brown eyes. "How appropriate. I buy four god damn dogs from the same place. Three are stellar well disciplined dogs, but the one I get for us has a 'fuck you Christian' attitude." This makes me giggle even more.
"No he doesn't Christian. He just wants to join the fun. He has been perfect other than wanting to hang with us when we are home. Lay down Benson. Go get in your bed." Benson gets down and starts walking out of the bathroom into our bedroom but keeps looking back at us.
"Yes Benson – get in your bed. You and I are going to have a chat if you plan to hang out here." Benson stops and looks at us and hangs his head. He understands that Christian isn't happy with him.
"Christian don't raise your voice at him. Talk sweeter to him. Look at him, he looks pitiful and all he wanted was to be with us."
"Shit, your right. He just startled me. Come here boy." Christian reaches over the tub to pet him when Benson walks back. But before we even could react Benson jumps into the tub with us. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."
Elliot's POV
I see Ana coming in with Reynolds. I stand up and give her a kiss on the cheek and hold out her chair. Reynolds sits several tables away.
"So, Ana Banana what is this about? You have me worried." Ana called me this morning and asked if she could meet me for lunch and refused to tell me what she wanted to talk about.
"I just want to talk to you about a couple of issues. But can we order first?" We look at our menus and place our order. I lean back and wait for her to say something. My imagination has gone wild wondering why she wanted to meet today.
"Elliot I asked you to join me for lunch for several reasons. Actually, for about three reasons. But the most important reason is that Christian is worried about you. He thinks you might be worried about him and even us. I want you to know he would never hurt me. He is wonderful to me and we are good. More than good. He had a horrible past and what Elena did to him was hideous. But the love that he had from your family kept him from going over the ledge. He is happy and you need to stop blaming yourself."
I guess I am not surprised that Christian told her how upset I am. It's okay. I understand that he was probably pretty bummed out to see me so upset. "I am glad to hear that Ana. I mean I know that Christian is so in love with you and wouldn't hurt you but I am just trying to grasp this mind boggling shit. I hate and I mean hate that I didn't help him. You know he was just fifteen. I should have been there for him."
"Stop Elliot. You have to quit blaming yourself. It is hurting Christian to see you so upset. He loves you and he can't stand to know that his horrible past is impacting you. Please believe how happy he is now. He has moved forward and doesn't dwell on the past. He wants you to do the same."
"I know he is happy Ana, and I am trying really." I sit back when the waitress brings us our salads.
"Did you talk to Christian this morning?" I nod yes as I take my silverware out of the napkin. Ana leans back. "I am not sure if he will tell you about this but your parents talked to Rusty McTiernan last night."
"Is that fucker still calling? What does he want with him? Christian doesn't need him in his life. I am so fucking glad I don't know who my biological parents were or are. I don't need them. I understand how he feels."
Ana stops me and tells me about McTiernan's kid and Christian being asked to get a blood test.
"Are you fucking kidding me? God damn it he can't get a break. Is he going to do…never mind don't answer that. I know my brother. That sucks. So he has another sibling?" I know I must sound almost jealous. I just never thought of either of us having anyone but each other and Mia. I don't want anyone else to come into our world.
"Yes, but he refuses to find out anything more. We only know that the person is seventeen and we don't know if it is a female or male. He doesn't want to know anything about them or know them. He feels he has one brother and one sister and that is it. So, that is the condition of his participation, that there is no effort to introduce him or tell him anything about them. He is very protective of his relationship with Mia and you, and doesn't want any other sibling."
"Good! I know that sounds childish Ana but you know it's just we are so close I would be ridiculously jealous if he had another brother. Yes I am 31. Don't say anything." I shake my head and laugh at myself. "I feel bad for him. Is he okay?"
"Yes, I guess. You know he was upset when he got home last night after your meeting with John and then he got that call and it was almost too much. But he is okay now."
"I will call him later." The waitress brings my turkey burger. "Ana, didn't your order anything else?" She shakes her head no. "You need to eat more Itty Bitty. So how is Benson doing?"
"Well he isn't Amigo or Riley. He is more like Arthur. He isn't perfect behavior wise so we can see why he didn't pass service school. But he is so sweet and we are having fun with him. But last night he kind of messed up and I thought Christian was going to go nuts." Ana giggles and blushes. "I shouldn't tell you this, but we were in the bath tub and he jumped in with us."
"Oh that is fucking great. Christian must have been so pissed. That is awesome."
"Yes I thought it was funny too, but the control freak wasn't too happy. Would you get pissed if Amigo did that to you?"
"Well, if I was in the tub by myself, probably not. But I am assuming you guys might have been pre-occupied so my bro probably was pissed. I would have been a bit chapped if Amigo interrupted anything. But on the other hand Kate accuses me of loving Amigo more than her."
Ana and I talk about some other things, including her ideas for Christmas presents for Christian.
