AN: everyone - re: "Elliott appearing/talking to Liv"... He and Kathy were always going to appear :-). They appear in this chapter again and might possibly pop up later (still not certain yet). I can confirm that Serena Southerlyn won't. Casey Novak might, but I doubt it. Winthrop workers definitely will though ;-) Jbcjazz - re: "bring a fellow Mustang owner thank you for bringing that into the story too!"... I'm glad you liked it because I freaking love that car! Actually I love antique, vintage and classic cars, hence why Alan got a Plymouth Sport Fury. My 'ultimate' car is the 1959 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz. Largest tail fins and double bullet tail lights, mmm! Other personal faves are the Ford Model T, Austin 7 Chummy and 1934 Chrysler Airflow. Cars today just don't have the same finesse as cars of yesteryear :-(. I wish Liv's Mustang would make an appearance in the show once in a while. It was like we were given this tiny sneak peek at Olivia's non SVU life and then it was forgotten about :-( "Are you going to also have a chapter with Kathy and Alex shopping and talking?"... Yep, this chapter :-). everyone - re: "Betty"... You have to have 'driving songs', and for me 'Black Betty' is definitely one of them.

AN2: I'm really sorry for the delay in updating, but as a majority of readers would know I've been working on 'Forbidden' non stop since last update. I just posted Alex and Olivia's first time lady loving (ch.10/11, yes it's M rated for a reason), so go read that if you haven't already ;-). This chapter of 'Negotiating', you will find out what Nessa has opted for as her new job. It was one of the 2 options I had secretly hoped for, so thankyou to those readers that took the time to vote (results on lookup). Next up, first name baby names for baby Brianna will begin (hopefully) next chapter. If not, then it will be the chapter after that :-). Just watch this space, as always. I'm not a psychiatrist or therapist, so if what Doctor Lindstrom and/or Doctor MacKenzie do and say is wrong, I apologise in advance. Thankyou to all my readers for comments, faves, follows and your patience :-)

"Do you think Liv and I might have to get a different car with a baby on the way?" Alex asked as she and Kathy continued wandering around the baby store.

"I doubt a baby capsule and pram will fit in that Mustang."

"No, I meant my car. There's no way in the world would I ask Liv to get rid of Betty, that's her car."

Kathy chuckled, "Betty?! The car has a name?!"

"Funny story, actually."

"Do tell, and don't spare the details."

Alex pondered a moment on whether to reveal the details before eventually relenting, "Olivia had pulled up at a set of lights in Lower Manhattan... the hood down and the radio was on, and this other car pulled up beside us... a fairly modern Chevy Camaro convertible. Camaro-boy starts revving the engine at the lights, so Liv turns to me and gives me this wink... an almost cheeky, naughty wink... and she revved back."

"She didn't!"

"She did! Passenger-boy starts bullshit and trash talking to Liv, saying how she wouldn't know how to handle a car like a Mustang, but maybe we'd like to handle something easier like their 'stick shifts'... and he stands up and grabs his crotch to emphasise the point."

"I bet that impressed the both of you no end."

"Oh, you're telling me!" Alex laughed. "I tell her she's crazy even thinking about drag racing them and she just tells me to hang on tight. I couldn't believe an NYPD detective was going to drag these assholes. Liv turns the radio up and the song 'Black Betty' came on moments later, and she says 'excellent driving music'. Long story short, we catch a quick change of traffic lights on Park Avenue. Liv takes off and Camaro-boy stalls it! We're laughing so much because it's so damn funny! He catches up with as a few sets of traffic lights further along and I'm ashamed to admit it now but I start trash talking them saying if that's how they use their 'stick shifts' driving, we couldn't be bothered to see what they'd do with them in bed! Passenger-boy says they want another drag, for some reason I call out they'll eat Black Betty's dust again. He revs, she revs, lights change... lo and behold, he stalled it again! The name's stuck ever since that night and that's how Olivia's car became to being called 'Betty'. Looking back it was one of the best nights out ever."

"When did this happen?"

"Olivia and I were on our way home from one of our dinner dates after I returned from my ICC tenure... just before Elliott put in his retirement papers from memory."

Kathy was happy for the verbal segue, "Speaking of retirement papers, Elliott said Cragen told him that Olivia's going to do the same?"

Alex gave a half shrug, "Maybe... maybe not."

"What do you mean?"

