Part Thirty-Six: Cesca

Cesca couldn't concentrate. No matter where she went, what she did, who she talked to, she couldn't seem to drag her thoughts away from the baby. The child was twisting and turning within her, refusing to be still. And every so often, the movements would be accompanied by a wave of pain which seemed to begin in the core of her being and then radiate outwards until her whole body was wracked with it. More than once, the pain had left her gasping and unable to speak. If false contractions were this bad, then Cesca didn't even want to think about what the real ones would feel like.

Tom found her groaning in the staffroom at lunchtime and tried to talk her into going home, but Cesca could, at times, be incredibly stubborn and she refused to leave. Instead, she found a quiet corner and attempted to distract herself with marking. She read the same essay four times without realising before she gave up.

Despite the waves of pain which were spilling over her more and more frequently now, she felt filled with a strange kind of energy. It was almost as if something was compelling her to move around. She stalked around the school field for a while, not knowing if she wanted to be alone or around people. She found herself pacing up and down the school's perimeter fence feeling strangely caged in. Some part of her was yearning for wide open spaces, for the sun-baked Spanish mountains of her childhood, while another part of her wanted to be somewhere quiet, dark, sheltered.

All of a sudden, a memory surfaced in her mind. When she was a child, her family had owned a dog, a pretty little Samoyed, with a sleek white coat and bright eyes, which Cesca, at the age of four, had imaginatively named Sammy, despite the fact that the dog was female. A few years later, Sammy had become pregnant, a fact which scared and fascinated little Cesca in equal measure. Just before the puppies were born, Sammy had taken to pacing round and round the garden and sleeping in the small, dark space at the back of Cesca's wardrobe. Cesca's mother had explained the dog's strange behaviour by saying that it was Sammy's way of instinctively preparing for the birth of the puppies.

Cesca paused in her pacing, a hand resting on her stomach, all too aware that her current actions were mirroring Sammy's almost exactly. She pulled her phone out of her bag automatically, wanting to call Jonah, to seek some reassurance from him, but, as she found his name in her contacts list, she remembered with a horrible sinking feeling that he'd left his phone behind that morning. With an extreme effort, Cesca banished the memory of her dog from her mind, hoping to persuade the child through sheer force of will to stay exactly where she was for just one more day. Jonah had to be there to see their daughter make her entrance into the world. He needed to be there for himself and he needed to be there because Cesca wasn't sure she could do it without him

The bell rang then, reminding her of the play rehearsal she was meant to be supervising. Cesca felt almost relieved. She was grateful for anything which might distract her.

Once in the hall though, Cesca was barely aware of anything which was going on around her. The pains were sharper now, deeper. At times, she felt as though her whole body was on fire, at other times, it was as if she was being dipped in ice or as if someone had fastened a band of hot metal around her waist and was gradually drawing it tighter and tighter.

Somewhere, on the very edge of consciousness, she was aware of shouting at Finn Sharkey, of him storming out with an expression of pure fury on his face, but she couldn't remember afterwards what he'd done or what she'd said to him.

'Cesca?' Adanna's voice cut through the haze surrounding Cesca's mind. How had Adanna got there? She hadn't been there a few minutes ago.

'Ces, are you ok?' Her friend's voice was filled with concern.

'I'm fine,' Cesca lied, trying to keep her voice steady.

'Karen wants to see you about something. She...' Adanna broke off, staring at Cesca openly now.

Another pain had hit and it was worse than all the other ones. Unable to stop herself, Cesca doubled over, a groan escaping her lips. Vaguely, she heard the splash of liquid on the wooden floor of the hall, followed by a sound somewhere between a gasp and a scream from Sam Kelly and a sharp intake of breath from Adanna. Then someone was phoning for an ambulance and Adanna's hands were on her arms, her back, supporting her as she sank to the floor.

Adanna was speaking to her now, but Cesca had to concentrate hard to make out what her friend was saying. 'Shall I call your boyfriend?'

Even through the haze of pain, Cesca knew that that definitely wouldn't be a good idea. She shook her head. 'He left his phone at home this morning.' It wasn't a lie. He had.

'Shall I call him at work?'

'He's not in his office today...' She gritted her teeth as another pain hit.

'There must be some way to contact him...'

Cesca didn't reply. She needed Jonah here with her, needed him with every fibre of her being. He would be back from the trip soon. Even now the coach would be speeding down the motorway towards her, but even when he arrived in Rochdale, no one would tell him where she was. There was no reason why they should. Tears were pouring down her cheeks now, tears which had nothing to do with physical pain. She had never felt quite so scared or quite so alone