"Hey Itty Bitty, I know you and Kate want us to do this Christmas shopping shit by ourselves but can you help me out here?" I take Kate's list out of my pocket. Ana is shaking her head no. "Come on Ana, I don't even know what some of this shit is, so I don't know where to even look." She giggles at me, but I am serious. "Like what does a brush set Sephora mean?"
Sephora's is a make-up store and she wants a new make-up brush set."
"Oh. Shit. They sell that shit separately?" I shrug and look at the list. "What the fuck is lululemon striped free to be bra?"
Ana giggles again. Shit I never heard of this shit. "It's an athletic line and you will have to ask them for that particular bra."
"Well what size is she? I can't very well go in the store and say she is the size of two perfect grapefruits." I hate this.
"Elliot they aren't sized like regular bras. They are like clothing, so she would probably need a six. I will help you with one more thing, the rest you have to figure out by yourself." I look through the list. I don't know what any of this shit is. Maybe I can bribe Mia to meet us.
"Okay man ….okay what the living fuck is a Burch crossbody clutch." Ana laughs out loud.
"What do you think it is?"
"I have no idea. Something made of wood. A clutch is a wallet right?" I must sound like an idiot.
"No! Tori Burch is a designer. Wood? Oh your thinking like birch tree? How funny. A crossbody is a purse that hangs across your body."
"Ana, you and Kate are going to hate what we pick out. Christian might be better at this shit than me, but I will be a disaster."
"Just buy her what you like." The waitress brings our check and I take it as Ana tries to grab it from me."
"Ana, knock it off. You aren't buying me lunch. If I bought Kate what I liked I would go straight to the sexy lingerie department, buy her a bunch of crotch less underwear and then go to Cartier and buy her some nice jewelry and be home before the seven o'clock news. Fifteen minutes shopping max. Now we are going to be there all night."
"You will do fine. Elliot are you going to be okay with this other stuff? Do you believe me when I tell you Christian is okay? Are we good?"
Man I feel really bad for Christian, I don't want him to deal with anymore shit, and now he has to worry about this bone marrow transplant shit. "Yea, I am good. Thank you for reassuring me." I throw a fifty on the table and reach out and take Ana's hand and pull her up. "You feeling okay Mamacita? Gummy Bear check out okay at the doctors this week?"
"I feel great. And Christian agreed to go to the birthing class with the rest of the couples that sign up." That surprises the shit out of me. I don't say anything but I will believe that when it actually happens.
We get up and head towards the front door with Reynolds behind us. When we exit the restaurant I hold the door open for Ana and as we exit some fucking paparazzi dude gets right in front of her and almost knocks her over. Now I know how Christian feels. Before Reynolds can jump in I knock the fucker on his ass.
"What the fuck is your problem? Get the fuck away from her?"
"Mrs. Grey, Mrs. Grey…" He is pulling at her legs. Are you fucking kidding me? I reach down and grab the fucker by his shirt and pull him up. I am going to knock his teeth out.
"Elliot I got him. Let me take care of this." Reynolds is trying to pull me off of this fucker but I am pissed. I ignore Reynolds and shove the guy up against the wall.
"Do you mother fuckers ever use your fucking common sense? Apologize to Mrs. Grey right now or I will knock your teeth in. You can't touch her like that." I knock his baseball cap off his head. "You're a punk."
"It's okay Elliot. Just ignore them. Please, let's go…oh my god…Reynolds its'…." Ana is so get upset she can't speak. I keep holding the guy up against the wall. Reynolds steps in and pulls the guys head up. I am still holding him tight, flush against the wall. What the hell is going on? When Reynolds sees the guys face up close he jumps into action.
"Elliot, take Mrs. Grey to the car right now. Go on please take her to the car right now. You NEED to get her out of here." I see Reynolds talk into his sleeve. T….it's Drew. 675445 Code Red at the corner of Third and Pike. Legs… Code Red. Direct contact ….I repeat. Direct contact." I can see this is a serious issue so I take Ana's arm and walk her to my truck as I don't even know where Reynolds parked. What the fuck is happening now? I hope Reynolds can keep whoever this guy is secure because I can't leave Ana. He should be able to, the guy wasn't that big…but clearly he is a threat.
"Ana, do you know what is going on?" I look at her and she is white as a ghost. "Ana; sweetheart, who was that guy? Honey, you're okay. I've got you and Reynolds has whoever that guy was. I won't leave you alone." She is holding her bump. Now I really want to go back and beat the shit out of whoever this guy is just for scaring Itty Bitty. I look at my phone, "Christian and Jason are on their way Ana. It's okay." What the fuck is going on?
She is shaking her head. "This can't be happening…that was….."
LOL…I always wanted to write a cliff hanger- sorry – I promise I won't make you wait long. I will have another update this weekend. Lilly