"Let me ask you this: if you were intending to retire from your job, would you be reading mock exams for a promotion at around 3 in the morning?"

"I see your point." Kathy stopped walking, and turned to look at Alex. "You know, Elliott was steadfast in his mind that he was going to return after the shooting at the precinct. But for the first time seeing Eli every day, all the time during his mandatory... all those simple little things that he never really got to experience with the other kids growing up... that really got him thinking. I think he began to question whether it was worth it. He'd done his 25 years with the force which is pretty easy considering he'd been at SVU since 1993, and that was always his goal: 25 years. On one hand, he still misses SVU... he definitely wanted to help find Olivia, and when he sees or reads news reports about some of the SVU cases that mightn't have got the conviction the squad had hoped for, I can see in his demeanour that he's thinking maybe if he'd been there the outcome might have been different... he might have been able to bust the perp differently or something. But now he's just content at being the stay at home father while I work at the hospital. Elliott spending time with Eli and myself helped with his PTSD, that's for sure."

"How is Elliott's PTSD now?"

"I won't lie to you, it still affects him every once in a while. Not as bad now as it was after the shooting, but there are some nights he'll wake up from a nightmare convinced that Jenna's going to shoot everyone on the 6th floor at SVU, not just the 3 perps in the holding cell and Sister Peg... or that he's shot not only Jenna, but also Olivia, Fin, Munch and Cragen... or that Jenna has shot the kids and myself in our home. But as you know, El doesn't like shrinks... at all. The punching bag in the garage was his outlet, like it always has been."

"Olivia keeps having nightmares about what happened. It's like her mind is convinced that Lewis is still alive and going to hurt her and Vanessa... and me. That's how I believe she pulled a gun on Amaro, she somehow thought he was Lewis."

"For her, the nightmare kind of spilled over in to real life, so to speak. I'm assuming she's going to get help... therapy?"

"She starts tomorrow... Vanessa Meyer too. I didn't even have to convince Liv to seek help, she suggested it right off the bat. I know she hasn't told me everything, and I worry about how I'm going to react when she finally does. I can't even imagine what she and Vanessa went through all those months..." Alex trailed off, tears beginning to build her eyes. "Sorry."

Kathy pulled Alex in to a reassuring hug, "Don't be sorry. Remember, I have an idea of what it's like to be the partner of a police officer and all the worrying that goes with it. But I can only imagine what you've been through all this time... the not knowing. I'd have similar when El was undercover... but that was on the job and maybe a week at the most. I know you feel as though you have to keep being strong for Olivia and yourself, but if you need to unload about anything, you know that I'm here for you as someone who's been there."

"Thanks Kathy," Alex said as they ended the embrace, then quickly wiped away the tears from behind her glasses before they fell with her left hand. She saw Kathy raise her eyebrow in curiosity, "What? Did I smudge my makeup?"

"No, your makeup's fine. I couldn't help but notice a familiar looking ring on your finger."

Alex tried not to make a big deal about it, "Yes, it's Olivia's ring. I'm just wearing it until the burns on her fingers and knuckles heal, and that's the only finger it fits on for me."

"Good thing she'll know your size then... should the need arise."

"We're taking things slowly, but who knows... maybe one day in the future? We know that we have each other unequivocally and that we have a daughter on the way, perhaps that's enough for now. One step at a time, I suppose." Alex took a newborn pastel pink baby sleepsuit from the rack and held it up with a goofy grin, "What do you think?"

"It's utterly adorable and brings back a lot of memories for me... but I think you and Olivia will need more than one sleepsuit."

"That's the thing, I'm not sure what to buy in clothes because the OBGYN in Maine thinks our baby might be small."

"Your daughter still has got some time to grow yet if Liv's not due until late January or early February. Hey, is she craving anything?"

Alex stifled a laugh, "Liv will deny it, but it seems chocolate and peanuts are a definite want. Peanut M&M's and Reese's Pieces. She's also gone through half a jar of crunchy peanut butter and half a block of dark chocolate since I did grocery shopping on Monday!"

"Sounds familiar."

"What did you crave?"

"Each pregnancy was different for me. With Maureen, it was dried apples slices and dried apricot halves. Kathleen was raisins... chocolate coated ones especially. The twins was ice... and with Eli, it was mayonnaise on everything. Sometimes I'd eat just mayonnaise sandwiches... real thick, no butter. Or I'd even eat it right out the jar with a spoon."

Elliott stared, "She's a murderer?! I can't believe it!"

With her walking boot encased left foot raised up on the coffee table, Olivia nodded her head in confirmation. "I couldn't either in the beginning, but yeah, Dana Lewis is a murderer!" She dug the long stick of celery inside the jar on her lap, coating it in as much peanut buttery goodness before taking a bite. The brunette covered her mouth with her hand as she continued to speak, "It was like her entire... character... for lack of a better word, changed overnight."

"Come to think of it, I do believe it... all those times she to tried to kill me!"

Olivia swallowed her mouthful of peanut butter slathered celery, "Look at it this way, at least you didn't get shot in the ass!"

"I guess Munch's bony ass puts a new spin on the term having junk in your trunk!" Elliott replied. The old SVU partners roared with laughter as the apartment door opened. Elliott looked back over the lounge suite, "Hey! Our women are back!"

The words 'our women' were not lost on Olivia as she stuck the celery stick inside the peanut butter jar then placed it on the coffee table. She initially had reservations even telling Elliott Stabler that she and Alex were in a relationship now, but it seemed that he was accepting of them. However, now he knew, she would have no hesitation on pulling him up or calling him out on his shit if he ever slipped back to his 'Elliott' mode in her or Alex's presence.

Kath gave her husband a kiss, "You smell like tuna. I was sure you were going to have one of those burgers."

"Now Kathy, you forget El was with me, so he was on his best behaviour. Even though he considered having one of those burgers, I made sure he ate a really healthy tuna salad sub... even if it did smell just a little," Olivia replied.

"Liv had..." Elliott saw the eye daggers being cast at him by Olivia as Alex pressed a soft kiss to the brunette's cheek before she sat down beside Liv, "... a veggie burger. Nice and healthy too."

Even if they weren't work partners these days, Olivia Benson and Elliott Stabler still had each others backs.

Olivia rested her hand on Alex's thigh, "So? How'd you go? What'd you buy?"

"More like what didn't she buy," Kathy laughed.

"Alex, did you go overboard?" Liv gave the blonde a pointed look.

"I didn't buy anything that wasn't unnecessary. The delivery van will be here in an hour to deliver the 4 in 1 bed combo with change table attachment, along with a 3 in 1 baby travel system-"

"A what?"

"Pram, capsule car seat and carry cot." Alex explained, "I also got a baby monitor, a high chair and baby carrier for the both of us to use. I also bought this," she handed Olivia the newborn pastel pink baby sleepsuit from a baby store bag at her feet.

As Olivia held up the sleepsuit in front of her, the mental image of a casually dressed Alex Cabot with a baby carrier strapped to her torso carrying their daughter in the sleepsuit made her smile.

Alex continued, "I'm also told that Elliott's volunteered to put the 4 in 1 combo and change table together for us once it's delivered."

"I what?" Elliott looked back and forth between Alex and Kathy.

Kathy negotiated, "El... I'll make a deal with you. You put it together for Alex and Olivia, I'll finally let you have a car like Olivia's."

"You're serious?" Elliott was dubious.

"Absolutely!"

"Exactly like Liv's? A 1965 Ford Mustang convertible?"

"Exactly like Olivia's 1965 Ford Mustang convertible. I'll even let you have it in black."

Elliott rubbed his hand together, "Done!"

"Good!" Kathy said and reached down to the bag at her feet and passed a black 1965 Ford Mustang convertible scale model to Elliott in a box.

"I saw that coming a mile off! Snowball, Elliott... snowball!" Olivia laughed heartily as she reached for the jar on the coffee table, "We need more peanut butter."

Alex reached back down to the bag at her feet and handed Olivia a 4lb jar of peanut butter.

"I love you so much, sweetie... oh, and you too Alex!" Olivia grinned, which resulted with a light smack to her thigh from Alex.

The 4 friend continued talking for the next hour. Right on cue an hour later, there was a knock on the door from the delivery men from baby store.

"Elliott, Kathy, could you get that please?" Alex asked as she felt Olivia instantly tense up beside her. She kept her voice low as Kathy and Elliott walked to the apartment door, "Liv, I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay right here with you on the couch. I arranged this with Kathy while we were shopping. She and Elliott are going to direct the delivery men to put all the items in the spare bedroom, and then the delivery men will go."

Even though Alex had verbally reassured her, Olivia never once took her eyes off the 2 delivery men as they entered and exited the apartment a couple of times with the various boxes, nor did she let go of Alex's hand. As soon as the door was closed again, and Elliott and Kathy returned to the lounge room, Olivia began to relax again.

"Alex, where do you keep the toolbox?" Elliott asked.

"Under the sink," Alex indicated towards the kitchen.

"Elliott, remember: RTFM!" Kathy called out.

"Yeah, I got it Kath."

"RTFM?" Alex wondered aloud.

Kathy could only laugh, "Read the effing manuals."

"Detective Benson, it's good to see you again."

"Hello Doctor Lindstrom," Olivia shook the man's hand.

"Galen tells me you'll be seeing him, after everything that's happened. I saw the news reports about your abduction."

"I didn't think it appropriate to see you, given the working relationship we've had in the past with the survivors I've recommended to you."

"Even if you wanted to see me, I would've declined and recommended Galen anyway. As you said, I doubt it would be ethical given the history."

Olivia addressed the woman standing beside her, "Nessa... this is Doctor Peter Lindstrom. Doctor Lindstrom, this is Nessa... Vanessa Meyer. She and I went through a lot of things these past few months, which you'll find out about. I'm sure you'll-"

"Be professional as always. Anything Vanessa shares with me that may involve yourself will be kept confidential. Vanessa, whenever you're ready to start, I'll be in my office."

Vanessa turned to Olivia, "Liv, I'm a bit scared being alone with him in that room."

"Nessa, it'll be alright. Doctor Lindstrom is the utmost professional. Remember, I'm going to be in the room next to you, and Alex is going to wait for the both of us in the reception area." Olivia tapped the tag pendant at the base of Vanessa's throat, "Remember?"

"Fearlessness," Vanessa replied.

Her fingers closed around the cold, smooth river stone hidden deep within the pocket of her hooded sweater. Even though it was only a rock, it made her feel more calm. She'd deny it had anything to do with the previous owner if anyone asked, it was just an inanimate object after all. But she knew that little rock meant more to her than just being an inanimate object, it was like a certain rookie was with her right now.

Vanessa had given a brief summary of what had happened in the cabin, but what she really wanted to talk about right now was her job. Doctor Lindstrom let Vanessa choose that direction for this session seeing it made her open up and not be as nervous as she had been when she first walked inside his office.

"Is it the right thing to do, Doctor Lindstrom? Quit my job as a defense attorney?"

"It's not so much as a question of: 'Is it the right thing to?'... but more of: 'Is it the right thing for you?'. Every person who has gone through any trauma is different, Vanessa. Some people find comfort in returning to work because it's what they know, it's safe and it's normality. On the other hand, some people want a complete change and turn their backs on everything. And some people try to find some sort of middle ground... some change and some normality. If you were to quit, which I can tell you are doing to do no matter what, what would you consider doing in its place?"

"I'd narrowed it down to either trying for a job with the International Criminal Court or a job with the ACLU. After being incarcerated in that little room, the travelling appealed to me with an ICC tenure... but I'd be away for a year from family and friends, and I've already lost 128 days of my life. At least with the ACLU, I can stay in Jersey, work in Manhattan and still keep some normality."

"I think you choosing to join the ACLU eventually is a positive step in reclaiming your life. How does the possibility of joining the ACLU make you feel?"

"Nervous and scared because it's different to what I've done, but also excited because again, it's different to what I've done. It's like a new challenge."

"A challenge that I think you'll relish and excel at. When do you intend to hand in your resignation letter to the law firm?"

"Right after this session."

Olivia shifted in the comfortable leather lounge chair after giving Doctor Galen MacKenzie a rundown of her 128 day ordeal and her reaction to Nick Amaro leading Alex away when she assumed Nick was Lewis Williams.

"We'll get to your incarceration and what happened during that time at a later time, because I'm fairly sure you don't want me to ask you right now: 'how does that makes you feel'."

"I like you already, Doctor."

"Right now, I'd like to ask you if we could do a little test?"

"What like?"

"I'm just trying to understand some things to help you understand. It won't take long," Galen waited for Olivia to give her consent to continue, "Using names or nicknames, whichever you prefer... I'd like for you to name for me the men you associate with the most these days in no particular order."

"Umm... Cragen... Fin... John... Doom... Barba... Amaro," Olivia reeled off as Galen made notes of these names on a new notepad. She decided not to include Elliott in the names seeing she didn't work with him any more.

"Alright. When I say one of those names back to you, I want you to physically describe them using 3 or 4 descriptives to differentiate them... as if you were standing directly behind them."

"Ok. I don't have to close my eyes, do I?"

"Whichever you are most comfortable with, Olivia." Doctor MacKenzie scanned the list, "Describe John for me."

Olivia kept her eyes open, "Lanky... grey hair... large ears."

"Good. Now, Cragen."

"Bald... stocky... Caucasian."

"Doom?"

"Blonde hair... muscular... tallish."

"How about... Amaro?

"Tallish... dark hair... well built."

"Fin?"

"African American... buzzcut... stocky."

"Barba?"

"Short... dark hair... impeccably dressed."

Galen raised an eyebrow, "You can tell that from behind?"

"Trust me, you can."

"Ok then. Finally... I want you to describe Lewis Williams the same way."

"That's easy. Tallish... dark hair... well built."

Olivia took the notepad that Doctor MacKenzie handed to her and scanned what he had written.

Her own words.

Cragen: Bald, stocky, Caucasian.
Fin: African American, buzzcut, stocky.
John: Lanky, grey hair, large ears.
Doom: Blonde hair, muscular, tallish.
Barba: Short, dark hair, impeccably dressed.
Amaro: Tallish, dark hair, well built.
Lewis: Tallish, dark hair, well built.

"You never saw Amaro before you entered your Captain's office, did you?" Galen asked.

"No I didn't," Olivia passed the notepad back. "I guess I assumed Amaro looked like Lewis from the back and this list proves it."

"It's just a list of descriptive words, Olivia. Nothing more, nothing less. However, let me ask you this: would you have reacted the way you did if you had seen Amaro before you entered the Captain's office and knew what he was wearing... and then saw a tallish, dark haired, well built man leading Alex towards the elevator area wearing the same clothes as Amaro was?"

Liv pondered Doctor MacKenzie's question for a time. Would she have if she'd seen Nick when she entered SVU? Maybe around the same time as she saw Fin? She knew Nick Amaro would never hurt her, he was her assigned work partner, and he had saved her life by shooting dead Graham 'Brewster' Winger from under the floor of the little game keepers cottage at the Hammond Island Wildlife Preserve. "I can't say for certain, but probably not. No, I don't think I would've."

"I don't think you would've either. You're still in survival fight or flight mode and that's not uncommon with PTSD. Would you have quit your job as an SVU detective had you not reacted to that situation the way you had?"

Olivia sighed, "No."

"So why do you feel the need to quit?

"Who's going to trust me?"

"Exactly, who is? Your colleagues, that's who. Alex did, Fin did-"

"Fin would've shot me!"

"To stop you, not kill you. Your Captain trusts you enough to still offer you the opportunity for a promotion. Amaro obviously still trusts you not to make a complaint against you."

"He should... I would."

"Would you really if the roles were reversed? If Amaro had seen someone with a basic description of who had tortured him for the last 128 days lead someone he loved and cared for away... a wife, a child, a partner... wouldn't he react similarly? Wouldn't any normal person react the same way to protect someone they loved?"

Olivia stayed broodingly silent.

"What do you want to achieve from these sessions, Olivia?"

"First and foremost, I want to see if I can remember if Lewis Williams did anything to me. If he raped or sexually assaulted me, seeing he had plenty of opportunity to do so."

"You know that hypnotherapy isn't always accurate in dealing with forgotten or lost memories. You said yourself he drugged you repeatedly and-"

"I don't care! I need to try and see if I can remember something, anything... I need to know."

"And if you do remember something?"

"Then I'll know. I mightn't like the answers, but at least I'll know and be able to deal with that."

"And if you can't remember anything?"

"Then at least I'll have tried."

"Alright then, we'll do some hypnotherapy next session, starting next week."

Liv wrapped her arms around Alex as soon as the blonde stood up in the reception area. The ADA knew not to ask Olivia how her session went, Olivia would talk when she was ready. She relished the sensation of Alex's fingers threading through the short, fine hair at the back of her scalp as she pressed a discreet kiss to Alex's neck. The spell was broken when they heard Vanessa bidding Doctor Lindstrom goodbye. Olivia reluctantly ended her embrace from Alex before she opened her arms to hold Vanessa.

Their first therapy sessions were complete.